When would you say is the right age for a child to spend weekends at their father's?
DS is only 3 months so it's not an issue yet (although his father originally wanted this from birth). He's ebf and I'm planning to breastfeed until he's at least 2. His father is now making noises about him having DS for weekends when he's 1. Is it unreasonable for me to say no to that? What about if breastfeeding is taken out of the equation? What sort of age should I be suggesting?
I'm finding it really hard to look at this objectively cos the idea of DS being away from me for all that time is horrible.
At this stage having baby more than 20 yards away from you is enough to send you into a frenzy, that's normal. In 9 or 12 months time though, you may feel more comfortable though. In fact you might be thinking-hooray! Time for me!
The key factor is what's best for baby and just now, being away from you and your norks is not a good idea. Come the one year mark, you can both reassess the situation-is he sleeping through the night without needing a boob for example?
Most people wouldn't argue that a good relationship with a willing co-parent is an advantage to the child and staying overnight will be part of that relationship. There will be things you can do closer to the one year mark to encourage good sleeping habits at Dad's like giving baby something that smells of you to cuddle to remind him you're still present. That said, if baby's not ready and will be distressed by your absence, it's not in baby's best interests.
I would suggest building up to an overnight stay with increasingly longer periods apart, after say 9 months. Make no promises but as long as you show willing to find an acceptable agreement, you should be fine. You might be killing for a lie in by the one year mark but perhaps not.
Thank-you. I think you're right and am just going to have to see how things are at that point. And it's probably going to have to be led by DS to some extent. I think the fact that his father lives about 70miles away doesn't help either.