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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

Birth certificates again

17 replies

datedthedevil · 27/12/2012 00:38

Hi again,

My apologies, I can't find my original post on this.

My ex was emotionally / verbally abusive and controlling. We split when I was pregnant. Being the typical abuser he makes out he was the one who was abused by me.

I didn't put him on my ds' birth certificate. He found out and went bonkers.

He said he's going to take me to court to get parental responsibility.

What can I do? How do I fight this??

Thank you.

Xx

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MakeItALarge · 27/12/2012 01:08

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

datedthedevil · 27/12/2012 03:33

Yes, thank you. I don't want him to have it as I'm afraid he will use pr as a way to upset me and control me - stopping me doing things such as going away, moving, having a life, I wouldn't be surprised of he took my ds and didn't return with him.

When I was pregnant he was abusive, hit me, showed no interest in the baby and did all he could to make my life hard and upset me (sll of which have had an impact on our ds). He tried to stress me by claiming our ds would have a nasty genetic medical condition, he took the bed away so i had to sleep on the uncomfy sofa whilst i had SPD, sent me the most awful abusive messages to upset me etc. him seeking pr is just another way to try to hurt me :(((.

He cannot care for his son or he would have done more to protect him and care for him when I was carrying him.

Sorry to rant!

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ChocHobNob · 27/12/2012 11:45

Does he have contact with the child and does he pay child maintenance?

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datedthedevil · 27/12/2012 16:18

My ds is only 5 weeks old. The ex has met him several times and I've not stopped contact (I've said it has to be supervised).

Since he's found out about the birth cert he's refusing to see him, saying he won't visit whilst he isn't legally his son.

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datedthedevil · 27/12/2012 16:19

I've contacted the Csa and he isn't too happy I don't think. He won't give me any money until the Csa is set up as he says I live with my mum and so don't need it!!

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xmasevebundle · 27/12/2012 17:26

This is going to sound awful, but i know the feeling!

He can get PR, if he takes you to court. This is only for choosing schools etc. This does not give him rights to see his son.

If he hit you whilst pregnant, i wouldnt even let him NEAR your son!

He sounds vile.

If my exp ever wanted PR, id say id slept with tom,dick and harry! Even though my DS is his double! He would have to get a DNA which id refuse and make it harder for him.

Some men dont even deserve to be fathers.

I hope it gets sorted xx

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xmasevebundle · 27/12/2012 17:29

I would deny hes the father and stop all contact. Would you want you DS to grow up like him?

Hitting women. How brave!

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MakeItALarge · 27/12/2012 17:47

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ChocHobNob · 27/12/2012 18:11

Please don't deny he is the father if you're sure he is. If it gets to court and he gets his DNA results it will not look good on you if he accuses you of lying just to keep him out of his child's life or trying to delay matters. By all means put conditions on his contact due to the fact he was violent. Let him contact a solicitor or organise mediation so you can talk to him with a 3rd party if you feel able to. If not let him apply to the courts for a contact order and Parental Responsibility order, that way you can express your concerns about him having PR and get the conditions you want for contact put down in a legal document, ie. supervised contact for however long.

Because he was violent doesn't mean he wouldn't be awarded contact with his child though. And there is no reason a murderer wouldn't get PR of his child if a Judge thought it best on the day. Once he has proven he has his child's best interests at heart from now on, he will most likely be awarded PR by a court.

PR will not give him any extra powers over you as the person with the majority of care for the child. He should have a say in major decisions to do with the child's life but he cannot overrule you. If you disagree he would have to take you to court to overrule it and unless he has very good reasons, he wont be able to.

PR will not mean he can stop you going away. It is a very grey area because not all airports follow the same procedure but not many people actually gain permission from everyone with PR to go abroad and most are not stopped by anyone. Once again if he wanted to stop you taking the child away on holiday, he would have to take you to court.

Having PR would mean he can have access to the child's school and medical information. But again, he cannot do anything with it.

Having PR wont mean he can stop you moving. He can apply to the courts to try to stop you moving with or without having PR of his child.

If you have real concerns about him not returning the baby, especially any evidence with him suggesting or threatening it, you can apply for a residence order at the same time he applies for PR. That way he must return the child outside of his contact time.

It sounds like you could do with some legal advice about it all to pre-empt his possible court application. Good luck.

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datedthedevil · 27/12/2012 18:22

Can you refuse a DNA test? Mine is making me have one :(

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datedthedevil · 27/12/2012 18:23

Hi makeitlarge, he would go through with it and would represent himself as that's what he did with his ex wife and other two children :(.

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datedthedevil · 27/12/2012 18:26

Thank you so much choc. So he can't over rule me and tell me what to do?What is a residence order?

I'll try and find a good family solicitor

Thank you all x

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MakeItALarge · 27/12/2012 19:16

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xmasevebundle · 27/12/2012 21:41

I would refuse the DNA! He wouls have to take YOU to court to get a DNA.

He cant do fuck all, if he gets PR(lets say he does) its only to agree on things e.g schools, religion and things like that. He sounds very petty saying the childs not his if hes not on the BC.

Residence order is where the your son will live 24/7(which is with you).

If i was you, i would stop all contact with him. I know hes the babys father but really?!!! Hes already dictating if and when. Saying he will meet DS and then not bother. The child needs consistency and the way he's acting right now(and later i think) you DS isnt going to get it!

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Curios1ty · 27/12/2012 23:19

A residence order doesn't mean your son lives with you 24/7, it just states that his home is with you and he visits his father. Which means that it can be enforced that the child is returned home to the person with the residence order. You can still have a residence order in your name and the child could stay with the other parent for a large majority of the time.

There is also such a thing as a joint residence order which states that the child has a home with both parents, not just one and visits the other.