New on here, Advice please!!!

[Natuk]

I am 25 years old single mum of one. My son is 9 months old now. My ex left me, while i was 4.5 months pregnancy. He left me for another woman basically!

Now my ex just got in contact with me, he want to see Ryan, but he live in liverpool (with his girlfriend) and i live in lincolnshire. He say he only can meet half way, because he can't afford the train fare to Lincolnshire. Which i am bloody annoyed.

My ex hasn't even seen his son or send him nothing etc. I hate my ex for leaving me, it has destroyed my confidence! A year later, I still haven't got over it the heartbreak. My heart still slowly healing.

What should i do? Should i let my ex see ryan? I was thinking "why should i"

Please advice! Thanks

Natalie x

[SackAche]

Why should you indeed!!!

He doesn't offer any money to help you raise your son??? Then expects YOU to make the effort to let him see his son!?

He can sling his hook as far as I would be concerned.

Until he behaves like a Father then he shouldn't have any parental rights. Have you contacted the CSA?

[anorak]

Totally agree with sackache! How much can he really want to see him if he can't make a bit more effort than that?

[LynnC]

Your quite right...why should you. He has had plenty time to save up his train fare if he was so interested to see your db. Why should you be out more money to travel half way to see him let alone keep a 9 month old baby amused on the train.

Try stay strong and tell him where to go. He knows where you both are if he truly wants to make the effort to see his son.

[Caligyulea]

I would let him see his son, but I wouldn't put myself out of pocket or go to any trouble to enable it. If he can't be arsed to save up the train fare, then all that he will achieve by turning up every now and then, is to confuse and upset your DS.

Let him make some effort to see his son. If he's not prepared to, then it's not going to be a very good experience for your DS anyway.

[thecattleareALOHing]

Meet half way? That's PATHETIC. You are the one with a baby! If he can't be bothered to find the money and time to get to you, I'd be inclined to simply say no.

[jinglinggoblin]

is he expecting to take him home after you have met half way? if so, not a chance. i would let him come and see ds at your house for a bit but only if he can convince you that it is going to be regular and he isnt going to stop when he gets bored. that would be worse for your ds than not seeing him at all. tbh i cant say im convinced he is willing to make much effort if he cant even be bothered to come to your house. ds is the most important person here and he needs to feel secure when meeting a stranger for the first time. home offers safety. a railway station somewhere inbetween liverpool and lincolnshire does not

[Natuk]

My ex does pay the CSA £5 a week, wow. As he is on income support. Not even brought nappies or offer any money at all.

My ex just want to see Ryan for the day. But i am thinking of telling my ex where to go.

I am not meeting half way, if i do decide what to do. My ex should make the effort to see his own in lincolnshire, if he is really keen seeing Ryan

Thanks for replies ladies x

[thecattleareALOHing]

Good for you. Tell him to sod off until he's saved up enough for the bus fare! Twat. I think you are well rid of him, tbh. Sorry for your little boy though
You can make it clear he is welcome to visit for a day but you are not dragging a small baby on a long train journey to meet a lazy stranger.
Hmm..not got enough money. I bet he's got enough money for the pub though.

[Natuk]

Yesterday i told my ex where to go!

But My ex text me last night he put "You stop me from seeing Ryan. You know that"

To be honest, i don't want to see my ex because the pain he cause me. I would hate the idea my ex making the fuss over Ryan and taking him out etc, if you know what i mean. Playing happy family with Ryan.

I bring Ryan in to this world on my own and it is very hard being a single mum.

What should i do now?

Natalie x

[Natuk]

"You can't stop me from seeing ryan" oops lol

[Passionflowerinapeartree]

Tell him if he wants to see his son he can blooming well save up the fare. Him being skint isn't your problem.

Don'd worry about the other issues until he announces that he wants to come visit you in lincs. Sufficient unto the day and all that.

[LynnC]

He leaves you for another woman, and to go through the rest of your pregnancy alone, then give birth alone and hey 9 months later he decides he wants to see his son but you have to be out of pocket and travel miles to accommodate what he wants. You have nothing to feel guilty about, I know it must be hard but your doing the right thing. Your not stopping him from seeing his son, he knows where you live and can come to visit you at home.

[Natuk]

Hi Ladies

Thanks for the replies amd i have text my ex! Here what i have written

"
You can't afford to come to Lincoln to see your own son huh! YES you can afford it, you have all these months to save up your money to come to lincolnshire.

I am defiantly not meeting half way for your benefit!! Come to Lincolnshire or nothing.

Well if you stop spending your money on smoking, drinking and "HER" (his girlfriend). You will able afford it!!

Your a PATHETIC excuse for a father"

What do you all think?

[LynnC]

You go girl

Any reply yet?

[Natuk]

No reply yet LynnC.

I will let you all know.

Thanks for messages, i really appreicate it!

Happy Christmas to everyone

Love

Natalie x

[LynnC]

Happy Christmas to you and little Ryan too. Hoping things turn out good in the end up for you all.

[Caligyulea]

If it wasn't so outrageous, it would be funny.

I 'spect he'll be joining F4J next, the pr**k

You're not stopping him seeing Ryan, Natuk, he's choosing not to come and see him and then trying to make you responsible for his choice.

It's a well-used male tactic in many areas of life and contact with children is one of them. Don't fall for it. He's responsible for his actions, you aren't - you're only responsible for yours.

[thecattleareALOHing]

Excellent message. As you point out, he's had a year to save up the train fare to see his own son - and he expects YOU to pay for the privelege of his seeing his son. He's....oh, words fail me.

[Natuk]

No reply still!! very strange indeed .

Hope everyone is well, looking forward to Christmas as it will be Ryan first Christmas with me!

Take care

Natalie x

[Loobie]

Sounds a bit along the lines of what i get from my ex or got rather before i told him to piss off and not come back near us,and great he hasnt.
But he used to give me 'i cant come and visit the kids and pay maintenance' ??? WTF!!
So i told him to keep his maintenance and ill have my kids to myself

[Natuk]

Up-to-date.

My ex boyfriend been in touch with my friend. As my ex doesn't know my new mobile number.

He want to make arrangement to come to Lincolnshire, to see Ryan, i know end of the day, it is Ryan's father. I am not sure if i want to meet my ex.

(signs) i don't know to be honest!

happy New Year everyone!

[BadgerBadger]

Hi Nat. Give yourself time to think this through if you are unsure, don't feel pressured into agreeing to anything straight away.
(For one thing, your ex has taken a year to make his mind up, you surely have a right to think things through!)

Maybe it would be an idea to have a friend of yours or a member of family with you and Ryan, if/when your ex does visit.

I hope whatever you decide goes well