Stopped caring about his baby :(

(10 Posts)
HarleyK Mon 24-Dec-12 22:15:50

I apologise now for the looong story but i could really use peoples advice...

My ex and I started going through a rough patch in Oct so he decided to stay at his mums for a month to give us some space to work things out. We have a 6month old son so he was still staying over every other night to help and everything was going great until whilst out shopping two days before he was due to come home permanently, I had a txt saying we were done and he wasn't coming back, to this day I have had no reason or explanation. I was 15weeks pregnant with our 2nd child at the time. I didn't hear from him for the best part of 10days, he wouldn't answer the phone and never even txt to ask how his son was. I ended up having a surgical termination alone. I do not condone abortion and it was the single hardest decision I have ever made but I had to do it for my son. I couldn't handle a pregnancy and a newborn alone and have given them both the attention they would have needed. Anyway, he finally spoke to me and came to see his son for about half an hour, no mention of our other baby, no apology. Since then he has been continually horrible to me by txt, turns me down every time I offer
him time with his son because he would rather take extra shifts at his work or go out drinking. My son was extremely ill with Bronchiolitis last week and he took 6hours to reply from the txt I sent on the way to the hospital and didnt bother coming to the hospital after that. I am sick of offering my son to such a horrible man but I don't want him to ever resent me for not having a dad in his life. If he can't see that his son needs him and doesn't bother to be involved, should I just give up and carry on without him?

cestlavielife Mon 24-Dec-12 22:34:22

Yes.
Give up and carry on.
Build network of other family friend's for him.m
Your son is young enough not to know any different.
Don't set him up to be let down.

angelelle Mon 24-Dec-12 22:35:35

I'm sorry to hear your story, and unfortunately a common one here. There are lots of experienced people here who can offer support and hand holding. I am new to this myself with a 2 month old dd who has not yet seen her father.

I just wanted to offer you a hug and say i am sorry for what you are going through but know that you can do it, both for your sake and ds. And to answer your question, do what is right for you but protect yourself and ds and be prepared to go it alone. Right now it might be worth taking a step back for your own sake and as ds is so young i dont think it Will hurt him not to see his dad while you put some boundaries in place.

HarleyK Tue 25-Dec-12 11:17:28

Thank you for your replies. I know it may sound awful but at this point I wish he would just disappear. I would rather my son had no contact with him than be let down his whole life and come second to everything in his dads eyes.

tribpot Tue 25-Dec-12 12:23:29

turns me down every time I offer him time with his son because he would rather take extra shifts at his work or go out drinking.

So stop offering. It's not your job to enforce contact. You're wasting your time and upsetting yourself into the bargain.

Is he paying you any money for your ds? If not, it's time to focus on sorting out these aspects of his parental responsibilities.

MrsTomHardy Tue 25-Dec-12 13:50:05

Contact Csa ASAP then just get on with your life.
It is upsetting and hurtful for your DS. My XH walked away from our DS's when they were just 4 and 6.....they are 13 and 15 now. I never stopped contact at all, he met someone who didn't want him to see our Ds's so he just stopped contact!

Keep a diary of all texts, emails etc...log it all.

queenofthepirates Tue 25-Dec-12 18:43:34

Take that time you're spending trying to get this man to change and spend it on yourself and your child. You deserve so much better. It sounds as though you have been through an utterly rotten time so please be kind to yourself and try and put this behind you for 2013.

HarleyK Tue 25-Dec-12 18:51:57

He is giving me some of his wages each week but he often throws it back in my face saying "I'm paying for your spending!" Other than what he gives me all I get is £20 a week child benefit until I can get on my feet. That just about covers milk and nappies!

MrsTomHardy Tue 25-Dec-12 20:07:17

Def phone Csa then.

HarleyK Tue 25-Dec-12 20:32:58

I definitely would but I checked their website and as I know exactly how much he earns etc. it says that he'd only be asked to give me 18 pounds a week! He gives me a lot more than that now and even if he stopped is 18 pounds really worth the hassle?

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