so scared, what should I do?

(41 Posts)
IneedAgoldenNickname Sun 11-Nov-12 18:42:35

My sons have just come home from their day with their Dad, and ds1 had told me his Dad had told him that if I don't tidy the house up he is going to phone social services, and that the boys will have to live with him.

Now the thing is, I've had ss involvement before because of my house, and the moment it is a mess, so I know I need to do it, but seen top have a block when it comes to housework.

And now I'm so scared, what if he does call them, wool he get custody? Even though he doesn't have beds for them? Oh fuck I'm so scared! !

Help me please

IneedAgoldenNickname Mon 12-Nov-12 11:11:46

Thanks blu, I agree with you, the things he says could potentially be could damaging for them.

But, it turns out the school had phoned my ex last week, to speak to him about ds1 who is having meetings with pastoral care every week to talk about how he feels, so this could be him 'throwing his toys out the pram' in retaliation!

Anyway I'm feeling much calmer this morning

Blu Mon 12-Nov-12 09:46:00

Unless there is something we can't visualise, I think that your boys will suffer more from a father who says things completely inappropriately to them than from a messy house.

If he is concerned about the conditions they live in he should speak directly to YOU, and in no way issue it like a threat via the boys. If you can speak to your support worker I would suggest you tell her that he is behaving like this and discuss ways to handle it.

IneedAgoldenNickname Sun 11-Nov-12 21:08:07

Sorry, that last post was really badly written with no paragraphs blush

I hope my posts are making sense, I'm trying not to ramble, which us hard when I'm panicking, although I'm feeling more positive then I was initially

IneedAgoldenNickname Sun 11-Nov-12 21:02:04

Probably. Keeping on top of it is the problem. When ss were involved before, I kept on top of it all. Then they closed my case and I still kept on top of it. Then I got back with my (fucking stupid decision) and he moaned if I was doing housework when he was here, or if I said I couldn't see him because I was doing housework. So I slipped back into my old ways of NOT keeping on top of it. Then we split up again, I started college and don't have time to get it 'perfect' again iyswim. Once it is done, I should be able to keep it tidy, I need a time plan of what I do when.

tschiffely Sun 11-Nov-12 20:56:49

golden, good to have a plan but do not knock yourself out over this. It has to be manageable and sustainable. Can your mum take the drying and do it to free you up to do something else?

IneedAgoldenNickname Sun 11-Nov-12 20:50:42

Ok my action plan is to wash up and sweep the kitchen, and clean and sweep the bathroom before bed.

Then tomorrow after I finish college I have an hour before I pick the boys up, so I can tidy the lounge. This involves putting toys in boxes, binning some stuff, boxing up the paperwork, and hoovering.

That leaves the playroom (needs toys picking up) and my bedroom (looks like a teenagers) for after college on Tuesday.

My Mum was already coming round on weds to help move some furniture (currently I dint have a sofa in the lounge, it's in the playroom) and drive me to the laundrette to get a load of drying (practically impossible to do in this weather otherwise, I'm impressed by anyone that manages!)

tschiffely Sun 11-Nov-12 20:44:19

reading one of your previous posts, rather than your mum telling you your place is a mess, could she not help you sort it?

tschiffely Sun 11-Nov-12 20:40:46

ok, so you need a fool proof plan. What needs doing and can you do it alone or do you need help?

IneedAgoldenNickname Sun 11-Nov-12 20:38:24

Because they've been involved before for my house being a mess.
Because losing them is my worst nightmare.
Because I do, I don't know, I just do sad

tschiffely Sun 11-Nov-12 20:35:23

golden, why are you afraid that ss will take your dcs away because your house is a mess?

IneedAgoldenNickname Sun 11-Nov-12 20:32:31

My Mum is always saying it's a mess, but she's a neat freak who's house is perfect. I KNOW it's a mess, and I KNOW it needs doing, I just can't seem to do it and keep it tidy! I think my tidy gene us missing!

tschiffely Sun 11-Nov-12 20:30:04

golden, he is trying to shit you up!

BertieBotts Germany Sun 11-Nov-12 20:27:10

Yes call family worker, and ask them for advice.

Also the idea to pick up/drop off somewhere else is a good one. He has no right to be prying into your life like this - I'm sure other friends and family etc see into your house, they'd say something if it was an issue.

IneedAgoldenNickname Sun 11-Nov-12 20:26:18

Plus ds2 said that Daddy let him watch a video of Justin Beiber eating poo, and play a12 rated game because 'you're big enough' so hardly an example of brill parenting!

IneedAgoldenNickname Sun 11-Nov-12 20:24:41

I doubt he could accommodate them, ds2 slept there this weekend on an airbed in the floor as they don't have spare beds

I think his motives could be to scare me. He's an evil fucker, I fucking hate him!

tschiffely Sun 11-Nov-12 20:08:57

Could he be bluffing, is he just trying to wind you up? Could he realistically acommodate dcs with his work/school holidays etc? What is his motive here?

IneedAgoldenNickname Sun 11-Nov-12 20:05:07

Ss assigned me with a family worker, who continued working with me for about 6 weeks after ss closed the case. Would it be worth calling them in the morning does any one think? Thanks again for all your supportive words.

tschiffely Sun 11-Nov-12 20:03:05

you know what....sort drop off/pick up away from your house. Get your place uber tidy/sorted so if/when ss turn up, your ex will look like the complete wanker he is.

tschiffely Sun 11-Nov-12 19:59:52

messy house is not a crime! if your dc are clean, fed and happy that is the priority. Your ex is being a manipulative git.

IneedAgoldenNickname Sun 11-Nov-12 19:48:08

No, he can see my hallway and into my lounge when he picks up/drops off, they are prob the messiest bits tbh

tschiffely Sun 11-Nov-12 19:42:57

How does your ex know that your house needs tidying? Is it something your dc have said to him?

IneedAgoldenNickname Sun 11-Nov-12 19:36:21

It was far worse before.

IneedAgoldenNickname Sun 11-Nov-12 19:30:59

It was over a year ago now, I have posted on here about it, under variation of the name I have now, probably IneedAbetterNickname possibly with in 2012 on the end. Boys bedroom is tidy now, but not hoovering now, my neighbors won't be happy as they have a baby. Going to clean the bathroom next, which isn't that bad tbh.

What was your house like previously when ss were involved? Was it worse than it is now?

Be a bit ruthless tonight and sort as much as you can.

Do you have storage for paperwork, enough toy boxes, space for books?

If house isn't dirty and the kids have clean bedding, are washed and in clean clothes, eating non mouldy food I wouldn't worry.

IneedAgoldenNickname Sun 11-Nov-12 19:20:03

Thanks. I'm starting to feel better, but possibly won't sleep tonight for tidying, but your words are helping me smile

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