ZOMBIE THREAD ALERT: This thread hasn't been posted on for a while.
Who else, despite everything, is glad/proud...?(20 Posts)
Sometimes being a LP is less work then having a partner.
People say it's hard being a single parent because you don't have that extra pair of hands etc...but if the extra pair was rubbish in the first place it really is easier to just get on with it yourself!
My ex was a control freak. I was young and he took advantage of that. He made me believe that I wouldnt survive without him but was constantly trying to break us up. He wouldnt let me go out with out him. If I was late home from work he would ask me 20 questions and he even accused me of having an affair with one of my work mates!
His mood swings were unbearable, everything was my fault. He would bully me into everything just so he could have his own way and to top it off he had a gambling addiction and was constantly stealing my money. He was out every weekend leaving me to look after our son, paid nothing towards his upkeep.
It became clear that he was seeing loads of other girls behind my back and I began to realise I needed to leave him. I started writing myself letters after every incident and I still have them and read back over them to remind myself that I made the right decision to leave him.
Over time he has now decided that being a parent isnt for him and he no longer has contact with our children, which to be honest is best for everyone. They are better off without him. They are still young so I remain very neutral on the topic of "daddy" but I guess one day the truth will have to come out about his wankerish ways.
I know Im a good mum(most of the time!!). Its been bloody tough the past few years getting over his shit and moving our lives forward but we are in a good place now and Im proud of myself for having the courage to leave him and get us to where we are now. I love my kids more than anything.
Left DH in Nov 2012.
It's far easier to be a good parent when you haven't got someone undermining you. Much happier.
Marry...you hit the nail on the head. i spent my whole pregnancy blaming myself for exp leaving us high and dry. well guess what. He saw dd for the first time today since she was born nearly four months ago. watching him with her made me realise its not me its him. he is incapable of being a father and now i actually feel sorry for him. very cathartic I must say.
Him being in our lives would have been more stressful than being a LP. He won't even change a nappy.
Oh and i am very proud of myself for managing to function and meet dds needs on a few hours sleep a night.
Glad those of you in abusive relationships have managed to leave (as it's not the easiest thing to do, especially with kids in tow).
And I posted this cus I'm surprised how miserable people sometimes expect me to be, when actually (apart from those few wobbles that are inevitable as a parent) I feel pretty damn strong & really rather happy to have my DS, despite the circumstances.
(Nothing wrong with blowing your own trumpet every now and again...especially not to yourself)
Nice to hear a positive story from the childs perspective targaryen.
I actually love being a single parent and consider myself lucky that my ex has chosen not to have any involvement with his son in the sense that there's no uncertainty/no disappointments. My son has a very secure/happy little life.
I do think i have it easy in comparison to others though. I take my hat off to single parents with several children or those with disabilities/illnesses, that must be incredibly hard.
And not to be patronising but well done to anyone getting out of an abusive relationship.
I would advise any woman that being a lone parent is quite as viable as being a partnered one.
It's one of the reasons the media batter us so much - they don't want all women to find this out, in case they all got ideas and men would have to behave better.
I left my (abusive) ex when dd was 1, she's now 13. When he died almost 3 years ago I felt more alone than ever before. This is really just me now, not a lone parent, the only parent.
I am proud of myself, dd has AS and it's rough sometimes. Being in this situation has made me realise how strong I am, and how resilient and I love that.
Thanks for giving me a reason to say that, no-one else does.
I'm proud of going through pregnancy and onwards totally alone. In the last two years I have completely changed my life. I'm now living in a new area, at uni and volunteering with two organisations. Oh and I look after my DS too. Well done me!!
(just saying this as no one else does).
XP was useless and abusive. From the day he was kicked out I didn't have a sad bone in my body <<heartless cow>> . The dc's were 2.1 and 4 months when he left so I don't think they have any memory of him.
I am proud to have removed myself from the crap marriage. And I have found that I have very quickly moved from dreading my life as a single parent to really, really enjoying it. And I don't have any support at all locally, so it can be tough, but I am so much happier than when we were together.
I have seen a trend from a lot of the posts on this board, that LPs tend to start off being really resentful that the other person has run away from their responsibility, but this soon turns into pity for the other parent, as they are missing out on so much. It's certainly the path my feelings have taken. Though I can still rant about the crapness of stbxh til the cows come home
It really is. Me and my brother never got into drugs/did badly at school/had 'authority issues' or any of that other rubbish they say that single parent's kids are at risk of. She always put us first, we had a solid family unit and that was all that mattered and i'm sure it'll be just the same for you and your DD
I am so glad my dd is not being raised by both of us (she does see him but contact is minimal) and will not witness any of the nasty things. We have each other and that is all we need.
Good to hear you managed to get out of there sooner rather than later. My mum left my dad before I had a chance to remember anything and I'm eternally grateful to her for it
Me! I have been single for 3.5, dd is 3.8. My ex was abusive and I was terrified of what would happen to us after we seperated. However, dd is generally happy, I have a job, I volunteer in the job sector I am hoping to get into. I do everything for my amazing dd without any help and support and doing a damn good job (well I think I am!)
Glad to hear that you found the strength to do that Piecesofmyheart ,
It's not an easy thing to do!
I was terrified of the future after leaving an abusive marriage.
but now, despite the relentless angst and pressure from Ex and OW, I am so proud of myself for standing up to them, and so proud of my kids
Who else, despite everything, is glad that they've removed themselves and their kids from an unhealthy relationship? Or proud of themselves for picking themselves up and dusting themselves off after being left by a partner?
Being a single parent sure has it's low points, but it really does make you stronger in the end. (It sure as hell changed me)!
Just wanted to put a positive post in this section, for all the other mums living the LP life right now
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