Mumsnet Talk

Sufficiency - apologies for appalling spelling

Hurrah for all these posts

The driving thing is a big one. Ex felt entitled to constantly criticise my driving and was my self appointed but v unwanted driving coach shudders. Mind you I was well aware the purpose of this was to make me a nervous driver but I digress....I have to drive fleet cars at work all the time now which although initially quite scary it's really toughened me up. I can drive anything with no anxiety now. But if you ever see someone sitting in a car staring at the gear stick its me trying to remember in the 3rd car if the week how to put it in reverse

sorted out my central heating by replacing parts from ebay!

Wow superglum! what a brilliant thread

A year after my ex us left I hired a big 4X4 and an apartment on the west coast of the US, flew in to san francisco with my 2 DC and took them skiing in one of the steepest resorts in the US. We had a few hairy moments, the worst was driving for 3 hours up to the doner pass in a white out, but it proved to me I could do everything we had done as a family on my own with the DC. Ex was

Last year I bought a 9 metre motorhome to do festivals along with my new DP and my now teenage DC. Have driven it all over the UK and up to scotland and back on a climbing trip with just DS2. Can usually park it

- refilling the screen wash in the car.
-going in the loft.
-knowing where the stop-cock, gas shut off valve and fuse box is, and a vague idea how to operate them.
-painting a wall.
-driving the dc's to Cornwall all on my own.

I know there's a few more. I will come back when they come to mind!

I've got a lump in my throat reading all these, you're all so inspiring! Mine are all small things atm, like riding my bike with ds on the back, getting things in and out of the loft, and carrying a weeks worth of shopping home and carrying it up to my flat with a screaming ds. I also put up my first picture today!

PleaseLetsGoToSleep - a victory is a victory no matter the size. Every one counts towards the battle ;) Well done you!

Today I made my twins birthday as special as I could, they had a fab day, loved all their presents even if there were quite a few less than usual and then we went to the pub for dinner. Best part was it was all ME that put those smiles on their faces and it was ME that got all the hugs, kisses, thanks and the privilege of watching it all.

Their Dad did send birthday cards, but kids refused to open them as they didn't want to spoil the day (they actually returned the Xmas cards back to him in the post!!)

Please - your achievements are not small!!!

I think we surprise ourselves all the time. I'm still impressed I can get two dc ready in the morning, fed, equipped with the correct kit, arrive somewhere on time with me looking presentable with hair and make up done . Dc2 is a weeks old baby!
Exh would have it that I'm dizzy and disorganised and incapable of order. I was capable then and I'm bloody brilliant now
Glad I started this thread it's ace

How on earth did you all manage these amazing accomplishments without the aid of a male?

Would you be more capable by being in a relationship with a man?

This is just another self-congratulatory thread.

Don't be so mardy Hilary. I bet most of us managed it in between holding down a job, on very little sleep and with screaming children under our feet. No one is there to do jobs with at the end of the day or at weekends or look after the kids while we do it, it's all on our 'to do' lists.

My son now claps and cheers when I do good parking <well trained audience>

I stuck bathroom tiles on the other day

Replumbed my dishwasher (had to do some creative plumbing with wrong sized waste pipes)

Moved house (that was a biggie for me)

And too bloody right we deserve a self congratulating thread. It's in lone parents ffs. It's Fucking hard raising two kids, working and doing the house alone. With no help, no money and no one to talk to. So excuse me if I pat myself on the back for once.

Yep I am congratulating myself and all the other lovely ladies on here.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being pleased with yourself for achieving things that you thought you may not be able to do or facing your fears.

You lose confidence when you have lived with someone who constantly undermines you, criticises you, questions what you are doing and why or gaslights.

I love this thread. It really isn't easy being on your own. And I never really found it was the practical stuff as much as just knowing that you were responsible for everything, in my case that was being the sole provider financially, emotionally and practically.

So no matter how big or small your achievement, well done ladies. We rock.

Hilary. Yes quite, none of our achievements are impossible without a man and absolutely there is nothing only a man can do. This thread is about confidence and initiative however

Hilary you have not got the point of the thread at all. Many if not most of us have been in relationships where we have been ground down, put down, been treated like crap, had our confidence totally eroded, emotionally or physically abused and as a result one way or another relief on our exs to do a lot even of it was putting up flat packed furniture which by the way I still cannot do as instructions totally confuse me, which funnily enough my useless at everything else ex was brilliant at.

So if we want to pat ourselves on the back we will. Perhaps you are secretly envious, because you cannot do many things on our list yourself...

As for me, you try my life, bringing up four dc on your own after my ex (father to youngest two) has now disappeared. He was mentally and physically abusive, stole from me, pinned me up against a wall when I was pregnant, was horrible to the kids, destroyed my stuff and my doors, made me lose my job.

I am having horrendous problems with my 13 year old ds who has ADHD and poss asd, I have very little family and friend support, and I'm just knackered and depressed.

But I'm surviving. I've found the confidence to go back to college. I can do minor repairs to my house, I'm learning to manage my money by myself as abusive ex deliberately kept me short and told me constantly that I couldn't be trusted with money because I was a woman. I drive a car which I sort out myself.

So forgive me for feeling pleased with myself yeah?

Rely not relief

With me it's not so much that I did some things without a man as I used to do a lot for myself when I was married, ie sorting out my car, DIY etc

It's the fact that I'm doing things without the comfort zone of being in a relationship so basically the buck stops with me. I think if you're in a relationship then making decision is easier, also it's easier just going on holiday if you're not the only adult etc.

So well done to everyone for doing things totally on your own. And ignore people who think it's easy whilst in the comfort of a relationship.

Taking the children on holiday alone in the UK and abroad, driving greater distances (never been a confident driver), buying my own car, choosing furniture that I like and moving into a home I liked. x

Did an MA
Did a PhD
Bought a house, worked FT & brought up 2 special needs (mild) kids...1@uni, 1@sixth form currently
Found contentment ;0)

Oh also for me I am also doing an open univeristy course and like teahouse am raising a child with special needs.

And another one for me is I really really hate motorways and have only driven tem with another adult in the car with me but today I did 2 motorways both ways myself with just dd in the car with me.

Its only a tiny thing but huge for me and I am pleased Ive done it cause as done it once will have confidence to do it again when necessary.

It's not a tiny thing that's huge well done you! I remember my first motor way drives well and thinking I would be killed any second.

Today; changed fuse, changed plug (and it only took 10 mins instead of the hour the first one took) filled screen wash on car. Fixed wonky curtain rail.

In last 3 months= Packed up house, Moved country, changed kids schools, had 3 interviews registered with 2 job agencies, found house set up all utilities,moved, Put up shelves, desk, beds, moved wardrobe upstairs with next door neighbour.( that was tough) bought car and haggled with mechanic AND took it back and got them to fix dodgy window when it broke!
Have commandered STBX's 2nd tool box and am thinking of asking for it in the settlement!
Just remind me why I needed him AT ALL!! WE ARE ALL AMAZING!

Well done everyone and thank you piemother, have been driving for years but as I say motorways have always had another adult in the car cause of my confidence!!!Yesterday did feel good. Think it helped as it was a weekend though as one of the motorways was the m25 which as im sure you probably know is a nightmare during the week!!!Lol

Actually I didnt get Hilarys post but sensed it was nasty

Well I love those little moments when I do something like fiddle around with the hoover and sort it out. Conversely when something goes wrong its the only time I "miss" xh .

I have
unblocked the toilet
changed a fuse in a plug
mown the lawn
driven to Cornwall
become competent on the PC

Also just had Christmas alone with DC and was worried they would be bored but we had a lovely couple of days