Concerned about ex and violence

[SandCastlesGoSquash]

I have an 8 month old son. My ex has never shown care or attention to DS, watching TV and pretty much ignoring him when he is over, but I have always encouraged contact in the hope of him beginning to gain interest as DS gets older.
While he has never been violent to me, he has been charged in the past for unprovoked violence, and he has a very short temper. He has shouted at DS and gets very angry in his expression if DS won't stop crying. He seems to take DS's (normal) behavior as a personal insult a lot of the time. I know this all sounds very petty, but his general behavior and lack of interest and care up until now has made me concerned about him around DS alone yet, and so I have always been there for contact.
During todays visit, ex said "He needs a fucking punch" when DS was having a "not wanting to sleep yet" tantrum. This then turned into a conversation in which he stated that he think's hitting is perfectly acceptable if the child is being "bad", that he has "looked it up online and it's legal as long as it doesn't leave any bruises" and that "we will see who he behaves for best once he's older then" when I was arguing against it.

The thing that has now scared me, is that I looked it up online just now, and it does actually say its still legal as long as no marks are left from it?!
And also, as I have no evidence of him saying this, will I now have to send my son off to be hit, knowing this will happen, until it gets to a point he has bruises before I can do anything about it?!

[KatyTheCleaningLady]

Talk to a legal professional about your options.

It sounds as if your ex isn't really that keen on spending time with his son? Perhaps you could make it easy for him to spend less time with him.

There is a big difference between someone thinking it's OK to smack a naughty child and saying an 8mo baby "needs a fucking punch." You are right to be concerned.

[queenbee123]

Hi sorry that your ex is such an idiot. Its good that he is an EX though! I was quite shocked reading your post to be honest. An 8 month old is not "bad" , they are just a little baby!you are right to be concerned,my advice would be to stop all contact, get legal advice. Write down what happened today with the date on, it can be used as evidence if needed . Your ex can apply for a court order if he wants to see ds but if he is not bothered with him then i doubt he would and then you would both be well rid. I totally respect that you have tried to get him to have a relationship with your ds but he sounds more damaging rather than providing anything positive to your sons life. Its not your job to support him to be a dad thats up to him.

[KatyTheCleaningLady]

Yes to what queenbee said. When I said "a naughty child" I meant a kid old enough to misbehave in the first place. That he thinks a crying baby is misbehaving is chilling.

[DoubleYew]

It doesn't sound "very petty". I think you have good reason to be concerned. I wouldn't never allow him to set eyes on him again but I wouldn't be doing much to force contact either.

My ds is 2.5 and can be very annoying and infuriating (wants to go outside but doesn't want to put his shoes on, doesn't want to go outside, wah want to go outside, on and on). Someone who already had a temper could find this very difficult to handle.