Made a solicitors appointment, what do I need to discuss with her?

[BadgerBadger]

H and I are breaking up. He had said that he would leave the house and the girls and I could stay until we have found somewhere else, but he spent the weekend shut in the bedroom saying he wouldn't go anywhere and that we have to leave.

He acted like this because I said I would prefer to be here when he sees the girls initially, given the reason we are breaking up now. His reaction was to go back on his agreement that we could stay here.

My name isn't on the mortgage, purely because we got a deal on our mortgage, which had a lower age limit and I was too young at the time we took the mortgage out to be included.

I've booked a solicitors appointment, although he's acting 'normally' again now, his behaviour over the weekend made me realise how precarious our verbal agreements now are.

I don't really know where to start though, when I go to see the solicitor. How much of the reasons behind the current situation do they tend to want to know and what should I be requesting from her?

I think H will change his mind again regarding the house, I wont rent around here so if we leave it will mean moving about five hours away, by car.

Any advice appreciated!
TIA

[PinotGirl]

Badger, have been following your story.

I really don't know what to suggest as I wasn't married to dd's father when we split and it was fairly amicable.

Hope that things work out well for you and your dds.

[Kaz33]

Well not a family lawyer but I think the advice goes something like this:

Don't agree to leave the house, he has to move out.
Just because the mortgage is in his name does not mean that you have no rights if you contributed any deposit, have helped pay for the mortgage or have paid the bills without which he could not have afforded to pay the mortgage.
Get us much financial info as you can find - ask banks etc.. for records if required.

Good luck

[Blackduck]

Also if married, that gives you rights over the property even if you are not on the mortgage (more tricky if you are not married...)

[BadgerBadger]

Thanks PinotGirl, thank you

Kaz and Blackduck, I have stayed put largely for that reason, I thought I heard somewhere (probably MN!) that if I leave it would possibly damage any rights I do have. It's good to hear that the marriage should give me some rights, the thing is that since we have lived here I've been a SAHM, so haven't contributed financally.

I'll definitely check that out with my solicitor, not least because the house has risen a lot in value since we bought, probably enough to give each of us enough equity for reasonable deposits for new properties, if we do go down the route of selling (probably inevitable eventually as I certainly can't afford to buy him out!)

My other queries are about things like 'access' and maintenance. Do these have to go through any particular legal or binding processes? Are there set ammounts with regard to maintenance? I ask because I wondered whether we could work that into an agreement over the house/mortgage for the time being. Again, I was hoping (I suppose everyone does!) that we could come to an amicable agreement, but.......

[BadgerBadger]

Mixed up my Hi's and Thank you's there, but you get the drift! Just to clarify, 'thanks' Kaz and Blackduck and 'hi' PinotGirl!

bed time, I think!

[Carla]

Lots of solicitors will give a free initial consultation ... use lots of them. My heart goes out to you, and good luck.

[Loobie]

If you feel you could manage to ammicably sort out maintenance and access i would do that and get it written out in an agreement and signed by both parties.
Ex and i started very ammicably with access and maintenance but then he met someone else and after 2 1/2 years of us managing fine between us to sort out the kids etc everything went belly up,now he refuses to pay anything for them,and gets no access at all so wish way back we had got our ammicable agreement drawn up.

[BadgerBadger]

Just a little update on the solicitor thing.

I went, but the solicitor I've seen before had been called away to court. I ended up seeing someone who questioned my ability to support the LO's (I've been a SAHM, though I'm training for a new job). That there's nothing to say DH wouldn't get residency, that he can kick us out of the house, stop me moving to live near my family (meaning I'd have no support at all), take he children from me if I do, etc, etc.

So, all in all it was utterly awful and I left feeling scared.

I've decided not to proceed until the solicitor I'm familiar with is free again because this just isn't something I can trust a newly quailified, inexperienced solicitor with.

I'm feeling better today, but I was totally floored by her attitude.

I have decided in the meantime to urge H to be more reasonable, he does seem to be more receptive now, I think he has an idea that I've been to a solicitor.

I am going to have my name placed on the deeds to the house. We're getting rid of the car (HP) and I'll buy myself an older one, to enable him to afford a flat. I've asked him to have the car sold by next week (registered to me but HP'd to him) and a flat found by the week after. (I had asked him about two weeks ago to sell car/find flat, he hasn't done anything regarding either, hence the deadline.)

So, now to see whether he carries out what he's agreed to (again), in the hope he wont change his mind again!

[PinotGirl]

Badger, I'm no legal expert (but do work in the field, just not family law) but don't think what she said to you was in anyway correct. I think she was looking at it from a worst case scenario perspective which isn't exactly helpful.

If what she said was true, SAHM's wouldn't ever be able to divorce and keep their kids.

Glad to hear that dh is being more reasonable about things. I hope that the process of him getting a flat is a speedy one to make this part of the process easier for you.

If I can do anything to help please let me know.

Thinking of you x

[BadgerBadger]

Hi Pinotgirl

I think you're right (that the sol was giving worst case scenario). I'm feeling more positive about it now, in that I've pretty much decided to ignore all she said and start with a clean slate when I have the opportunity to see the other solicitor.

H is swinging more towards reasonable now. We had a good talk last night and discussed constructively his future relationship with the girls etc. I think it helped him feel less defensive, so more reasonable.

It remains to be seen, whether he actually goes ahead with what we've agreed so far. I suppose I'm now hoping for the best though expecting the worst, IYSWIM? (Rather than having no hope at all, as I did the other day!)

Thanks for your support