Newly Single mum........

(9 Posts)
IrisGirl Tue 15-Jan-13 09:17:33

hi guys,
i recently became a very newly single mum (me and partner split up on Friday) and i'm finding it so so hard!! at the moment its all so very new and raw...there were were no great arguments or anything like that and all very amicable (for the time being), which i think is worse sad

anyway, ex has been picking daughter up in the mornings to spend time with her before he goes to work (he's on afternoon shifts this week) and i've been coming to work. i just find it so hard watching her go off with him, don't get me wrong, i'm so pleased that they still have a relationship, and i said right from the outset that he can see his daughter whenever he wants to, he is a great father and cannot fault him!

pleeeease tell me it gets easier, as at the moment i am struggling big time!
xx

DoingItForMyself Tue 15-Jan-13 09:38:37

It gets easier xxx

Its really early days for you, any big change is going to cause you concern and you need to grieve for your relationship.

The first time my xH took the DCs off to see his new house I cried like a baby and the first time they stayed overnight I cried myself to sleep, the prospect of being in the house on my own while they were all together was awwful.

But as time went on my lovely friends made sure I didn't have an evening home alone if I didn't want it, I have come to really appreciate the evenings that I get to myself and I've met a lovely new man who gets on brilliantly with my DC and treats me like a princess! Even without him, I was getting on fine as a single mum - you will adjust and hopefully you'll start to reap the benefits of your new situation.

Be gentle on yourself, plan some treats for your nights off and do all you can to keep things amicable as that will really help you all to adjust. x

IrisGirl Tue 15-Jan-13 09:54:16

thank you, very kind and wise words grin
it is all still new, and for some reason its the little things that are really getting to me more than anything! i took DD to a birthday on Saturday, probably not the wisest move given that we'd only just split, and there were things she was doing that were so cute and a few times i almost turned to him to tell him sad
i think more than anything my heart is breaking for her, i feel like i've taken her away from her dad...she's only 2 bless her heart and even though she doesn't understand she can sense that something is going on and obviously that there's been a big change...
still, as long as she is happy and contented that is my main concern!
sorry for rambling lol
xx

ConfuzzledMummy Tue 15-Jan-13 19:30:37

Iris your story sounds just like mine, I split from my partner today but its been on my mind a long time everything amicable which like you say is a lot worse. Maybe we could help each other through this I've got a 2 year old daughter aswell.

IrisGirl Wed 16-Jan-13 09:12:35

@confuzzled....its so hard isn't it. even though you know its for the best, your heart is still breaking, and i feel so guilty that i am breaking up a family and taking my little girl away from her loving dad, even though he still sees her every single day!!
i would say though that my dd has been my little rock, her world is still turning and she still makes me smile and laugh all the time which is great, as otherwise i think all i would do is sit there and cry!!
big hugs to hun, stay strong xx

DoingItForMyself Sat 19-Jan-13 13:12:41

You're not taking her away from her dad and if anything, he will probably make more of an effort to make his time with her really special if he's not living with her full time. My DCs spend more time with their dad now than they ever did when he lived here and he has to make the effort to interact with them, cook for them, take them to school on his days etc, so she will be fine. She's lucky to have a great father and a great mother, regardless of where you both live x

Ladybankbug Fri 25-Jan-13 18:42:44

Hi I was looking for people in the same situation. I broke up with my bf a few months back and it was amicable and still is. He works down the road and more often than not pops in after work to see our daughter. He has her every weekend and if I didn't have my dog my weekends would be really lonely. My friends are all over the place and my parents live abroad. I'm really shy but need to make friends any advice? Cheers.

Numberlock Fri 25-Jan-13 18:45:56

Would you be able to go and visit some of those friends at the weekends, Lady?

Yummymummy555 Wed 30-Jan-13 23:20:09

Hi, im in the same situation. My husband left me the day after my little ones 2nd b'day. Im 4 months down the road. It does get easier. I have lovely friends who i have decended on for days at a time, and many many hours crying down on the phone!! I have just tried to carry on and keep my routine. When my son isnt with him i will always make arrangements to see friends so im not in the house on my own, or will go and stay over with friends so im not in an empty house. I feel stronger after 4 months, so in another 4 months it will be better still. Take advantage of your free time, join a gym, get involved in something that you are interested in and the time will soon fly. x

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