How To Avoid Coming Across As Aggressive

(55 Posts)
NewDadTrying Sat 16-Feb-13 07:15:04

Without going into too many specifics, I am a new Dad (chuffed beyond words on that score!), unfortunately circumstances with my ex are not ideal. I have Parental Rights, and she is breastfeeding which is of course brilliant. However this leaves visiting somewhat tricky. We have managed to sidestep any outright hostility so far, but looks like we might headed for a confrontation.

I am reminded of advice given to me by my Solicitor who explained she will be feeling particularly vulnerable the first year, and I should be wary of doing anything that comes off as confrontational. Whilst we both have good reason to be aggrieved at the other, it is my hope we can move past it for our child's sake.

Perhaps justifiably she has been been sniping at me regularly since the birth, which to be honest was like water off a ducks back as I got to see my child, and was worth weathering. Unfortunately she has cottoned onto the fact that by making it increasingly hard to see our baby gets to me. It tears me up a great deal that I am not involved as much as I would wish to be. As I try to be more and more flexible over arranging visits, the less communication I receive. as well as finding nobody home at prearranged times.

Upon suggesting mediation I was accused of coming on too strong, and it seems I have a Hobson's choice between stressing out the mother, or just not getting to see the baby at all. I am usually pretty good at communication and diplomacy, but I am aware there are subtle and not so subtle differences in the way men and women communicate. So what I would like to ask is what is the best way to propose mediation, without her feeling like she is losing control of the situation? (She is someone who has to be in control, and by example of a child she has by a previous marriage involves the Dad only infrequently when it suits her, and I wish to be involved with our child a lot more than he has gotten to have been)

Piemother Sun 17-Feb-13 22:14:57

Gin and Herrena - yes....my ex too. I wonder if he was going to show the thread to his ex if he has successfully manipulated us wink

HerrenaHarridan Sun 17-Feb-13 23:07:19

4 or 5 lovers since they split up. Fuckin hilarious!
That was it for me tbh right up until then I was willing to be reasonable. Lets not forget some women are utterly crazy and some men are lovely ( and unfortunately they always seem to find each other hmm)
However there you are proved right first posters, he is a controlling manipulating knob.
Oh well!

HerrenaHarridan Sun 17-Feb-13 23:08:38

Hi NewMumTrying grin

Piecesofmyheart Mon 18-Feb-13 08:57:10

Pass us a kiwi Herrena wink

HerrenaHarridan Mon 18-Feb-13 10:57:55

smile
*one kiwi, one tube of nipple cream and brew

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