Facing pregnancy alone?

(1000 Posts)
thedogsrolex Thu 12-Jul-12 18:30:46

There seem to be quite a few threads lately posted by women facing pregnancy alone for whatever reason. I was thinking maybe it would be a good idea to have one ongoing thread for support and advice...what do you think? I know it would have helped me way back when I had dd? (apologies if there is already one, I haven't come across it).

skyebluezombie Wed 24-Oct-12 18:52:51

Sorry you had a rough time, can sympathise , was induced, on drip, epidural wore off..... Anyway .....

Congratulations on the birth of your DD. Do not give him head space. Make the most of these precious days with your DD. xx

MakeItALarge Wed 24-Oct-12 19:46:49

Congratulations Angellelle! Hope your and your beautiful daughter are doing ok, dont worry about the constipation all 3 of mine had it despite being breastfed. Sure your midwife or health visitor has suggeated it but rubbing her tummy clockwise might help when it hurts, when she finally goes if it hurts try taking her nappy off and raising her legs.

Dont worry about the ex, enjoy this time with your little girl he's probably having massive regrets now but sod him! He knows where you are if he wants to apologise. Hope all you other pregnant ladies are doing ok

xxxxx

Congratulations, Angellelle - you must be absolutely shattered and completely elated. Can't offer any advice on the nether region shredding as I ended up having an EMCS after 48 unproductive hours.

The stories of the arrival of your little ones is making me feel a bit broody. But only a bit. DD hasn't settled down to bed yet. Started trying to get her to go to sleep at 8pm. I've handed her over to DH for now as she wanted 'Didah' and not 'Mummah'. <sigh>

MakeIt has some excellent hints on easing constipation.

Will be back to check on you all tomorrow! smile

xmasevebundle Sat 27-Oct-12 17:09:03

Congraulations!! A little bundle of joy!

Nice to hear your doing great pickles only seems like yesterday you gave birth to her!

7 more weeks, having a c-section not sure on the dates yet but very excited

Glad all you ladies are doing well grin

angelelle Sun 28-Oct-12 14:58:13

Update! She has finally pooed. We are doing well although I am suffering from lack of sleep as she wont go in her moses basket! Basically she only falls asleep on her momma so I am trying different tricks and have resorted to co sleeping a few nights so that I don't go completely crazy. Also discovered the virtures of the babybjorn so I can do things around the house and make myself a cuppa whilst looking after her!

Dad has asked for photos again although when I send them he goes silent. He tried to call two nights ago but I did not answer, so not ready to talk to him. Then he texted saying he called to hear how we were. I sent him basic text with update and said he was welcome to see more photos. He said he wanted to see more pics. Did not send them there and then as breastfeeding etc and all photos are on laptop. Got another text at 2 am following morning wondering where the photos were!!! Got round to sending a few the following day and have not heard since, just like when I sent the last round. Not expecting a thank you or anything but hey, I am manging to email him pictures whilst also breastfeeding, changing nappies, not sleeping etc etc!!!

So now we have a silent period again. Also not asked to meet her yet.

I though I would feel better about the situation after I give birth but its not been easy. I love her to bits though so trying to focus on that and not the hurt. Also realised that this makes me a mum, all the feeds and up all night. Him asking for photos does not make him a dad!!!

Pickles77 Sun 28-Oct-12 15:35:47

Hi guys been a bit slow on the uptake here!!
I did have a very easy birth I know! And I use my iPhone not the PC for MNing! grin
Congratulations angelle, pollyindia has had her baby too smile

xmasevebundle Mon 29-Oct-12 00:29:16

angelelle

You are doing a great job, even if he is being a dick lovely man... grin

I am glad you are both well.

Congraulations to you as well pollyindia smile

Everyone is having there babies expect me! Think i am the last one due now on this thread shock

Pickles77 Mon 29-Oct-12 09:01:28

You'll be there before you know it Xmas smile

Pickles77 Sat 03-Nov-12 21:53:41

Is everyone okay ? X

hello fellow single parents out there

Just found mumsnet after someone recommended it on the anti natal unit when I was in having a blood pressure profile done.

I am 2 going to be a lone parent I am 35 wks and 3 days and been a lone parent since I was 26 weeks because my ex decided that our daughters kidney problem was too much to handle and went to live and get engaged to a new girl who he had only known a week within 3 days of getting the confirmation of how bad the kidney problem was.

I am very lucky that I have family and friends who are looking after me and been so supportive but I found that its still quite a depressing situation. I have abusive texts off the new gf who seems to think I should be over my ex and leave him and his family and friends alone but not been in contact with anyone from his circle of friends for at least 8 weeks. My ex goes from its not his baby to it is his but I dont want him to have anything to do with her. He has told people I lied about the relationship and all I want to do is to depress him and spoil his relationship with the new girlfriend.

If my ex is happy then that is all good, am I a bad person who feel disapointed that he is messing my daughter around and calling me wicked names. I have grown up with my dad being in my life every day and I ideally wanted that for my baby

sorry to witter on

x

xmasevebundle Mon 05-Nov-12 12:56:20

Hello smile

Sorry to hear that about your DD, your very strong.

Your is ex is a twat a idoit, i guess they say your sending them texts and phone calls when THEY are sending you them. They sound really petty, i would change your number and only give it to people you trust.

His 'new gf' sounds jealous, your having his baby and she needs to get over it like she says to you!

I dont think you can get over someone who betrays you so badly. I am abit different i have done it all alone since i was 11w, Im now 33w and super happy without him!

A lot will say let him be in the childs life, but he cant walk in and out your babys life when he pleases. I would leave it all down to him, he nos your due date if he wants to be there he will.

I had my dad growing up too, i would not want my son to grow up like his father, it makes me want to run wobble miles away! grin

You have some good support on this thread.

xmasevebundle Wed 07-Nov-12 17:27:06

Went to see my consultant yesterday, i have to go counseling(to see if they change what i want in other words)

If i still feel the same way, which i will. I am allowed a c-section. I guess they are doing it because of my age.

Very excited, i know he will be here on christmas day!

PollyIndia Fri 09-Nov-12 21:43:15

Hello! I have had my baby. I had a little boy called rafferty at home 4 weeks ago. We are good. Had mum here for first 3 weeks helping, lucky me, now we are on our own. It is honestly better as we are finding our rhythm. I texted the ex to let him know raf was here but nada. So my conscience is clear... Good riddance. I love having him to myself! Only fly in the ointment is breastfeeding which is bloody hard and painful but am persevering to 6 weeks.

How is everyone else? How are you doing pickles? Cngrats angelelle. Are you well x,asevebundle? Another plonker of an ex isobelle. There are a lot of them out there!

xmasevebundle Fri 09-Nov-12 23:00:49

Congraulations, i LOVE the name similar to what my future DS will be, ralph!

Im glad everything went smoothly for you, typical male! His loss, thats another good thing hes all yours

Im doing great only 6 weeks left, i am happier now. I cant wait to meet him and see his face! Im desperate to see his face! My Ex... who grin hes a loser and always will be! Still haven't spoken to him, made a choice he can shove the CSA money up his arse.

Ive done it alone for 9 months and i shall do it to the day i die! Me and my son dont need his money!

suburbophobe Fri 09-Nov-12 23:13:17

Hey, all you SPs - you rock!

If I can do it, so can you. My DS is 21 and at uni.

Never been easy but far better than being in a bad relationship!!

angelelle Sat 10-Nov-12 15:20:59

Hey polly

congrats.

Me and my little baby girl are doing OK. She is 3 weeks now and bf is going well but, I am on antibiotics and think it is affecting her tum as she is crying so much at night and wont let me put her down. I am slowly working on this but in order to get some much needed sleep am doing everything wrong eg co sleeping and falling asleep with her on my boob but hey, needs must and I have made sure the area is safe!!

Her dad has sent the odd random texts. There was a flurry after she was born but no congrats or anything...just strange random texts. He also tried to call once but I didnt answer. The last text I had from him was one saying he had an anxiety dream that she was ginger...I mean seriously, if that is the biggest of his concerns when it comes to our daughter then he might as well not bother. I seem to get a random text once a week although they seem to be peetering out so obviously having a child is not as exciting anymore and he has not asked to see her.

Polly, I am staying with mum but actually almost finding it more of a hindrance. She has been amazing and with me at birth etc but I long to be back at my flat now on my own. think i need a few more weeks but then I would like it just to be us too smile You seem to be doing OK on your own then!

we just need to get sleeping sorted.

Tried to go into town today to get out of the house. Ended up with us both in tears. COuld find no mother and baby parking, ended up knocking back of car in minute space as trying to park so I could get baby seat out. She cried in every shop, problems with lifts and parking machines, I cried on the way home!! Lol

What i find hardest is when she smiles or does cute things the first thing I want to do is send a text to her dad to share....it is heartbreaking not to have someone who is part of her to share sad But I dont regret it for a minute and love her to bits. Its just the sleeplessness which is hard.

Bit the bullet today and sent a lovely photo of her to her paternal grandparents. Inviting them to be part of her life but no pressure. At least I can look her in the eye when she is older and say I tried to allow all his family to be part of her life, despite my own feelings towards them!! (oh I am such a martyr, lol).

oh massive mail here but first time two hand typing on laptop for ever!!

xxx

angelelle Sat 10-Nov-12 15:21:49

xmaseve - good for you girl, it is hard but amazing when they get here....sending you good vibes for birth

MakeItALarge Mon 12-Nov-12 10:44:19

Im getting flashbacks on the first shopping trip I took with ds after reading that angelelle, I dont think it matters how many dc or husbands/partners you have the first thousand shopping trips are always hell!

I co slept with all of mine, ds is 8months now and still in with me I think its just so much easier when youre breastfeeding to put them on and go back to sleep, tbh I love co-sleeping, if it works for you its fine.

How are you feeling now xmas, any news on the c-section date? How all you other pregnant mims are doing well

MakeItALarge Mon 12-Nov-12 10:44:55

Im getting flashbacks on the first shopping trip I took with ds after reading that angelelle, I dont think it matters how many dc or husbands/partners you have the first thousand shopping trips are always hell!

I co slept with all of mine, ds is 8months now and still in with me I think its just so much easier when youre breastfeeding to put them on and go back to sleep, tbh I love co-sleeping, if it works for you its fine.

How are you feeling now xmas, any news on the c-section date? How all you other pregnant mums?

xmasevebundle Tue 13-Nov-12 01:15:25

angelelle
i think ginger babies are very cute grin. I feel for you, the baby screaming in every shop. I dont even know when i show my face into town, its even worse that i dont drive. So its either a 20-30 min walk or a bus. <feels very depressed now>

Makeitlarge Me and bump are doing great grin. 'It' as he is referred to now hasn't contacted me, his loss so much! I went into M&S and bought my first christmas 2012 bauble for him, also a santa suit and my first christmas fleece type thing.

No i have to see a phycarist(sorry if thats wrong been a long day) wednesday, think to talk more in depth about it. I will blunty but not in a rude mannor i will not have a normal birth. The consultant said if i feel the same after i have been she will book me in, so i have got one just dont know what day, i assume the 17th decemeber as i will be 39w.

Have got a lot worse/panic about it alot. I even smoked 10 fags in the last few days. I rung the midwife but they didnt ring back. Very anxious as i have to wait, knightmares are more often, had a horrid one.

That he was doing okay in normal VB he got distressed and couldnt get him out in time, they cut me open on the scene.. I woke up sweating and crying. I have dreams like that, no wonder why i am frightend off a VB!!

MakeItALarge Tue 13-Nov-12 01:34:13

Why is it dreams get so much more vivid when pregnant? Its horrible isnt it! V births are not that bad, I know this makes me a freak but I have had 3 without pain relief and I love love love being in labour grin Id give birth once a week if I could!

I like the name it, mine was called that for a while. He was in my phone under dickhead. When he txt me during the labour the midwife grabbed my phone for me, read the name and said "oh I can guess who dickhead is, we get a few of them " blush

They will let you have an elective c-section though, like you said just be blunt and as long as you explain why it will be fine, 4weeks to go you must be excited! Have they said what will happen if your waters go before your section date?

xmasevebundle Tue 13-Nov-12 01:44:23

They scare me a lot, i have been out all day shopping on my feet for 5 hours 34w pregnant, i cant sleep. The dream keeps on repeating, had it for 5 days in a row.

You do dream about 5 min before you wake up, it seems like it drags.

Yeah it is more powerful than twat or his real name. Which is vile i must add. He wont even get the chance, it dont know my number i know his though, as hes on contract but i dont think he will be getting a lovely update on my son. They only thing he will know is his name and weight. No pictures on facebook, so he cant even SEE him.

What.a.shame.

Nope i have told them, i want a c-section. I think hes doing to die during my labour. I dont care if its bad or not, its my choice. The consultant was very understanding.

If my waters go before, i would have a panic attack, ive even had dreams about my waters breaking and its blood, limbs and his head comes out. I dont know what the hell is wrong with me. The dreams started a while back but are getting worse.

I have a feeling hes going to be a naughty and come early!!

MakeItALarge Tue 13-Nov-12 17:56:58

I dont blame you feeling like that about your ex, I did send updates and cute pics and it didnt help... he knows when youre due, if he wanted to find you he could!

C-section is totally your choice, course its not bad and dont let anyone make you feel bad about it, personally I was petrified of being induced, cried for three days solid before mine as I convinced myself it would all go horribly wrong. But no ones rational at 8months pregnant, dont worry about it grin

xmasevebundle Sat 17-Nov-12 23:45:06

He will hear it second hand, i will announce it on facebook and word will get round that i've had DS. How awful i know of me, but awful of him to treat me like this with his own flesh and blood growing inside my stomach.

I cant wait until i get my dates, i think it will be the 17th, fingers crossed.

I have already bought my first christmas balls and outfits blush. C-Section is right for me i am just getting very nervous as its 4 weeks away. 1 month and im a mum!

I said to my mum, i can now say 'mother nos best' she says it all the time to me. She started crying i thought oh no what have i done!

Sweetiesmum Mon 19-Nov-12 10:44:34

Thought Post below was relevant to all babies
There is always room to learn and grow together with our beautiful children, adopted or otherwise
It's OK not to know everything as a Mum too
Us parents do stuff up at times

See Post below:

If love is not enough, what is?
(29 Posts)

Italiangreyhound Fri 09-Nov-12 23:30:35

Sorry if that sounds like a daft question.

Lots of people say it, Love is not enough! So what is, to make a adoption a success. (Maybe I would need to define 'success' but I think you know what am asking. What aside from love do I need to give/do/be?

Any helpful comments, welcome.

Thank you.

Devora Sat 10-Nov-12 00:43:21

You need loads of empathy - to be able to really understand your child's point of view, and separate it out from your own view/ needs/ perspective.

You need to be able to fully accept and embrace the responsibilities of parenthood, while understanding that your child had other parents once, and one of your jobs will be able to help them explore that, even if it sometimes feels like a rejection of your love, even if it means being generous about people who hurt the child you love.

You need to be resourceful, able to work out what your child needs and advocate for it.

You need to be able to accept your own needs and imperfections, ask for help when you need it, accept that you have limits, forgive yourself when you fall short of the standards you set yourself.

HappySunflower Sat 10-Nov-12 00:46:52

Positivity.
Keeping your focus on helping the child to feel safe and secure- because that will help to build positive attachment, for you both.
Patience. It can take time for love to grow, and the timing is different for everybody.
Being able to talk about how you are feeling to your partner, friends and family. Asking for help when you feel you need it.

Seeing it as a journey helped me, a journey with an unknown destination, but where the route you take is actually the most important part!
I enjoy most days with my daughter. Most but not all. And on the days I don't enjoy, I keep my focus on the fact that the next day is soon to come smile

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