3 weeks today since i told dp to get out after smashing the tv and...

(23 Posts)
MySonIsMyWorld Thu 28-Feb-13 20:03:00

he hasnt even made any contact, told me where he is, gave me any money not that i want it, seen dp, tried to come home - nothing..... just feel upset that he hasnt even tried to come home to us (Even if i dont want him home) he is showing his true colours now, what a waste of 3 years!

Another lonley night in sat next to my ds in bed on mumsnet..... sorry for this pointless ranty post...

Sounds like you've done the right thing OP, well done you. It must be hard, but your son will thank you in the long run.
Stay strong, you've done the hardest part thanks

meemar Thu 28-Feb-13 20:10:20

You are better off, which you probably know. It's awful to feel like someone never really cared about you, but it wasn't a waste - you have your child. Now is your time to make your life better than it ever could have been with him around. Stay strong xx

MySonIsMyWorld Thu 28-Feb-13 20:37:14

Thank you its just so hard wondering where he is who he with, and knowing that he isnt struggling with finances like i am - the bastard! xx

cjel Thu 28-Feb-13 21:00:15

Might not be easy, but try to challenge your thoughts when you think of him.Waste of your emotion wondering about his life. Tears are ok and being mad is ok!! Get advice about getting money from him - start to build for you and ds it can be great and an exciting adventure to plan for you two.xxxx

MySonIsMyWorld Fri 01-Mar-13 15:42:59

We are going on holiday in July so ive saving for that and planning our little life only a holiday in uk but at least its a holiday! I'm struggling money wise but as far as im concered if he cannot be bothered to see his son he can keep his money, i rather struggle than have him going around telling everyone "well i pay for my son".... i know it may seem stupid seen as im struggling but i rather struggle than give him any satisfaction especially after the way he treated us.
Women are so strong........

cjel Fri 01-Mar-13 16:01:19

Well done for planning sounds lovely. Don't put yourself down by saying only UK. I've had loads of money in the past and would still have wanted uk holiday!! DD wouldn't have money from he ex as she felt the same, if you can afford it the independance is great, but it may be better for ds to have more income if you need it?

MySonIsMyWorld Fri 01-Mar-13 17:14:42

don't get me wrong if i get to the point where im on my uppers and ds needs things and there is no money left il do after his dad for money and il get it but until then he can keep his money!!
His money wont bring him happiness, it may buy him a new xbox and games but it will never buy him the times he missing with ds!

I just hate that one man can cause so much shit!

cjel Fri 01-Mar-13 21:30:34

Glad you are angry - it will help spur you to new life. I don't know why they cause it either!!! But I do know we can be strong and happy and have strong and happy DCs without all the crap.xx

MySonIsMyWorld Sat 02-Mar-13 09:10:53

Do you think my ds will suffer without a dad? i dont know if i should seek legal advice...

cjel Sat 02-Mar-13 16:44:22

Definatley get legal advice. Not sure what to say about ds suffering. I don't think you can win. He will suffer if you stay together, and may not likenot having dad around, but if you handle it ok, maybe with counselling if needed then I'm not sure if suffer is the right word. Also you may meet someone else?

MySonIsMyWorld Sun 03-Mar-13 10:40:55

Possibly... i deffo think with the way ex dp behavior was going ds would of suffered if i didn't tell him to leave... and i guess its not my fault that ex hasn't been in contact because ive left it up to him.... just feel crap...

cjel Sun 03-Mar-13 14:44:22

its ok to feel crap you are mourning the dream family you wanted. Don't feel crap about exdp behaviour though, you can't control what he does or doesn't do. and you are not responsible for potential hurt ds feels exdp is. Put your energy into loving him and doing the best you can.xx

gruffalosmother Mon 04-Mar-13 10:53:28

OP - well done for leaving your abusive ex. Just wanted to say that my ex did a similar thing, disappearedfor about 2 months. I couldn't get my head round why someone who said he loved us so much could just switch off like that. I worried myself sick thinking about where hrs could be and what was he thinking. But thats exactly what he wanted me to do. I wish now i had never tried.to get him to see our dd as pretty sure he would have disappeared for good. Sometimes men like these can.turn it around from having no contact to wanting full.custody! Are you getting any support from women's aid?

MySonIsMyWorld Mon 04-Mar-13 21:49:38

None from women's aid but i may look into it! Men can be vile. Thank you all for your support, my ds is poorly at the moment sickness and poops so having a dreadful time. Im deffo not going running after him (again) ive done it so many times, even got on my kness and begged him to stay once but i am never doing it again, enough is enough! One day at a time ladies...... im so glad your there to type to smile

cjel Mon 04-Mar-13 21:59:09

small steps OP put yourself 1st and love yourself.xx

MySonIsMyWorld Wed 06-Mar-13 13:07:13

4 weeks tomorrow everyone!

cjel Wed 06-Mar-13 14:45:24

well done, how you feeling?

MySonIsMyWorld Wed 06-Mar-13 16:29:35

sort of lost (cant describe) sick of wondering where he is, what he doing, is he thinking of us, why? lots of why?!
He had added a girl on facebook again that last time he vanished on us and walked out there was rumors he was sleeping with her/seeing her so he carnt care that much... just wish id wake up and not feel this empty tummy sort of feeling...

cjel Wed 06-Mar-13 17:42:18

horrid loneliness even though you don't want them isn't there, I felt that although I didn't want him I really wanted him to be missing us and wanting us.I was the one that chose to end it but had at least wanted more of a fight!!! I'm nearly 18months in after 35 years together and its only a memory feeling that empt feeling now, Still would have conversations with him in my head about things he said or did and that I'd say to him if he wanted to come back now!!!
I don't know what emotion it is that makes me wish he really had loved us to want to make it work.

MySonIsMyWorld Thu 07-Mar-13 09:29:12

Strange isnt it..... i wanted more of a fight too...i wanted him to chase me like i chased him in the past but no... i hope he is thinking of us all the time but i know he will not be he will be with a new missus by now probs... on wards and upwards

TheBakeryQueen Thu 07-Mar-13 10:58:05

You might think you want him to chase you but really that would just be more games wouldn't it?

What's best for you & your ds is that it's over & you move on & create a stable, happy life for him.

You are better off.

Better to be alone than in bad company.

Pity the woman he is with.

You're doing well! Find some way of taking your mind off him. This is the hardest bit.

MySonIsMyWorld Fri 08-Mar-13 10:50:57

Thank you. Yeah it would be more games i guess i just wished he wanted to come back and be a family..

I do pity the women he is with with i do because i know in a few months he will turn in to the bastard he really is! Thank you im trying...

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