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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

Aren't nativities just the worst??

19 replies

mellowdramatic · 18/12/2012 16:39

Surrounded by happy families, children singing making you emotional.

I always really look forward to it for some reason. Today I thought my mum was coming with me and she let me down at the last minute (this always happens, i don't know why I wasn't prepared).

I might be just that way out today but when she let me down I was in floods of tears - think it's all the lonliness that I normally bottle up and it all came out in one go.

So not only did I go alone but with a blotchy face and puffy eyes; all the happy families thinking WIERDO!

I did it though and my kids were great to watch. But it's another of those rub it in hard occassions to deal with don't you think?

OP posts:

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mummytime · 18/12/2012 16:54

Well I'm still married but hardly ever have been to a nativity or other occasion with DH. I am usually the embarrassing one in tears though, just the little kids singing makes me well up.

(Also if you are going to Nativity then the kids are little, over the next few years a few of those "happy" families are going to crack, and maybe you'll have met someone; so by Prom drop off you will be the one in the "happy" family.)

mellowdramatic · 18/12/2012 17:01

Thanks mummytime for the nice thought for the future
the kids are getting bigger so probably less tear inspiring than the really little ones (i used to have to fight back sobs!) but I did notice a granny next to me getting her hanky out!

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Startail · 18/12/2012 17:08

Dear OP you don't hear the rows, the last minute panicking and the weeks moaning that proceeds getting DH to a school event.

I've given up trying for sports day, which is inordinately dull as the cliquey mums ignore me.

I wouldn't mind, but DH can work from home and do stuff in an evening.

But no school stuff is always on a day it's vital he is in the office.

mellowdramatic · 18/12/2012 18:25

I hear what you're saying startail. you don't have to be alone to feel alone. And yes having been married with kids for 5 years it was sometimes hugely stressful to get the extra child to do what he didn't really want to do!

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MulleredWhines · 18/12/2012 20:14

I totally understand OP. For me, despite how totally vile my Ex is, Christmas/carol singing/nativity plays always bring home the reality of the fact that we are no longer a traditional unit. I don't know what it is about this time of year

DorisIsWaiting · 18/12/2012 20:32

Dh and I rarely go together, one of us goes to the day one and one to the eve (to cover childcare and work).

Although it may feel like you are the only one alone in reality it's probablynothing like that.

However it sounds like today it was the straw that broke the camels back, sometimes those days just happen (anyone that tells you different is a liar!) Have hug don't fret and look forward to happy times with your dc.

kinkyfuckery · 18/12/2012 20:37

Looking around the nursery nativity this morning, there were very few couples and actually 90% of the ones I know one or both of the couple, things aren't happy and loving at all.

The grass isn't always greener

bigTillyMincePie · 18/12/2012 20:41

I dont think I ever went to a school nativity with DH. Nor did most of the other mums there.

And I always cry at Nativities and School plays even when my own children arent in them!

mellowdramatic · 18/12/2012 21:23

I used to go on my own when I was married but now I'm really alone. i am alone every day. I deal with problems alone, I deal with housework, car maintenance, gardening, bills, working full time, childcare, shopping, bad days and elderly parents alone.

But sometimes it's the good times when it's hardest to be alone.

I'm borderline on the issue of whether bad relationship is better or worse than lone parenting. I wanted to keep working on the bad relationship I had with x and I know things aren't always rosy in any relationship. But being alone sucks!

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bigTillyMincePie · 18/12/2012 21:36

It sounds like you are doing a fantastic job as a lone parent.

Don't look back, look forwards

mellowdramatic · 18/12/2012 21:41

Thanks bigTMP
I'll be fine tomorrow just having a whingey day today
I know lots of lps feel this way but the vent has done me good

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kinkyfuckery · 19/12/2012 20:33

How are you feeling today mellow?

lizzie479 · 19/12/2012 20:59

I went to my daughters nativity today alone as a new single parent and had to go and cry in the pre-school toilets as I felt so awful. I didnt want to go to yet ANOTHER xmas family function on my own struggling with two tiny children watching everyone else with their BIG HAPPY families. So I had the red eyes too. What is important is that my daughter saw me and waved.

CatchingMockingbirds · 19/12/2012 21:04

This is the first nativity play I've been to where I've not been alone. I found DP annoying as he kept trying to talk to me , I've possibly been on my own for too long!

GinSoakedMu1berryLush · 19/12/2012 21:07

I agree. Tbh I think it's way ott for TWO parents to shop up to see the nativity play. I can't imagine being so dramatic even if I were happily married to mr wonderdad. Just can't fathom it. I managed to give my older child's a swerve because tickets are limited and my parents went! phew!

mellowdramatic · 19/12/2012 21:09

Hi kinky I've had a shit day at work and went to a non family orientated function tonight which I quite enjoyed so not too bad at all!

tbh it's best if life is busy bearing on the not-able-to -cope because then i don't have time to wallow!

lizzie the younger they are the harder it is - it does get easier.

CM that's funny you do have a good point!

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gilmoregirl · 23/12/2012 18:02

Hi OP, I know how you feel, I have been on my own since DS was two and dreaded nursery and now school events. At nursery I was the only one on my own, and at school I have yet to meet another single parent whose partner does not come along with then as a family unit. It is really hard.
My Dad let me down last year - had said he would come to the nativity then at last minute could not come due to a delivery. I was very tearful.

Nativities make me cry anyway and then you start to think about everything else and it's very hard to hold it together.

Have you read Rachel Cusk's book about her divorce. There is a very relevant passage in it about I think a School Christmas Carol service, she talks about how she is now on the outside looking in, no longer part of the happy families and how they do not even notice her as they are so absorbed in their own world. So true.

mellowdramatic · 23/12/2012 23:26

I haven't read it gilmoregirl but what you said about families being self-absorbed does ring true. Not just about carol services though, but about everyday life - some days are so hard and there's no-one there to support you because they are busy supporting their own families and dealing with their own problems. Even close friends and relatives. It would be really nice to have someone to share problems/happy times with, but I'm not sure yet if it's worth the hassle and effort of trying to find someone new! I've only 3 nativities left anyway

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Mobly · 24/12/2012 15:45

Noooo, the nativity (well, singalong in our case) was lovely. Very sweet & entertaining.

My mum came with me. My XP is a wanker anyway so don't miss that! Nor do I envy the couples, most my mum friends are in couples & their dps do not appeal quite frankly

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