Son's father took him out in car in snow without a carseat, then told him to lie...

(3 Posts)

Title sums it up. Last week, my son came home telling me that he'd had a McDonalds and that he'd sat on his daddy's lap in his girlfriend's car. He cried once he'd told me, as he thought he'd be in trouble. This was during the terrible weather when the advice was to not make journeys unless absolutely necessary. They were supposed to just be playing in the snow together. When confronted, he claimed that my son was lying and personally insulted me. This is a common theme. Any time I confront his shiteness, he insults me and implies that I'm a terrible parent.

I know my son wasn't lying as he has a brilliant memory, told me exactly where they'd gone, who they'd been with, what he'd eaten, where they'd sat and what his dad had said to him about not telling me.

Yesterday, he told me he was going to pick our son up from school. I had the urge to call and check that this was still happening, so called him at school finishing time. Turns out that his plans had changed, but he hadn't bothered to let me know. When I told him how stupid that was, he swore at me and became aggressive again. As though I'm the unreasonable one.

I'm sick of dealing with him and things just seem to get worse and worse. He's never paid for him, though I know he regularly does cash in hand work and can afford to go on weekends away with his girlfriend and buy the latest gadgets.

We did originally have a set routine in place, but he has changed his plans and now has college/whatever else he does, which conflicts with those times. I can never pin him down and he lies about anything and everything. I feel that things are getting worse and am wondering whether there's any way I can report these things officially, so that it'd be on record if he did ever try to take me to court or something. I'm shocked that I can't even trust him when it comes to something as basic as a car seat.

cestlavielife Thu 31-Jan-13 15:34:41

there is the emergency rule meaning not going in car seat for short essential journey is ok. depends how much you want to battle that one -

you should not have called him - if the plan was made for him to pick up and that was confirmed then let school call him. yes ds will suffer the fallout but then it is recorded that dad failed to turn up. be careful tho as ex cld say "but i told stars..."

contact by email so you have a record.

balia Thu 31-Jan-13 20:04:14

Yes, must admit I'd be much more concerned about DS not getting picked up (potentially) than car seats. You need to get a routine back in place - polite email/letter (so there is a record) stating the situation very factually, and asking that the routine is re-negotiated to suit DS, so it is regular and consistent, and doesn't involve DS in potentially dangerous situations. Suggest mediation, but also put in that abusive language/behaviour is not going to be tolerated, and that if he is abusive during phone calls you will hang up, or at handovers you will require that a 3rd party is used (and you won't be sorting it out) and then follow through!

If contact is arranged on an ad-hoc basis, every time he rings repeat that DS needs a new routine negotiated.

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