And walk away from them totally, never wondering how they are, where they are or even what they look like?
I think it's really hard to understand how anyone could happily do this. My youngest daughter has never met her father. He ran off when I was pregnant and refused to even talk to me about her. He denies that she's his to his family and anyone else. Strangely his family do believe that she's his and contact me now and then to see how she is.
When dd was a baby I thought, naively perhaps, that it would be ok that she won't ever know her real dad. But now she's nearly 4 she's started saying things like 'I want to have a dad' and I feel bad because I made the choice to have a relationship with him in the first place iyswim. I hope she doesn't try to look for him when she grows up as I fear she'll be disappointed with what she finds.
Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.
Lone parents
Do you ever wonder how a parent can deny the existence of their own child?
lottieandmia · 28/03/2013 11:27
yes I wonder this about my dds dad all the time. I don't know with him whether it is just that he doesn't believe she is his or just doesn't care 
It is his loss but also it is a loss for my dd, she would love a dad and really struggles with not having one at times. She definately goes through phases where this matters more than others and I try to just support her through it. I tell her it is sad and it's o.kay for her to feel upset/confused/angry etc.
I think its important to try and be as honest as poss but also to try and be positive about the situation you are in. For example she gets mummy all to herself.
It's really hard isn't it, ds hasn't seen his dad since 4 months old (although does speak to him regularly on the phone, he doesn't live in this country) and every now and again gets really really upset. The last time was after christmas and he woke up crying his heart out for him
Well I think I can comfort you all by sharing so,
I have never met my dad, never seen a pic or anything I could walk past him in the street an I would nt know.
I did, as a kid regularly say I wanted him, I vividly remember crying loudly AT my mum about wishing he was around. I also vividly remember that for all the tears etc I didn't actually feel anything real or specific about it because I didn't know what I was missing.
He faked his own death to avoid the responsibility of me, I wouldn't even know to this day if the Csa hadn't found him and DNA tested us. I was 15 when I found this out and for me he died that day.
I have zero desire to go looking for him, even since having dc myself.
I could of had him added to my birth certificate, I didn't
My mum was my everything, she was more than enough. She had literally nothing materially to give me as she left care pregnant and lost what little she had in a fire before i was a year. It really didn't matter, she devoted herself to me and i owe her everything i am. She is an incredible woman who I have the utmost respect for.
I used to be pretty angry with my 'dad' but not any more, I don't feel anything for him anymore, in fact until I read this thread I can't remember the last time I thought about him.
Hope that helps
What about the ones who walk out when you are in your twenties and 15 years later have never met their grandson who looks just like him? it's unbelievable really.
Some very sad experiences here thanks for sharing them. Faked his own death Herrena? 
honestly words fail me.
I suppose none of us will ever know or understand how another person's mind actually works. My dd's dad is a very selfish man. He really believes that the world spins for his exclusive benefit - he should be able to do and say exactly what he wants and everyone else's needs come way down the list after his. I don't believe he would be able to give my dd anything. I suppose my regret is that her father wasn't someone else! As for his family, they live abroad. At least they have some concern about the fact she actually exists. He is furious that they know about her and after they had contacted me to ask about her he sent me abusive and threatening emails.
Pleased to help
Your dc can't have different fathers and be who they are don't feel guilty for giving them life.
We all have our crosses to bear in life, it makes us strong and gives us depth of character, every one (including our precious kids) must suffer sometimes or become an insufferable brat!
Stop looking at other families and thinking you've failed because your doing it by yourself, it's not as cut and dried as that.
I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I would manage as a single mum,
I didn't feel cowed into staying in an abusive relationship (and teaching my dd to expect that from future partners)
I had seen my mum do a better job as a single mum than the majority of couples bother to do
I'm waffling now but I think what I'm trying to get to is being a single parent is harder on you than on the kids.
perplex of course, thats totally up to you.
i jsut think sometimes people may say that as they long to have known/know someone as a parent.
eg- id love to have a husband, and say, Im MRS Husbandsname, i have ahUsband. (if that makes any sense).
.
Yes, I also wonder how often/if they ever really think about their kids. I can't imagine they can with any clarity as they don't know what they are missing. Ex hasn't seen DD since she was 6mo and has only asked for one pic of her since moving in with his new g.f. I do always think he has no idea how much he is missing out on, but I doubt he ever will to be honest. These people just don't think like that.
DD is only 19mo and calls my dad Papa which is a bit embarrassing - he looks pretty young and I have given up explaining to people in restaurants etc that we are not a couple 
Any advice on how to sort that out She also gets very upset when he walks out of the room, which she used to do to me as well, and I worry this is some attachment to males thing (he visits about once a month).
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.