Would you consider this?

[Amanda1]

DD's dad still lives in the same area (same house with new partner and her 2 kids) as he did when we were together. Our split was amicable and there have been arguments but we're both good at keeping dd as the priority. I moved about 20 miles from there to be nearer work. Then dd started a new school and she's been very unhappy there. I don't like the teacher very much following parent's evening last week (that's a whole other post) and dd is very sad.

DD was on the phone to her dad tonight and said she wanted to go to the same school as her stepbrothers. Their school has a good ofsted report and the boys settled in there last year quite well. Obviously ex-dp is delighted with the idea because dd would be closer if we did it. DD would have her step brothers around who she loves. Ex-dp's partner does not work so is around to do the school run as I would then have to resume commuting to work.

I am seriously thinking this could be good for dd. I have no family here and her grandparents are there along with her dad etc. Childcare worries would be lessened though I'd have to see more of them and vice versa. I will say that I dread living out of the city again because everything is here but if it's better for dd, I should consider it, right?

We lived in rented and could move with 2 month's notice. Rents are cheaper over there but other costs will rise. Does anyone think I'm crazy for considering this? The thought that keeps going through my mind is that this is what is best for dd and surely that comes before the fact that my social life will crumble as all my friends are over here.

[starlover]

would you need to be in the catchment area for the school? or could you move say 10 miles closer and be in between and still get her in/
that would make it easier for you commuting and seeing friends etc etc

[Sparklemagic]

sounds a great idea to me..

[Amanda1]

I'm not sure about the catchment area and there really is nowhere that would be suitable 10 miles between the two of us. He lives in quite a rural area and I live in a city. I keep going over it in my head and do think it would be the right thing to do. We're the adults here and it's because of our inability to get along that we're not together so dd shouldn't suffer. And, like I said, we had an amicable split - no third parties, no violence - just drifted apart.

The upheaval of moving again though - dreading that.

[starlover]

actually, would it be possible to get her into the school BEFORE you move.
I know that'll make it difficult for you to start with, but what would happen if you moved, got her into the school and then she hated it there too?

[Amanda1]

Well the current thinking is that we'd try to get her in to do the end of this school year there and she'd stay with them during the week. That's the less than ideal part from my point of view but I think it is best for her. I'm not worried about them taking over my role in her life or anything like that. So she'd finish the school year and I'd move during the summer months. I suppose it's co-parenting at it's best but somehow I feel I'm the one doing all the work.

[bluejelly]

How old is your dd amanda1?

[Amanda1]

She's 6 and her dad and I haven't been together for about 4.5 years now. She's always seen him regularly. We've always had a good relationship for her sake. We've rowed in the past, sure, but we generally get along.

I have no family at all. I do struggle with childcare and all the usual single parent stuff but probably no moreso than anyone else. It would be nice to think we were at a place where ths could happen for dd's sake.

[bluejelly]

Well you sound both incredibly balanced and like you have thought it through carefully! Moving is not the end of the world and it doesn't sound like you are too far away from your friends.
Have you written down a list of pros and cons?