Sounds very tough. Sorry I'm not sure what to say except I'd post on relationships as there is more traffic there and people who will help you think about what you want and can do about your situation.
I'm not sure whether here is the best place to talk about this but it seemed like the best to me, so I apologise in advance if I upset anybody . My son is 5 months old and to be perfectly honest he wasn't planned. But anyway, he's here and he's gorgeous and I love him to bits. His father, my partner are still together but living in different countries. I'm living here in England and he lives in Germany. He's currently studying for a degree and we agreed that's what he should do and I'll care for our son until he's finished, then we'll do it together. He says he is keen on being a part of our son's life but his contact with me is useless. He won't ever instigate a conversation with me and whenever we do talk he is always more interested in something else. I'm very concerned as I love him very much but I feel like I'm the one making all the effort. I've told him all of this and he just tells me to stop over-reacting. It just makes me want to cry