40+ Lone parents

(769 Posts)

I'm 49 and a lone parent (13yo and 20yo) am I in the minority on Mumsnet? It appears alot of the LP's here are a lot younger!

<feels ancient>

boxingHelena Fri 18-Mar-11 19:58:24

ancient SM waves back
at least your dc are of ''appropriate'' age
I told my ds son I was 27...errrrr grin

copperbottom Fri 18-Mar-11 20:04:11

Another one here...

DS is 3 - and I'm am going to poke the next person who assumes I'm his grandma in the eye!!

onadifferentplanettoday Fri 18-Mar-11 20:05:43

Can I join your little club? I'm 47 I have 4 dc between 13 and 27 and have recently found I am to be a grandmother!

Hey guys...so pleased to have found you

Don't feel quite such a lonely LP anymore!

Trifle66 Fri 18-Mar-11 20:14:45

44 with a DD 13 next month

And another onegrin

Monty27 Fri 18-Mar-11 20:50:51

Same age here, dd almost 18 and ds 15

Me too! 46 with a 8 year old DD at home and three grown up children who have flown the nest smile

boxingHelena Fri 18-Mar-11 21:16:12

pussnotinboots haha I got asked a few times too if he was my daughter's ... I once answered "no, he is my son's"

macdoodle Fri 18-Mar-11 21:58:19

Can I join I'm 40 in June, 2 DD's age 9 and 3!

itisnotgoingwelltoday Fri 18-Mar-11 22:00:23

41 with dc's ranging from 20 to 9

Can I join?

So ladies...does Mac qualify? hmm

Monty27 Fri 18-Mar-11 22:51:51

hmm

Mac do you think you qualify? You might have to have initiation, like someone call you Grandma lol.

grin

Monty27 Fri 18-Mar-11 22:52:44

my hmm was meant to look like I was saying Hmmmm? (thoughtfully and intelligently, but it didn't work).

coansha Fri 18-Mar-11 22:59:26

I'm 44 with DD's of 10 & 13, and i think we can all learn from each other and support each other!
Anyway, welcome. This place is fab for any info or just venting(nicely) and for your 1st child you didn't have this help, mind you my 10 yo asked were we too poor for a computer when i was little, oh bless her.

elastamum Fri 18-Mar-11 23:58:47

You are not alone smile

I'm 47 with 2 Ds's 12 and 10. Been on my own for about 3 years now

Jellykat Sat 19-Mar-11 00:08:28

Can i play too?..Pretty please grin

I too am 47 with 2x DSs - 13 and 22 yrs old.

boosmummie Sat 19-Mar-11 00:12:37

Me too please. I'm 40 with 4 DCs

DD1 - 17
DD2 - 16
DS - 14
DD3 - 2

When older DCs where at nursery school i was asked if I was 'the nanny' confused and I suspect I'll be getting the grandmother when DD3 gets to school.

Joelybear Sat 19-Mar-11 00:17:21

Can I join in two? New to MN and being LP 44years old 5DC oldest 18yrs youngest 19 months. LP for 2 months so still feeling very raw, shocked and hurt

boosmummie Sat 19-Mar-11 00:22:56

Me too Joely but I got 2 weeks more experience so we can jolly each other along x

Joelybear Sat 19-Mar-11 00:26:13

Oh well boosmummie i need all the help I can get so thanks

boosmummie Sat 19-Mar-11 00:30:02

I'm here. PM me if you'd prefer, I have to say MN has been an enormous help for everything and nothing over the past month or so. Joined ages ago, but only started properly in Feb really.

It's crap, you know it's crap, but it does get better I absolutely promise you.

Jellykat Sat 19-Mar-11 00:42:58

Blimey, boo and Joely that's a big gap 'tween oldest and youngest.. and there's me been moaning about the length of time i've been doing the school run..

Joely and boo - Welcome to MN.. I have just managed to get out of an abusive relationship 3 months ago, slightly different (been a LP for 22 years) but i'm still hurting and lost too.

I hope you have both have good RL support.I have MNers who i PM and vice versa for support, it really helps when you need a private rant! keep strong x

Joelybear Sat 19-Mar-11 00:49:15

Big gap in ages for me
DS 18
DS 16
DD 6 surprise as 24 weeks pregnant when realised
DS 4 planned - by me- as moving 450 miles away from family an wanted something I wanted!!
DS 5 surprise 26 weeks pregnant before realised
so 2 lovely short pregnancies, but huge shock x2
Konow this is real hard, but it has to get better i know x

boosmummie Sat 19-Mar-11 00:54:51

Just a tad Jelly! I was home and dry with the older ones.... And now I've got to go through all that playground shit again! Wouldn't swap her for the world though, and it's so very different having just the one small one on her own while the bigger ones are almost adults (I had 3 under 3...MADNESS).

I'm actually abroad, so RL support isn't so great, but I'm moving back to London In October where I have lots. And MN has been wonderful, I have 'met' some fantastic people (and some idiots too...).

Thank you for your words, they are so warm to hear x

boosmummie Sat 19-Mar-11 01:16:22

Just read your previous post Joely - with my DS I found out at 24 weeks as nothing had changed - i.e. periods like clockwork! HOwever, he arrived at 28 weeks - shortest bloody pregnancy ever!!!!!

Right ladies, I must away to bed as it's now 2:15am and whilst my DD3 is a most amenable child, she will be waking in about 7½ hours and that's too soon for my comfort and sanity.....

I will be back tomorrow.

Joely, I've PM'd you back x

Joelybear Sat 19-Mar-11 01:51:10

I too must wind my way to bed as early risers now sunshine is here in the mornings - unless i'm lucky and its raining so dark clouds and no sunshine,
Speak tomorrow x

kayah Sat 19-Mar-11 02:15:57

44 here with dd 13 and ds 11

we need all the support we can get

Joelybear Sat 19-Mar-11 02:22:26

Kayah, good to see you here, theres plenty of support here for us all x

TwoIfBySea Sat 19-Mar-11 02:25:26

I'll come back in December when I hit the 4-0.

I've dts age 9 and have acknowledged the fact that I'll be forever alone.

marcopront Sat 19-Mar-11 03:43:12

43 with a 4 year old.

I've also been asked if I'm the grandma.

47 here with a three year old ds. I love it!

mathanxiety Sat 19-Mar-11 04:55:35

46 here, 5 DCs aged 20, 17, 15, 12 and 9.

And one big overgrown brattish exH who is more trouble than the rest combined and always was.

Lovely idea for a thread OP and hello to all.

lilacisinlove Sat 19-Mar-11 08:50:35

42 (for another ten days, anyway) and have DDs 13 and 11. DD1 is away at boarding school all week so it's a bit like having one child in term time.

At least I don't get asked if I'm their grandma, usually it's the opposite. DD1 is my height already and a bit heavier than me so seems very grown up at times.

I'd rather be a 40-something lone parent than a 20-something...I'm quite senior at work, have a good income, a huge mortgage, my own house and car and we manage just fine. Even ten years ago things would have been very different. I'd hate to be relying on exH to support me financially, although the child support he pays is a necessity not just pocket money!

boosmummie Sat 19-Mar-11 08:59:57

Good morning all,

Lilac Yup - being a LP at 40 is a whole heap better than in my twenties, absolutely from experience!!

Beautiful day where I am, hope you all have sunshine too. Makes everything a lot better methinks!

brew anyone?

WomanOfMassDestruction Sat 19-Mar-11 09:03:17

<waves at boos>

45 here with DD(3). Never thought I'd be a parent and it's a lot tougher than I envisaged!

boosmummie Sat 19-Mar-11 09:05:46

<<waving back>> You beat me to it, was going to give you a shout this morning!

More brew....

WomanOfMassDestruction Sat 19-Mar-11 09:07:50

Lots more brew please!

MollieO Sat 19-Mar-11 09:09:31

45 with 6 yr old Ds. Rather wish I'd been a teenage mum!

WomanOfMassDestruction Sat 19-Mar-11 09:11:18

This thread is really supportive regardless of single/paired up status. It's saved my sanity a couple of times (and that's no mean feat some days)...

boosmummie Sat 19-Mar-11 09:16:47

Trust me MollieO, it's much better being older. I wasn't quite a teenager, but I was a smidgeon over 23 with DD1, and gosh I look back now and think how damn young it was. Honest grin

How are you anyway MollieO - staying clear of the second BS thread I sincerely hope......The yous and mes on there were fighting a battle with people that will never remove their fingers from their ears....

boosmummie Sat 19-Mar-11 09:18:02

If there was a like button WOMD and an agree heartedly one I'd be repeat pressing them!

stucktothesofa Sat 19-Mar-11 09:25:10

44 here with a DD14 and have been a lone parent since she was born.God how I wish I'd had mumsnet when she was a baby and I had no idea what I was doing! Plus a toxic exP thrown in. Now, whenever I have a query, whether it's parenting, finances, school, work etc I just come straight on here. I don't even bother googling it! Even DD will say "Just ask on Mumsnet" smile

boosmummie Sat 19-Mar-11 09:34:09

Morning Stuck - Yep, I too could have done with MN when my big DCs were small. Why oh why didn't I think of it... grin

MollieO Sat 19-Mar-11 09:42:49

boosmummie I need to stop getting sucked into threads that annoy me!

When I had Ds there were a few teenage mums in the maternity ward. The midwives said they would probably cope better than me as their mothers would be looking after their babies!

WomanOfMassDestruction Sat 19-Mar-11 09:45:47

Mollie - nice! That must have made you feel really good...

I do sometimes feel like some sort of aged crone on here. Some of the threads just make me roll my eyes and I almost immediately want to ask "how old are you?" but I don't bother any more - just read, tsk and move on. <impatient old lady emoticon>

DollyTwat Sat 19-Mar-11 09:50:12

I'm 42 with two boys 6 & 9
I Only feel a bit old when I can't dance in a club
All the youngsters dance like in x factor now!
Life got alot easier Once ds2 reached 6, less tantrums and he can do more for himself. I can even get on with an afternoon of gardening without having to entertain them
(that bit made me sound a bit old tho!)

boosmummie Sat 19-Mar-11 09:50:56

If I catch you there again.....Equally frogmarch me off. I couldn't resist last night, but it was after a run of very amusing posts from people who gave me support after you know what!! As I said on there to you, I'm very excited for your DS and I look forward to hearing how he gets on down the line. As Lucy said - I think he can only love it!

I think that answers you really - their mums would be doing it for them (although they were probably younger than us themselves.....)

boosmummie Sat 19-Mar-11 09:52:38

grin at Dolly - and love the name too!

s'alright WOMD I regularly need <impatient old lady emoticon>

Mornin all

So glad I started this thread. Only been posting for a couple of months (bit of a lurker). I don't feel quite so alone (and old) anymore.

stuck quite agree about wishing this site was around when my kids were small (especially the first) right again about not bothering to google..

Have read each and every post...you lot are a great inspiration and support...thank you

41 with a six year old - certainly don't see myself as old or older. Listening to the Jesus and Mary Chain as we speak.

Agree with others that it's much easier now I'm this age. I have a senior, felxible job for four days a week, buying a house, have a car and go abroad on holiday.

boosmummie Sat 19-Mar-11 10:07:29

Good morning YesOfCourseYouWillBeASizeTen grin

Thank you for starting this thread. Top idea and I was thrilled to see it yesterday.

Google is indeed redundant on so many levels now that I've seen just how good MN can be when advice is needed. It is always good to be able to share what little wisdom that I have somehow garnered over the years.

boosmummie Sat 19-Mar-11 10:10:26

Sadly Queen I am listening to Peppa Pig...But I do like your style!

FeelingOld Sat 19-Mar-11 10:22:10

Hi everyone, can i join your club?

I am 46 and have dd aged 16 and ds aged 11.

boo thanks for that....clearly you haven't been counting my WW points this morning shock

boosmummie Sat 19-Mar-11 10:49:21

It's Saturday. I'm sure I read somewhere that weekends dictate that no foodss have any calories and/or high fat levels. It's actual fact.

Bumply Sat 19-Mar-11 11:00:43

Hi all,
I'm 48 with two ds 13 and 9

boo can you send me the link? I can then print/laminate/stick to fridge/cupboards/biscuit tin grin

bumply welcome

boosmummie Sat 19-Mar-11 11:56:01

grin it's my motto and I'm sticking to it! I figure that if we are all good during the week, then a couple of 'I don't give a damn' meals will make one feel great and also not deprived due to living on lettuce and vinegar, or whatever...

I literally vary between 9½ stone and 11 and since getting to 40 I don't care!! BUt I love cooking so much, and eating even more that I'd miserable as sin if I couldn't indulge every day once in while.

Hello Bumply

I echo all you say

I lost a stone and a half 18 months ago when I lodged at Heartbreak Hotel I haven't put it back on (I actually did need to lose it) so I do watch my weight a smidge still. However, I have diddly willpower and easily tempted...off to Costa..coffee n something very high carb (see what I mean)

<salivates when thinking of rocky roads)

boosmummie Sat 19-Mar-11 13:12:43

I agree the HH diet is guaranteed results. And well done you for keeping it off. I have zero willpower also, which is why I actually find it quite easy to generally be good during the week and if I want to eat crap over the weekend I will.

I half heartedly followed a diet that a friend of mine did for a couple of weeks - she followed to the letter, lost a stone, but put 9lb back on in the following month. I used the idea, but I did have the odd chocolate, and other bits I was meant to, lost 10lb and it hasn't gone back on. My weight fluctuates simply because I can spend a week eating whatever and it goes on and then without thinking I'll eat sensibly the next couple of weeks and it'll all drop off. I do not EVER want to be tied by points/calories/threat of 2lb cos I ate 7 slices of cake, because I look at friends who subsist on 1 cherry tomato and a piece of cucumber and they are not enjoying life. I've had 4 kids FFS, so I can be forgiven for not having a body like Elle MacPherson...!

bigbeagleeyes Sat 19-Mar-11 13:45:32

Hi. I'm 54 with a 15 year old son.
You lot are just young whippersnappers.

But big when I am 54 my son will be 9. Haaa!!

cestlavielife Sat 19-Mar-11 15:15:27

47 dc 14, 11, 8

Theyremybiscuits Sat 19-Mar-11 15:23:47

Hi all! There's a few of us around eh? Sometimes feel very alone in all this.

I have two DCs, DS 11 and DD 4 and this is the hardest job in the world. (But great most of the time)

Good to join in, thanks.

itisnotgoingwelltoday Sat 19-Mar-11 15:38:35

When I am 54 my eldest will be 34.

Jesus that is scary.

boosmummie Sat 19-Mar-11 15:54:59

Hello all,

Mm, when I'm 54, my oldest will be 31, so not far behind you itisnotgoing...... Youngest will be 16.

boo We sound like we have the same metabolism, that's how I seem to conduct my diet, week on week off. It was like that even when I was a bit heavier so I think it must just be how I am. Ate almost a whole FAMILY size bag of Haribo liquorice allsorts in the car yesterday is that normal <is for me she says> grin

big haven't been called a whippersnapper since I was a whippersnapper..all compliments gratefully received

remy as you can see...you are not alone

Joelybear Sat 19-Mar-11 18:56:17

Hi there missed you all this morning for chat as did a trip to Life boat guild fundraising event on local Northlink Ferry. Bought raffle tickets and tacy lucky dip items (still DC,s were happy and charity got some of my money), then had tea by the bucket load, sandwiches and cakes - yum yum!
When I make 54 my eldest will be 28 and youngest 10 - hope it doesn't come around too quickly for me though!

paulwellerfan Sat 19-Mar-11 19:23:13

Hi- i am soon to be a single parent- i am nearly 44 and have dd,9 and ds 7. I am currently struggling as husband is still here and i am worried sick about telling the children- so, if anyone has any good advice it would be good to hear it.

A really good thread to start- thank you. xx

Evening all

I'm 46 and mum to DTs aged very nearly 7. Glad to know I'm in such good company!

itisnotgoingwelltoday Sat 19-Mar-11 20:28:52

Can I dish out hugs all round?

I'm feeling crap - I have a chest infection and I am feeling sorry for myself.

On the plus side, I have a nice quiet weekend coz the kids are with their dad so I can rest and take it easy and DP can bring me wine

sincitylover Sat 19-Mar-11 20:32:43

another 40+ lp here with two ds age 14 and 9

suburbophobe Sat 19-Mar-11 20:39:55

Great thread!

I just turned 56 shock and my son is 19

Must say, it's been an amazing journey and I wouldn't have had it any other way! grin

joely tea n cake mmmm <licks lips>

paul I have been LP for about 5 yrs now. My youngest was 9 when he left, but things were very very fraught before then. I think it wasn't so bad with my DCs as the house was calm after (dreadful while he was there) don't know if that had anything to do with it. However, down the line my DS (9) asked me "if Dad is really good can he come back home". Very gently I explained that Dad and I cant get on together but we both love you. It's hard but the DCs will adapt, as long as you can be amicable (not easy in some cases I know). Keep posting, support here 24/7

itisnot brew (hot toddy) wish you better

mzd,sin n suburb welcome

Joelybear Sat 19-Mar-11 20:51:11

HI PW* welcome, things will probably feel easier once husband moves out i know it was for me - even though its not what I wanted at all!! As for telling DCs just make sure they know you both love them very much and will always have time for them but mommy and daddy cant live together anymore. It gives them the facts without trying to explain in too much detail. It saves confusion by not using words *cross or 'not like' which can confuse children. Answer ther questions as honestly as you can. My oldes DS's and I are still waiting for an explanation of why from my DH - but dont think he really knows himself, so we are all real confused bout whats happened. Take care, be strong an look to MN and RL friends for support

Kewcumber Sat 19-Mar-11 20:54:23

46 with a 5 yr old though only be accused on being his grandma once, mostly its "is he yours" in doubful tone - not particularly because of age but I think because we are different races!

Joelybear Sat 19-Mar-11 20:57:58

Sorry forgot to take bold off the word PW !! I'll get better at this - I hope let me try a smiley not sure if this will work!

Joelybear Sat 19-Mar-11 21:09:38

WIEBAST tea an cakes was great. First cake i've eaten in 2 months. Will stop again now. Since November I have lost nearly 5 stone - not the best recommended way to loose it but atleast something good has come from my situation!! Trust me I still have more to go blush.
boos I have PM you

boosmummie Sat 19-Mar-11 21:15:22

Good Evening All,

First, and most importantly there's wine on the side for all. Someone else can be in charge of the nibbles tonight grin.

And hello to all the new comers. I'm 40 (apparently a whippersnapper which I like) and I have 4DCs - DD1 is 17, DD2 16, DS 14 and DD3 is just 2. This is my second bloody stab at being an LP, but hey ho.

itisnot sorry to hear that you're poorly, and hope it passes soonest.

Paul - I know how awful it is living under the same roof as soon to be ex, it is not fun. My big DCs were smaller than yours when I split from their father (oldest was 3) so telling them wasn't really an issue as such - however I think when they're the ages yours are, they do understand an awful lot more that we give them credit for and if it was me I would sit down with them and their Dad and explain. It will not be easy, but I think if the two of you do it together, and let them ask questions, rant, kick a cushion or 4, it will lift a lot of pressure off you. Do they have chums with divorced/separated parents? I know with some friends of mine, that that has helped - children are extremely resilient - more so than us at times...

MissSizeTenToBe - yup - and I like our metabolisms!! I am also with you on the entire packet of Haribos - any'll do!!!!!

<<waving at everyone else, sorry not to name check all>>

boosmummie Sat 19-Mar-11 21:19:42

...*Joely* and I've PM'd back x

lilacisinlove Sat 19-Mar-11 21:37:58

Right ladies, in about an hour I am telling DD1 (age 13) about my 'boyfriend' (am I too old for one of those?) for the first time. She has not been aware of me dating anyone since I split from her dad but this one's for keeps and the DDs need to know. Her dad told them about his GF last summer and they took it badly and still haven't met her so I am not feeling wildly optimistic about her taking it all in her stride.

Deep breath, wish me luck!

lilac boyfriend at your age? I hope so, I'm way older than you!! Hope all goes well tonight (((hugs))))

boosmummie Sat 19-Mar-11 21:50:18

Lilac my DCs reacted badly to their dad's girlfriend/now wife big time, however with me they were absolutely delighted! The difference between 12 and 13 is huge mentally anyway, and I think they can generally (well every friend in the same position I know) deal with mother's new partner (boyfriend LOVE IT!) almost without blinking an eye.

Go for it. Report back please.....

itisnotgoingwelltoday Sat 19-Mar-11 21:51:06

Ohhh lilac - good luck!

Me and DP had our first night where he stayed over with the kids here this week it is very very scary!

Joelybear Sat 19-Mar-11 21:54:16

lilac good on you having a boyfriend for keeps that is lovely news Have wine or two then tell them, you may be surprised by there reaction, I take it they are with you most of the time an will probably be pleased for you like we are . Reaction to dad was probably cos they feel even more abandoned by him having new GF. We will be here waiting for news of how its gone xx

Wave to ev ery one else

I'm 41, daughter is 3, been on my own for 20 months and still finding it bloody hardwork! sad

gillybean2 Sat 19-Mar-11 22:16:14

40 here with ds(12). Been single since I was pregnant. I've not noticed more younger mum's on mn - not the threads I hang about in anyhow.
I guess I just assume everyone is about my age, though it is pretty obvious sometimes when someone is much less world weiry younger.

boosmummie Sat 19-Mar-11 22:22:18

Hi mummytowillow, don't be sad (says me 2½ months down the line second time...), it is undoubtedly hard, lonely and downright crap at times, but there are so many positives too, I promise. First off, have a wine..

Is your DD at nursery now? Or you working so she is anyway? Do you get any time to yourself (that is very important - even an hour helps)?

This is why the marvellous WillIEverBeASizeTen has started this super duper thread - so we can bitch, moan, giggle, help and just be stupid - and if you look further up the thread you'll see a link for another brilliant thread posted by WomanOfMassDestruction that is irreverent (at times), inane (at times) and highly informative (cakes/chocolate you know, important stuff), but most of all a fun place to chat!

Rant all you need to, as we're all in it together, so we can dig out together too. x

boosmummie Sat 19-Mar-11 22:24:44

Ooops X-posted, hello gillybean. Welcome. I'm 40 also and I have 4DCs - DD1 is 17, DD2 16, DS 14 and DD3 was 2 at the end of last month.

lilacisinlove Sat 19-Mar-11 23:06:04

I'm back, and the deed is done....drumroll.....

She took it brilliantly! She was sitting up in bed and I said I had met someone very, very special who makes me very happy and she just smiled and held her arms out and gave me a big hug. She said she had guessed it wouldn't be long and I said I had worried about how she would take it because of the situation with her dad. I told her his name, job, about his DD and that we would still have our special time together (she is at boarding school so this is v important). I said that I would like him to join us at Thorpe Park next Sunday when we have planned to celebrate my birthday and mothers day and she said that was ok. I'm SO relieved and I know he will be too. He's visiting his parents this weekend and knew I was going to tell her and I have had several anxious texts!

Thanks for your support, it helped!

itisnotgoingwelltoday Sat 19-Mar-11 23:10:39

Woo hoo!!!!

Jellykat Sat 19-Mar-11 23:10:48

Oh Lilac, Well done.

Phew, What a relief that must be, and what a lovely positive reaction! smile

boosmummie Sat 19-Mar-11 23:12:41

<<told you so emoticon required>>

So pleased, and thank you for telling us! I thought I recognised your name actually - from that mature, well debated boarding school thread - where we were assaulted from all angles!!!!

Thorpe Park - haven't been for yonks. Used to go loads when the big grots were younger as it was an excuse to get out of London pretend that we'd spent the weekend in the countryside if there was some kind of show and tell bollocks to prepare!

wine cheers to you. x

Joelybear Sat 19-Mar-11 23:37:07

Lilac so pleased for you. Have a brew to sober up from the previous wines you were advised to drink. send the texts and sleep well tonight dreaming of your visit to Thorpe Park with the people you hold most dear.
Well done - shows you and DD have a good understanding of each other and she is growing more mature in recognising your needs

lilacisinlove Sat 19-Mar-11 23:52:37

Joely I'm in bed with a brew right now! Would rather be in bed with DP but that will have to wait. I can only hope DD2 takes the news as well, but she is clingier and a few years younger and may be less receptive.

boosmummie Sat 19-Mar-11 23:55:24

Lilac can you tell her with DD1? Are they close, as that may be a help?????

I'm off to bed, it's almost one for me and busy day ahead. Sleep well all, and sweet dreams to you Lilac

changeforthebetter Sun 20-Mar-11 09:06:30

44 with a 5 and 3 yo and soooo tired as 3yo woke twice in the night and took ages to settle. Plus one of next door neighbours' vast brood of offspring had a teenage party last night which wasn't very loud but loud enough to hear that dismal bass beat until about 5am. And once awake, spent lots of time worrying about when I am going to find another job to replace the one I am losing in two weeks' time sad

ninah Sun 20-Mar-11 09:14:11

Another old crone here grin but I don't get why you'd feel like a minority on here? or why you'd want to talk exclusively to the over 40s? I quite like a nice age mix
plenty of time for age exclusivity in Resthaven by the Sea

Ninah, I'll "talk" to anyone, regardless of age, just think that there are differences between younger mums and older ones...all good I hasten to add. And being an older LP is much harder I think (energy levels/menopause) however, a lone parent is tough whatever age you are, I would never deny that is a fact

boosmummie Sun 20-Mar-11 12:15:33

Morning MissSizeTen,

I will see your bag of Haribo t'other day and raise you two (full size...) Mars Bars for my brunch today!!!!! Crap night of sleep so massive sugar kick was required. Loved every mouthful too!!!

Hello Ninah - I echo above too - I think sometimes a rant at people in the same situation/age group etc is needed. That and the fact that our mentality is slightly off at times....grin

Loverly day here, off to the beach for lunch in a minute. Shame my DD3 hates the sand, but it's a nice day so she can lump it <evil mummy emoticon needed. again>.

<<<waves to everyone else, have a lovely day all>>

boxingHelena Sun 20-Mar-11 13:03:32

tbh been an older sm for me means that chance at romance and having another partner seems far fetched
My personal survey (so could be totally wrong) younger divorced or single mums seem to get another shot by the time youngest child is 8 shock Many manage much earlier but I am too envy to include them into my survey grin
By the time dc is 8 I will be an OAP hmm

medicalmayhem Sun 20-Mar-11 14:42:50

i will join in i am 41 this year, with 2DC 10 and 13 years old!

goingroundthebend4 Sun 20-Mar-11 14:51:33

argh yet again im to old for one group but to young for yours .

Im almost 38 with ds1 17,ds2 14 and dd age 8 and ds3 age 5 .

im finding i dont seem to fit anywhere the parents at dd school fair few my age but its their oldest kids and ther efaces when they realise i ahve two rather grown up teens not helped as they both look older

boosmummie Sun 20-Mar-11 17:05:57

Afternoon Ladies,

Boxing well, I don't know although that was certainly applicable to me pretty much first time round - my then youngest was 6, but many many friend who have split in their late 30s/early 40s have remarried and/or had more children. But i'll have to report back for my second foray into this now that I'm 40!!

Medical Hello, I'm 41 this year too with 4 DCs 17, 16, 14 and 2.

And Going, sod it - you can come in here, you're almost there!!! Anyway, you got 4 kids so you may well feel 92 some days! I get the shock faces when people realise that my to oldest DDs are actually mine too! And DD1 who's 17 says she's had some tut-tutting when out with DD3 (2) when ignorant jerks people have assumed that she's the mummy!!

boosmummie Sun 20-Mar-11 17:06:57

And I seem to be having problems spelling today....

mathanxiety Sun 20-Mar-11 17:20:45

Goingroundthebend -- I have found it hard to connect with parents on both ends of the age range; when DD1 was starting I was one of the youngest and worst turned out mothers (sporting splotches of spitup on a raggy T-shirt will not get you elected Queen of the May outside school) and for DD4 (DC5) I am definitely one of the oldest ones. I tend to socialise with women who have larger families just because we all know where we're coming from and what our lives are like, and we swap children's clothes back and forth, exchange hot tips about sales, etc., but noticed that some definitely drew back a bit when I divorced.

<I honest to God don't want any of your men to help me out around the house or with the car, if any of you are out there smile...>

shimmerysilverglitter Sun 20-Mar-11 17:42:15

May I join? I am just turned forty with two dc, ds (8) and dd (4). I left having dc relatively late compared to everyone I knew when younger, they all have early teenage children, which I find quite staggering. No assumptons of being grandma here though fortunately, I don't really look my age or so I'm told.

Don't have many friends though apart from these scattered older ones as I live in a big, unfriendly city and it near on impossible to make new friends here.

I think this is it for me, forty now, can't see myself meeting someone else, have been married twice and think that is quite enough. Feel as though I am at a bit of a cross roads though.

boosmummie Sun 20-Mar-11 17:50:36

I'm going to have to open the wine early today it seems!!!

I hear you totally Math - I was the same, one of, if not the, youngest mothers at school with older DCs and I expect to be one of the older/est ones when DC4 starts in 3 years.

And Shimmery I am the same as you in the friends with teenagers department. My oldest are mid/later teens now as are the majority of my friends so when we move back to London I will have to start over with the small people's parents as I don't know any in my part of London.

I didn't marry again, but it was a marriage without the paper bit really. I don't know whether I'll marry in the future, but I certainly haven't ruled it out. And anyway - We're only 40 - I don't think it's old???

Right, who's for a glass of nice Rioja? wine Cheers

TheWashingFairy Sun 20-Mar-11 18:02:32

Can i join?....43 with DD's 16 and 14, and DS 4....i was talking to a mum in the playground the other day, and i'm old enough to be her mother

Jellykat Sun 20-Mar-11 18:08:54

Well i don't know.. I've never been married, am 48 this year, and single as single can be, but i'm not giving up hope! Only thing is the tutu and 'fuck off' boots i had in my head as my wedding outfit, is a bit of a No-No now.

I will admit in times of darkness,i hear the calls of many many cats, and 'badly drawn on' eyebrows from afar, but that could just be my hearing grin

Hi TWF smile

boosmummie Sun 20-Mar-11 18:24:57

Hello TWF grin at that!!!

And why not Jelly - have you been out in London recently? Or even better - where I live in Spain it's almost uniform....

gettingeasier Sun 20-Mar-11 18:27:19

Hello I am almost 45 with ds 14 and dd 12 smile

All age ranges are fine but I too have felt ancient at times on some threads and that everyone else has enough time to rebuild their lives ie start a career or find a nice man while I am past it.

Thats only on a bad day though mostly I much prefer being an LP to being married to a selfish shit

shimmerysilverglitter Sun 20-Mar-11 18:38:03

Having been married twice and co-habited twice I do feel that my relationship energies are totally used up and am quite happy to live alone forever. It takes some getting used to though. I never thought that would be my life. Not that I see it as a bad thing but everyone and I mean every single person I know is shacked up. I am the total odd one out.

boosmummie Sun 20-Mar-11 19:05:35

But Shimmery you're not on here!!! grin

boosmummie Sun 20-Mar-11 19:06:18

Odd one out that is..

shimmerysilverglitter Sun 20-Mar-11 19:07:32

No, and it actually feels quite nice smile.

boosmummie Sun 20-Mar-11 19:18:55

Yay!

Righto, I ought to bathe my filthy sand encrusted daughter and order gently suggest that as she's two bed may be an idea.

Be back when she gone and I got myself a glass of wine

Joelybear Sun 20-Mar-11 19:21:39

just tried to join in weith chat but messed it up!! argh technology.
Will get kids to bed then be back to chat later

zookeeper Sun 20-Mar-11 19:21:48

I'm 46, have three dcs aged 9, 6 and 5. I feel like a worn out irritable dinosaur .

I've a shiny new man though ...wink

boosmummie Sun 20-Mar-11 19:31:58

grin zoo

goingroundthebend4 Sun 20-Mar-11 19:56:59

thank you

wine oh yes please.goes of to find a straw .Well got to give some memories of my youth .

And yes sometimes with the 4 kids i feel not 92 more 192.

lived together with ds1 and ds2 dad for 7 yeras split up when pregnant with ds2 and was sp for 5 years no contact with their dad met xhubby had dd and ds3 split up when ds3 was one as he could not cope with it .ds3 has sn .
he has had no contact for 2 years now his choice.

as for men ive given up on them and truth dont think i could live with one .House snext door if theres ever a new man be best i think

boosmummie Sun 20-Mar-11 20:16:20

A lot of them are wankers. Agreed.

I feel 117 today as it happens.

Reminds me of my youth, the straw. We're we friends? grin

boo TWO mars bars?! that is some sugar fixgrin tis a good job you're dd is not my dd, I can't bear sand either, we'd have to stay by the pool

shimmery In RL I'm the odd one out too, sometimes get really down about it, but since I've found this little oasis I've really cheered up especially when very generous folk offer alcoholic beverages <blows kiss to boo>

Welcome everyone..

Oh and BTW I'm trying very hard to accept that I shall be alone for the rest of my days <snivelling>

boosmummie Sun 20-Mar-11 20:35:39

Snivel no more ladies, I'm here with some wine.

Yes, two whole delicious sugary fixing mars bars. THey did exactly what was required and I made it through the day!

Transpires that DD now likes sand and I regret no dressing her appropriately for said beach lunch. Still, means lots of free days of 'fun' (that is loosely worded) at the beach coming up, and maybe a touch of colour to my lily white legs at last.

ninah Sun 20-Mar-11 20:41:49

agree with the energy levels ...mind you I was a slacker in my 20s so prob get far more done now.
And am another one not looking for another relationship but happily single. Certainly don't have surplus energy for romantic relationships. And care much less what people think. Suppose these are age related in a way .. and I did find myself inexplicably drawn to some comfy summer sandals in the tu range today (I resisted, ladies)

Gracias boo...will never like the sand, shall admire from afar..

ninah I quite often look at comfy attire, however my dd would confine me to barracks if I dare actually made a purchase.. (do have a nice pair of comfy boots that she's failed to notice grin)

goingroundthebend4 Sun 20-Mar-11 20:56:28

wonders wh9ich parks you used to hang out on lol and if you wa steh one who pinched my snakebite

goingroundthebend4 Sun 20-Mar-11 20:59:33

ah think ds1 and ds dont even notice what i wear.And yes i do go for comfy some of the times .But i do occasional wear something that my boys say erm mum .eyes up hooker boots in hall ( they names them not me lol)

And in my house they tell me to turn my music down .Luckily dd is showing to have same taste in music as me

frantic51 Sun 20-Mar-11 21:13:22

Please may I join? I'm 51 and have 3 DC aged 19, 17 and 16. I'm very recently divorced. (Decree Absolute came through on Wednesday) Still getting used to it.

teahouse Sun 20-Mar-11 21:41:14

I'm 45 with 2 DS's - 18 & 16. Been an LP for over a decade (I'm definately in a very minority group with that one ;o(

paulwellerfan Sun 20-Mar-11 21:44:15

Hi again- just come back onto the thread at the end of a really difficult weekend- it is so lovely to know there are so many lovely, kind ladies on here offering words of support and encouragement- thank you for this thread- it is a great source of strength- long may it continue..... xxxx

boosmummie Sun 20-Mar-11 21:48:45

It is indeed possible that I pinched your snakebite Going as at 16-18 I was partial to them. I was once proud of the fact that I could kick the arses of most of the boys when it came to drinking a pint in one.... I would be sick after 3rd gulp now I should think.

Ten (see I have shortened it it's easier) I hate the sand still however and I am mildly peeved that I now have to take her there more frequently <<told you I needed that bad mummy emoticon a lot>>

COMFY IS THE ONLY WAY.

<<waves hello to Frantic and Teahouse>> Welcome to our inane chat!

boosmummie Sun 20-Mar-11 21:51:45

X-posted with you Paul I thought about you today. Rant away if you need to. Have you got any plans for him moving out yet?

paulwellerfan Sun 20-Mar-11 22:43:33

Nice to know you were thinking about me today boosmummie- hopefully he is moving out very soon- my parents are coming to stay this week and i have asked him to work away and make himself scarce as i know my parents (both in their 70s and not in good health) do not wish to bump into him. So it will give the kids a chance to get used to him not being here all week and will give us all the chance of having abit of calm- hurrah- cant wait.

boosmummie Sun 20-Mar-11 22:57:25

That sounds like just what you need Paul. Good for the grots too I think. I'm sure they'll be excited to see their grandparents too.

Just shout if you need to, I've done the staying under the same roof crap because he didn't get his arse into gear thing, so I'm about if you would just like to vent/scream/quiz - anything really.

There is always a light at the end of the tunnel, I promise. May not see it all the time, but it is there. I've had some properly shit days over the past week, but I know that things will be ok in the end and that thought is what helps me sleep and function when I need to. I'm generally a positive person, and occasionally a lot have to kick myself up the bum to remind me of that!!!

Have a lovely week with your Ma and Pa

paulwellerfan Sun 20-Mar-11 23:10:46

Thanks boosmummie- yep- i havent told the kids their nanny and grandad are coming yet- it will be a complete surprise tomorrow- cant wait to see their faces.

Thanks for the kind offer for me to vent- you obviously really understand how i am feeling at the moment- i feel like i am going insane- the constant tension, the conflict and the atmosphere is dreadful.

I feel quite positive about the future- went to church today (we go to a lovely little informal service but kids and parents and i have lots of really nice, kind friends there) and sung to my hearts content- felt much better afterwards!!

I am also planning to look into starting a counselling course in the autumn- it is something that i have wanted to do for awhile now and it will give me something positive to focus on- I am also looking forward to having some peace here- ad calm- time for me and the kids to start to heal from this mess of a family life that we have had for so long.

I will try to get onto MN this week, even though parents are here i will do my best to keep in touch- this is a great thread- how did women manage before Mumsnet?!!

boosmummie Sun 20-Mar-11 23:21:10

You see - you're sounding more positive with each post!

Bless your babies - I remember my big ones' excitement when they saw their grandparents as small peeps!

Counselling course or anything like that sounds good - it's great to have something to focus on, and it's for you too which is only a good thing.

I can tell you that more than half your crap at the moment is being under the same roof as not so DH and your life will be immeasurably better once that side of things has been resolved. Hard, yes. Lonely, yes at times. But also it's new and you can build with your children and course and it will make you feel a lot more positive about the future.

Yes - what did we do without MN - I would have loved for it to be around when my older grots were small!

lilacisinlove Sun 20-Mar-11 23:52:20

Paul I've done the under the same roof thing too, it turned out to be a whopping, soul-destroying, stress-filled 15 months in the end. You have my sympathy...but life does get immeasurably better, I promise.

goingroundthebend4 Mon 21-Mar-11 06:30:41

boosmummie

16-18 my you was a late starter and yes i used to be able to outsrink them boys.Now a days i would fall asleep after couple of glasses .

teahouse

i did 5-6 years first time and got married .now divoiced and am heading into my 6th year as a single parent .

ye sim not a fan of sand and beaches either its not relaxing as your eithe rbeing requested to helo build the sand castle or having to watch thema ll the time in case they wander .?
No sitting down with a book .Think thats the hardest bit of being a single parent .especially on holiday or school holidays no me time .My older two are good with younger two but still some days .I want to yell what about me im still mor ethan a mum

boosmummie Mon 21-Mar-11 10:06:32

Going hear hear! We are human too! My oldest DCs are actually amazing with DD3 and will give me a good couple of hours at times and actively encourage me to take a break. I do NOT pay them either!

I may have been a little conservative in my snakebite drinking age...

YOu're up flipping early grin

goingroundthebend4 Mon 21-Mar-11 10:17:54

lol early sadly not I get up just before 6am so can grab coffee and shower in peace befoe start waking them up .My youngest is collected at about7,20 by taxi for school then kick all the others out for school ds2 8am ,ds1 collage 8am and take dd to school

And i do admit to having a week away few years back with a very very good friend at the time and it was fantasic .Flew to the US and met him in Chicago ~( he drove down ) and we stayed in Hotel and for once was all about me as a adult oh and him .But lol wouldlike to go back see Chicago this time blushwink grin.

Was so nice to be someone other than just mum .Did me the world of good after being seperated and divoiced and lost lot of my confidence

boosmummie Mon 21-Mar-11 10:31:04

Absolutely - it's bloody hard word on one's own and a break of a few days is usually just what's needed to get us going again!

I've got one coming up in June, just for a night, but no children and it'll be the first night without one since DD3 was born, so I am beyond excited!

Lemonylemon Mon 21-Mar-11 11:18:58

<<Peeps round the door>> May I join you please?

boos, WOMD/Belle I know you two already

I'm 47, widowed twice (sort of), LP to DS who's nearly 14 (his Dad died when DS was nearly 7), we'd split by then and DD who's 3 (her Dad died 3 weeks before our wedding day) 3.5 years ago.

But the Three Musketeers are doing well I'm just knackered, that's all!

boosmummie Mon 21-Mar-11 11:33:24

Hey Mrs, I was thinking this morning that you ought to come in and take a pew grin.

Feeling reeeeeeefreshed today after two shocking nights on Friday and Saturday (me not DD), and got a whopping 10 hours last night! - Her Highness Princess Peppa didn't wake til 10:25 (14½ bloody hours) and I so appreciate it! SHe is a good sleeper, but sometimes she is amazing (and clearly in training for her teenage years!)

Off out to do chores what need to be chored - been trying for an hour and a half to get us up since she had breakfast and it;s now half flipping twelve.

Back later smile

goingroundthebend4 Mon 21-Mar-11 12:04:37

Hi lemon

i second the kanckered i feel it more this time round as single parent .Than i did when was younger with ds1 and ds2.

Pew erm checks nothing to do with churches please it may fall down round us and its not my fault shock
.

10.25 sobs envy
thats mid day here .And have them awake at other ends of the days to .Have taken to going to bed some nights and leaving ds1 and ds2 up .

Mind im now sat down having a brewthough since i have been doing a proper clean on ds1 and ds2 bedroom (they share) and cleaned their bathroom .I could do with winei think

boosmummie Mon 21-Mar-11 15:44:20

Hello,
No, Going, simply a phrase, no church talk in here today.

I'm the opposite with tiredness, but I did have 3 bang, bang, bang so I suppose feeling knackered was part of the deal. Very lucky with this DD as she really does sleep very well. She is generally a little shit mildly grumpy between 4 and 6, but I refuse to let her have a nap if possible and then she will sleep like a dream.

Other DCs ALWAYS go to bed after me on weekends/holidays!

I, too, will be needing a wine later. Had a shitty day after a very promising start. May have a possible rant later, but currently cannot be held responsible for my words if I start grin.

DD3 has just used an entire brand new lip balm to smooth her 'wips' and is now finishing it off on her toes confused because she is just mad and got to it before me. I couldn't be bothered to wrestle it off her, but she now has a greasy face/head of hair and has probably left greasy trails around the sitting room....

goingroundthebend4 Mon 21-Mar-11 16:00:10

giggling at your dd .

Pretty glad mine pass that nowand yes figured you wa sjoking about the church phase .

and im waiting for ds3 to get home feed him phsyio and bed by 6pm otherwise he gets very grouchyand means i may get a tad grouchy to

#Rant away sometimes it helps with getting it of your chest so to speak

Good evening all

boo <laughs hysterically> at DDs ingenious use of wipbalm!

Have just tucked into a blue riband (finished off the haribo LAs which were securely hidden in glove compartment) with a cup of tea..no wine tonight (ironing to do,alcohol and very hot implements do not compliment each other)

I'm knackered too, and I only have a 20yo and 13yo, don't know how you olduns cope with your broods grin

boosmummie Mon 21-Mar-11 20:05:55

Hey Ten

The funny thing is that although she can say her Ls, she calls lights gights and lips wips. I said L L L L Lights and L L L L Lips and she just looked at me with her ever present evil eye and said quite straight faced 'L L L L GIGHTS, L L L L WIPS'. She knows she's being facetious and I likened it to my older DCs deliberate text speak to piss me off irk me a tad. They are limiting it now as I refuse to answer them grin.

We made some cinnamon, oat and raisin biscuits this afternoon and I we have eaten them all already. Again, I don't care.

I am glad I have just the one small and 3 big I must say....

No wine here tonight as have to get up at the most indecent hour of 8am tomorrow. Bella will be mightily peeved as she's a lazy lie-in sort of kid. Already...!

<<waves at all the rest>>

solo Mon 21-Mar-11 20:15:36

LP here too, 47 today!!! Two Dc's 12 and 4. Always been on my own and may tell my 'story' one day, though have told dribs and drabs over the years I've been on MN.

Feeling a little raw this evening as I've had Ds in tears because of 'poor boy' name calling and the same snot nose 12yo telling Ds that his Mum (me) is 'stealing his mums money by claiming benefits' angry. Tried explaining to my Ds that as I'm so much older than his mother, I've actually still paid in more tax years than her and that it's not the boy talking but his parents...lucky them that their marriage didn't fail causing them to be LP's and possibly have the need to claim benefits and that 'Karma is a bitch...' <grumble, grumble>

boo Bella sounds like she has a very good sense of humour grin ahhh cinnamon bikkies, I just lurve anything cinnamon! I think I may have eaten them all while they were in dough format

solo kids are soooo cruel, makes me so cross, you do wonder about the parents don't you? Give him a big cuddle and reassure him that some people are just plain ignorant

Oh and boo 8am is bordering on afternoon shock

Just realised it's 8.30 and I'm still sitting here MNing..am totally obsessed blush

note to self: no MNing till all chores are completed..yeah right, I'm all growed up and can do what I like

Off to the ironing board (can probably get away with doing 1 school shirt)

solo Mon 21-Mar-11 21:12:03

Yes, kids are cruel, but to me, that's learned behaviour, listening to his parents doing the benefit claimant bashing; upsets me as I've paid in for more than 27 years before taking a break to look after Dc's ~ and only then because child care is too expensive.

Jellykat Mon 21-Mar-11 21:24:25

Happy Birthday solo grin + wine!!

solo Mon 21-Mar-11 21:24:58

Thank you! grin

solo you're absolutely right..you can hold your head up..these people are not important, your children are!

solo Mon 21-Mar-11 21:46:52

<breathing, breathing...>

Joelybear Mon 21-Mar-11 22:45:44

HI all missed speaking last night Happy Birthday solo
Me being bad at getting up in the morning, my 6year old DD gets up and sorts out breakfast fo her and DS3 around 8am - I follow a little after and have to sort out the kitchen. Only draw back is the extra milk and cereal they use and dont eat as they use biggest bowls possible hmm

Boo PM to you

Joelybear Tue 22-Mar-11 01:28:15

oh well might know I've gone an missed you all in the day - just my luck!!
Will try and catch up with you all later, but i think im first up for the morning. Well I would be if I wasn't just on my way to bed now!!
Before I go though can i just ask advice DH told me 9 weeks ago we were over. He moved out 5 weeks ago BUT I still don't know why an its eating me up. Am thinking of going over to see him tomorrow evening to try an get some explanation off him as to why he cant live with me anymore - despite HIS unreasonable behaviour. Is this a good idea? His mom knows why. His sister is now stonewalling me so I think I have some right to be told whats going on dont i? WWYD?

goingroundthebend4 Tue 22-Mar-11 07:50:46

Happy birthday solo and i know its tough i want to walk around with sign above my head saying no i dont have a 40 inch tv and expensive holidays .N

ot helped though as were going to Florida next year and am dreading the reaction and snotty looks will get at dd school.But they wont even stop to think why luckily the head is aware but its already reached playground gossip via one of the parent helpers
.We are going with make a wish charity who are helping with he costs before ds3 gets worse and loses his moblity that he has But they will just see another sp benefit scrounger ,

and lol Joelybear think i may have beaten you to first up my youngest decided that 3am was time to wake up and get up .

if he wont say to your face would he do it in a letter ?

boosmummie Tue 22-Mar-11 08:12:11

Morning All,

Grrrr I just wrote a whole essay for you all then I lost it.

Solo Happy BIrthday for yesterday and welcome. I was going to come back last night but had a shitty day and decided to get in my jams and watch mindless drivel for the evening! angry at those ignorant parents and their offspring - it's shit being 12 at the best of times, but to have idiots like that spouting crap they really are not informed about is just mean and unnecessary.

Ten we also ate half the cookie mix before it made it to the oven.....will be making more today as it's about to piss down!

Going Morning, hold your head up high and if you do have looks/comments you must go straight to the head as if it happens on school premises then he he obliged to say something. Wankers they are, unless they know EXACTLY the situation, they have no right.

Joely - I do think you must get some explanations from him for you AND your older boys. His behaviour alone suggests it is his problem, surely because if it was 'you' in his opinion then I would imagine he would have let you know IYSWIM.

Righto, off to the airport and then the toyshop as Bella has birthday pennies to spend so will get some plastic throwaway tat lovely educational toys while we're up there.

Be back with biscuits....

sheran Tue 22-Mar-11 08:45:48

Im 49 have 2 older at 24 and 25 im also a grandmother but youngest is 8 and has ADHD/ASPERGER a struggle??? YES not as fit as i would like to be but do my best feel very alone at times

goingroundthebend4 Tue 22-Mar-11 09:57:49

Biscuits whole packet for me please. smile ignores the diet for yet another day

Hi Sheran .

Boo
part of me would love to say to them yes you can have help with the cost of holiday toDisney all it takes is to have a child thats disabled and will get worse .And then take pictures of their faces

Think becuase ds does not go to the same school they dont see him much .Though he has been to couple of things at the school.The head is really nice and she understands and has authorised the time of for the holiday even though its not till September 2012

boosmummie Tue 22-Mar-11 11:36:36

Hi Sheran,

One of my dearest friends has a son with Asperger's - it was a real struggle at first, but he is now in his 2nd term at UCL, he is one of the most delightful boys/young men I have met in many years, but it was a different story ten years ago. Turned a corner when he got to 10 and has been onwards and upwards ever since. HOpe that can give you some cheer.

Going fuck 'em. Ignorant they are and why the hell should you be made to feel that you ought to explain things to them. I'll come and stick my fingers in their eyes when I'm back if you like grin CANNOT be doing with people who don't know the story.

Plastic tea sets got. Football got. Puzzles got. Rain pouring. Guess how exciting my day will be....!

lilacisinlove Tue 22-Mar-11 12:11:17

Morning all

So DP has got tickets for Dirty Dancing next week as a surprise birthday treat for me....BUT I have parents evening and can't go

Anyone fancy a night out on 31st March?!!

boo rain pouring? Where are you, it's lovely here in London!

boosmummie Tue 22-Mar-11 12:28:07

I'm in Spain Lilac - we've had 22/23 and brilliant sunshine for the past 6 days, but clearly that was just a break in the rain that we'd had for 3 weeks prior...When it rains here, it really rains. Like non bloody stop. We were over in the UK for a fortnight, got back 2 weeks ago and had 11 days without it stopping for even 10 minutes....

It's not cold, about 19 today, but I've seen the forecast there and it tells me London Town will be warmer than here tomorrow..... I LOVE London when it's sunny, one of my favourite places to be. I'm from SW London and right between two glorious commons which we practically live on when there and weather good. Looking forward to moving back, even though it'll be Autumn, but the Bonfire at Battersea Park is worth the fact that it's freeze your bits off weather!!!!

I'll not be back for 31st March, however a chum of mine may just be interested. She's not a MNer but will text her and ask. She's a dance teacher and goes to as many dance things as she can, be it actual dancing stuff or stuff with dancing or about dancing and DD is her favourite film. Natch!

Have you told DD2 yet btw? And if so, how'd it go?

lilacisinlove Tue 22-Mar-11 12:57:57

Well boo, I'm sure you'll have a better summer than I will!

Just managed to sell the tickets to someone at DD1's school, they do loads of theatre trips and one of the staff has bought them. We're off to see the Wizard tomorrow with her school (about 40 teenagers, lots of staff and parents, my gay Australian hairdresser and his boyfriend!!)

I told DD2 Sunday pm, thought it would be good to do it while DD1 still at home. She was a bit hmm but no tears or fuss and absolutely fine about meeting him on Sunday. I have had all sorts of hysteria from both of them about Dad's GF so I am not sure why the reaction I got was so different. I am pleased and relieved!

boosmummie Tue 22-Mar-11 13:03:24

Possibly true Lilac!!

OK, Wizard sounds fun. I too have a gay Australian hairdresser! He's in my bit of London and has been cutting my hair for about 15 years, we have a such a scream. Used to go out sometimes before I left UK, love him and thank my lucky stars that he says he wants to stay in UK for good as I would not want anyone else near my hair!! Have fun tomorow.

Great news re DD2 - honestly - I think it's because you're mummy and they know without actions or words where they stand with you. It's so very different with a lot of children and their dads. I remember the wailing from my older DCs when he remarried (tbh, they still don't like her, but tolerate now they are older) and it was bordering on hysteria at times.

I'm sure you will have a fab time on Sunday - I will happily keep my rain here until Monday so you can have my sunshine grin.

boosmummie Wed 23-Mar-11 17:02:03

Have you all fallen into a hole?

A chocolate fountaingrin

A beautiful day in Essex long may it reign (makes a nice change to spell it differently!

How is the Costa?

goingroundthebend4 Wed 23-Mar-11 17:57:25

i been school hunting for ds3 and phoning lots of schools , one no way is he ever going there and ones a maybe and im in need of. wine

The sun is lovely long may this continue though i could quite happily go to bed right now

boosmummie Wed 23-Mar-11 18:58:15

Hahahaha Ten, that is actually quite funny!

Chocolate fountain. YUM. Just made some more cinnamon, oat and raisin biscuits, but have deliberately undercooked them and they are beyond scrumptious and gooey and just oh. What more can I say!

It is not Costa del Sol, it is Costa Del Lluvia, all bloody day! So you got my sun and I got your rain.

Evening Going - goodness that is such a drag that whole school crap! I've got to start thinking about Primary for Bella before I know it as she'll be starting Reception a year in September eeeeek. But we're not moving back til October so I'll just have to get my arse into gear as soon as we are back in London. With any luck she can go to the same fantastic Primary that the older ones went to - same head, lots of the same staff and a handy 2 minute walk from my house!!!! Not that I'm a lazy cow...

copperbottom Wed 23-Mar-11 20:03:10

Glory this thread has really taken off hasn't it!!

Hello ladies, I've been semi-lurking around MN for ages now, it's about time I joined in more and this thread seems a fab place to be!

I'm 45, DS is 3 and I've been a LP for 5 months since ex DH and I divorced. It's not how I'd envisioned life for DS and I, but after an extended period of feeling miserable trying to maintain the marriage I'm now happy to just put it all behind us and get on with our lives.

So, here I am, getting on with it!

And whilst there's wine in the world, I reckon I can manage...

boosmummie Wed 23-Mar-11 20:13:11

Hi Pussnotinboots,

I'm 40, DD1 (17), DD2 (16), DS (14) and DD3 (2).

Nope, not really how I envisioned life for DD3 either, but shit happens I guess. Yep, there's always wine.....

goingroundthebend4 Wed 23-Mar-11 20:13:46

bloody hell more biscuits you are good .hides shopped brought wrappers

hi pussnotinboots

wine did someone say wine yes please.

boosmummie Wed 23-Mar-11 20:16:27

Trust me going I buy plenty too! But it's an activity that a certain small person enjoys and seeing as it is NOT Costa Del Sol here today, needs must and all that!

Go on, have a wine then lush grin

goingroundthebend4 Wed 23-Mar-11 20:34:55

i has wine .and biscuits and burping gentley waftys away the garlic mushroom smell .Looks around for small person to blame on and realises they are in bed and big two are busy elsewhere.one advantge being single no one to complain about my garlic breath

Ah yes dd and ds like to bake but i did learn do not leave them alone for 5 minutes near flour .Looked like i had ghosts

boosmummie Wed 23-Mar-11 20:39:25

hahahaha. Yep, there was a silence in Bella's bedroom a few weeks ago and when I went in the bedroom/bookshelves/Bella/EVERYTHING was covered in talc. I am soooooo grateful that we have marble floors anywhere and everywhere in Spain as it was relatively easy to clean up!

HOw funny - I did some mushrooms at lunch today stuffed with onion/bacon/garlic etc so we probably smell of garlic too!

Good evening going and welcome puss

boo I cannot believe more cookies...surely that is child labour? grin

Have been to a lovely pub for lunch today (very civilised) all HOME MADE cooking none of this mass produced stuff your face stupid eat as much as you like crap! Last of the annual leave only 2 days left

need wine badly

boosmummie Wed 23-Mar-11 20:57:33

She 'helped' clean the bathrooms and did the polishing too. She doesn't get fed otherwise...

I like a good pub lunch. When I was over I spent a couple of nights with some friends up your way and went to a lovely place, but I can't remember the bloody name right now. I say up your way, it's a big county, but it was the same county!!

Need wine?, Then have wine

copperbottom Wed 23-Mar-11 21:11:52

The remains of a bottle of Pinot Gris on the go here if anyone fancies a glass - but get in quickly or it will be gone!

Oh dear I'm sounding like some sort of lush - but it's medicinal honestly.

DS and I have been attempting to bake over the last few weeks. He thoroughly enjoys the process. I find it's like trying to control a blooming octopus whilst reading recipe and beating whatever ingredients make it past his "quality control" and into the bowl..

Then the little devil decides he doesn't like whatever goodies we've produced and I have to eat it all.

OK it's no great hardship, but any waistline I had left after producing him is rapidly disappearing..

Cleaning and polishing now that really IS child labour shock

Yeah Essex is a big county and now has exposure since "The Only Way Is Essex" has been screened. Deary me, I don't know what is more unrealistic, that or Eastenders (I'm a cockney by trade). Nice pub though, in fact an adorable pub with yummy food. No dessert though, no room

goingroundthebend4 Wed 23-Mar-11 21:16:52

Ah im just outside the Essex borders though did live inside them for a long time .

Oh puss thank you kindly guvnor...

Lots of cuisine activity I see, a minute on the lips....is 60 seconds wasted grin

Where do live then going?

goingroundthebend4 Wed 23-Mar-11 21:24:54

i Used to live in Brightlingsea now over the border in Herts .100 yards over the boarder

My sis used to live in Hatfield (just outside actually, Welham Green) and my niece lives in Royston. I'm originally from Stratford (Olympic's not Shakespeare's) and lived in East London/Essex borders until last year when I became a fully paid up member of the Essex Girl Fraternity grin shutup!

goingroundthebend4 Wed 23-Mar-11 21:38:46

hehe its ok ds2 and ds3 are Essex boys and DD is a essex girl lol.Ds1 wa sborn up north in Preston and me well im a Kent girl

boosmummie Wed 23-Mar-11 21:44:13

Bollocks. I'd just types an essay and somehow deleted it. angry

boo shock here, let me help you wine

Hmm, my daughter is a little essexy, my son is verging on (help needed)

boosmummie Wed 23-Mar-11 21:53:00

I'll try again.

FIrst off I said to puss that we are all lushes here. And why not? Hmmmmmm

Then I was on to Essex. So right Ten TOWIE is somewhat far removed from 90% of the county! I was at school on the Suffolk coast and lots of girls were from north and west Essex which is so far removed from what can be seen in TOWIE. I have not watched it really, by DD1 loves it (sad child), so she delights in sending me stupid links of stupid things!

We stayed in Leigh when we were over for a couple of days and I LOVE it. Could happily live there. Don't know what I want to do though until we move back. Will go back to London first and decide over the following year whether I want to stay there or not. I've got so many options - Mum in Wilts, DB and SIL in Somerset, DSis in Sussex, other DBs/fams in Essex (just) and Hants.. We'll see what happens. World is apparently my oyster really!

Now, where's that wine? You hogging again Going???

boosmummie Wed 23-Mar-11 21:59:00

I was talking about this t'other day with my friend from Leigh as we supped coffee and dipped our churros in thick chocolate in the sun...........

What I DO love about the stereotypical 'Essex' girl is that they are proud of themselves and they jolly well deserve to be.

Ta for the wine Was needed methinks!

I love TOWIE It's a scream...now I have to admit I do know a few Oompa Loompas Katie Price lookalikes, however, they are neither related or close friends hmm

Leigh is lovely, have a friends Mum there. I do miss living so close to London though, although I'm not that far away. Didn't take advantage of it when I was there though, took it all for granted...I'm sure you shall find the pearl boo

All that wines made me peckish...just a small stack of Pringles please..

CHURROS? Noooowwww you're talking....you really are quite cruel Senora hmm

goingroundthebend4 Wed 23-Mar-11 22:19:10

goes open another see I do share ,eyes up anyone else looking at MY* *WINE .Hides the emptys .

I like where i am 30 mins im in London liverpool street or 30 the other way and I am in Cambridge .Downside any shop is a 45 min walk each way .I love the internet homeshopping .

No pringles can offer pickled onion monster munch

boosmummie Wed 23-Mar-11 22:24:57

PICKLED ONION MONSTER MUNCH. THE BEST. Miss them a lot. Have been know to be a very sad cow and taken bags back with me when we've been over!!!

Yes, CAPS intended. Shouting with joy/jealousy!

goingroundthebend4 Wed 23-Mar-11 22:26:18

dam women get your own first my wine now my crisps sad.But i could offer you a child or two grin.

copperbottom Wed 23-Mar-11 22:27:33

I'm in the wild and exciting county of South Yorkshire.

Well, ok, I'm sure some parts of it must be wild and exciting... Perhaps I'm just too old and past it to remember where!

Well I'm off to bed (minus the cocoa I hasten to add) - DS will be awake at 6:30 and be "quietly reading" his book at the top of his voice.. He knows it off by heart and feels very grown up that he can "read" it to me.

Oh the deep and abiding joy of hearing "one mole digging a hole" everyday at the crack of dawn....

boosmummie Wed 23-Mar-11 22:27:44

Going - Mid way between London and Cambs sounds like something I could handle too.

And yup, the café is in possibly the most tacky touristy bit of Marbella, however I have done the tasting throughout the town and this place does the best. So I sit head down and take EL Mundo and talk Spanish to Bella so I don;t have to answer stupid questions from people who quite frankly should not be given a passport....

Sorry ladies Monster Munch really doesn't do it for me..I have a more refined palate...pom bears (formerly pom-bar)

Am also, like puss off to bed, no repetitious narrators to be woken by, just a errant Kevin to turf out of the pit...

Night night ladies...

goingroundthebend4 Thu 24-Mar-11 06:01:51

morning ladies Coffee or tea this morning .Im up showered got my cofee and typical none of teh kids are yet up

copperbottom Thu 24-Mar-11 08:45:57

It takes a cup of both to get me moving Going!

boosmummie Thu 24-Mar-11 08:57:49

Morning Girls,

brew absolutely required here too!

Can see sun if I squint slightly so saying my proverbial prayers that it stays dry long enough for the mounds of washing that need to be attacked....

Busy day, but be back later, no doubt with some biscuits and wine and whatever else I fancy at that time!!

Have a good day.

going we really are an early bird <chirp chirp> thought I was gonna be the first here! Tea no sugar please grin

mornin puss et al

Another glorious day here what's it like up t'other end puss?

boo hope the lluvia is over...but then you still have churros envy nearest comparison me thinks is a Yum Yum..poor substitute hmm

Have a good day all

x post boo

boosmummie Thu 24-Mar-11 09:11:50

Hey Ten,

Can't really compare them, however I LOVE YumYums and have been known to eat a whole pack of M&S, Greggs, Sainsburys in one go over a day - see I am NOT picky when it comes to sweet stuff. I do however HATE marshmallows with a passion. And anything similar ish - like Percy Pigs!

Enjoy you sunshine. And I do NOT say that through gritted teeth, honest grin

goingroundthebend4 Thu 24-Mar-11 10:38:18

Saysd very quietley i ahave both my patio doors wide open here scaring all the rabbits with me playing rather loud rock music and luckily no direct neighbours either

boosmummie Thu 24-Mar-11 10:50:08

De clouds have cleared and I now have blue skies and sunshine too!!!!!!!! SO blast away dear Going I will be doing the same while I tackle the ironing!

goingroundthebend4 Thu 24-Mar-11 19:22:00

ironing sheesh swearing i dont know .I put my iron in cupboard when moved here and it come out very rare

copperbottom Thu 24-Mar-11 20:05:05

Well it was a lovely day up North, only marred by the fact I was in the office all day and missed it!

And now I'm off to attempt to make something vaguely resembling Tarka Dhall... How close it'll be depends on what I find in the cupboard, whether I bother to look at a recipe, and whether I follow it when I've looked

And why the hell do I always leave it until this time of night to start cooking!!

Joelybear Fri 25-Mar-11 00:23:01

Puss supper at yours sounds fine, I'll bring the wine
Won't make it in time as ferry has already left for tonight so youll just have to let us know how it turned out

goingroundthebend4 Fri 25-Mar-11 06:10:26

oh no did i miss supper and wine. Looksround for the broom to sweep the mess of the floor

Since im up shall i open the biscuits butter the toast and make the brew

Ok ladies tell me that im not mad .Im about to book a holiday that sees me flying with the two youngest for 9-10 hrs .Have took all mine on holiday in the uk without thinking about it.But am looking at Florida/disney next year with younger two and am worrying how im going to mange the airports etc with cases and ds wheeelchair and without my older two along to help

Morning going

brew and toast thank you kindly grin

The holiday sounds fab, and I think that you are really brave to even consider it. Your younger 2 may be more help than you think, and if you have a child in a wheelchair, then you can probably request help from the airline/airport. In an ideal world people would see your plight and rush in to help (I always do) but unfortunately it's dog eat dog at the carousel. But I don't think you should let that put you off, think of the looks on the kids faces when they see "Mickey", will be worth it. I'd say deffo do it

++ Just needs a bit of careful planning, that's all xx

boosmummie Fri 25-Mar-11 08:28:33

Good Morning,

<<snaffles biscuits, heavily buttered toast and large brew before anything>>

Going when you've booked, contact the airline and book special assistance with them for BOTH ends. If you're flying from Gatwick South they now have a complete separate security bit for people with buggies and those in wheelchairs where they can not do enough for you. Once through they will then come and get you at an agreed time to take you to the gate (often before the number's even up on the board too). This facility should be open in the North terminal by this summer too. The American end I think is very good too, and with pre-booked assistance, you get fast tracked as well.

HOwever, I have always found that the most unlikely looking candidates will jump to help and it's amusing to watch those that don't become shamefaced at these actions. I travel a lot with Bella and there is always someone somewhere that will practically take everything for me!

Joely how are you? I was thinking about you last night and wondering how you are getting on.

Ten morning my dear. How's things with you?

<<Wave to everyone else>>

goingroundthebend4 Fri 25-Mar-11 09:23:24

willIeverbe

its the younger two im taking dd will be and ds be 7 by then and he smy wheelchair whizz .Im hoping that can sort out help .Im excited and nervours at the same time and lol going to be very skint .Ds1 and ds2 are not intrested in coming at all .If i pushed it that i needed the help they would But I shall cope im sure though i may require holiday when we come back

Boo
Yes i find tats the case when im out and about with the younger two .In fact find its often the commuters if were in London at sillyoclock that help more than most and men do seem better than woman .

Roll on school holidays and calmer mornings but of course by time first week is over i shall be thinking when do they go back pleaseeeeeeeeee

paulwellerfan Fri 25-Mar-11 15:05:50

Hi ladies, I am back again...!!! Had a nice time with mum and dad- they have gone now and i feel like a little girl- sad that mummy and daddy have left!!
I am off on the school run now but will be back on here later- just to let you know i have had some support this week from my local Womens Aid- it has been really helpful- but i have still spent alot of the week crying....!!!!!

Hope that you are all ok and i look forward to getting in touch again later.xxx

boo mmm heavily buttered toast <salivates> Sun has been shining once more so life is good

going forgive me, I clearly didn't read the thread properly (so early). Like boo says, you will be able to get lots of help I'm sure with your DS. I think it will be wonderful to go and yes, you will cope.

paul nice to see you back, It's always rotten when the parents go back, I hate it too. I get a great feeling of calm when they're here so I know how sad it feels. Please don't cry, makes me sad to hear that, come on here and have a brew or wine and a jaw xx

joely and puss g'day grin

Joelybear Fri 25-Mar-11 21:19:01

Well its only taken an hour and half to get DD and DS 3 settled to sleep. I'm exhausted now - but thought I'd join you for a wine or 2 before bed. So how are you all? I seem to miss you most nights an tonight being Friday bet your all out disco dancing round your handbags!! Ah those were the days - you wouldnt dance round your handbags in many places nowadays would you! LOL

goingroundthebend4 Fri 25-Mar-11 21:56:25

paulwellan

It does get easier and yes think its the loney thing athat hits us all especially when had people staying to help then they go and you realise its all down to you

/Will .

No its fine honest and im so used to ahving my older two around will be odd without them

Joely

no disco dancing round my handbag, ye snowdays you would keep hold of it tight

And i will join you with a wine Im feeling horriable .Dd was having a megastrop which to be ffair its not very often .I warned her if she kept it up her chocolate which she was eating for supper i would throw out the door.Well she kept stropping an d throwing a right wobbly( shes pretty worn out ) and could not reason with her so I took it of her threw it outside into the field and carried her and dumped her into bed and told her no computer tomorrow .But no cuddle before bed from her and makes me want to cry

But im feeling sadhate having to get that cross and feel really guilty that i did it .But i said i would so had to go through with it.Just hope she realises that when i say i will .I will do it .

boosmummie Fri 25-Mar-11 22:25:18

Evening Girls,

Well I've just been out for supper (on the beach just to make you envy) and eaten rather a lot of seafood...and possibly had a couple of glasses of wine too. It's Friday and it's the first time I've been out for 6 weeks, so allowed I think!

PaulW Bum to that. I ALWAYS cry when I leave my mum or she leaves mine, and so does she! Have you managed to say anything to your babies yet? And what's the score re living arrangements? You did cross my mind this week as I was in slight meltdown wondering how/what/where/when I would do what I need to do. I hope you've perked up some now...

Going Rotters they is these children! Give her a hug in the morning...She cannot behave like that and get away with it - but we all have crap days whether we're 4 or 44... You CANNOT feel guilty for getting cross - how TF are they meant to learn if we bail when they get shitty with us? She'll not be doing that again in a hurry...

Ten MY toast. I will not share heavily buttered toast....

Joely what's happening? You been to talk to him? How are your big boys? Clearly the smaller peeps have been keeping you on your toes...

Ok. This will make you laugh. Today I cleaned the windows. I live in Spain OK. So all the downstairs windows are big sliding doors. Did such a good job that this afternoon I smashed right into one while attempting to go outside. It very bloody hurt and I very bloody cried. Bella meanwhile, pissed herself laughing. Got big bruise across nose and it's not funny. But I bet you are all laughing at the very image. grin

goingroundthebend4 Fri 25-Mar-11 22:41:22

opps ok i may be laughing a tad about you walking into the door .And yes i bet Bella wa smy youngest would he finds anything even slightly slapstick funny

and yes im envy supper on the beach

and yes it all blow over with dd she was asleep 5 minutes after i put her to bed so tired me thinks .But rabbits or foxes in the field in for a treat theres several mini eggs out here looks like easter bunny came early .But mine do tend to knwo if i say it i will do it even though i feel guilty

And of course right now i could eat chocolate .considers going outside witha torch

boosmummie Fri 25-Mar-11 22:45:23

grin Going you're as bad as me!!!!

paulwellerfan Fri 25-Mar-11 22:51:21

Hi ladies- back again...

WillIEver- sorry i was crying!!- i was getting a bit soggy this week!! - I think that the stress has got the better of me this week and i have been feeling really wobbly- really exhausted with it all- hopefully next week will be a better one- going on holiday with the kids in 2 weeks so lots of planning and packing to sort- that will keep me focussed.

Goinground - yep- i dont see my parents very often as they live 200 miles away but having them here was really nice and the kids enjoyed it so much- i felt so sad when they left and felt really on my own-

Boosmummie- i havent told the kids yet- having talked to my parents this week to try to make my decision when to tell them i have decided to wait till after our little holiday- in a fortnight i am taking them to Dorset for 9 days- my daughter is a mad fan of Monkeyworld- an ape rescue centre- so we are going to visit there and stay in Swanage in a holiday apartment. I thought if i keep myself busy getting ready to go away and he moves out while we are away- then i will tell them when we get back.

I am dreading this weekend- he has been away all week as my parents have been here but he is back now and being a complete idiot- treating me with such contempt and everything i say to him gets twisted- i feel like i cannot breathe and i dont want to be here- any advice from you lovely ladies on how to cope with next few weeks would be great- he is vile to me and then promising the kids trips out to bowling and lunch, etc- i thought he was taking on his new place this weekend and then atleast he could go there in the evenings once the kids are in bed- but that has changed- he is not going for a couple of weeks- yuk- dont want to even look at him and breathe the same air as him- sorry- that sounds horrible, doesnt it? But- this is not a reasonable or rational man we are dealing with and it is messing with my head.
On a more positive note!!..... kids are really excited about our little holiday- lots of great activities planned for our time there- including a chocolate workshop- how fab is that? The local chocolate producer are putting on an Easter childrens chocolate making activity session- you get to make your own chocolates and fill an egg with them and take them home- yummy...!!!

It is the first time that i have taken them both away on my own- apart from to my parents- we are going by train- as i dont like driving long distances- i am really looking forward to it albeit abit nervous-

Hope you all have a great weekend xxx

boosmummie Fri 25-Mar-11 23:04:53

Oh Paul he sounds like such an arsehole. But so familiar to how it was for me 14 years ago. You MUST NOT let him mess with you and your head. This hol sounds great for you and the kids - I love Monkey World, been many times when biggies were small. I can't remember off hand how old yours are - but if you can, try and get over to Paulton's Park in the New Forest. Great fun and if you've got a smaller one they're opening Peppa Pig World there next Saturday as well. And there's a terrific indoor flumey place just near Poole that's huge fun too. The egg making sounds really good fun and the kids have got so much to look forward to. Just focus on that. Get out the house when you can - if he comes in and the children are settled, go for a drive, see a friend or just wander aimlessly round the supermarket. I know that sounds odd, but you will go mad if he carries on like this and you don't need or deserve that. Please shout though, if you need to, before talking to the children. They are far more resilient than we give them credit for though, so please bear that in mind and do NOT let it eat you.

This is what this thread is for, so scream and shout as much as you need.

paulwellerfan Fri 25-Mar-11 23:23:52

Thanks so much Boos- you are really kind- thanks for your support- it means alot- i will try over the weekend to keep out of his way as much as i can without it seeming too obvious to the children. Thanks also for your suggestions for our holiday- we are abit limited as public transport is not great from Swanage- but your ideas are great- lots of playing on the beach and at the local park and the amusements- they would be happy spending the whole week on the 2p machines!!
I will speak to you nearer the time re. telling the kids- but one thing i have decided is that i am planning to tell them on my own- i dont trust him enough to tell them with him- i am off to bed now as i am knackered- speak to you tomorrow- night, night. xxx

boosmummie Fri 25-Mar-11 23:32:44

Night Paul don't worry - I promise you that everything seems a lot worse than it really is. You will feel FANTASTIC once he's out, and you must just aim for that. Sleep well.

Joelybear Fri 25-Mar-11 23:39:58

Oh Boo poor you, hope the soreness is wearing off. trust kids to just laugh. You must have given them some polish - do you rent yoursaelf out for window cleaning? If so can you do mine when we next get any sun here!!

I too have been clumsy today, went out walking with a friend missed the curb and ended up sprawled across the road, Have 2 grazed knees and a swollen ankle. And that was before having wine!! now have dented pride

Going have a hug from us - its not easy but part of being a good parent is giving discipline and carrying out our threats else they dont know where boundaries are. Hard though it is you done well an shell know not to mess if she wants to keep her chocolate in future.

PaulW its soooo hard when family leave, but it will get better again plan some fun things to do an get things booked so you have things too look forward too

Joelybear Sat 26-Mar-11 00:07:20

PaulW I see you already have the holiday planned so great. Keep your chin up while you go through this mess it will be easier to deal with once he moves out - but still hard. Hope you sleep well nite nite.

On Tuesday night went over not telling him (took a while to find house as down a track on a country lane so no street lights to help) so he surprised, i didnt phone as he would have told me he was out!!

Asked him what he had told his family as his sister now not speaking to me. He said only brief conversation with his mom and told her he did not want to live with me any more. (This makes no sense as she told me she could kind of understand why hes done what hes done and it must have been awful - only became awfull AFTER he told me he was moving out!!) Didnt challange him on this! kind of wish i had now - all i can think is hes lied to his mom to get her support as knows she would tell him he was wrong for walking out an not trying to work at things.

He says nothing i have done is wrong just he wants different things but wont tell me what as I might agree with him!! WHAT a stupid man, so hes walked out on me AND his family cos he doesnt want to try an find solutions.
I felt better knowing it was nothing i had done just him showing signs of total an utter madness. he been listening to work colleagues wi 2 mins of marriage experience who say get out if you not happy! They not told him to think of effect and destroyed relationship with older children. His workplace is rife with people splitting up at the moment - think its like a bug going round an hes caught it!!

Older DS x2 really feeling it on Wednesday DS2 came home from school early as feeling ill when his dad saw him he told him to stop using the fact he had left as an excuse for not going to school - as it had nothing to do with him so wasnt affecting him - I could scream AARRGGHH the shear ignorance of the man is beyond belief an no help in supporting DS2 through this. He now reluctant to see or speak to dad on his own. Think its a relationship destroyed. Just tell DS 2 I love him and there for him what he feels is allowed, real and it will affect him he has every right to grieve for the loss of the dad he once knew.

Todays been hard an Ive been rather soggy again when no one looking am trying to be more positive an brighter when DCs around

goingroundthebend4 Sat 26-Mar-11 06:59:39

joely andpaulwellan

No wonder you have both had tearfull moments .Think i would and how both of ou have not cracked your x with something heavy i never know.

And joely not sure how old ds is but his dad speaking to him like that its just and course it has a lot to do with him and yes he will grieve for the man he thought his dad was your doing all the right things .

Boo

Hows your nose this morning ?and when you have finshed ?Joely windows could you come do mine have 2 sets of patio doors that need a lot bit of a clean

Paul
Enjoy the holiday the first time you take them away on your own is a shock but then you start to realise you can do it.Its one of the things i now enjoy about being singleparent is the fact that i dont need to accomidate my x wants or habits for strict routines etc .On holiday we eat when we want do what we want and far more fun.
In fact im taking my younger two , to Florida next year on my own .Big two not intrested in Disney .Am scared but it will be fun

boosmummie Sat 26-Mar-11 07:33:13

Morning All,

What a ridiculously early hour to be awake. DD woke me at 6 as she needed a new bum and the selfish child went straight back to sleep and I couldn't. She may pay for this act later grin

Going I will never clean windows again in the summer. I don't now care if they can't bee seen through as it will mean that I will never walk into one again unless pissed because I'll see the smears. I am sporting a lovely bruise across the upper part of said nose, and I fear that tomorrow it will be worse. But I'm glad that it gave lots of people a giggle!!! Funny going my big ones would jump at the chance to go back to Disney!!!

Joely he is a first class tosser fool. If he is so shallow as to listen to what 2 minute marrieds have to say, then ultimately he will suffer. He has without doubt lost respect from the older boys and the younger ones will see soon enough why and only their father will suffer for it in the long run. The two small smalls really will know no difference in 6 months, and that will be a good thing as the joy you will get from their untarnished happiness will jolly you along no end.

Paul I hope you got some sleep and you are feeling happier this morning. JUst remember to shout if you need. We're all there and we all get the crap days too.

Ten I ate a WHOLE bag of pick and mix haribo yesterday!!!! Have they got those stands over there? It's almost exciting as the Jelly Bean Factory at Harrods. I am and was the kid in the proverbial sweet shop.

Will be back later, need to shake myself awake now...

suziespost Sat 26-Mar-11 13:30:42

me here .... 42, 2 sons aged 8 and 2.
Different dads but neither worked out ....they are pretty absent .... pay a visit once a fortnight. Also work full time.

I have to say its really tough ...but i do love them very deeply ... just get a bit worn down by the go go go and the constant headbutting with the 8 year old (bloody testosterone !!!!)

have some RL support ..... but feel like a leper socially at times when everyone is either able to dump kids on the hubby for a girls night out, or doing the nuclear family bit

lilacisinlove Sat 26-Mar-11 17:35:55

Paul We will be in Dorset in a few weeks too, staying at Haven in Weymouth and also planning a trip to Monkey World. My parents also live over 200 miles away and I leaned on them a bit when I was in your situation but it's so much easier if they are close by.

Hi Susie, and welcome!

paulwellerfan Sat 26-Mar-11 18:13:00

Hope everyone has had a good day- it has been quiet on here hasnt it?

Lilac- we are going to stay in Swanage for 9 nights- i have found a little holiday apartment overlooking the sea- cant wait.... We are travelling down on 9th April and planning to visit Monkeyworld a couple of times during our stay- my daughter has been really into it since watching Monkeylife on Channel 5 3 years ago- i try to take her down a couple of times a year- we love it there- you will have to let me know how you get on at Haven- it may be an option for us in the future.... you never know we may bump into each other at Monkeyworld? Nearer the time we will have to perhaps discuss the possibility of meeting for a coffee if we are there on the same day.

I have had a really crap day! Sorry to be so negative but I am really struggling- i feel very down and drained of energy. He is here and being horrible- he is ok with the children but treating me like a piece of dirt- i feel like walking out- the kids know that something is wrong as i cannot hide it at them moment. I know that feeling is coming over me- like a black cloud- i am not like it when he is not here- but when he is in this house it is like all of my energy is drained out of me.

I have not stopped today- but i have now come upstairs so that i can use the laptop in peace- i can hear the children laughing with their dad and as much as i am pleased that they are happy- i just feel so awful- he is being so difficult with me and told me to f off within earshot of the children today- it is dreadful- he is so angry with me- i have done nothing wrong apart from make the decision to end this shit marriage- and that was because his behaviour has been so unacceptable and intolerable over the years.

I am the one who does everything for the children- i am the one who has nurtured them and protected them over the years, i am the one who knows them inside out- i am the one who puts them before everythinng else in my life- but because i am struggling at the moment, it feels as if they are closer to their dad- why does this feel so uncomfortable for me? If only they knew how badly he has treated me and how much damage he has done over the years- i am ranting now- sorry- i am not feeling particularly rational and i do not want to feel this way- it is so stressful- i just feel like going to sleep and not waking up for a year- i have just started to cry.... i hadnt realised how bad i was feeling until i started typing this-

Please bear with me- i feel very lonely- all of my friends are with their families at the weekend and, as yet i have not made any single parent friends- so i feel very on my own- I wish some of you lovely ladies lived around the corner!

Hopefully i will feel abit brighter later- will be watching Saturday evening tv with the children and then a nice soak in a deep bubble bath.

Boos- thanks for your continuing support- you said for me to shout if i need- well i feel alot better now for getting all of that off my chest- sorry for the rant!!

lilacisinlove Sat 26-Mar-11 19:08:13

Paul we'll be there from 11th April so will go on Tues, Weds or Thurs of that week depending on the weather! Would be happy to meet up, what you are describing is very familiar to me as I lived through it myself. PM me if you'd like some support away from here, I am happy to help. One of my best friends was in exactly the same situation as I was, and you now are, we met through Wikivorce and now we have both come out of the other side, are living in new homes with happy kids and the added bonus of new relationships. There is hope and a bright future for you too.

Enjoy some *** tv and a nice soak and try your best to ignore the miserable bstard.

lilacisinlove Sat 26-Mar-11 19:08:50

Oops! My asterisks were just to prevent actual swearing and it went all wrong!

boosmummie Sat 26-Mar-11 19:47:51

Paul Do NOT apologise for said rant. I had a good old rant the other day on another thread and it's really rather cathartic! Everything you have described sounds so terribly familiar to me. I think, though, that it was probably easier for me as my DCs were smaller, but I can understand every word you have said and every action you have described. I too made the decision to end my marriage, and it was one that I took lightly. I was 26, had 3 very small children and it was terrifying prospect. I reasoned with myself though, over many months, that frankly I did NOT wish to spend the rest of my life being unhappy in a relationship just so the children had their mother and father together. I think that is more selfish than anything to be honest. Unhappy mother or father or both is not conducive in ANY way to a happy childhood. My 3 older children are happy, well adjusted and delightful teenagers/young adults which can be credited to both me and their father as once all the shit had passed we agreed that while we couldn't stand each other, we had these little people and they had to come first. It was such a different story at the start and looking back I still can remember how horrible each and every day was while we were still living in the same house. I honestly thought that was my life. But it wasn't and as clichéd as it sounds, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, we just can't see it sometimes!

I'm so pleased you have this lovely break coming up - it really will be a wonderful time for you and the children and they will understand who the real mummy is, and when they are older and wiser they will understand how things were for you also. As I said last week, they are so not as daft as we think and their clever little brains are actually able to compute far more than we give them credit for. Ultimately a happy mummy means happy children.

I understand also the loneliness. I can't wait to move back to London in October. I am beyond lonely here a lot of the time. Bella is awesome, but she's two. Talks bollocks and is not any good at decent conversation!!!! I can go days without talking to a human bar saying Hola, Gracias, Por Favor and Adios. I am like a child counting down the days to Christmas at the moment!!! But they're passing, and the weeks are going by. Over to the UK in 10 days and very excited, even though it's an endless round of crap chores. I'll be able to catch up friends, see my brothers, sister their wives/husband etc, which will all rev me up again and see me almost through to my next trip, where I can get jolly all over again!!!

What I am trying to say is we all really really understand everything you are saying, we all feel it at various times and in varying degrees, never think you are on your own because you're not. We may not be round the corner from you, but this is the next best thing. It's my lifeline at times grin.

Have a lovely evening with your babies, enjoy crap TV and wake up, shoulders back and believe in yourself and your future. We will be kicking you up the bum otherwise!!!!!!

BLoody hell. That's an essay!!

boo Have you heard the phrase "housework won't kill you, so why take the chance?" well you came off lightly this time, so no more cleaning/polishing ok?grin I wish your nose better!A WHOLE bag of pic n mix? But how many grams? I mean, we could just be talking about 2 gummy eggs and a fizzy cola bottle, I'm more in to heavy duty FAMILY packs grin

paul you poor poor thing, I really do feel for you. I had this situation for a long time, except he wasn't going anywhere anytime. When I was out I was fine then as soon as I got near the house this black cloud was hovering and it stayed until I or He went out. When he finally left I felt utterly liberated, and at peace. My heart really does go out to you. Where do you live? I'm in Essex, would always be happy to meet up, even speak on the phone if you like? We're all here to support you, remember that. Don't be lonely.

joely there is sometimes no words to describe the things that men come out with. An immature, pathetic fool is all I can relate to him as being. It's always the Mums that pick up the pieces. I could bloody strangle these men who mess with the DCs heads, they have no idea the damage they cause. Keep posting, ranting,shouting, we're all "listening".

suzie Hi and welcome yes it is bloody tough, but it's nice to know you're not alone and you can share the mundane up and downs of the day/week with us here

going how are you today? Did you get the chocolate or did the batteries die

Is it wine o'clock yet?

boosmummie Sat 26-Mar-11 20:11:41

170g grin and every gobful was sweeeeeeeeet as can be!

Ooops, meant to say hello to you Susie, but went off on one...

No wine for me. It's 9.10 here, I've put my clocks forward and I'm going to bed intent on beating them and their stupid changes grin

Ooh yea, forgot about the clocks...

goingroundthebend4 Sun 27-Mar-11 07:51:50

Morning ladies .Eyes up the sweet wrappers an d wine glasses .Paracetmol and brewall round .

Hopeall remmbered there clocks .Ds woke me up at 7am and of course still felt like 6am .

lillac
we to have been to haven a lot but never the weymouth ones.MAybe next year when im driving

paul
Rant away whenever you need to and think thats the hardest bitwhen you do such a good job of hiding things from the kids in amarriage that when it goes wrong you feel like its all your fault .And have a good break just you and the kids and enjoy monkeyworld .Im hoping take ds3 down there some point
as for loneliness. i know what you mean to well and im lucky in the fact that i have older ones to .Think i have lost the knack on how to meet people and they do tend to eb more reluctant as im a single parent and because ds is disabled but oh well

Hi suzzie

hello Ten

no chocolate but dd was in much better mood when she woke up turned round and sid hmm well i wont do that again will I then we laughed about the easter bunnys coming early.

Went out yesterday for few hours as we needed tog get out and do a few bits .
Mine are grumbling as we cant go to the Zoo as the stations lifts are out till end of this month .Be so much easier when i have passed my test.But all i seem to be doing is paying money out .
Dd and myself need passports doing as dd is going on holiday with my best friend her partner and their son .They are going to Spain they asked if they could take her for company for their son.

They are the only people i would trust but ekk she be in Spain for 8 days without me .She be fine lol me probably not so much.Bu nee dmy passport done for just in case

Ug need to wake dd as were meant be of to the kids show at the cinema today £1 a ticket but am tempted to declare today a pj day
#

starchilli Sun 27-Mar-11 12:42:52

I'm new to MN and was looking for good discussions to join.

I'm 43 and have a 12 year old about to go to high school and a 6 year old in year 1.

boosmummie Sun 27-Mar-11 13:00:25

Morning Ladies,

brew yup, needed please!

Going where abouts in Spain will DD be? Near me? If they're down here they will have SO much fun. All the waterparks are opening next weekend - PM if they're here as I have loads of freebie vouchers for them.

I say have a PJ day. Cinema can wait.....

Star Hello, and welcome. 12 year old off to high school hey!! I've got three in Secondary and a 2 year old. Bet older DC is excited. Watch for the attitude......There's a secret switch in them somewhere that flicks 2 weeks into Year 7!!!

Paul how are you today? Did you have a lovely evening with the children watching mindless drivel Saturday night TV?

<waves to you all, need lunch>>

Girlies

Just checking in before bed...

Hope you all had a good day, am truly knackered, will post proper tomorrow

paulwellerfan Sun 27-Mar-11 22:40:27

Hi Ladies- thank you all so much for you kind words of support and encouragement- today has been tricky- he is getting more and more horrible- it is quite scary- he is making nasty jibes and comments all the time- shutting the door so the kids cant hear but knowing full well that i cant say anything back because i dont want to upset the children more than they are already. He is challenging me about cash that i am taking out of our account- we still have a joint account and i still need to feed and clothe the kids- he stood right by me earlier while the children were playing in the garden (but they could see me through the window but he was out of their vision) and told me that he was shutting the account down very soon so that i couldnt get my hands on his cash.
He is such a horrible bully and i am scared of how i am feeling- i dont know from one day to the next how he is going to be and what he is going to do- i am on tenterhooks the whole time and am still trying to put on a brave face for the children. I dont know how much longer i can cope like this- i think i am going to see my gp tomorrow so he can log how bad i am feeling- atleast i know i can count on his support and i dont want medication but i am struggling so maybe a couple of diazepam may be needed just in case of an emergency- i feel as if i am cracking up and i cannot afford to do that with two children needing me for everything.

He is waltzing around as if he is the victim and as if he has done nothing wrong- he said to me today that no solicitor would take me seriously and they would laugh at how i describe him- what a twat.

Must go- he has come downstairs. night ladies

boosmummie Sun 27-Mar-11 22:46:52

I'm going to bed, but just quickly Paul if it's a joint account, he surely needs your sig to do that..... He is an ARSEHOLE of the first degree. Sounds so like my ex husband. Def go to the doc, don't get diaz, but do get some anti-depressent if he feels that you will benefit. I took Lofepramine (sp?) for 4 months and they TRANSFORMED me for that time when I really needed it. I'll post longer in the morning, PM me if you need. xx

<<waves to all, tired, nothing day here and need sleep, back manana>>

paulwellerfan Sun 27-Mar-11 23:16:46

Hi again- i have come upstairs now and am in bed just about to try to get some sleep-

Boos- that is what i was thinking about the account- i have been a sahm mum since i had my dd so i do not have a penny to my name- i have been very reasonable so far, despite friends advising me to slowly empty the account and hide it away for when i might need it!!! i have not done this- i have merely spent what i need to on childrens clothes, food, etc- he is threatening me and it feels very scary because he is so unpredictable- one minute he is being a complet arse and the next he is trying to chat to me about trivia whilst me and the children are eating our dinner.
Regarding the gp and medication- i cannot take antidepressants- i took them when i had pnd and they made me so ill and i struggled with withdrawl effects when i came off them. I have take diazepam in the past when my anxiety was very bad (only the lowest dose you can have- and only ever one or two during a bad patch.) The gp trusted me not to take them any more than was absolutely essential and i havent taken one in over 2 years- but my nerves are pretty bad at the moment and i am scared that they are going to get worse- i will chate to my gp- he knows me and he knows the situation- i can decide from there.
Thanks for the offer for me to pm you- will do so tomorrow if i get a minute.

Night all. xxx

Joelybear Mon 28-Mar-11 00:01:51

Paul hope you get a good nights sleep it all sounds so hard and difficult for you at the moment. Be good to yourself. Nite Nite.

Boo - hows the nose, shame you wont come an clean my windows for me they get filthy with the sea air and frequent winds we have on the island!

We have had a full day church, ballet, then an impromptu tea at friends. Got home with children at 9.30pm so all tired and finally asleep by 10pm!!

They are off to daddys tomorrow night.sad Only there 2nd night with him. I HATE child free time as I never asked to be without my children - unlike him who chose to move out!

Hes collecting them at 4pm and bringing them back 4pm tuesday (we are on school hols now until 11/4/11) He had asked me to drop them in town and pick them up from town on Tuesday but I'm not doing a 30 mile round trip each time don't know why he thinks I should do the running round and them swap parents in a car park. I'm not paying fuel costs for him to see our children. He chose this way of life so he can foot the fuel bill to see them

Hope to paint living room walls at least 2 while the children are away. Think me an big boys will go for a curry tomorrow evening, then a trip to the pub perhaps (they are 18 an nearly 17). grin

Must try an go to bed now as am still having trouble sleeping an have been going to bed after 2am - so this will be an early night for me. Nite nite all xx

goingroundthebend4 Mon 28-Mar-11 10:01:05

Morning everyone sorry am slow on the brew this morning.That extra hr is still affecting us all no one woke till 7am and not good when need start shoveliing kids out the door from 7.30 .Then been running round cleaning up .

Hi star .Welcome to mad bunch im the maker of brew normally of the morning .I have 4dc .ds1 is almost 17shock ds2 is 14 .dd is 8 and ds3 is 5

no school holidays here till the 8th then have them home for all of April bar one day I am looking forward to no rushing of a morning but give me a week I shall be looking forward to when they go back to school

.Joely
And yup i would stick to your guns, though in some ways dropping in netrual place while its still raw may be easier.
Going out sounds good idea i find it odd when i take older two out and i get asked what they would like and they dont mean pop either .I decline rapidly and make point of saying their ages .Both look a lot older .

Paul Really hoping the holiday will give you a chance to find your feet and confidence to know you can do it .Not so easy when theres someone constantley unminding you i know.MAybe time to have a chat with solictor and or womans aid im sure would class as emtional abuse .Try and get him to move out

Boo

Hoping the suns shining and windows not so clean and that you can hit the beach .Im not exactley sure i forgot but know its within a hr or so of Alicante .They are driving over through France as friends hubby in wheelchair and flyins to much of a hassle for him.Will be odd just being me and the 3 ds .

GloriaG Mon 28-Mar-11 11:35:53

And me! - with all my 51 years and youngest of three is 14. PLEASE respond to me if your down this way (Devon) and would like to meet up once in a while, because I'm really struggling to meet anyone that bit older in the same boat and have no extended family. And I wonder if there's anyone in a comparable situation of husband/partner having quit after midlife (?) meltdown - ? Look forward to hearing from someone.

GloriaG Mon 28-Mar-11 11:41:36

Whoops, my message, just above here, looks rather out of synch, because it is; it was in response to the starter thread:-

WillIEverBeASizeTen Fri 18-Mar-11 19:42:29
I'm 49 and a lone parent (13yo and 20yo) am I in the minority on Mumsnet? It appears alot of the LP's here are a lot younger!

<feels ancient>

[And, where I wrote 'if your down this way', I should have written 'you'RE' - see, I'm a stickler with myself!]

lorra62 Mon 28-Mar-11 14:00:43

Hi, Im 48 recently joined,
I have a son aged 12. can someone tell me what the abreviations stand for please.
thanks

Bugger...just wrote a big long spiel, hit the wrong button and lost the lot...am so pissed...be back later...

goingroundthebend4 Mon 28-Mar-11 19:37:01

hi there should be a list at the top but most common are Dc =Darling children .Ds Darling son, Dd darling daughter .Dh darling hubby and so on not used quite so much on this thread the last .

Hi Gloria sadly not in Devon i am in East Herts

goingroundthebend4 Mon 28-Mar-11 19:37:40

opps and dam we need edit button Hi lorra oh and Lp lone parent

boosmummie Mon 28-Mar-11 21:46:39

Right. Firstly hello to lorra & Gloria, I'm 40 and have DD1 (17), DD2 (16), DS (14) and DD3 (2). Welcome to our coffee (graciously provided mostly on time and fresh by Going), wine and moaning room!

The D in DC, DS and DD does sometimes stand for Devil grin in my house and mostly applicable to my youngest.

Ten pissed already. Well thanks for sharing....

Going they're too far from me, otherwise we could have played! Weather for next couple of weeks is set to be fab though, so DD will have a brilliant time. How'd you get on with the passports?

Paul I hear you re ADs. Did you manage to get to your GP today? Hope so. I've been thinking about you and your situation today a bit. I really think you need to talk with your solicitor. Firstly he is making home life utterly intolerable and I think you need to consider a non-molestation order. Now I am NOT a lawyer (obvs) but this is what got when I was exactly the same situation i.e. living in house, but separated, mental cruelty resulting in depression for me. And I think also that you need to start things moving. Maintenance needs to be sorted and, by the way, it is JOINT account so if he's threatening to whip all the cash out maybe you should grin. He must provide for you and the children and this is beginning to seem to me that he is going to behave like a complete tosser on all fronts. I know mine was 14 years ago, but just reading what you have said this past week is bringing it back (not in a bad way) and I can see things clearly whereas then I was in a fuggy mess IYSWIM.

Joely Nose nicely bruised thanks! Really sore still, but not as sore as it was! i hear you on the children away. Bella hasn't spent a night away from since she was born and at the moment I'm in no hurry to change that. He hasn't asked and I am not going to offer. This is his doing and, like you say, I have NOT chosen to be away from my child and therefore I won't be. Your older boys sound great - hope you managed to do your curry/pub night with them. How are they going this week? Can you beat/bribe ask them to give you a hand with the painting - it may well be therapeutic for you all? I do understand your reluctance to drive somewhere for a handover and I was exactly the same, but I did find a couple of years down the line that it was easier for me and the children to meet at a halfway ish point (obviously in my favour grin). But your tiny is still tiny, and I think he (father) should jolly well do the driving at the moment.

<<wave to everyone I've missed - there's some more wine on the table seeing as Ten appears to have drunk it all>>

Joelybear Mon 28-Mar-11 22:13:15

Hi all, yes think I will have a glass of wine now I have driven home from curry. DS1 (18) had 2 bottles of beer while out leaving me to be designated driver!! Had a lovely time with DS1 but DS 2 cried off as had a bad tummy during the day but told us to go an enjoy ourselves anyway!! So we did.

One night at dads - I hate it but DD1 (6) has had tio phone me so thats great grin, When DS4 (19 months) left he had been giving me a cuddle and I said good bye to him an he waved a frantic bye to daddy wink then howled as his dad put him in the car!! Oh well it will soon be 4pm tomorrow - I hope atleast I know they want ME!
Know what you mean about writing posts only to press the button to post an finding its been deleted - modern technology ugh angry

Making a brew any takers?

boosmummie Mon 28-Mar-11 22:49:34

Don't mind if I do Joely, thank you! So glad that you had a lovely evening with DS1, though a shame DS2 wasn't feeling too good. Hope he's better soon.

In a totally selfish (and I love it) way, I also love the feeling of knowing how pleased DD3 always is to get back to me after an hour or so with her dad. Yep, a WHOLE hour he manages! She just walks through the door, kisses me and carries on to her pile of plastic shit toys without a backward glance wink.

Just to piss you all off, we have a wonderful forecast for the next 10 days of mid twenties all the way! Going to make the most of Bella's new found liking of the beach tomorrow. I am NOT a fan of the beach particularly (unless it's some tropical paradise...), but at this time of year without too many people it is lovely. Even in the summer, our particular beach doesn't fill up with odious teenagers and sunburnt pissheads English as there are (deliberately) no watersports places, which makes for a far nicer beach day IMO!

We're over to the UK at the end of next week for a fortnight which I am really looking forward to. Easter at my mum's in Wiltshire which will mean lots of food and doing not much. DDs 1 and 2 have got heavy exams coming up in May/June so they WILL have their noses in books while pretending not to FB and DS will be on football duty with my 3yr old nephew! Bella will just stick her nose into everything!

Very funny yesterday she was. ON Friday evening when I was out she was being a fool and knocked over a large terracotta pot which broke. She pointed it out to me for the 15th time so I asked her who did it. She replied 'Mima did it', and rolled her eyes like a disapproving matron. Mima (DD1) is in the UK and clearly didn't, but I like how at her not so sweet tender age of 2 she is already passing the blame onto her older siblings!!!!

jamestkirk Mon 28-Mar-11 23:23:13

hi all - i'm an ancient 44 year old single dad whose come and gone from here over the last few years.

ive been a single parent with three kids for nearly 17 years!!

theyre all pretty well raised now with one still at home full time, one away at uni and one working and settled down.

all i wanted to say really is after all this time i know how hard it can get and how all those years ago i wouldnt have believed i could do it but i have - and i'm just a very average (if a bit thick at times) bloke.

goingroundthebend4 Tue 29-Mar-11 06:33:39

brew up grab it now .

becuase once mine gone to school .I am crawling back into bed .Have picked up a bug of the kids who have been so nice and shared it .

Hi Jamestkirk
.fan of startrek by any chance ?.Come and join us and to cope with 3 kids as a single parent your better than a average man .Sometimes wink.As we all are


Joely ok that would have been tough at 19 months .I think in a lot of ways it is easier for me as dd and ds3 dad has no contact for ages his choice and theres no way he would could have ds3 overnight anyway

.And ds1 and ds2 dad fecked of when they was younger .Only now has he asked to see them ds 1 told him to feck right of and when he got there to feck of again .
Ds sees his dad maybe twice a year ds2 choice andwill take money of him for his birthday and christmas and says well it still does not make up for it and turned round and said well mum I can see why you split from him and i am glad you did .

Bella sounds like she knows her place and thats bossing everyone else around grin.That bumped nose shows us that housework is dangerous I shall refrain from doing any and envy for the beach and the sun .They are going to be in Quesada go on the 26th and back a week the following Sunday .

Will be very odd as unless ds3 been ill and been in hospital with him .I have only ever left her once for a holiday .This time shes leaving me .I shall probably sob once she is round the corner and she will be waving of happily .But my friends are more like a close aunt and uncle so know she will be fine .

We are unsure whether Alton towers or Thorpe park big two will disappear and me and ds3 will do all the little kids rides that he loves and will squash loads of toes from his wheelchair .He has not quite got teh hang of stoping or going round people and becuase he cant talk he cant say get out my way exscuse me .Dd grumbles at theme parks ,She would like to be 140cm to do the big stuff but bless she is only just 120cm at 8 .

obrigada Tue 29-Mar-11 12:14:46

I am 48 and my children's ages range from 15 to 25, all girls, two are working and living away from home, younger two still living with me, have been feeling a bit off lately and last night finally admitted to myself how bloody lonely I am now.

lilacisinlove Tue 29-Mar-11 12:29:41

Happy birthday to me! DD2 was in my bed from about 4am so I kicked her out this morning to make me a birthday brew grin

Bradsmum Tue 29-Mar-11 12:35:21

Will soon be LP.. am 48 and have ds 8. Guess can also join "onlies"

solo Tue 29-Mar-11 13:03:08

Just popping in to say hello again. Realising how lonely it is when dealing with problems with the Dc's Dd is 4.3 and has been bitten at nursery today. I accept that children sometimes go through this, but my friend thinks I'm being very calm about it but I'm not sure what else I can do tbh.
Ds is going through hell because he's just recently started having free school meals. It's un. be. lievable what is being said to him at school because of it. <sigh> No support here, no one to really share it all with. It's crap.

boosmummie Tue 29-Mar-11 14:27:38

Hello all,

Happy Birthday Lilacs, hope you have a lovely day.

Solo I'm with you. There is no point in getting worked up about things like that. It's awful for DD, but it's not the end of the world and imagine other child's parent will be mortified. I'm sure, though, that nursery will keep a close eye on said biter. And that's horrible for DS. YOu must say something to the school. I find it ridiculous that other children can even know whether or not someone is on free school meals. God they can be foul. Karma - it's there somewhere!

Bradsmum, Obrigada, JamesTKirk welcome to you all. Shout rant and rave in whichever order is required 'cos we all do!

going Man, I want to go to Thorpe Park again! I am SUCH a child. DD2 was the same as your DD, wanting to be stretched so she could go on the big rides!

Beach was fun, but it's very blowy down there now so back home. I HATE sand and the way it gets into places that have no bloody contact with it. I though we'd got rid of most of it, but oh no, it's trailed through the house as well....

solo Tue 29-Mar-11 14:38:18

Boosmummie, I'm so counting on Karma!
The stuff that's being said is almost certainly not from the brain of a 12yo, it's coming from his parents and I'm livid. I've tried to tell Ds that given the boys mothers age and number of years she has worked, I've still worked and contributed more in tax paying years than his mother has and no doubt will always be way ahead of her in that area. I am most certainly going to speak to the school about this and other issues that have been dealt with insufficiently IMO. <and breathe!>

boosmummie Tue 29-Mar-11 15:18:38

Let us know how you get on. I cannot abide people like that, makes one almost want their world to fall apart sometimes.....What a nasty woman. I am a believer in what goes around comes around (though it can take time sometimes...!), so she'll learn one day grin

Hello all

Happy Birthday lilac

Welcome solo obrigada bradsmum james gloria starchilli and lorra (must be a cuddly toy in there somewherewink)

boo I would've shared..honest blush Bella sounds an absolute scream, I hope we're still MNing when she's a teen grin BTW less of the gloatingglorious weather forecasts thank you

going am back at work this week so you'll need to make the tea a tad earlier wink

Have had yet another day crammed with sugar...I have the cheek to subscribe to the sugar addiction thread on here just to see if anyones worse than me to get some good tips on how to curb my cravings. I have a headache, am tired and I want to go to bed!

obrigada yes it can be lonely, in fact I'm lonely quite alot, but now I have maltesersYOU LOT grin

solo that school stuff (parents,kids etc) is so stressful, the mentality of some people!

Will be back after dinner,and no, no wine tonight (drank it all last night)

boosmummie Tue 29-Mar-11 18:25:43

Ten - I will most certainly still be MNing, so hang about - I think she can only get more stupid funnier! I have never known a kid with such a massive sense of humour. She knows exactly what she's doing too!

I promise to lay off the weather... Anyway, I'm coming over there next Friday so I shall try to bring some with me!!!!

grin at you joining the sugar thread, I didn't even know there was one. I think some weeks I could chair it to be honest!

Shortness needs to go to bed, so shall be back later.

<<wave to all>>

goingroundthebend4 Tue 29-Mar-11 19:49:43

Hi all wine anyone .I am sticking with the coffee tonight early start tomorrow and long day .

Hope you did something nice even if just for 5 minuts Lilac.

Solo do your your ds school not ahve the wipe cards for everyone .least that way noone knows who has free dinners.And yes i agree comes out of their mouth but someone has to put in their head first .

Ten .hmm for that i shall wake you up at 5am tomorrow with a brew##

And i must admit boo i am not a fan of that sand stuff either though am of the other s stuff .thats sun or maybe sangria to you lot whos minds are thinking other things grin

one in bed here one going soon and well the other two well who knows .Hmm i raise you your dd and ad din my ds3 who is a real pickle and of course everyone looks and says the poor boy he can not help it.When he runs over their toes.Yet he can spin his chair on a sixpence and weave through cones without blinking .And he has learnt how to bat his baby blues to mostly at the icecream man .

paulwellerfan Tue 29-Mar-11 21:04:24

Evening everyone- i did come on here last night and i composed a really long message and it got wiped off and it was so late i collapsed into bed!!

Just a quick update for you- i told the kids yesterday that daddy was leaving- it is a very long story but i wasnt planning on telling them till after our holiday. But they were both off school yesterday poorly and husband sent an email about access and finances to the family email account- what an idiot!! When i checked the email account his email had been opened already and it wasnt by me- so dd had been on the laptop so i panicked- she must have opened email by mistake and i wasnt prepared to take he chance that she had read any of it and be worrying about it- so i went for it and told them (i had been planning to tell them by myself anyway, on the advice of Womens Aid)

It was very emotional and upsetting but dd said she felt happier knowing that the arguing would stop- bless her- she was crying saying how much she had hated the fighting and ds said he was fed up of daddys 'angry eyes'.

I feel so much better now i have told them- the dread and worry of telling them was making me ill- now i feel lighter- very emotional and not sure when he is actually going but atleast the children are in the picture and it wont be such a shock when he goes.

I look forward to getting back into the swing of this thread and speaking to you lovely people again soon- in the meantime i just wanted to keep you up to date with what is happening- and when i have time i will come back and try to catch up with you all.

Happy Birthday Lilac- hope you have had a good day. xxx

Hello and welcome to all the new people.

Thanks to all of you lovely ladies who have been so kind- this thread is fab. xx

goingroundthebend4 Tue 29-Mar-11 21:11:36

hi paul

i am so glad they took it well and now you can go on your break with one weight less on your shoulders

going thanks for the wine offer but will abstain this evening, however, being an oldie I'll have a brew bless your DS and his w/c tricks

paul well done for telling the kids. Certainly a weight off your shoulders. Will be hard, but will get better, and....you have US to share it with keep your chin up, there are brighter days ahead...

I have had --big row--words with 13yo DS, drains me...won't do homework..won't even write it in his diary! I am sick of the sound of my own voice, so I'm off to bed..

<waves nite nite returning tomorrow hopefully in a better mood>

Joelybear Tue 29-Mar-11 21:32:26

Happy birthday to you.
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday dear Lilacs
Happy Birthday to you, grin that is sung of course. Hope you had a good day. Sending you a bottle of wine to enjoy

Paul. bet it feels like a weight is lifted in someways, an instead been replaced by a heap of emotions - take care an chin up. It does get better from here on in it just takes time to see it though.

Well DC x 3 were due home at 4-4.30 but at 4.25 had call to say not left yet they were an hour or so journey away - hope thats OK!! They actually pitch up home at 6.30. So now I still have DD 1 (6) and DS3 (4) still running round and not settled for bed!! It takes them ages to unwind - will have to set ground rules I think so when a time is agreed it gets stuck to. I feel so frustrated. I NEVER asked to be a LP. He gets the fun going out looking a good daddy visiting friends while I get to be horrible mom who keeps routine and regularity going I HATE THIS angry

Wish my mom would come an help me out for a bit but with a 450 mile journey and a ferry trip she won't come at the moment. I just want someone to look after me for a day or two rather than me having to give all the time! sad

boosmummie Tue 29-Mar-11 22:11:37

Paul I am so pleased that you have told the children. How totally stupid and insensitive of him to send the email to that account though. But I do believe that now they know the reasons for the atmosphere in the house they will be able to pick themselves up and the three of you will be able to jolly each other along. I can't say that it will be easy from here, but it will be a lot less stressy for you, which in turn will make for a happier home in the long run IFSWIM. As I said before, they are extremely resilient and will understand that this is for the best not just for you, but for their lives too. I also think that this is a HUGE weight that has been on your shoulders for too long and the strength you will gain knowing now that your kids can understand some more will give you more power to steam on... So yay for you! smile

Ten They're a nightmare. But you know what - sometimes I've found it is better to just let them make their fuck ups as they inevitably will and they'll soon learn. Once he gets into Year 10 he will realise that anything he does or doesn't do will have consequences, not just at school, but for his future. My DS goes in waves of being a complete PITA and I now leave him. He looks at his older sisters and sees how well they are doing and have done and now, now towards the end of this Yr 9, he is starting to pull his socks up. He knows that I will NOT be funding him once he's left or screwed up his education!!!

Joely He must stick to a proper time for the smalls. Because they are that. Simple. If he is not capable of telling them time and leaving appropriately to get them to yours when agreed then he is going to have to sort himself out. Small children who are tired and grouchy and then being passed over from one parent to the other do not a happy mother make..... I hope they settled at a decent time in the end (or soon if they haven't yet...) I know what you mean about having some support too - when the big ones were small mine was on the continent and I was in London and I had no family close by for that. Its hard work with 3 small people. Perhaps she could come up for May half term or something, nicer weather, kids will enjoy it???

Going yep, DS3 sounds like he could give Bella a run for her money. HE sounds wonderful. When you say you have an early start...knowing the times you post on here sometimes I can only imagine that tomorrow will be at an hour that I haven't seen since I was young and going out all night!!!!!

Hello to everybody else, I too am off to bed, long day, tired mummy...

lilacisinlove Tue 29-Mar-11 22:34:47

Just checking in quickly while DP is ironing DD2's school shirts grin - they only met on Sunday but we went out for dinner and I thought I should just go the whole hog and let him stay the night too!

Paul, so glad that it's out in the open with your DC. I didn't tell mine for SEVEN months even though they knew we were sleeping in separate rooms. Turned out DD1 had been worrying she would have to leave her boarding school and I wished I had told them earlier. It was another EIGHT months before we moved out though!

Night all...have read up to date but don't have time to reply to everyone tonight, sorry x

boosmummie Tue 29-Mar-11 22:39:43

OH gosh Lilacs I forgot - how was Thorpe Park?

solo Tue 29-Mar-11 23:45:58

Thanks all. Goingroundthebend, no, he has to collect a token daily and then they usher the free meal kids in in front of everyone else and apparently, there aren't many of them...makes them stand out like sore thumbs and is wrong on so many levels. I'm certainly going to take it up because it's not fair on any of the kids.
The particular boy that's being nasty to Ds about it all has told Ds to 'talk to me when you've got money' shock that child is not a nice boy imo & angry

goingroundthebend4 Wed 30-Mar-11 05:55:35

brew Ten I hope thats early enough for you .[grin

goingroundthebend4 Wed 30-Mar-11 06:05:17

lilac

Would your dp like to iron school shirts here please will send .Thats 15 shirts a week please as ds1 does not wear now at collage .I dont do ironing unless im forced to or my mums visting .

Joely it must be hard and i do think thats the hardest thing about being a single parent .I rember catching D&V of the kids and was feeling really ill and was still having to look after 2 who still had it and sobbing one night in the bathroom becuase i was so tired and so ill

And yup i was up at 3am shock but was expecting a phone call from the states .Looks like my fab friend may be able come over for a visit later in the year togrin .We may go out and paint the town red white and blue and I may enjoy causing some gossip on the school run as fab friend is a rather tall and good looking ( well i think so ) Man grin

going will you marry me grin

Off to work, be back later to read all and reply all...

Have a good 'un x

boosmummie Wed 30-Mar-11 14:08:35

Afternoon All,

Funny Going Ironing is the one thing I don't really mind doing! Crap TV and a glass or three of wine and I'm away! How exciting for your friend maybe coming over, go and create the gossip I say grin.

Solo That is just wrong for them to put the children on free meals virtually on view for all. Have you managed to talk with the school yet? This other boy sounds like he needs a damn good kick up the backside talking to.

Right it's a beautiful terrible day, rainy sunny, freezing cold 24C and I will just have to sit it out I guess....!

Wednesday - crap TV night, so back later for some more drivel (on my part that is)!

Joelybear Wed 30-Mar-11 14:18:52

We had a very late night nearly 10.30 by the time DS3 settled then at 1am DD appeared in my bedroom wanting a cuddle, then took delight in telling me about her time with daddy, seeing the animals, meeting up with daddys friend and her little girl. THEN she tells me they had tea back at his friends house despite they should have been back with me before tea time. (I hate this situation and never asked for it - its so unfair - he'll have to learn to tell the truth as his children certainly will.) This made me feel angry and sad as he told me they hadn't eaten tea. HE STILL CANT BE HONEST WITH ME.

I then cried myself to sleep when DD had gone to sleep, woke up from a fitfull sleep with a headache. But have just had friends over for lunch which was great . Now they gone I feel lonely so thought I'd talk to you guys.

Sorry for the rant an thanks for listening

Joelybear Wed 30-Mar-11 14:27:23

Boos - we have no May half term here (or October or February) so have to wait an see if July brings a visit from mom, but maybe not as we are going to see her for a day or two, after our weeks holiday in Yorkshire, all 5 DC's + oldested GF are looking forward to the break, so hope it works out OK for us all.

Lilacs - are you ready to update us yet?

Solo - its so unfair of school to treat children in this way and so unfair of children to treat each other the way they are. Go have it out with school as they are not helping by the way they work lunches.

Ten I see you have put a marriage proposal in this thread is there something you need to share with us/grin

Going - no wonder you have a grin with the thought of a hunky man to joining you at the school gates to start tongues wagging

Off for a brew anyone else need one? then fetching DS 3 +4 from childminder. Catch you later

boosmummie Wed 30-Mar-11 14:34:13

Oh Joely,

It is lovely that they can have a nice time with their Dad, but you absolutely have to pull him up on the bullshit he is spouting. He also needs to learn that the children will NOT and cannot tell lies to suit him - if he thinks that then he will be in for some surprises....

I am glad that you had chums for lunch, can you try and do something like that once a week? Or even coffee? It's good for you to have the company and certainly breaks up the monotony of the weeks, particularly while you are so low.

And rant away - that's what this is for!!!!

Have a biscuit....before I eat them all again grin

boosmummie Wed 30-Mar-11 14:35:53

x-posted with you there - of course, they have ludicrously long holidays there, I remember!

And, yes, I'll have a brew to dunk my biscuits in!!!

paulwellerfan Wed 30-Mar-11 16:07:18

Why do messages keep getting wiped off?? Arghhhhhh!!!!

I have just typed another long message which has been wiped off- i havent got time for this!!

Be back again later on. xxx

boosmummie Wed 30-Mar-11 16:22:05

Drive's me mad when that happens! If I have a long one to do I do it in word and then cut and paste......

Joelybear Wed 30-Mar-11 20:21:29

Hi all waving to everyone.

Littlies in bed but not sure for how long - hope we get a better night than last night - I'm exhausted an we have to be up for dentist in the morning grin Silly me making a 9am appointment for them in school hols!!

In the afternoon we are off to see Tangled - hope they don't object to DS4 sitting on my knee, not buying a ticket for him as he wouldn't use the seat! Seems to be OK up here though so hope that still stands else other 2 will be dissapointed if we get asked to leave So chips for lunch I guess!

Making a brew any takers yet? Anyone got any news? Is there anyone out there????

Hope this arrives an doesn't get deleted!!

boosmummie Wed 30-Mar-11 21:48:41

Hola,

Joely rule number one in school holidays: DO NOT BOOK APPOINTMENTS IN THE MORNING. Dear oh dear!

Be interested to know how you get on at the cinema. I want to take Bella to see the Turtle thing but not sure how she'll fare. She will watch Monsters Inc and a couple of others from start to finish on the sofa, but I'm not sure whether she'll do the cinema. Pain really because I really really wanted to see Toy Story 3 as I quite enjoy the cinema!

Had a success on flight bookings today - was expecting to have to find £4-500 for our return flights when we come over next week, but got all in for £220, with seats and cases so I was most please and it means that I can now spend lots more in Waitrose and treat myself to some bits too!!!

Going to try to have an early night to night, but it's already almost 11 for me. I'm crap at this going to bed stuff!

Hello to everyone else, hope you're all ok.

Dumpsville Wed 30-Mar-11 22:54:30

Is it too late to join? Have only just joined MN, and within 2 days it has changed my perspective on my pretty sh*tty situation. Anyways, am 45 and have 2 DC - 11 and 8. Want to join in and play with you lot!!

boosmummie Wed 30-Mar-11 23:06:59

Absolutely not. So long as you talk crap, eat chocolate, guzzle wine and coffee you're in! Come, grab a seat and rant as much as you want. I'm 40 have 4 DCs 17, 16, 14 and 2O. It's yet again past my bed time and I have been meaning to go for an hour now!!! But do stay and I shall back in the morning. grin

lilacisinlove Wed 30-Mar-11 23:08:45

Hello all,

Working til 6.50 tonight and about 8.30 tomorrow night and I'm shattered.

Have had a quick read through but apologies if I miss anyone!

Going he's mine and you can't have him. I am hoping that he will let himself in tomorrow after work and make me a dinner to come home to! He's ex-Army so ironing is of a very high standard. He did a brilliant job of DD1's boots for Army cadets too

Joely your ex sounds like a prat. My girls tell me absolutely nothing about what their dad is up to, I'm not sure which is worse. I'm not actually interested, but I don't want them to feel like it's a taboo subject. Mind you, I don't want them going over there spouting about my life either!

So I can't remember what I need to update you on...did I not do Thorpe Park yet? Sorry if I'm repeating myself...we had a great day, the girls got on really well with him and they all seemed really comfortable with each other. DD2 is a fruitcake and I think she's just like his DD but 9 years older. They will all get along just fine. He came out for dinner with me and DD2 last night as well, helped her with her maths homework over dinner (KS3 maths test and I only teach Y1 so couldn't remember all of it, and she is only in Y6 so hasn't learned all of it!) then beat us both at Wii bowling when we got back home. I hadn't been sure whether she would be ok about him staying over (ten days ago she didn't know he existed and she only met him on Sunday) but I thought if I put it off I may keep putting it off. I decided to go for it and at the restaurant she asked if he was coming back with us and I said yes, and she asked what time he was leaving and I said in the morning and she said 'ok' and that was it. When we got home she disappeared upstairs and got into her pjs, so we did the same and we had a Wii pyjama party before I packed her off to bed.

He left before she woke up this morning (not to avoid her, just to get to work on time!) and she never mentioned him at all. She seems to be taking it all in her stride.

So that's all my news, I think. Time for a brew and my Kindle before I go to sleep.

Joelybear Thu 31-Mar-11 00:51:01

Lilacs, glad things going so well for you grin you deserve it. Whats he making for dinner? If theres any spare can you share it with us? Its soooo great that your DDs are taking it all in there stride.

Boo thats brill news about your flights cost - it can be real expensive when theres a few of you to travel. We find that when we need to travel south, ticket cost looks OK but then tax is added on an it triples our cost atleast!! So not able to travel to see folks too often an certainly NOT at short notice.

Paul I just hate that when you have long message done you press the button waiting too see it appear an instead it disappears it makes my blood boil angry. Hope your day has been ok though an have been thinking of you.

Dumps good to have you on board, I have 5 children DS 18, DS16, DD 6, DS 4, + DS 20 months - keep forgetting to add each month on to him he has been 18 months old since all this mess blew up in January - shock cant believe 2.5 months gone by. When it first started/happened every minute seemed like a day! So maybe it is getting a bit easier to accept confused - not that its what I want for me or kids but we matter not to "my dear pratt" !!

Oh well look at the time again I must get sleeping sorted will do one day again at some point in time I guess but not tonight.

Night all

goingroundthebend4 Thu 31-Mar-11 06:14:19

Morning all have got brew and the coffee pot is still hot.I think i need mine Iv of a morning be easier i think

Hi dumpsville.Jump right in with us were freindly bunch and I have at least had my rabies shot this month so your safe.

Joely Im looking forward to the holidays i shall still have to be up at silly oclock Thanks ds3.But not having to rush and get everyone out the door will be nice.

Boo thats not a bad price i was looking as friends that are taking dd to Spain said if I wanted to fly out they wouldpick me and ds3 at Airport .but the flights shock£500 each and thats just with hand luggage .so it was a no .
We seen the turtle thing and I did not think was that good but dd enjoyed it ,and saw toystory 3 we saw that at the kids club at £1 a ticket job on Saturday morning .Were going to see Rio at Easter got free tickets as ds3 name almost matches it the shorten form does so our local one handed free tickets grin

Im glad the dd are taking it well .Kids seem to handle it better than we think .Dam and making dinner hmm Does he have a brother wink.That i can use on a part time base as truth dont think I am ready any time soon to live with a man .Have become to independant stubborn now .

And ye sthose hours must be killer .I am so looking forward to ds3 becoming ateen and him lying in.Saying that ds2 is still morning bird but he has learnt not to make a noise and wake up mum .

Glad thorpe park was good im weighing up which we go to need to research it so theres something for ds3 .Not sure what im going to do with my lot over the easter holidays 3 weeks am just hoping its dry so can hoof them outside at least.Otherwise I shall be pulling my hair out by end of it

boosmummie Thu 31-Mar-11 08:46:13

Morning All,

Yep, I need to be mainlining the coffee this morning too Going! Have you tried Lego Land? They are very good when it comes to wheelchairs and assistance. And you and DS will be free and you get queue barging priority stamps.

A wave to you all, I must get dressed and do stuff....back later.

Dumpsville Thu 31-Mar-11 08:58:39

Morning All. It's the new girl (ha ha ha, delusional me!!) here. Had to get up to take DS for early morning swimming training at 5 this morning, and DC both at school now. Industrial strength coffee on, to get me through the day - all the way through to Brownies this evening!
Warning ...... bit of a rant coming....... X just walked away from the family and left me to cope with all the activities that DC are involved in. I want to work because I do not want to be financially beholden to him, but how are you supposed to get a decently paid job when you spend your entire week trying to keep the DCs life as normal as possible? Rant over.

Have a good day everyone. Dumps x

ShortArseFuck Thu 31-Mar-11 09:42:29

Morning all.

So, I was planning a lazy day off doing very little and playing with my new powerwasher later <<saddo alert>>

THEN DD2 announced ON THE WAY INTO SCHOOL that she needs buns/bakes for today they're having a sale tomorrow.

Oh I am not happy.

Dumpsville Thu 31-Mar-11 10:13:52

Shop bought cakes, dusted with a little icing sugar...... could be the way to go???
And then you can get back to the delights of the powerwasher!!

goingroundthebend4 Thu 31-Mar-11 11:49:39

Boo yes we go to Leogland and yup we get to wave our arms and skip lines .Got to be a bonus somewhere grin.

But not lot there for older two so am thinking will do something for them Rio bless is happy just to go on 4 or 5 small rides .againa nd again .Thorpe park will also let him use exits to .

paulwellerfan Thu 31-Mar-11 12:47:27

Hi everyone- back again....

Just a quickie as I have a call coming in soon-

I am feeling a little brighter today- just been to see my gp and he was really kind- gave me a script for some diazepam- he knows i will only take one if i am absolutely desperate- just knowing they are in my cupboard is enough for me to manage.

Dd got really upset at school yesterday and school are going to arrange for someone to come into talk with her- a family support worker, Ds seems to be coping but is keeping all in, which worries me more- their dad gets the key for his new place this evening- they dont know yet and i am telling them when we get back from our hols that he has moved out- (during the next week i am going to tell them that he is busy working away.)

I now am faced with all of the practical stuff to deal with and my head feels full of cotton wool- so i would really welcome any advice on this- i am an intelligent woman but at present i feel like i have lost my brain!! He is puttin me under pressure to come up with how much i need from him and about access. I dont have a clue how much we need (he has always managed the finances) and i dont know what to suggest about access (because if i am really honest this is the aspect that i am dreading the most...)

Hope everyone is ok and i am sorry that my head is elsewhere at the moment- i look forward to coming on this thread feeling abit more upbeat about things. xxx

goingroundthebend4 Thu 31-Mar-11 13:04:31

Cant say what is definte access atm my x has none his choice.I know court wise they tend to go with the standard every other weekend and a evening every week and 50 % of the holidays .

Hmm is your house rented ? and will you be needing to claim income support, child tax credits .Housing benfits and council tax .Becuase if so i would suggest you get your claims in now .

and rant away we have all been there and can remeber how tough it was .

Hi Shortarse and i admit i would be nipping to nearest shop for cakes .Baker i am not and 99p for 12 i would struggle to make them for that.

Hi dumpsville

Afraid can not answer that .I have accepted that I can not work as ds3 needs a f/t carer.and bloody secertary to keep track of his appoinment diary .But yes with 2 under 10 working is just not doable even though i would enjoy being able to stretch my brain .infact just finding it may be a good start

boosmummie Thu 31-Mar-11 13:36:44

Hello all,

Paul First of all you need to sit down and do the basic easy to see expenses such as: mortgage/rent, gas, electricity, phone, water, council tax (remember you will get 25% off, but you need to apply for it from council), television licence, food shopping (and be realistic - it adds up), petrol, car tax, house/contents/motor insurance. Then you need to look at roughly what you spend on clothes, shoes, children's parties (both those that they have and those that they attend), outings (school as well as your own), hair cuts, and private medical insurance, treats, magazines/computer subscriptions that the children may have, school lunches, etc. Add the figures up and you need to give weekly or monthly figures. Do NOT do yourself short, but equally don't be daft IYSWIM. The sum will amaze you, but also when you count it all up and write it all down for him/lawyers etc to see, it will show that it is NOT an unreasonable figure. Access wise, it sucks that we have to be apart from our children through no choice of our own, but pop your practical hat on for now, as they will want to see their father. I would suggest that you loosely suggest every other weekend, with perhaps Wednesday after school for supper. If this doesn't fit in one week, then be prepared to be flexible - always be the good guy - it pays even if it sucks! Obviously if he close by then any events that they have for 'his' weekend can still be attended, but equally if something comes up that involves you and the children then he needs to realise that things may change - equally they may change for him. He must stick to times fro collecting and returning them, and he must also ensure that they do homework etc where required. It must be made clear that their time with him is NOT party time, it is just time in their 'other' home. I do know how daunting it is when they start to be away for weekends, however with time you will make that YOUR time and you will appreciate it. I will not and cannot say it is easy, because it simply isn't but it will become bearable. I suggest you try to open a current account for you asap, so you have it and you are ready for when you reach agreement re maintenance. Please try not to worry yourself silly about the children, naturally they will struggle with silly things and major things, but it's great that the school are aware and can help, and DS - well just tell him that you are there if he needs to vent. I'm sure he will probably chat to his friends, but a simple cuddle will let him know. That's a start, ask more questions if you need, I is here!

Going yeah - I get the older ones and Lego Land bit! Though I am a sad old bat still love it!

Dumps That's a tough one with work - seeing as you have early starts! Without out prying - are you able to do freelance work? I'm a bit out of touch with working in the UK, but when I did before when the older ones where at primary school I worked freelance between 10 and 3 then practically killed myself steaming across LOndon so I could drop and collect from school. I made it very clear that while I would work during holidays, it would be reduced hours or I would as much as I could remotely - I think if one can perform appropriately then thats all anyone wants in an employee - freelance or not.

Shorty sorry, I giggled a bit!!! They're so damn good at announcing these things at the 11th hour aren't they! little buggers

Joely hope you managed to get a half decent sleep last night. And that the dentist was not an unpleasant trip.....

<<Waves to everyone else>>

pirahamorgana Thu 31-Mar-11 17:07:56

Hi - can I join?
I promise to read through the thread,but stopped to post as I got excited reading Joely's first post.

I am 43 and single Mum to 5 dc -
dd,15
dd,13
ds,10
ds,9
and
hugely unexpected baby dd,almost 1yo.

I was single for a good while with 4 and just about getting the hang of it.Baby is adored by us all,but I am finding it hard to adjust.I have to go back to work full time in May and am dreading getting it all going again as I have enjoyed holding the fort at home and spending loads of time with LO.

Unfortunately,I remortgaged my house to take the year off,and have no where to move,financially.

LO's sperm donor father turned out to be an abusive,scary man.We have no contact. It has taken me - and the dc - the year to get over him and his behaviour.(I spent a lot of time on Relationships)

I would love to share and support.I am in denial about going back to work...but it approaches fast.

boosmummie Thu 31-Mar-11 18:05:54

pirahamorgana, absolutely, come in and welcome. That is a brood and a half!! Sounds like you've been through the mill somewhat in the past couple of years. grin at the denial statement! Not in a bad way I hasten to add, just the way you worded it! Well, we're moving back to the UK in about 7 months and I know that it will be here before I know it...Looking forward to it with a mixture of dread and excitement though.

Off to endure an hour of Fireman Bloody Sam before her highness goes to bed, so shall be back later.

Joelybear Thu 31-Mar-11 23:13:15

pirahamorgana great to meet you, you will note just how late my postings tend to be - still having trouble sleeping but it WILL get better just takes time (who am I trying to convince? You lot or myself!!) Yes some rather big shocks in my children arriving. Last one exh blames me for - By baby 5 he should have known it takes 2 to make a baby so surely that means we were jointly responsible for DC 5's arrival confused not so according to him ALL my fault. Shame you have to return to full time work make the most of the time you do get with children though - I guess it will be hard work so you just have to be organised. But May is years away!! if only

Dentist was fine, but we arrived just in time minus breakfast for any of us apart from DC 5 (20months) who had found his way into the cereal cupboard and had been eating dry sheddies ugh! Oh and a trail of bits from the bottom of the cereal box trailed all round his bedroom - delightful. Went for an hour at soft play though here the room for soft play is little bigger than a walkin wardrobe so cant have more than 6 children in at a time as it gets too warm. Luckily we got it to ourselves today grin
Cafe for lunch - sausage an chips x3 kids loved it an ate really well once real hot chips had cooled down enough to eat
Then tesco for cinema treats.
Cinema was OK DC 5 ate 3 half bags of pom bars and a small bag of chocolate buttons - necessary to keep him quiet through the film. He had no real interest and the last few minutes he was real fed up so i had to leave him to wander round the cinema looking at people else no one would have heard the lines for his shouting. DC4 (4yrs) was totally lost in the film an nearly forgot to eat his sweeties. DC3 (6yrs) was more interested in having something to eat at times in the film an wondering why her brother got yet more pom bars to eat!!
It was a good film and went well really HURRAHH for pom bars grin

Will try going to bed now as only 10 mins ago got last small child to bed. Big ones watching TV in kitchen but I'll leave them too it I think.

Nite nite

goingroundthebend4 Fri 01-Apr-11 06:27:10

Morning all

Shortarse

Want to come play with your powerwash here have 2 patios that need doing please

Hi pirahamorgana

Joely which film did you see? .We love cinema here and i do admit buying stuff elsewhere to take in

Boo hoped you enjoyed fireman Sam

Very very quiet day here i done something to my back and moving or even sitting dwon hurts .not good when your a single parent think thats one of the hardest things about being single .

Hi all

Have been AWOL haven't I? Sorry 'bout that, very remiss of me

paul This is all very scary isn't it? But Boo has given you some good advice as far as the practicalities are concerned. I think that you probably have to go on autopilot with this stuff, it's the affairs of the heart that are the hardest. Remember that it's really really early days for you, so don't be too hard on yourself. You can do it, you really can, hang in there

Joely The situ with the "friend" really sucks doesn't it? That's one of the hardest to cope with, your kids and the happy little set up. However, they love their Mummy and nothing will change there. Children are not stupid, they can see through insincerity and they know who is doing all the hard work (although it takes a while for them to show it!) Keep posting and your chin up

going You haven't given me an answer yet..am saving myself for you wink
I was on Amazon the other day looking for a book, when I came across a book called Wheelchairs on the Go: Accessible fun in Florida, thought it might be worth a look for you? Anyways...where's me brew you're late!!!

Boo Shall we compare sugar consumption? Best not, I'm depressed enough as it is

short (love your NN) and Dumps Welcome to our oldwise group where we alwayssometimes drink wine and brew.

lilac You sound like you have a winner there, I'm so envy gonna treat myself to a biscuit

If I have missed anyone, forgive me, for I know not what I do (menopausal)

Have a good day all xx

Oops I did Pirah see! I knew it, I just knew it...

boosmummie Fri 01-Apr-11 10:20:53

Morning all,

ten this week I have whipped you on sugar consumption! As soon as I walk into the newsagent there is a wall of Haribo pick and mix that is just there to tempt me. And tempt me it bloody does!

Shorty how's things, no word for a couple of days. Are the DDs ok? How is ex being? Talk to us.....

Paul how's you this morning? Just sending happy feelings to you really, along with my essay above...

Joely I second Ten's para above - the children will always see through the crap grin clever little buggers they be!

Going Poor you. Hope it passes soonest.

Dumps/Lilac/Pirah/anyone I've forgotten (sorry) Good morning and hello.

pirahamorgana Fri 01-Apr-11 12:02:10

Good morning to everyone -great to meet you all.
I have just started the Dukan diet (am on the Dukan thread too),desperate to fit into at least some of my work clothes by May.Very light headed this morning....
I soooo don't want to go back full time,but just don't know how I could afford not to.
Anyone got a magic wand?!!!!

boosmummie Fri 01-Apr-11 12:14:27

I wish Piraha and I would be using it for big bad things today.....!!!

paulwellerfan Fri 01-Apr-11 14:26:28

Hi everyone- thanks for your advice and support-

Boo- your advice was fantastic- it was so what i need at them moment- literally spelling it out to me step by step, as i have completely lost my brain and ability to think about anything!! Thanks also for your happy feelings that you sent- i have welcommed then into my home with open arms. xxx

WillI- thanks- i am very hard on myself- i have always had very high expectations of myself and i know that i am struggling- despite it being more than understandable that i am feeling this way, i guess i am abit cross with myself that i am feeling so shit.

I have spoken to school today about the children and they can offer a support worker to come into talk with them and i have spoken to a lady who runs a group that dd goes to and she says she will speak with her if she is upset and doesnt want to talk to me.

I have been advised to take everything through a solicitor as ex keeps sending me emails and wanting me to make decisions- for one i do not feel equipped to make major decisions at the moment on my own and secondly i feel bullied by him- may have to go for mediation as it will be cheaper than a solicitor.

He is hopefully moving out while we are on holiday and he wants to take them away at Spring bank holiday- although i know he has a right to do that, part of me is concerned that the kids wont have had enough time to get used to the new arrangement before he then takes them away- if he had always been very hands on and had soent lots of time with them, that would be different, but he is not hands on, he has never really been that involved with them and they have only ever been away from me for a night at a time- and are very clingy of me at the moment (more than they usually are!!).

Hope everyone is ok- this is a wonderful forum and even though we have never met i feel as if you are becoming my new best friends!! Love to you all xxx

boosmummie Fri 01-Apr-11 14:51:29

Hello Again,

Paul Definitely do things through a solicitor, you absolutely mustn't make decision or agree to things while you are still wobbly and unsure. Ring one up and ask about Legal Aid, I don't know how it all works now, but I received it and it gave me enormous piece of mind. Try and do this sooner rather than later. Take copies of all his correspondence and orders and also, try and get those figures down if only in rough, so when you do see either solicitor or mediation peeps you will be armed with info - if only for you to refer to.

I think if the children have only ever spent one night at a time away from you, then at this time he really ought not to have them for longer than that. They are going through their own shitty turmoil and he needs to respect that. Clearly, if he has never really been hands on, I suspect one night will be enough for him IYSWIM, particularly as it may be upsetting for them to be away from you at this time. They are what matter - not him and he needs to understand that from the very start. There will come a time probably when actually they will not want to go for a weekend (it happened with each and every one of my older ones) and piling stress on them for our own gain is just not on. Too many people get carried away with their arguments and forget that they are little people and NOT parcels.....I was one of those parcels as a child and I am not proud to say that my older children were for a while until my brother shook some sense into me! (quite impressive for a then 18 year old!!!)

I now your brain is a fug right now - only too well can I remember!! I am just so pleased that I can think back now and say it how it is for others who find themselves in this crappy moment in time. The best thing though, is that is DOES pass and things DO get better and, most importantly, you WILL be happy, properly happy grin

paulwellerfan Fri 01-Apr-11 20:08:25

Thanks so much Boo- you are a lovely, lovely lady. I promise i will pm you sometime soon- have been meaning to but time is limited at the mo. Every word you say makes complete sense and i hope that in years to come i can support someone going through it like you are with me- cheers for being there- you are a star. xxx

I am off to get the kids from youth club in a minute and then back to watch Corrie on catch up tv...!
Hope you guys have a good evening and i look forward to catching up with you again soon.

Joelybear Sat 02-Apr-11 01:50:33

Note the lateness of my post yet again? It's my fault I'm up this late an no one elses. Don't know I'll ever be ready to return to work mid April after having been off work since this being alone started in January. Especially with not sleeping!! Maybe I should just find a job that allows me to do night work

Film we saw was Tangled it really was good but so fairy tale when they marry at the end - we here no real life ain't that sweet grin.
I had wanted to see The Kings Speech but tickets were sold out. We only have films here once a month for a weekend so no chance of getting tickets for this on another sad.

Am having a brew then aiming to head for bed to try an sleep I've counted so many sheep over the last few nights an weeks I could name them all grin Bet you lot are all snoring soundly envy

nite nite catch you for a late brew tomorrow!!

lilacisinlove Sat 02-Apr-11 07:27:45

Morning all, my turn to make the brew this morning I think.

Can't blame the DDs for my early start on a weekend, since I'm here all alone. Just plenty to do so since I'm awake I might as well get up and get on with it. First stop is the shower, where I have to wash the head lice lotion off my hair - DD2 was infested yet again so I did hers the night before. Am fed up with the blasted things, she has had them at least once a term since she started Reception and she's in Y6 now!

Fetching DD1 from school later and then I'm going to get some jobs done around the house. Tomorrow is mothers day and I should have had the girls all day but their dad invited them to Wembley to watch a match and they both wanted to go (of course he never said "Would you like to come even though it is on mothers day?" so they both said yes) so I'll be on my own from about 11am until I fetch DP from the airport at 3. He's gone up north to see his DD and is going to stay the night here when he gets back tomorrow.

Paul, it seems like things are improving for you, at least you know you'll have the house to yourself when you get back from your hols. That will be such a relief. I used to hate returning to the marital home after I'd been away, it was like going back to prison. Your DC will be ok, I worried no end about mine as we all do, but they have coped really well with the changes in their lives and are still the same polite, hard-working, well-balanced, emotionally stable individuals I brought them up to be. Their dad never had much to do with them either, and still ignores them a bit when he has them tbh, but they definitely get more quality time with him now than they did when they lived in the same house as him all the time.

Joely I habitually survive on 5-6 hours sleep a night but I think you've got one up on me. I hope things settle down and you feel able to cope with going back to work. Do you have a bedtime routine? They work for grown ups too, you know!

Hope the rest of you have a good day, I think the sum might be out but I haven't actually opened the curtains yet!

goingroundthebend4 Sat 02-Apr-11 09:34:30

Morning I'll have a coffee please . I am mainlining painkillers and an so glad ds1 is old enough to go to chemist and get me some more .Drs Monday I think if no better .will be a very lazy day here .very possiably a takeaway tonight as well.

Mothers day . I normally take kids out just so I am not spending day doing the housework but I can barely walk from bedroom to Lounge and am so glad Dormer bungalow so only ds1&ds2 room is upstairs because think I would cry if had to crawl walk up them

boosmummie Sat 02-Apr-11 09:47:48

Joely and I thought I was up late last night! I crashed at about 1 my time, but short stuff appeared at half 6 angry along with: peppa pig cushion, peppa pig blanket, 2 peppa pigs, 1 hello kitty and her sandals. All essential belongings that had to get into bed with me. But she did go back to sleep and we woke properly at 10, so quantity was there, just not quality! If I can't sleep, I always spend £5m on whatever I want, and usually spend about £3m before I'm gone! One day, I tell myself, one day...

Paul how are you today? Just remember, shoulders back, deep breath and you'll be off to Dorset shortly - something to really look forward to.

Lilacs Ahhhhh the dreaded nits! I was so lucky that DD1 didn't get them til Yr 3, obviously with DD2 swiftly following. I would have a production line going to get rid of the damn things. DD2 had a little friend who was permanently infested who arrived in Yr2 and that was that - the whole class shared them. I did french braid their hair though and certainly saw less of them, but it was a total nightmare.

What a shame you haven't got the girls tomorrow. Bad planning Dad. But DP coming for the night sounds lovely, and DD1 time too. I'm so looking forward to seeing my big ones next week. They finish at the boarding house today, a few days with their Dad and then with me before back to school. Then they have all those bloody days off for Easter/Wedding/May Day hols!

Good morning to everyone else as well. Going how's your back?

NEarly 11 and still not dressed so will away for now.

goingroundthebend4 Sat 02-Apr-11 10:00:10

One word for my back ow and lol possiably afew other not so polite words to. Am trying to keep moving but really would rather just stay still.Feel bad though as won't be able to do anything with the dc at all this weekend .

There going to need entertwin themselves which they are good at but were normally so busy going to cinema,zoo,park or into London but am hoping is better by end of next week when they break up for 3 weeks!!! In for 2 days then of for a week .thought of being stuck in that long noooooooooooooo

teahouse Sat 02-Apr-11 10:12:36

Was wondering - when do I stop being an LP?

My eldest is at Uni so only home irreguarly, and my youngest will be doing his A levels soon and although he'll be still living at home with me, he already is pretty independent. Currently I still do his school run so am pretty involved with him on an everyday basis, but this will alter from September.

I'll always be their mum, but my parenting role is fast disappearing - tough when I've been an LP for over a decade.

Should I come off sites like these?
If, so where else can I go to chat randomly?
What does a largely redundent LP do with her time (beyond a demanding job) when the thought of having to be sociable is really scary as I've not got much of one now and have so little in common with 'normal' people in the real world; LP's round my way are very uncommon and there is a social stigma attached to someone who's been alone for such a long period of time.
I'm not a hobbies person and have absolutely no talents what so ever, and despite being middle-aged, am still struggling financially so money for a social life is a huge issue.

boosmummie Sat 02-Apr-11 10:42:39

Teahouse There are plenty on MN who have grown up children, so if you're happy talking inane crap and supping brew and wine then just grab a seat and enjoy! (on this thread anyway grin.

Going that isn't good - but you know what they say...keep moving as much as possible and it should recover more quickly.

Dumpsville Sat 02-Apr-11 10:44:19

Morning All, lovely ladies. No DCs. Still in bed. Cup of tea and 2 toasted hot cross buns for breakfast in bed! (XP never approved of bfast in bed, so I make sure I do it regularly!!). Then again, he didn't approve of much, and it's only now that I realise how much of a oppressive influence he was. He also didn't approve of:
Me reading in bed before I went to sleep (now do it every night)
Pets (DC and I have now got fab fish tank and 6 very ugly fish), working my way up to cats - particularly because XP is allergic to cats!!
Disneyland (DC and I went 2 weeks ago)
Having a dishwasher (guess what I bought with my Xmas money!!)
Anything spontaneous (now regularly do fun things with DC on a whim)
Having the heating on (the house has been likely a bloody sauna since he left!!)

Blimey, when I look back, it makes me realise what a complete bore he is - and I really wasn't living the life that I wanted for either me or DCs.

Here's a question for you all. What things do you make sure you do now, that you 'weren't allowed' to do when XP was around?

boosmummie Sat 02-Apr-11 10:54:16

Read in bed
Use the dishwasher - never understood the point of having it but not using it - it's bloody cheaper when used properly hmm
Using the aircon ALL BLOODY DAY when it's 30+ outside
Watch what I want to watch on television instead of sport/rolling news. And not having to Sky + total tosh and be jigged at because I actually do NOT wish to use my brain at times.
Let DD3 sleep with me if she wants, because she gives the best cuddles in the world EVER.
Sit on the laptop all day evening if I so desire.

Things that I no longer have to do:

Tip toe around Princess Precious First Born who is incapable of wiping her own arse.
Be a taxi driver for beyond ungrateful Princess PFB with no thanks. EVER.
Cook for a lazy arsed 17 year old child - even a piece of toast.
Muddle through said child's disgusting hovel to find her laundry lest I be sneared at for not doing it.
Take shit for informing the father that his daughter is taking drugs, being called all names under the sun and then 3 weeks later he discovers it's true and does NOTHING.
Watch with sadness as my darling baby is ignored, never held, never played with and called c*** at 8 months old because she dared to pull Princess PFBs hair - because 8 month old babies should no better shouldn't they.

Can you tell I am in a foul miserable mood this morning.

There are quite likely many, many more!

Dumpsville Sat 02-Apr-11 11:12:44

Ooh yes Boo, had forgotten about having to put up with horrible crackly Radio 5 all feckin weekend!!! DS also sleeps with me at least once a week, which secretly I really like. DCs were never allowed in our bed, not even in the morning for a cuddle when X was here.

This is actually making me feel quite positive. Hope your day improves. Btw, PFB sounds bloody horrible. I'm quite intrigued as to where you are?

Paul I haven't commented on your posts, but i just want you to know that I am thinking of you. It sounds such a cliche, but you really do have to take one day at a time - and don't let him rush you into making decisions. This is a really important time for you to rebuild a happy life for you and DCs - and that should not be rushed - just because he wants to run at a faster timescale. Stay strong. You are a good person, and good things come to good people.

boosmummie Sat 02-Apr-11 11:23:25

Dumps I'm in Spain. And yes, she was/is. Made my life a living hell for 7 years and is still trying to. This is a child who did not want to see even her own mother and on the rare occasion her father didn't back down, she would text in under half an hour to be collected. Her mum is lovely btw, but PFB is a spoilt shit child and if she wanted to do or not to do something, well that's how it is.

I would hit her if I was that way inclined, but luckily for her I am not. Still, she might not want to have anything to do with her half sister, but at least B has my three older children who would do anything for her!

teahouse Sat 02-Apr-11 11:51:04

Great question - study. I had to chose between my then husband or my MA - no choice really.

lilacisinlove Sat 02-Apr-11 18:43:47

What do I do now that I didn't do with XH?
Smile and laugh a lot
Change into pjs as soon as I get home from work
Spend my free time enjoying my children without him expecting to take priority
Cook what I want, when I want
Sleep in comfort on exactly the type of bed I always wanted
Spend time with a man who adores me and tells me so every day, several times a day
Go on cheap and cheerful holidays that the DDs love and XH turned his nose up at
Choose how I want to spend my own money
Have two childless nights a week, and a social life
Stand naked in my own bedroom

And now I don't:
Listen to Radio 4
Have a house full of booze (I don't drink)
Do his laundry
Walk on eggshells
Stay up half the night to avoid getting into bed with him because he would demand sex or there would be a half hour discussion if I refused
Have sport on the tv
Grit my teeth as he yells from upstairs to downstairs or vice versa or from one room to another instead of getting off his arse and going to talk to the person face to face
Lie in bed pretending to be asleep on a weekday morning waiting for him to go out for a run

Life has improved immeasurably!

lilacisinlove Sun 03-Apr-11 08:06:54

Happy mothers day to you all! Guess I will have to make the brew again. Or are you all in bed getting real brew and lots of hugs and kisses? My girls are awake but neither has been downstairs yet to write the cards that they chose and I got up at 7 and made my own tea!

boosmummie Sun 03-Apr-11 08:44:47

Happy Mothers Day!

Unfortunately Lilac Bella's crap with the kettle and hot things so far!! And the big ones are in England, so i will also be making my own tea! I was woken with a kiss by Bella and she's giving me cuddles, so it's not all bad!

Dumpsville Sun 03-Apr-11 09:02:45

Morning lovelies. Happy Mother's Day. Am home alone, so have made my own brew. Even though I knew that realistically XP wouldn't do anything to recognise Mother's Day, or arrange for DC come round early for a cuddle - there was still that small glimmer of hope that he would do the decent thing. No need for me to tell you that it hasn't happened, is there??!!
Hey ho. Off to meet my sister at Savill Gardens, to visit the tree we planted for my mum 13 years ago - with perhaps a spot of lunch thrown in too.
Have a great day everyone.
Dumps. x

Hello Yummy Mummies...

Am am Mums on the coast, so don't have the chance to read all posts can't wait to catch up later though as I'm having withdrawal symptoms!

Hope you are all being spoilt in one way or another...

xx

paulwellerfan Sun 03-Apr-11 21:54:56

Hi Ladies- hope you have all had a lovely day- despite feeling really poorly ( a virus, i think- maybe just stress?!) the children have made sure that i have had a really nice day- bless them.. They bought me some lovely pressies and both made me some fab homemade cards- they worked really hard and made loads of effort- dd bought me a cup of tea in bed and made me lunch- and they both made some chocolate crunchy cakes for pud.
We played some board games in the afternoon and watched tv together this evening- their dad had man flu all weekend so has been about as useful as a chocolate teapot!! Roll on when we get back from holiday- he will be gone by then!!
He said the nastiest thing that anyone has ever said to me before- on Friday evening when the kids were at youth club he told me that he should have left me in Birmingham (where i lived when i met him) to rot- that is pure evil isnt it? And today when i expressed that he has spent such little time this weekend with the children (and it would be his last weekend here with them)- he said he is ill- when i pointed out that i am ill too but i still have to take care of them- he said- well i pay for them- what a complete tosser....

His attitude is that we have just cost him and that as long as he pays for us or has paid for us then he has done what was needed and that he has a right to therefore behave however he likes- i hope for the kids sake that they never find out how horrible he really is- but i have a feeling that it wont be too long before they realise what he is like and wont want to spend much time with him- especially if it means they willl have to be separated from me. Because he has never been particularly hands on or involved in their lives i have had to have such a huge input in their lives- i have had to parent them on my own for such along time that we are a very close team and it worried me silly to think that it is going to be broken up every other weekend for the reat of their childhood-

Am i daft for feeling that way? I wish i had confidence in his ability to take care of them- but based on how he has always been he doesnt know how to put others needs before his and he can hardly look after himself let alone 2 lively, demanding kids...

Off to bed now for a snuggle with my new lamb- ( the kids bought me a Build a Bear spring lamb- she is gorgeous)!! Night, night all xxx

Dumpsville Sun 03-Apr-11 22:12:35

Hello Paul. Not sure whether this will catch you before you go to bed - but I have just a couple of thoughts.
I'm sure that you are feeling poorly due to stress - it's completely understandable. It sounds like your DC have done a wonderful job today, and you deserve it.
X sounds absolutely horrible, but I can only hope for you that he will actually wake up to himself when he has left. Perhaps he will stop being so spiteful when there is a bit of distance, and he can just concentrate on trying to be a good dad. If not, the DC will see straight through him and won't want to spend time with him. They are smarter than we all give them credit for.

Happy Mother's Day, and sleep well x

paul You sound like you had a good day with the kids and they spoilt you well deserved I'm sure!

I think as dumps said, your illness is most probably stress, it comes in different guises. The ex is just being as nasty as he can to make you pay for what you are doing, that's the only way he knows how. They never see that they have any responsibility for the situation and they're rarely mature enough to consider what effect their behaviour has on the kids. Hopefully, in time, things will settle down (it normally does) and you will get in to a pattern with access etc. You all need to adapt to a new way of life, and it's not in the least bit daft to feel like you do. See how he fairs with the kids on his own, as long as they're in no danger I'm sure they'll be OK. Kids are adaptable and resilient, they just need to know that you both still love them. This is a very emotionally trying time for all of you, be gentle with yourself. Once he has gone, you can get into a routine,just you and DCs. Life will get better,let time be the healer..

Keep your chin up xx

goingroundthebend4 Mon 04-Apr-11 08:42:14

Hope everyone had a good day .Been very lazy weekend here kids have been fantastic little two been playing in the garden though I gave up trying to clean bathroom as everytime I wiped it they come into wash their hands and they are dirt monsters

we had takeaway yesterday. As well

Paulwellan

your find hopefully your feel better when on holiday and once he has gone and hopefully your ex will wake up and realise what he has missed out on if not I'm sure they will soon suss him out

ds1 and ds2 have no illusions about their dad ds1 won't see him ds2 sees about 3 times a year and turned round other day and said thank deck I never grew up with him around because he has messed up and is messing up his other kids

dd and ds3 have no contact with their dad for over a year now but his choice

Am of to the Drs in a bit the back has got worse and not even the strong over the counter stuff is touching it .Ds1 has took dd to school before going to collage and is going to come straight home tonight so can pick her up for me