Mumsnet Talk

I am hoping for some advice but not sure that I've posted in the correct place. Basically have two dcs who have time with their father every other weekend and one evening a week. I also have a one year old with my fiance. He is threatening to leave me and go for 50 50 access. every other week for a whole week. I'm really not in agreement with that for a couple if reasons, firstly his age, the relationship he has with his siblings and I'm not entirely convinced that its right for them to separated in that way. Do any of you know what the courts are arrangments like this . sorry for any errors as phone is playing up.

If you disagree with arrangements, then you need to put in writing to him what alternative you would consider. Check the cafcass website and apply the welfare checklist to your point of view before writing it out and ask someone at your local CAB to check it as they have no emotional investment in your situation. If he still won't bend from his plan, then before any court application could be made, you would both be referred to mediation where you sit in a room with a trained mediator and try to find a middle ground. If either of you is applying for legal aid then mediation is mandatory. There has been big changes recently as to what sort of case qualifies for legal aid and you'd be best to get up to date advise with a free half hour consultation with a family law solicitor. Shared access isn't as unusual as it was, but depends a lot on how sustainable it is, distance between parents, eventual school and in your case sibling contact. Always remember that its your childs right to contact with his father, not his fathers right to demand something which may be unworkable long term (court orders last a long time!) so agreement as parents is very much pushed for by the court system. Hopefully theres a way for you to work this out as court is messy and horrible and ultimately you don't want to end up with a court order which has to be abided by whether its liked or not. Try and sit down yourself and work out if you could move slightly from the every other weekend position to perhaps him having part of the week instead. 50/50 also doesn't actually mean a strict split of 50% of the childs time and many exes threaten this without considering the implications.

How does your fiance propose to take care of the 1 year old? I assume he works?

Im not against 50/50, but one week each sounds a bit much for a one year old and usually at this age it would be a couple of days with each parent.

Are you sure this is about access though, the fact he is threatening to leave you and do this makes him sound more like a controlling bastard than concerned father!

I left my husband he was threatening the same thing I went yo see my lawyer and she said he can't do that as I was his mother and the main carer of my son. the law is on your side the law would not agree to this as this would just confuse the child being such a young age, go and see a lawyer and get an access agreement drawn up, my ex has my son 2 days a week and u have him for 5. hole this helps