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Is anyone else facing their first Xmas alone with the kids?(30 Posts)
I am and I'm a bit nervous that it will be such a let down for the kids. My ex use to cook a fantastic lunch but I can't cook and don't particularly want to so I'm planning on buying ready prepared stuff.
Its my 1st christmas as a lone parent. The children are going to be with their Dad from 23rd to 25th morning. Hopefully he wont drop them back too late as I want some fun time with them. Going to sort out full Christmas Day menu with the children this weekend, turkey with lots of stuffing and yorkshire puddings! No pressies for me this year as his family were the only ones to buy me pressies:-( I am sure I will think of something to give myself and then act surprised.
I would love to be with my kids but ......
My dd and I had our first Xmas alone last year - without my beloved dad who had always had Xmas with us but sadly passed away a few months earlier. We thought it would be dreadful - some parts were - but we decided on Shepherds Pie and Chocolate Fondant for lunch. We stayed in our PJs all day, ate all the food we wanted to eat - and as much of it as we could - watched Xmas TV and movies, cried and laughed a lot then cuddled up in bed, pleased it was all over. This is our second year alone and it is easier, we invited friends over to ensure we made the effort. We even might get dressed this year!!
It's my first Christmas Day morning with my son since he was 3 - for the last 9 years he's been with his Dad and their family for Xmas Eve/Christmas Day morning and do you know what I am so excited, as is he, even though he is now 12!
We are going to have a special Xmas morning breakfast in our PJs, open our presents together at leisure (not the usual rush as soon as he runs in the door and dives into everything). Christmas Eve will be quite frantic here, but DS is going to help and again, it'll be different to previous years for him and me.
Make it different to the past and it will be special and new. We are seeing XP's family after Christmas this year due to commitments not driven by me, but it will lengthen Christmas for DS and I see that as a good thing.
He is at his mams ATM deciding what he wants?! So think I will be a single mam at Xmas but have agreed he will stay Xmas eve as dd is only two and then his mams for lunch as it was already agreed x
My first Xmas alone with the kids, and in a new country but we are really looking forward to it. We've planned out activities, food and movies for the 24, 25 & 26th of Dec. We'll be catching up with In-laws but the kids Dad has mentioned nothing about having them at all despite me asking since July. Last I heard he had "made plans already" so sod him, kids don't want to see him anyway.
We threw out the "family" Xmas tree when we moved here but plan to buy some new decorations, we are about to go see Christmas Markets etc which Ex never was interested in.
We are actually excited by Xmas this year which is the first time in a long time. We've actually decided to have burgers for dinner on Boxing Day to replace our old tradition of the Boxing Day BBQ!
no rules, eat what u want, drink what u want and be merry!!!! the only thing i miss about xmas married was the pub and church on xmas eve with all our friends.....but we have a pub and a church here ( shame my old friends arent here!!! but my dear friends are!!)
i am so glad I read this post. My H only left 2 weeks ago to move in with OW and left me and my 2 DC's. last week DD had a birthday and the thought of it with out him was worse than the day but i have been imagining a lonely Christmas with he kids fending for themselves while I cry into a glass of pinot!
nothing is going to be further than the truth, we will have music and parties and selection boxes for breakfast. Aunt Bessie will get a hammering and I dont have to visit in laws, I can send DC's with H. I CANT WAIT!!!!!!!
Decided to extract the culture/tradition parts we like and dump the rest. Might I to my mums in the afternoon, which is prob a good thing as will curtail drinking.
Here is why I got so far (aide memoir for me, you may not be interested!)
Chocolate calendars (mum would only let us have the picture ones)
Small real tree with chocolate
bribes decorations, and non glass ornaments
Poncetastic lights (JL)
No bloody Xmas cards yay, love my own rules
Spaghetti con polpette with an ICE CREAM CAKE for DSs and champagne
prosecco and elderflower for me.
New PJs and slipper socks all round
A game of hide and seek to festive tunes, maybe a hide the chocolate money treasure hunt.
Stay up late and watch a family film (3yo might just be up for Toy Story by now) maybe even on sofa bed pulled out in lounge...
Put out stockings, carrot for reindeer (only thing DC won't eat)
Random breakfast of strawberries as even though so out of season, DC love them. Scotch pancakes and maple syrup. Hot chocolate and mini mallows for boys and Champagne for meeeeee.
Some naice xmas tunes and a sit down with stocking opening, bit of Xmas TV.
Get all dressed up in sparkly clothes, actually wash hair.
Put on pinny, get lunch on...
Lots of juice for boys (normally banned), break out the matchmakers!
Roast potatoes and honey roasted parsnips and carrots
Chicken (turkey exorbitant and not nice)
Cranberry and walnut stuffing
Sweet potato baked with cream, sage and garlic
Green beans with butter and crushed garlic
Lots of candles (out of reach) limited tinsel.
Silly dancing in the front room.
Present opening (Brio for both and some books)
Another film! Toy story 2 - loving home cinema popcorn idea above
Tea and Xmas cake (Nigella)
Play trains and read Xmas present to self of new book, more dancing, another round of find the chocolate money.
Tiger bread and naice cheese for tea with quince jelly and then, an awful lot to drink when boys asleep!
Screen time and sugar consumption rules relaxed...
Boxing day: tbc, but home made Panettone and vanilla pod custard and kir royales are the way forward.
Hope that gives some ideas...
This is my 3rd year of being a single mum but the first spent on my own, just me and my 2 DS's....I was dreading it but I'm looking forward to it. I getting presents that will be fun for us all to play, I am cooking lamb for dinner (I hate turkey) and I'm planning to get slowly drunk throughout the day and play with toys, watch crappy tv and enjoy time spent with my kids. Still get anxious now and then but the thought of all day guiltfree drinking and eating is pulling me through. It's what you make it and the children will follow your lead...get into the sprit of it and be childishly silly, It's christmas!!!
I have been quite down about Xmas this year, first one after separating last Feb. Then in the last few days have started to put a more positive spin on it, like you nkD, that I can relax and just do what I want this year. I can listen to Xmas music, put up as many decorations as I darn well please, watch cheesy Christmas specials, all without H rolling his eyes and being generally Grinch-y. DS will be with me on Xmas eve and day then to his dad's on Boxing Day.
I'm planning on a cheat's roast dinner (DS' favourite that we usually do on Sundays) -- cold sliced roast turkey from deli counter, frozen roast potatoes (Sainsbury's TTD ones are delicious!), some veg and 'grovy', the essential part according to DS!
Our third one and its my turn to have DC
I said we can do what we like and eat what we like so DD requested burgers
I suppose it depends on what your married life was like but to me Christmas alone is like every other day of the year - far happier and please myself
This is my 2nd Xmas with my daughter and no husband. I have to say, last year I had a great time. After dreading it, it was great. No husband moaning about my choice of Xmas CD's, no moaning about drinking bubbles with breakfast (isn't it too early?). No one hogging the remote and less treading on eggshells. No crap presents that annoy me, just memory making times.
I got together with other single friends on Boxing Day evening and ate leftovers and went to the pub.
It'll probably be the same this year.
You will be fine, the children will be fine and it'll be liberating.
jan I hope it works out. I feel sad about DD not seeing exp, but he has chosen not to see her for 10months, missing her first b.day and not even asking after her once. It's sad but really, you will be fine on your own and she will be happier with no tension
this will be my first Christmas alone with dd. i emailed exdh around 2-3 weeks ago asking him what he wanted to do for christmas - and telling him what i thought was a good plan. surprise surprise, he still hasn't answered, but told me it was far too early, and the prospect of being still separated angered him.
so i told him i thought it would be a good idea if dd is at mine christmas eve, if dh comes round to see her open some presents on christmas day, then i have her the rest of the day, and he can have her boxing day. im really upset about it tbh... i don't mind boxing day, but i can't bear the thought of being away from her on christmas eve or christmas day, thats why i invited him round, even though it could end in tears.
no you see I can't cook and it makes me nervous
that might just be the answer
one of the best compliments I ever had from ds mmm did this come from a packet? (no I made it)
insanity I like your style!
I've wimped out and gone to my sister's every year so far - but might have a go at the betty crockers. Am not much of a cook. Or may go away.
I should point out that I can do a roast duck from scratch with all the trimmings, even saving the fat for spuds etc, but after doing it for years without any thanks orkudos I am having a relaxing time this year
I am just doing Xmas with DD and my dad this year. Am looking forward to no eye rolling and insinuations that Christmas is for money spending idiots. Also I think DD even at 17mo will be a better person to play board games with
I think Betty Crocker frozen spuds (a new fave that saves the peeling/cutting and par boiling time), a few stuffing balls, pigs in blankets (shop bought) and possibly an Asda turkey breast should do us all. Although there is an Aldi opening here and I hear they do a mean 3 bird roast.
It will be fine, much less stress (if yr ex was anything like as good at picking holes as mine) and one less to buy for . I am actually looking forward to this one and no where near as stressed as the last 2 years!
What do you feed the dc on day to day basis? Cooking a small preprepared turkey joints dead easy. If that is what you want. Eg Iceland
And why don't you look into doing a local evening class in cooking in the new year so you don't feel you have "lost" the house cook ?
But yes make your own traditons
This is my second Christmas after the split, last year it was just me a baby and three year old, and although I was daunted it turned out to be lovely (as you said OP, peaceful)
I wouldnt worry about shop bought food - that is fine, kids will be more interested in whether it is sweet food or not, get lots of cakes and sweets in and they will be happy!
here are some traditions that I started:
-Take photos of the family in xmas outfits, frame them and every year replace the normal photos/pictures on the wall with the xmas ones for the month of December.
-Empty out money box and buy sweets/toys for kids from local orphanage.
-Turn the front room into a "cinema" and watch xmas movies with popcorn.
This year I am off to stay with my parents so it will be busier, but its still nice to know I get to decide exactly how to do things - its very liberating.
Sorry x post. That's the right idea.
I'm a lone parent but still manage to spend my Xmas dashing round visiting reli's
and wishing I didn't!
Make it in to a positive. Like others have said, u can start your own traditions. Buy ready made stuff, or don't even do the whole roast dinner thing, ask DCs what they'd like to eat.
Have a pj day or if its dry, have a Xmas day walk.
yes, that's the attitude!!! just focus entirely on giving them a lovely time, and start laying down wonderful memories!
I'm going to take the kids shopping to choose new decorations so that I'm not surrounded by reminders. We will start our own traditions. Do you know I'm actually looking forward to it, I feel like it will be more peaceful.
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