Why you are single!

(13 Posts)
superstarheartbreaker Sun 18-Nov-12 20:07:47

I don't think he loves either of you actually. At least he has absolutely no respect for the women or the child in his life. OP; dump him and look at why you are hanging around a married man. You deserve better and so does his wife.

MakeItALarge Sun 18-Nov-12 01:16:41

If this is the only child he pays for through csa you will recieve 15% of his wage, upto a certain amount. His wifes wage is nothing to do with you or your son. There is no set amount on how much it costs to raise a child, some families survive on less than 20k a year while some spend that much on school fees in a year. But you cannot lay all the financial burden at his door, this is your child too. Claim benefits if you are entitled, if not you will have to look for work.

I hate when single mothers get accused of being a gold digger, but this is exactly what you sound like.

You have not got a part time partner. You are his dirty little secret, he has a partner who he loves and that is his wife. He loves her more than you. That will not change.

Raising a child on your own is incredibly hard. Its exhausting, physically, financially and emotionally. But its also the most wonderful job in the world. You may meet a man who adores both you and your son and is proud of you, dont you deserve someone who will walk down the street holding your hand rather than one who lurks three metres behind?

Finally you have to tell the child the truth about his father, regardless of what happens between you. It may be hard for him but lying will be far far worse.

Jennyzmg Sun 18-Nov-12 00:35:24

Thanks for the suggestion of CSA, Im new to this country ( i just moved to here because the child, I don't know anything support for having a child) . I have gave him the two years deadline, but i really don't believe him will marry me, he is very rich, and his wife even richer, he pays everything at the moment while I full time look after the boy. So, Does everyone think I shouldn't tell the boy the truth when he is old enough to ask me? Also, does anyone knows if its easy to bring up a child on my own rather then having a part time parter? How much would cost to bring the boy to 18? Many thanks.

purpleroses Sat 17-Nov-12 12:11:05

I think the question you more need to ask yourself is why you're not single? Being a single parent isn't all that bad. As suggested above, you can get some financial help from your DS's dad via the CSA. And you can get on with enjoying life with your DS.

In time, you might find a new partner who might become your DS's stepdad, which would be much better for him than a dad who won't acknowledge him. And much better for you too - a proper partner who deserves you.

But even if that doesn't happen, you'd be better off single.

ChocHobNob Sat 17-Nov-12 09:01:28

It doesn't matter when you finally kick this useless man to the kerb, the damage has already been done to your son. He will grow up knowing he is the product of an affair and that his birth caused a lot of upset and lies. His Father will not leave his wife. She may kick him out when she finds out, but even then I doubt he would be monogamous with you. Would you trust him?

I'm sorry but I cannot believe a psychologist would advise what you have said he has. He would be advising you to focus on your own self worth and happiness, which is getting out of this awful situation and getting on with your life. Your counsellor is not a lawyer who should be advising you on financial matters.

Leave this man. Organise child support. And leave him to deal with the consequences of when people find out he has been a pig for 8 years and has fathered a child out of marriage. (also prepare for dealing with the backlash yourself if you live anywhere near him or have any mutual acquaintances). What you are doing is truly awful, for everyone but especially your poor son who is probably going to grow up with issues to do with his conception

Happylander Fri 16-Nov-12 23:40:51

I am single because my Ex fucked off with someone else. Sorry but I can't agree with what you are doing and you are very very very naive if you think for one minute he is going to leave his wife for you. If have his child hasn't done it then nothing will.

Stop seeing someone else's husband and find your own man.

IneedAgoldenNickname Fri 16-Nov-12 22:57:08

Leave him and ring the csa. He's not going to leave his wife, if he was he would have by now.

In answer to your question? I'm single because my ex is a Dick, and I haven't met anyone else yet. Not that I particularly want to, my boys are enough. But if I meet someone that I click with, who knows!

MakeItALarge Fri 16-Nov-12 22:48:33

Your son is entitled to support. You are not. Ring the csa.

And give him a 2year deadline if you want, he's not going to care. If he wanted to be with you he would be there now. But he isnt. He is with his wife.

The best thing you can do for your son is leave him, then let your son and his father have a relationship without you. But, honestly, he probably wont. If he doesnt want people to know he has a son now then that is not going to change in a year, or two years, and the longer you pander to this dickhead the harder it will be for your son when he does leave you both.

Jennyzmg Fri 16-Nov-12 22:29:41

Thanks for everyone, but I still don't know what is the best to do. I have been seeing a phych consluting , he suggests that because he is a bit rich, so I should try to get the most support from him rather then leave him, also, I wondering how old when the boy start to know what's going on? As I'm thinking to give hima deadline ( 2years?!)

ChocHobNob Fri 16-Nov-12 10:54:37

Your poor son. You need to do something about this before he is old enough to understand. Do you want him growing up thinking its ok to cheat and have children with married people?

GreenMonkies Fri 16-Nov-12 10:40:35

He's not going to divorce his wife, why should he when he has his cake and is eating it too. Get rid of him.

MakeItALarge Fri 16-Nov-12 01:13:34

I know this isnt what you asked but after 8years he isnt going to leave his wife. Ever. I am horrified he wont walk down the street with his son!

Can you honestly see him being a good Dad, is he going to spend xmas with his son? Take him out at weekend to the park or the zoo or football? Do you not think your son deserves a bit more from his dad?

Jennyzmg Fri 16-Nov-12 00:21:07

My boy is only 5month old, his dad is a married man, he says will divorce in two years then marry me , but I don't believe it. He only see us during the week, using some lunch times. We were meet for lunch today at covent garden,( near his work) ,he was walking 3meters behind us which makes me really sad for the little boy.
I don't know what shall I tell him when he ask me, and I don't know how he would think about this.
Being his mistress for 8years now. I don't mind be alone, but since have got the little one, I don't know what is the best for him.
Any same situation single mums?

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