Shall we have a "new single parent" chat thread?

(97 Posts)
BrittaPerry Sun 24-Feb-13 22:04:35

I get the keys to my new house on Thursday and I am BRICKING IT.

But also quite pleased :-)

Is anyone else new to all this? Or used to it and wants to share advice/chat?

glitternanny Sun 24-Feb-13 23:03:22

I'm new to this. My ex moved out beginning of jan just me and my lb 15m now sad

IneedAgoldenNickname Sun 24-Feb-13 23:09:43

I'm new to this for the second time, in some ways it's harder than last time sad

emmab16 Tue 26-Feb-13 10:22:28

Yes please , a chat thread would be good smile

12stonelighter50feettaller Tue 26-Feb-13 13:45:26

Pretty new to it - split with xp in September, he moved out November. Things are certainly getting easier already, but having the odd blip. Would love a chat thread!

Blip Number 1- My DS (4yo) is finding things tough at the moment; he seemed quite excited about Daddy's new house at first, but it seems reality has sunk in now. He is clingy, really pushing the boundaries behaviour-wise, and I feel wracked with guilt, as it was my decision to split. He misses his Dad so much, although he sees him 2 nights a week some weeks, 4 nights a week other weeks. Anyone going through similar, and how are you dealing with it?

BTW - as an introduction - I am late thirties, work 3 days a week, and as well as Ds have a 2 year old as well. Acrimonious split, but things are getting a little less heated now, and exp lives around the corner and has a new gf with children. I am staying single FOREVER grin.

VictorTango Tue 26-Feb-13 13:49:42

Hey, great idea.

I split with stbexh last July. We were together 13 years so being single still feel pretty strange.

I'm 31. I have a 5yo and a 2yo.

I have just joined POF but I'm not sure why as I'm quite happy being single and able to do what I want, when I want. I think pressure from others makes me think about a relationship when I wouldn't normally. And the fear of growing old alone shock

12stonelighter50feettaller - I am having same problems with 5yo dd1. Lots of reassurance is all I can suggest. Would also love any advice anyone has?

glitternanny Tue 26-Feb-13 13:53:26

Sounds hard 12s I guess he just needs lots of reassurance from both of you that you love him and always will and you just don't love each other anymore. Does he have shy friends with split parents/older cousins or family friends.
How is he at nursery/school?

I'm 32, 33 on Sunday. My boy is 15m luckily he'll never know any different. I probably knew we'd never last to be honest bit thought we could make it work and be happy. Maybe I wanted more when I became a mummy, more friendship love and support. Ex says ill Never get that, i want top much.

Who knows the deeper stuff.

I'm full of guilt and blame and back on anti-depressants.

I work ft 53-65 hours a week bringing my boy with me. Ex has him 5 nights in 3 weeks.

IneedAgoldenNickname Tue 26-Feb-13 14:02:58

I'm 28, got 2 sons aged 6 and 8. I'm studying at college and hope to go to uni in September.

Also have behaviour issues, mainly with the younger one. But apparently his Dad has told him he doesn't have to listen to me when I tell him to tidy up as it's my job!

victor any luck on pof? Joined last week and all the blokes so far are weird! Not sure why I joined tbh, I quite like being single!

12stonelighter50feettaller Tue 26-Feb-13 14:19:34

There is so much pressure not to stay single for long, isn't there VT? I am very happy single at the moment, but my Mum's already started on at me about finding myself some solvent widower to look after me shock. Can't think of anything worse. I don't feel lonely at all, I am very busy and love having the bed to myself, but just get depressed at how isolated I feel sometimes as a single Mum and how overwhelming it can all seem, not sure if a bf would solve that problem, I need to solve it myself.

DS does not really know any other kids whose parents have split up, no-one at school, no cousins, so he doesn't really see any other families in our boat to help normalise it for him. Luckily he is absolutely fine at school, no difference in his behaviour or learning, so proud of him for saving all the shit for Mummy smile.

VictorTango Tue 26-Feb-13 14:42:59

Ineed - Well I did get talking to someone who looked nice last night. But what I'm looking for is someone just to chat with for a little while before I even consider meeting them. And he seems quite keen to meet. And he keeps messaging me about not replying to him. He's told me twice that he will 'leave me alone now' so I think I'll file him under weird grin

I feel isolated as well 12stone. And I agree, I can't see a bf helping matters either. Esp when ex is still being an idiot.

Wallison Tue 26-Feb-13 14:52:00

Hello everyone. I have been single for YEARS now. I'm a little too happy and settled with it maybe. Tried online dating a bit last year and found one nice man (and a lot who would get shirty if I didn't reply to them immediately - just block any of them like that, I think) but the logistics of it all make me think it's impossible to be in a proper relationship. For me, anyway, because my son is here all the time, the babysitter has to be home by 11 and I don't want to be introducing "Mummy's special friend" until I know someone really well. But then how do you get to know someone really well if the most you can see them is for a couple of hours a couple of times a week? So I'm back to being on my own again now.

What does stbexh mean?

VictorTango Tue 26-Feb-13 15:06:33

So To Be Ex Husband

IneedAgoldenNickname Tue 26-Feb-13 15:07:02

Lol tell me about it! One guys opening message to me was 'give me your number, I love big girls mmmmm' I've had about 10 messages from him asking for my number, even though I've ignored him!
Another guy told me about 5 mind into or convo that he has a 10 inch cock and wants to fuck me
The third guy keeps pestering me got a day to meet, can't see why I won't take my kids, and says he's going to bring NE the best red rose in town because I'm worth it!
Finally is a guy who says his longest relationship is less then a year, has 4 children by 2 women, and one of his 1St questions was did I want more kids because he does

VictorTango Tue 26-Feb-13 15:12:33

Oh dear god .. Is there any hope?!

Wallison Tue 26-Feb-13 15:12:49

Hahaha! Well, they all sound like keepers.

I haven't been on POF; used OKCupid which is supposed to be a bit less cattle market-y but still had a few strange messages. One guy, who just wouldn't stop badgering me, said "Awwww, you sound like you need a big hug" when I said I was single and had a son. Yeah, because that's so dreadful. Prick.

Thank you, Victor - I thought that maybe the 'b' stood for 'bastard'.

VictorTango Tue 26-Feb-13 15:16:57

In my case Wallison, the whole phrase 'stbxh' means bastard grin

I might have a look at OKCupid. I don't know why though. I couldn't ever imagine meeting anyone. My confidence is far too low to risk rejection.

Wallison Tue 26-Feb-13 15:26:49

grin Tango.

I was thinking it was something along the lines of 'stupid bastard ex husband' which made for quite a contrast to 'dh' and 'dp' etc.

I think if you're feeling fragile, online dating can be a little, erm, robust so maybe leave it for a while. I mean, people seem to be less forgiving than in real life - I've noticed that I am. And it's not as though any of us needs to have another person around, is it? [twitches]

IneedAgoldenNickname Tue 26-Feb-13 15:52:30

I must admit, based on that selection I'd rather be single!

Piemother Tue 26-Feb-13 19:55:10

Hi all please let me in!
I'm 33 been a lp for nearly a year and v recently divorced. C acrimonious split but exh has been quite good lately tbf. I have 2 dds 3 and 4 months.
My ex is a shocking mn stalker so no relationship info from me but I will say that I was c shocked when we split how many offers of flings and affairs i got from men we knew immediately. Even blokes I thought has high morals had no shame in propositioning me and seemed surprised when I declined!

Meanwhile I have found everything easier as a lp. Every single thing grin

IneedAgoldenNickname Tue 26-Feb-13 21:32:45

piemother hi smile and shock at being propositioned by all those men, cheeky sods! Mind you I could just be jealous that no one has propositioned me!

Piemother Tue 26-Feb-13 21:49:42

Yeh but it wasn't a compliment hmm

BrittaPerry Tue 26-Feb-13 22:38:32

I'm 28, officially separated from H at the beginning of Feb, so not long at all. I say officially though, I had been weeping and gnashing teeth about it for months. Weirdly, I just feel relieved...

I've moved over to the town I come from with the kids, which sounds terrible, but H also lived here for 18 years and we were only meant to be moving to his home town on a temp basis. Three and a half years of not having any friends, being away from my very close and large family and only having a stroppy drunken arse who refuses to do anything apart from go to the local rough pub on the rare babysitting nights (and the nights we don't have a babysitter he goes by himself...) and I was begging to come home. He kept turning it on to me, saying I was being snobby for wanting to do arty things and go to gigs rather than sit laughing at sexist jokes in a pub that doesn't even serve real ale. But then I am apparently common for wanting to hang around with my family because they have a big telly and are poor. Twat. Of course, now I have left him he is full of remorse for all the shouting and isolating and drinking and slamming doors and swearing etc etc etc...

<Deep breath>

But yeah, I'm staying at my mums house with my 5 and 3yo DDs, but we get the keys to our new house on Thursday.

H has taken out the tenancy on a house in the same street as my new house, which will be good for the kids at least, but a bit puzzling given that he apparently hated the idea of the town (?)

He's actually being OK, but I am used to him being nice for a while until he thinks I have forgotten him being nasty, so I am waiting and seeing...

IneedAgoldenNickname Tue 26-Feb-13 23:21:07

Sorry pie I know it wasn't, that was my, possibly misguided attempt at humour/tongue in cheek.

Britta there's no understanding men. One of the main things me and ex disagreed on was that I wanted more children, he didn't. Yet his new gf was pg within 3 months [Hmm] mind you, maybe she's the good little woman I want, and won't expect him to change nappies!

doinmybest Wed 27-Feb-13 10:29:04

Me please lp since Nov completely out of the blue. Felt I was coping until I was sick recently. I can look after dc's house cat dog etc but who looks after us when we're out of action??
Finding lp life very liberating and exciting, scary and lonely when the dc's are in bed.

12stonelighter50feettaller Wed 27-Feb-13 11:34:13

My God, your POF stories have completely put me off entering the dating pool ever again grin. I also love not having to trim the hedges and shave the legs smile.

Britta I also felt mostly relief after xp and I split, I did a lot of my angsting and crying and heartbreak when still with him. I feel pretty calm now, but I must be stressed underneath it all, as I have a pretty low tolerance threshold when the kids are playing up, and collapse exhausted every night when they are in bed.

Piemother, what is it with exes stalking on Mumsnet? Inventive new passwords and witty namechanges are starting to elude me now. There is loads of it about, have read posts from so many women complaining about their dp's and exp's stalking them on here. I thought it was just my exp! He insists that it was Mumsnet that ruined our relationship. They really do all think we are a terrible bunch of manhating harridans don't they? grin grin

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