new relationship after domestic abuse

(7 Posts)
Kitkat1711 Fri 08-Mar-13 21:51:14

I was with my ex for 23 years probably less taking out the times he's been in prison for commercial burglaries and seeing another person. I tried numerous times to leave him by moving with the help of the police but he returned by stalking me, physically hurting me and others I spoke to. I went back to him after finding out I was pregnant and that was only to give in one night as I was soooo tired of him.
It was the worse pregnancy ever and he was having an affair. When my new born was 7mths I found out he was having another child. I continued to support him and he left her.
I found out I had melanoma in October 2011 which gave me the push of life is short etc. he came out of prison and I told him I was moving out. He tracked my car, phone and threatened work colleagues etc.
I've since moved, in remission and now going back to Christies for another melanoma :0(. I've met someone who was my friend and knows everything but I worry my ex will still do something to him although he has since got back with the mother to the child he left.
The point is......life is incredibly short, take every moment, I intend to if not for myself but for my 3 children. Hope my story helps!!!

Snowme Wed 06-Mar-13 20:34:49

I'm from a similar situation and have also found someone new.

10 months on I'm still actively avoiding big arguments for fear of escalation into physical violence, so I still keep myself distant from him to some extent. He's a lovely man, wonderful in fact, and wouldn't harm a fly.

But I have to admit to myself that where I thought I was compartmentalising my past well and had those memories under control, in fact, I'm noticing more and more that 4 years after I left him, everything is beginnng to slowly seep through.
I thought I'd get better with time but I can see that some kind of counselling is going to be neccessary sooner rather than later.

Talk to him about your past, your worries, your behaviour. If he's a keeper he'll understand.

Snowme Wed 06-Mar-13 20:33:53

I'm from a similar situation and have also found someone new.

10 months on I'm still actively avoiding big arguments for fear of escalation into physical violence, so I still keep myself distant from him to some extent. He's a lovely man, wonderful in fact, and wouldn't harm a fly.

But I have to admit to myself that where I thought I was compartmentalising my past well and had those memories under control, in fact, I'm noticing more and more that 4 years after I left him, everything is beginnng to slowly seep through.
I thought I'd get better with time but I can see that some kind of counselling is going to be neccessary sooner rather than later.

Talk to him about your past, your worries, your behaviour. If he's a keeper he'll understand.

lostdad Mon 04-Mar-13 12:37:55

It's hard and very often victims of abuse are never what they are.

Six years down the line from my ex abducting our son from the family home to be with her boyfriend leaving me I still get flashbacks of the depression, nausea and worry.

My other half has given up arranging surprise treats for me because I have all surprises as it reminds me of the past. I went to a lot of counselling to get over the trust issues I ended up with and it largely worked but I am still not what I was.

It's hard but I choose not to be my ex's victim.

Piemother Sun 03-Mar-13 23:46:56

Sounds like there's a lot going on here.
I'm
Concerned by your comment about your daughter being taken away. Why do you feel like that?

cestlavielife Fri 01-Mar-13 15:42:35

ask gp to refer for some counselling - could be delayed ptsd.

mrsmcv Fri 01-Mar-13 10:52:49

I left my violent husband six years ago and since then have never dated or had sex or anything. A couple of months ago I got together with a wonderful man I've known for several years, who is just lovely. I was so happy we got together but then started trying to wreck the relationship, running away, trying to get out of it, persuading him we shouldn't be together. There is nothing wrong with this man at all, I'm not threatened by him, he's kind, respectful and supportive and I am destroying any chance we may have had together. I am having panic attacks, suffering from bleak depression, I feel like crying because I feel like by daughter is being taken away from me and my body physically hurts so much. I really do feel as though I am going mad. What is wrong with me?

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