Do you regret moving abroad?

(99 Posts)
ODearMe Thu 06-Feb-14 06:59:07

We are considering a move to Australia for two years only initially.

I wanted to ask about your experience of taking the leap-was it the best thing you ever did (and why) or do you wish you had stayed put in retrospect (and why)?

Thank all

SissySpacekAteMyHamster Thu 06-Feb-14 07:04:06

Been away for 6 years and can honestly say it was the best decision to make the leap.

My husband has more time with the children as no more commuting, weather is better, schools are great, children are happy, and we have lots of opportunities we wouldn't have had back home.

Not sure how long we will stay away or if we will ever move back to the UK, however, I would say when we first moved we said we would give ourselves a year at least before deciding whether to stay or go, as you will go through a settling in stage/homesickness stage, and you do get over it!

LeMousquetaireAnonyme Thu 06-Feb-14 07:12:55

No, not at all. But I usually live in the moment, no planning the future and no dwelling on the past which makes it easier for me not to have regrets.

I took the leap almost 15 years ago and I am still not back "home". And I probably never will be back to my native country
It was good because it allowed me to be free and to be myself without the constrain of my family whom, I now realise, I disagree with on almost every thing. It might be selfish but being far from them is good for me.
After 3 years I met DH who was/is also a serial expat. Fate it is!

snowqu33n Thu 06-Feb-14 07:15:29

Best thing I ever did

glastocat Thu 06-Feb-14 07:19:04

We moved to Oz exactly a year ago, best move we ever made, should have done it years ago! But you have to have the right mental attitude and decide this is your home now, otherwise it's much more difficult to settle. so glad I'm not back in the freezing rain!

scottswede Thu 06-Feb-14 07:47:37

Do I regret moving abroad? No
Do I regret moving to the country we moved too? Yes
I have spent most of my adult life working/living abroad (US mainly) so
I (wrongly) assumed this move would all be hunky-dorey.
We have a minute chance of dh getting a transfer down under, which I would jump at.
At the moment we are making plans to return to the UK.
As long as you have done your research and it suits YOU then yes go, have the experience.
A lot of people think just by moving abroad your life will automatically be better. You don't get handed your new life all wrapped up in a pretty box when you arrive at your destination.
Peoples experiences of moving are all so individual. Some love it, some not so much.
If it's only for 2 years though then yes I would do it.2 years will fly in.

LeMousquetaireAnonyme Thu 06-Feb-14 08:10:04

Scott is right, not to have any expectations is a good way to have a good start!
If you think the grass will be greener or that australia will be easy because it is "english" you will set yourself up for disappointment.

SavoyCabbage Thu 06-Feb-14 08:15:48

I do. I regret the gradual erosion of my family relationships.

Despite working hard on them, my mum etc. have a far closer relationship with my sisters children than she does with mine. My dds have never had anyone but me and dh at the school play or to show their gymnastics awards too.

To me, that is more important than any of the things I have gained. I've made lots of friends, but it's not love. Each of the people in my family have three other people who love them unconditionally. Who know us and share our history.

I've also lost my own place in the world. My sense of belonging. First generation immigrants don't tend to feel as if they totally belong. And in the meantime life in the UK gently moves on without you.

Robfordscrack Tue 25-Mar-14 01:29:08

Do I have regrets? No, I don't believe in life you should stand still, you should move forward. Do I feel lonely? Yes, sometimes I have bad days.

TheZeeTeam Tue 25-Mar-14 01:34:12

Absolutely not! But it takes effort, a bit of balls and remembering those close to you who you left behind to make it work.

Skype is your friend. And always have the cost of a return flight home in your checking account, in case of emergencies.

nooka Tue 25-Mar-14 01:36:42

We moved to Canada almost six years ago and are generally very happy, although I do miss family get togethers. My sister on the other hand moved to Australia and was absolutely miserable and has just returned to the UK after four years.

Lots of factors involved as to whether moving is successful or not. You take all your troubles with you and it is a hugely stressful experience, so if there are fractures in your relationships then they will almost certainly grow. If it's a proactive move for all of you and you support each other, treat things as a bit of an adventure and expect things to be different in all sorts of unexpected ways then you are in a better place to enjoy the experience. What is very difficult is if some of you really like the new country and others hate it.

have4goneinsane Tue 25-Mar-14 02:47:55

We moved to Australia almost 4 years ago and haven't looked back. Our move was eased by the fact that my parents had moved here 10 years before (and I'd spent bits of my childhood here), and hindered by PIL that have been so negative and nasty about it all that it's beyond belief

It's not going to be perfect, the first few months will be bewildering, filled with bureaucracy that seems meaningless and circular (Australians are excellent at extremely odd bureaucracy). The food will be different, the supermarket will take you hours because the brands, the packaging and the prices have to be interpreted ... you won't know where to buy school shoes, clothes ... you will miss your friends and your old routine. Some things will seem hideously expensive (bras for example) other things will seem ludicrously cheap (petrol). You will need to learn the local culture and language (yes, even lots of words are different)

But, if you roll with all these things and aren't afraid to ask questions you will very quickly get on your feet and then you can start to live and enjoy and one day you will go somewhere and someone will ask you where you are from and you will answer "Melbourne" or "Sydney" or ... and realise that actually you have settled and it is home.

I would actually advise that you see yourself as going 'forever' if that is a possibility, but with a 2 year get-out clause if all else fails. As a PP said - treat it as an adventure rather than a trial and be prepared to roll with the punches.

Use Skype and cheap phonecalls, some friends and family will stick with you, others will not - you have to be prepared roll with that too.

invicta Tue 25-Mar-14 03:50:47

www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-15799571

Why people return back to Uk

GlobalNomad Tue 25-Mar-14 05:42:46

I don't regret it, we've had amazing opportunities and adventures, but I do agree with SavoyCabbage about missing family and losing my place in the world.

DH and DC x3 are all very happy.
But I want to go home.
I've worked part-time for most of the 6 years we've been abroad, and I have friends here.

But now I want to go home before it's too late to pick up out UK life again. However getting back is not so easy from a work point of view (especially as DH needs to take the lead in that and he's in no rush)

In summary, do it ... but don't expect that you can necessarily come back when you want.

KTP Tue 25-Mar-14 06:15:02

We moved to Australia 9 years, initially for two years, see how it goes kind of thing. I don't regret it at all. I miss my sisters terribly at certain moments, and feel very much out of the loop of their lives (can't complain though, as I did the moving). My kids do talk constantly of wishing to visit UK (which is too expensive to do most of the time). They have a rose tinted view of the place as they were too young when we left to remember much of our lives there.

I do know of families who have found themselves bobbing between here and the UK, unable to decide where is best. I feel very sorry for them and their children.

So....overall.....in the words of Midge Ure .......There's no regrets......
We are very happy. DO IT!

No - but you have to be realistic in your expectations, and accept that you will have quite dramatic mood swings / ups and downs in the first year (and in all honesty won't be fully settled even in 2 years) as others have said.

The people who move abroad and hate it are usually the ones whose lives are very intertwined with those of extended family on a day to day/ regular basis or those who expect their new country to be just like the the UK with better weather/ more spending money/ more free time or similar...

echt Tue 25-Mar-14 06:51:13

DH and I moved in our early 50s, and were aware that this probably meant for ever, mostly because we wouldn't be able to get jobs at our old pay grades if we moved back.

I'm sure this coloured our sense of engaging with Australia because we sort, had to. I don't imply that Aus is shite and we'd be back to the UK like shot; we genuinely like it here, for its own sake.

I felt more in with the swing because I was in full-time work within four months of getting there, but still feel the lack of friends. Some of this is because when I look at my UK friends, so many are of many years' standing, and I have nothing like that here. Maybe I'm not so good at it.
Fuck it. I'm crying now.

On the whole though, no regrets. As a pom friend said to me - you have to live where you are.

atthestrokeoftwelve Tue 25-Mar-14 06:58:23

My sister emigrated many years ago leaving the rest of her family behind. I was 11 years old at the time and it was live a bereavement. Mum slid into a depression thta lasted several years ( my sister knew nothing of this) and our Dad died shortly after without ever seeing his older daughter again. my sister has missed family funerals, the birth of my children, we have missed the birth of hers.
My nieces have grown and now have children themselves, but they are strangers. The divisions that emigration has brought to our family have been profound and unhealable.
Now that my sister is a grandmother with little grandbabies around she has now seen the enormity of what she has done. Robbing our mother of the chance to be a part of that greater family, photos and Skype doesn't do it- it's the day to day involvement of he little things that we have missed.
My older niece particularly feels she has never "fitted in" she feels she missed out while she was growing up, having no grandparents, no cousins, no aunts or uncles. She visits the UK, and bizarrely is considering emigrating to the UK- even though she was born in Australia, she feels more at home here in the UK.
My sister is devastated a the thought of her leaving Australia, a bizzare twist.

DrankSangriaInThePark Tue 25-Mar-14 07:02:49

I earn far less now.
The schools are fine for my daughter, but not a patch on the system in the UK.
The universities are deplorably bad and I just hope dd has it in her to want to go abroad herself when the time comes.
Corruption is rife, the country is in deep economic crisis, our flat is tiny.
The weather is either damp or too hot to go out in daylight.

Regret it? Never.

DrankSangriaInThePark Tue 25-Mar-14 07:03:58

Oh, and 2 yrs isn't moving abroad really, it's going for an extended work experience/holiday.

You will just be settling in after 2 years, so be prepared to decide to stay "one more year" like I did. 19 yrs ago. wink

PossumPoo Tue 25-Mar-14 08:26:17

I did the reverse, moved to the UK from Australia just for a few years and we have now been here 5 years, had a DC, bought a house...am I settled? Sort of but it's definitely not where I want to grow old or raise my DC to be honest so we will move again. I was really miserable for the first 2 years, the weather, the food, the sheer size of London etc seemed too much but if you persevere over that 2 year point it does get easier.

And the fact that I know it's not forever helps, even if I'm here for another 10 years smile. But as a pp said, your relationship needs to be strong to start with, you need to be able to find positives in complete negatives and really be up for an adventure.

Good luck.

Pupsiecola Tue 25-Mar-14 09:25:46

Sangria, where are you if you don't mind me asking?

DrankSangriaInThePark Tue 25-Mar-14 09:32:48

Italy. smile

CharityCase Tue 25-Mar-14 12:40:39

We moved to Dubai nearly 6 years ago, lasted 10 months (nothing against Dubai but Dh's job was not as promised due to financial crisis), then moved to HK and have been here ever since. I'm glad we moved here, both my children were born here, I've got a great PT job with my former UK employer and Dh has a much better work-life balance than in the UK, partly because we both have a 10 minute commute. We have made a lot of friends and have a good social life, not least due to having live-in help so never lacking a babysitter. This has been a massive plus for me, as DH travels a lot, so in the evenings I can still get out and play sport or see friends rather than sitting in alone. In short, our quality of life with 2 small children is measurably better than if we were in London.

However, there are sadnesses, such as not being closer to the GPs- my sister actually randomly lives here too which is great. Also, I have drifted apart from some of my UK friends (although not all- some I can still just pick up with on returns to the Uk like I've never been away), and my bestie actually lives in Taipei so she's closer than if I was still in the UK. I go back to the UK every summer with the kids for 3-4 wks and we alternate Christmases. Mum usually comes out once a year as well.

Perhaps it helps that we definitely consider ourselves to be expats (will probably get the right to remain indefinitely in 2 yrs but unlikely to stay more than another 6 yrs). Therefore I can shrug off things that might piss me off/ worry me if I was here forever, like the political situation.

Without wanting to worry you, we moved with the "Let's go for 2 years, make some money and come back" mentality, but actually, it's not a bad way to think about it, because it stops you freaking out. If I'd known in advance that we'd still be here 6 years later I'd have panicked and not come. My advice is to go, enjoy it, and then reappraise at the 18 mo mark.

FromKansasToOzMaybe Tue 25-Mar-14 14:13:06

OP we're in the same boat. Looking at going over to Australia next year, it is very daunting and worry it'd be the biggest mistake we ever make. Then again, if we don't go it might be the biggest opportunity we ever let pass us by....

bigtallpurple Tue 25-Mar-14 14:15:30

Interesting thread. This subject is never far from my mind. We left the UK five years ago. It had never been something we had wanted or planned to do but we kind of had to due to DH's work. We have both been very unhappy. The experience has reinforced how important it is to me to feel settled and secure. Being on a visa linked to your employment is a huge worry (although of course some people's jobs are far more secure than my DH's). Plus, living in rented accommodation has been hard (although I realise that other people can cope with this a lot better than me!). It's just been a really stressful time in general and when you're away from all your friends and family, feeling lost and insecure where you live is difficult.

So basically I wish we'd never come. But...I can't regret the move as I think we made the right decision with the information we had. With the benefit of hindsight, I wish we'd never left the UK. I think that once you're really considered moving abroad, unless you both later decide 100% that you don't want to do it, it is hard not to. Living with the "what if we had made the move" thoughts would be torturous IMO.

Good luck with your decision OP.

bigtallpurple Tue 25-Mar-14 14:41:35

My previous post is far too depressing! We have just been very unlucky with DH's work situation so basically we have never really had a chance to feel secure here as we have spent the majority of the time expecting to be sent home any minute! Moving abroad doesn't have to be this stressful though so take no notice of me! grin

Actually we are now about to move to Australia...wink Not quite sure how that has happened! So many things will be different there though (we already have permanent residency so all the issues re employment and visa etc won't apply thankfully). We might stay there, we might go back to the UK, but we have to try it. I think people's experiences of emigrating can vary dramatically. I hope your situation is nice and straightforward smile

giggly Tue 25-Mar-14 16:06:52

Regret no, but not happy here in Australia for many reasons. We both work longer hours with less disposable income with me in a less experienced role as health care is way behind the Uk. Despite having top of the range health care cover, healthcare costs are proving too expensive for us and will only increase as dh has a degenerating disability.

Earning capacity is very important here in WA, very...

But mostly I want my dc to have an active part of their extended family sharing and making their own history, phone calls and skype just doesn't cut it.

I am not embroiled with my family but feel very sad that I have little contribution in their lives and them in mine.

So many other reasons for us and that's why we will be heading home at the end of the year.
However we are so glad we tried living away and have lots of fun and adventures along the way.

atthestrokeoftwelve Tue 25-Mar-14 16:55:00

Giggly my sister - who lives in Autralia feels the same way about healthcare. Her and OH are approaching retirement age and find themselves having to prioritise their treatments. My BIL has an ear and a knee problem my sis needs varicose vein and elbow surgery, Even though the have good ( and expensive) health insurance they do have to contribute some costs, so they can't afford to have everything treated- they have to decide which is a priority.
On the other hand she has a very dim view of the NHS and doesn't think it's right that prisoners are allowed the same treatment as pensioners.

NancyinCali Tue 25-Mar-14 17:10:21

2 and a bit years in to our life in the US and no I don't regret it. There are good days and bad days of course but that happens wherever you live. We knew that one year wasn't long enough to base a decision on (it went really fast) and that we'd decide at year 2 what to do next. We're now applying for our green cards and about to have our second DC here (we moved when I was 5 months pg with DD).

Downsides: no family help; when family come to visit they stay for 2+ weeks (I like my own space so find that really hard!); DD doesn't really know her GPs etc.

Upsides: amazing weather; loads to do; better standard of living; an adventure!

You get to know people and build a new support network. I have some amazing friends here. Skype is brilliant for keeping in touch.

If I had to make the decision again knowing what I know I would go for it in a second.

atthestrokeoftwelve Tue 25-Mar-14 17:42:04

For those that live abroad and have left family behind- is that a situation you can easily deal with? Does it ever cause you sadness?

Robfordscrack Tue 25-Mar-14 17:55:09

yes, it causes sadness especially around Christmas but life goes on. I am lucky in many ways. can't really be depressed with a toddler around - she very giggly. Have lived "abroad" for 14 years now, this location we've been at for under 2 years. I don't really know if I have what I consider "home" country - the country where I am from no longer feels familiar.

atthestroke no, I can't say it does. Not everyone who moves overseas moves to Australia though, we are in Germany. I am glad the school term dates here give me a get out pf jail free card from my mother's awful, dreary, church and ritual based Christmases, but we still see family a couple of times a year. If we were in the UK we'd be in the S.E. and they'd be 5-6 hours drive away anyway. Have you talked to a councillor about your feelings - it seems a little out of proportion as a response to a sibling moving abroad decades ago...

atthestrokeoftwelve Tue 25-Mar-14 18:11:37

I don't need a counsellor tumbles. As time passes the loss of my sister become even more acute. She died without seeing our father, our mother is disabled and I care for her. I don't have bitterness, but I see the sadness in my mother's eyes when my sister sends happy smiling photos of beach picnics including great grandchildren she can never hope to meet. The repurcussions of her emigration continue to have fallout, and what's more my sister feels it more acutely too with the passing of time. Now that she herself is a mother and a grandmother herself she is becoming acutely aware of the impact that her leaving has had on the family.
I have spend my life without my sister, and don't care whether she is here or not, but our mother feels bereaved.
I'm not sure a counsellor would help me with that one!

Nomad55 Tue 25-Mar-14 19:07:20

Its a shame that the smiling photos cause ongoing sadness and not pleasure that she has a happy life - isn't that what we all want for our children?

atthestrokeoftwelve Tue 25-Mar-14 19:12:14

She is sad because she is not part of it though. It's a virtual family, not a real one to her. Yes she wants her children to have a happy life but wouldn't it be nice if she was a part of it, instead of living alone, old and frail with only phone calls and christmas cards instead of loving little hands and sweet cuddles.

Sadness on behalf of a lonely very elderly parent makes more sense - but it sounds as if there is an awful lot of romanticising of what might have been... if your sister had stayed in the UK, her children and hrandchildren might never have been born - you can "mourn" any fork in the road, but it seems maudlin to morn the fact your child has a happy life, even if you are not in tbe midst of it...

atthestrokeoftwelve Tue 25-Mar-14 20:17:14

But they may well have been born too. It's not romanticising - my mother has grown old surrounded by the sticky kisses of my children.
I can't ask my mother to stop mourning for the daughter she has lost.

pupsiecola Tue 25-Mar-14 20:22:47

Nancy whereabouts in the US are you? We hope to move there at some point in mid future - good to hear you're enjoying it.

idlevice Tue 25-Mar-14 20:57:03

The mention of mourning emigrated family made me remember that families used to hold a going away event for emigrating family members that was effectively like a funeral. This was in the days when ordinary households didn't have telephones etc and most "common" people were illiterate so they wouldn't have had written contact. It was supposed to help in the same way going through the ritual of a funeral is supposed to help.

I lived abroad for 6yrs & don't regret it as I am one that also couldn't have lived the "what if I'd gone" type of thoughts. I also felt some of the sadness about lack of direct family interaction as I had 2 DC abroad. It has made me appreciate even more the things I like about the UK.

PossumPoo Tue 25-Mar-14 21:16:25

Atthe your post is very sad and it does sound like you are still struggling with your sister leaving.

People have to live their own lives though and I am glad that on the whole, I dont have to deal with this sort of melancholy from my Dsis. DH and I are from opposite sides of the world so there will always be someone who is sad/missing out. Skype isnt the same as in the flesh but it really is the next best thing and really amazing for those of us that have "robbed" our families by moving away.

atthestrokeoftwelve Tue 25-Mar-14 21:27:59

Apart from my mother's feelings I really don't care, my sister is seven years older than me, we were not close as children, and she left home when I was nine, emigrating when I was 11. What I do remember is my mother's depression, and her cheerful voice when she spoke to my sister on the phone. Pretending that all was well. It wasn't.
My sister's emigration was like a death to our parents, my father became terminally ill two years after the emigration too. THey lost their forst born child.
I don't care for my sake, but I do for my family's. I also now see that my sister herself is starting to feel a great burden , especially with her own grandchildren she now realises the pain she has caused by driving the massive rift of half a planet between her and us. She didn't then realise the consequences and impact at what starting a new life abroad would do.
If you are liiving abroad and enjoying a new live without those you have left behind you may not see this perspective, but I can assure you it is very real, and families such as ours are not alone in feeling the bereavement that emigration causes.

NancyinCali Tue 25-Mar-14 21:41:36

pupsiecola we're in Silicon Valley, about an hour from San Francisco grin

atthestrokeoftwelve Tue 25-Mar-14 21:43:30

"
People have to live their own lives though and I am glad that on the whole, I dont have to deal with this sort of melancholy from my Dsis."

We don't live our lives in isolation though- family may not be important to you but it is to some.
My sister does not have to live with my melancholy - I can assure you I lead a fulfilled and happy life. Even if i was melancholicii doubt she would glean that from the five words we exchange on our annual communication in the form of a christmas card.

pupsiecola Tue 25-Mar-14 21:49:02

Oooh Nancy that's a strong contender for us. We're there for a few days over Easter as part of a road trip around California/Nevada. Do you think you will stay long term and do you have DCs?

mummytime Tue 25-Mar-14 21:56:21

Gosh I find this talk of mourning very sad.
In my family quite a few members emigrated at the beginning of last century (1900- 1913 ish). They went with everyone knowing they might never come back ever. But they were still part of the family. I still have very fond memories of the excitement when the letters arrived at my Grandma's house from the Great Aunt in Canada (who my mother had only met once).
They were still very much part of the family. And yes at times it was hard when they were a long way away (such as when a brother died). But no one was that heartbroken just by the distance.

Anyway OP you have a chance to have an adventure, and then maybe come back for good one day. If you have nothing really anchoring yourself right now, then I'd go for it.

rosiesmartypants Tue 25-Mar-14 21:59:55

My husband and I left the UK this time 2 years ago, as he was offered a secondment to the US, and we were there for 15 months, and I regret that we made the move every single day.

When we arrived my husband was really busy, and it was really just 'normal service' for him, except in a different part of the world. I wasn't prepared for the impact that giving up my work would have on me (we weren't married at the time, so I had no right to a work visa), and having no income of my own. His employers weren't considerate of my situation, and no spousal allowance was on offer, to take in to consideration of how negatively impacted financially we were by our move there.

Now that we are back, I can't get back in to the freelance work I was doing when I left, which has impacted us massively now we are home! So all round it was a lose - lose situation for us, and we are still counting the cost.

On plus side was I brought home a beautiful son (who has a US passport).

atthestrokeoftwelve Tue 25-Mar-14 22:01:21

Sad but true. Can you imagine your own child leaving your life and how you would feel. Yes you would want them to be happy in a new life and have exciting opportunities, but you would not feel sorrow?

Atthestroke no wonder the poor woman is "feeling a great burden" - I assume she is being emotionally blackmailed about her "betrayal" down the phone every time there is any contact - do you resent her not being there to help you care for your mother now? hmm

GhettoPrincess001 Tue 25-Mar-14 22:22:07

We emigrated from Britain to New Zealand in 2011. I'm married to a kiwi. I didn't want to emigrate/relocate as in my opinion the two countries are pretty similar and it was a lot of upheaval to replicate what we already had. Anyway, he was having his mid life crisis so I came along for the ride !

His mother and sister live in the same city. His sister is married with children. That city being Auckland, by the way. Where my husband comes from but does not want to live there. Good, suits me.

We live a few hours drive from where they live, mercifully !

We get by on my husband's salary as I've really struggled to find work. I've had some short contracts but nothing permanent. Referring to the short contracts I've had when applying for other work means nothing apparently.

Anyway, we've agreed to go back to Britain. I shall continue to tread water/mark time here. I cheer myself up with the remark, 'you know you're going home, don't you ?'

My Dad, Sister, Niece and nephew live in Britain. My Dad will be 72 this year. Sadly my mum died in 2005. My Niece and nephew are teenagers pursuing their further education goals.

So, not much of a family pull for me but I still want to go home.

My husband's idea for emigrating was that we would buy our house with the proceeds of the sale of our house in Britain both get jobs and live mortgage free and have more disposable income. Sounded good. The practical reality is quite different !

OK, we own our own home but it's mortgaged and we get by one income. We've ended up in regional New Zealand where jobs are scarce. So I spend most days inventing things to do to stave off the tedium. Yes I do voluntary work.

To me, it's not a question of whether it worked or didn't work. It's a finite period of time and in a couple of years time, it will be, 'time up'. Win, lose or draw doesn't come into it as far as I'm concerned.

now read a post I missed in which you mention you only speak 5 words a year to her, so mystified how you know so much about how dreadful she feels hmm

I hope my children will travel and have adventures and live where-ever offers them the best life, not feel some dreadful dragging sense of duty to me. As long as they stay in touch and send me happy smiling photos I sincerely hope I will be happy for them!

atthestrokeoftwelve Tue 25-Mar-14 22:29:47

My sister speaks daily to our mother tumbles. I am a carer for our mother so I get daily reports. My sister is pressurising my mother to emigrate atm.
No need to accuse me.

atthestroke I am wondering why you have come onto living overseas to try to make people who live overseas feel guilty about doing so and admonish them for their selfishness.

atthestrokeoftwelve Tue 25-Mar-14 22:37:28

I have as much right to comment here as you do. And my points are just as valid. Why have you come one here to accuse me?

"now read a post I missed in which you mention you only speak 5 words a year to her, so mystified how you know so much about how dreadful she feels hmm"

-why do you feel the need to post that comment? Do you think I am making this up?

I think you are jealous of your sister tbh and bitter that you feel you've been left with responsibility for your unhappy mother while your sister has picnics on the beach with her grandchildren. All kinds of things might have happened if your sister had remained in the UK - she might not have had children, she might have moved to the opposite end of the UK and rarely seen your mother anyway, she might have had a big fall out and gone NC - anything could have happened, the idea she has "robbed" your mother of a glowing, cozy alternative reality version of the present is a very odd thing to focus on.

However I will leave this thread now, as engaging with your agenda, whatever it is, has derailed the thread.

nooka Wed 26-Mar-14 01:36:58

It's a bit sad to see that an alternative point of view is being dismissed (especially with the slightly pathetic 'you must be jealous line'). My mother is of course very pleased that I am happy where I live now, but that doesn't stop her being very sad that we are so far away and that she doesn't have the relationship with her grandchildren that she would have had if we hadn't moved.

This is a totally normal and expected result of emigration. For those that move they lose close family ties. You try and sustain them with visits, telephone calls, skype etc, but it really really isn't the same. For those that are left behind a part of their family is effectively gone. This is especially true of any children because they don't have the same strong ties as adults, having not had so much time to build them up.

That doesn't make those of us who move or those who are sad when we leave into bad guys.

CharityCase Wed 26-Mar-14 02:41:11

I think it's a case of different times- you can't compare the experience of a family member emigrating to Australia then and now. It seems that AttheStroke's sister emigrated around 35- 40 years ago- pre-internet, when international phone calls were crazy expensive and a faff- e.g. my friend's mum was in HK and then you had to book a phone line and go to the post office at the allotted time. It must have been impossible to just fly to Australia or back for a holiday - think people usually went on the boat. It must have seemed a much greater and more permanent loss. Now you can see each other every day if you want, albeit only on a screen.

Not saying anyone is right or wrong, just that things are very different now.

Wurstwitch Wed 26-Mar-14 03:25:19

I agree with charity, things are so much easier in terms of international now. My dc's grandparents visit twice a year, and stay for over a month each time. We see them more now than when we lived in the UK.

It was very different when atthe's sister emigrated, and people thinking of emigrating now probably don't deserve the overwhelming guilt trip she's trying to lay in the guise of very selective 'honesty'.

Dh's parents are considering 6 months about, they are quite convinced that had they thought about it earlier (ie way before their kids were grown) they would have emigrated themselves.

People are all so very different. It's obvious that atthe's mother finds it hard, but there is the possibility that her depression would have caused her to feel most things more keenly. I wonder how many times she has visited, or whether her depression has meant she feels unable to? Either way, the sister wasn't to know that her mother would take a turn for the worse, and can't be expected to have taken that into account, particularly when the mother (after 35 years of being unable to cope) is still alarmingly chipper with her daily telephone calls. I suppose with being so unhappy, she is preventing her other daughter from moving on, though? It must be very hard for atthe - I can see why she feels so against emigration as it has trapped her at home as a carer. As a carer myself, even if you love the person dearly, the feeling of personal responsibility can be overwhelming, and it's natural to find someone to be angry with.

Wurstwitch Wed 26-Mar-14 03:26:35

(I see it a lot with parents of disabled kids. Lots eventually split up, as despite the fact they love each other and the child, the stress and pressure is too much)

nooka Wed 26-Mar-14 04:47:49

I think it is a little unwise to assume that phone calls, even with a video connection (hate skype personally but I know many love it) are the same as actually seeing someone, or that if you move far away there will be lots of visits.

We have seen dh's family once since we moved to Western Canada (not as far or as expensive as Australia but still 10hrs+ and $$$). Granted he wasn't the most diligent of sons/brothers, but two weekends visits a year have turned into two weekend visits in six years. Which is quite different.

Only my parents have been able to visit us here, and they have been here twice. None of my siblings can afford the flights for their families, and so I don't get to show off my house or garden, which makes me a bit sad. I'd usually see my siblings several times a year and my parents probably once a month including a longer stay in the summer where my children might stay for a week or two (plus they might stay with their cousins too). I would have spent some time fairly regularly with all my extended family too.

This last year we visited home three times which was very unusual, once to see my dying father, once for his funeral and once for my brother's wedding. My mum paid for all three, we would probably have been able to make one trip otherwise. Wiped out all our holiday though.

It's not necessarily the end of the world, but it is a sadness to me and my family and I don't think uncommon at all. Better to go into these things eyes wide open, but of course this is all referring to a permanent move.

elQuintoConyo Wed 26-Mar-14 06:16:38

I left UK while still young 16 years ago. Met DH who wasn't from the country I moved to. We moved to his country, moved again and we're now settled with a DS. We are a Ryanair flight away ans Whatsapp/Skype do make a difference.
My DSis moved to Australia 10 years ago and has been back twice, her DP not once. They have dc, I have met one of them, they've never met our son. It would cost me about 3 months' wages to fly there as I have a job in a shit industry.
So, for my parents, all of their Gdc are abroad - but they couldn't be happier for us. They were very sad when my DSis announced they were emigrating, but also very positive and happy for them.
They're never coming back, and neither am I, I just wouldn't fit.
It helps that DH's family is big and they almost all live within a 5-mile radius.
Life isn't perfect here and sometimes things simply baffle me. Plus the university is somewhat 'tinpot'so we're prepared to eencourage DS to go to UK/Ireland/Barcelona/Madrid when the time comes!

So, all in all, no regrets. I do have itchy feet to move back to Italy though.... somebody please slap me!

13loki Wed 26-Mar-14 06:26:10

I don't regret the move(s) at all. Moved from Australia to England in 2004, as a couple. Moved to Sweden as a family of 4 in 2012. We now have a 3rd child. We would never have felt financially able to have 3 children in Australia or England. Here we have a huge house with plenty of room for visits from family, I've got years of maternity leave (paid) and we can spend way more timw together as a family. I speak to my dad more than when we lived in the same house. We make an effort to Skype. Yes, my parents get less hugs from my children, but they have a grandchild they would not have had.

atthestrokeoftwelve Wed 26-Mar-14 07:04:12

I am trying to see my view as being biased after the criticism I have had. Living in scotland we have been particularly affected by the diaspora of emigration due to historically poor financial situations. Four of my grandmother's children left on the "£10 passage", she never was to see those children again, nor did she ever meet her 13 grandchildren. Granted that was in different times. My lovely aunt Alice had two sons who left for New Zealand leaving her widowed and alone suffering great pain in the years before she died. Her house was like a shrine to her lost family, hundreds of framed photographs that she would make me look though at every visit. She was very proud but her heart was torn and in her last few years needed her family desperately, but felt such a burden that she didn't want to even ask.
My best friend at school left to go to the US in the 90s: an only child her father died shortly afterwards, and although she could afford to visit her mother every 6 months was devastated after several years when her Mum was found at the bottom of the stairs having been dead for 5 days before anyone thought to check on her.

Maybe it's just my life that seems peppered with the fallout of emigration.
Talk of a new life and adventure is good, but as time progresses it can become harder to keep up relationships with those in the homeland.
Do we just discard our parents oncethey have served their useful purpose of raising us? Is it a cultural thing? Families in other cultures feel a little more responsible for their parents than we do it seems.
Granted it is easier if you have the money to travel back and forward, but a new life doesn't always mean riches.
Don't be fooled that Skype and phone calls can cut it. It's a virtual world and is not enough to maintain close relationships. Young children have short memories and growing up abroad they are more often than not to view their grandparents as strangers.
I don't mean to offend and I 'm sorry if I have, it's just I have witnessed first hand such heartbreak caused by emigration, and not just in my famliy-lots of others too- which leads me to believe my experience is not such an unusual and isolated case.

If this subject is an unwanted topic I am happy to bow out, let me know.

atthestrokeoftwelve Wed 26-Mar-14 07:15:50

tumble; "I think you are jealous of your sister tbh and bitter that you feel you've been left with responsibility for your unhappy mother while your sister has picnics on the beach with her grandchildren."

May I remind you that he title of this thread is "Do you regret moving abroad". I would have though that views from those left behind are valid too- rather than personal attacks accusing me of being "jealous and bitter".

SteveBrucesNose Wed 26-Mar-14 07:33:55

bigtallpurple I assume from that you're somewhere in the Middle East with a husband in Construction grin wink

I don't regret it in general. We decided on the move abroad on a whim. We were out getting pissed on a double date with one of his mates and one of my mates who had met at our wedding and whilst they were snogging, we were bemoaning the condition of our house and decided we wanted to move house. We then decided that we both hated our jobs and wanted new ones. Then we kinda said 'Lets just fuck off to Dubai'. So we did. We've met some fabulous people, worked on some amazing projects (both in construction). Yes its been extremely difficult wiht the financial crash and various redundancies and job uncertainty. Yes the lack of salary payment (he's still 3 months behind) has been very difficult. But we love it. and no pressure to visit the inlaws on a weekly basis

For us, we were in uncertain times back home anyway. It was 2007/2008, and the company he worked for had just been bought out by a competitor and all staff were on consultation for redundancy. My job was fairly secure but low paying for the industry as I had the better hours, the pension, the flexitime, the huge amounts of annual leave, rather than the salary, which made it unsustainable if he lost his job. So, had we decided to stay, we may have ended up in a very shit position indeed.

We said 5 years and we'd reconsider. We were on holiday when that day occurred. I realised that it was the anniversary and said to him 'So shall we reconsider?'. His response was 'Yes, lets reconsider whether we want to live in Dubai or not. Lets move house to Abu Dhabi' (he still commutes to Dubai in 45 mins, and I've worked in AD for years and commuted).

The regrets I do have are missing family. I'm now an aunty. My parents are retired. His family are having a generally shit time with a pending court case and he hates not being there.

I agree to a point with the lack of knowing where I belong. But we sold up completely in the UK and don't own our 'home' anywhere in the world. Hopefully our mortgage approval for our house in Spain will come through soon (in the next 6 months) and we're going to declare that as our actual 'home'. I had a fall out with our HR department as I couldn't give them my 'Address in Home Country' as I don't have one.

One thing I always say to people looking at emigrating though is to thoroughly discuss and agree what you will do if one wants to stay and one wants to go. I've met many people over here who have been through hell when their wives and children don't like it but they love it, or haven't been able to find a job back home and their families have been split up (albeit temporarily whilst it is resolved). My best friend and her husband emigrated last year as a stepping stone to the country they both wanted to move to, when they both were made redundant. They couldn't find jobs where they wanted to go, but found jobs elsewhere. She has settled there and wants to stay, he wants to start looking for jobs in their ultimate agreed destination and hates where they are, and they are struggling.

I can't see myself ever wanting to leave the UAE. We've considered other places over the last couple of years, but never found anything that we want to do. He wants to go to Canada - I'm not sure I could cope with the weather after being here grin Australia just feels too far for me. We got stuck by the ash cloud when we were supposed to be flying home for a wedding and it felt horrible not knowing when I could get back. It made me realise that other than that (ridiculous, once in a lifetime kind of disaster), we would always be able to get home within 24 hours if we needed to for anything. There are always flights to Europe - probably hundreds daily when you consider AD, Dubai, and Qatar airports, with hundreds of flights to the UK or the chunnel if really desperate. Not quite the same as Oz or New Zealand - fewer flights, a hell of a lot more expensive, and a day's travelling away on the most direct route.

We were lucky though. Both our families were very supportive of us going. None of them really thought we'd go through with it though, until they all dropped us at the airport. I'm not sure I'd have been able to do it if any of our immediate families had put up objections to us going. I'm not sure I'd have been strong enough to make that decision, if I'm honest.

We see my parents a lot (2-3 times a year) and his parents once every 2 years. His brother comes over twice a year, my sister has been twice but now has 1.5 children so not quite as easy. We rarely visit the UK together (its been over a year since I went, and he went between christmas and new year) due to different annual leave balances, so I go home when there's something going on in my family, and he goes when there's something going on with his. The last time we flew to the UK together on outbound AND inbound flights was 5 years ago - since then, even for weddings that we've both been to, one of us will go back for a week beforehand (eg when I was a bridesmaid) and then he flew in the day before the wedding and we flew back together afterwards. Its easier though as we're only 7.5 hours away so we can nip back for weekends, unlike Oz / Western Canada/US.

Sorry for the essay. blush I get rambling about this subject as I know its not an easy decision and how many things can and have gone wrong for people we have known, and if someone gets even just one additional thought out of it then its worth it to me.

pupsiecola Wed 26-Mar-14 07:39:54

Atthe, all four of our GPs have ben crap with support with our kids. They say they they love them etc but they are all talk and no action. Now the DCs are 11 and 9 they are not interested in their GPs as their GPs have no idea what's going on in their lives. My mother still talks to them as if they were 4. So its not always about desserting you parents once they've served a purpose. For us we didn't think too much about the effect on our parents. They made no effort when we lived 20 miles away.

Even when we returned from a stressful stint in Asia last year I had to get a taxi from Heathrow to their house. Without my husdband and with more luggage than we could all carry. Because my dad was nervous about getting lost at the airport. No warm welcome home for us.

Then shortly after DS2 broke his leg in two places and was in a wheelchair for the entire summer hols. DH was in Asia half the time. We knew no one locally. And none of the DGs offered any help. Not even having the boys for a day.

So we feel free from any guilt re where we live. We won't consider them if we move overseas again.

pupsiecola Wed 26-Mar-14 07:43:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pupsiecola Wed 26-Mar-14 07:43:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

atthestrokeoftwelve Wed 26-Mar-14 07:48:00

But our parents are not just there to support us- don't we need to support them too?

BecauseIsaidS0 Wed 26-Mar-14 07:53:52

I moved to the UK (which is 'abroad' for me) some 15 years ago and I just haven't looked back. I am well suited to this country and have long ago stopped telling myself that one day I will move back.

It is sometimes hard being away from my parents, I will not lie, but the upsides of being here totally trump the rest. And my parents are happy that I made a great life for myself, and they adore DH who is studying my native language to be able to speak to them.

Grennie Wed 26-Mar-14 08:14:36

I have friends and family that have emigrated, some who love it, and some who hated it. The issues they have complained to me about are -

- Being shocked at the level of racism in small town New Zealand
- Finding the different cultural expectations in Germany difficult, especially in relation to what children are expected to be able to cope with e.g. 5 year old children expected to be walking home from school alone.
- Being shocked at the poor quality of childcare e.g. a large room with lots of young children running around, and 2 adults supervising.
- Having to adjust to different cultural ideas about schooling and appropriate education
- Knowing the language, but not well enough to be able to express nuances, making jokes, etc, which made it hard for them to develop meaningful friendships
- Living in a country where extended families are emphasised and adult friendships not so much, so making it very hard to make friends.
- Being heavily looked down on for being a single mother.

Basically you need to understand where you are moving to and not think it will be anything like going on holiday. In many places you will be heavily criticised by locals for behaviour that will be ignored if you are a tourist.

pupsiecola Wed 26-Mar-14 08:25:09

It should be mutual right?

They moan that they don't see the GCs (this is historical - been going on years) and I cave and arrange things whilst they just sit on their bums expecting it to all magically happen. Well, I'm not doing it any more. And we're certainly not going to put any life plans on hold because of it.

cryingoutproud Wed 26-Mar-14 09:43:22

I've name-changed for this but I have posted earlier on this thread (I am one of the people who have moved abroad). Atthe I am sorry to hear how much your family has been affected by other people's emigration. It's heartbreaking. It's probably hard to hear for a lot of us who have moved away, although I would like to think that if my children did the same in the future, that my happiness at their adventure and their own happiness (assuming it went well) would help to limit some of the negative feelings associated with their move away. For people with close, loving, supportive families, emigration must be devastating, for the people who go as well as the people left behind sad. I can't imagine having to make the decision about whether or not to go in those circumstances.

As you may have gathered hmm I am not fortunate enough to have good relationships with my family. And, by some horrible coincidence, neither is my DH. I can identify with a lot of what pupsicola said. It's not nice to admit (hence the name-change) but mine and DH's parents do not deserve the kind of consideration or support that other people's parents do. Basically, they have been rubbish parents and there's no way on earth I will base the decisions I make regarding my own children's future on these people's needs/desires. That's hard to admit as most people have loving, 'normal' families to consider. I don't. In fact, whilst I would give absolutely anything to have had a good childhood and a positive relationship with my parents, I am now trying to see all the dysfunction as a positive. I believe that if we didn't have such poor relationships with our parents then maybe we wouldn't even consider emigrating? It's very hard to see it as a positive (I can't think of a single other positive!) but planning to emigrate does help. We really don't have that much to lose (apart from time, stress, money etc...) by going. I know that I will be very much in a minority in this way of thinking, and I have seen (on Wanted Down Under of course!) and heard how hard it is for those leaving loved ones behind. I thought I'd throw in my two-penneth. My heart goes out to both sets of people, particularly the ones left behind, without the exciting new life.

giggly Wed 26-Mar-14 09:56:02

atthestroke don't go your views are valued, that comment about being jealous was petty.
We broke our parents hearts by going overseas however they gave us their blessings of course, my dh is an only child and his parents need support now which I believe is our duty to provide. Not many expats agree with me on this one, I wonder if that's their guilt talking. I was raised to look after and accept responsibility for my family, luckily there are no nutters/demanding among us.
I wouldn't tell my inlaws that was one of our reasons for coming back though.

Grennie Wed 26-Mar-14 09:56:38

My fathers parents moved abroad. It made it extremely difficult when they became frail and really needed family support, but they felt they were too old and ill to cope with moving back.

TheseAreTheJokesFolks Wed 26-Mar-14 10:26:35

What we owe our parents and duty of care including cultural comparisons is an issue which arises between siblings when there is any disparity though.
Only children carry the burden if it is considered a burden, some do it willingly.
Others may argue they have their own families or work commitments or they live too far away even if residing in the same country.
Ringing on a daily basis and encouraging a parent to emigrate might be too little too late but is something.

I have 3 children...easy for me to say now admittedly...but they owe me nothing when I age. I did not have them for that purpose and my love for them is unconditional.

If they felt obliged to call or visit or provide care then it becomes a duty call a guilt visit ...I would rather see them if they wanted to see me not out of family ties and I would rather live in an OAP home or take myself off to a one way trip to Switzerland than impose on my kids.

Partner feels same way. Not the guilt talking.
We had kids as we chose to have them. We raise them the best we can as we adore them but not as some kind of insurance for later as a solution provider for loneliness or healthcare.

pupsiecola Wed 26-Mar-14 12:31:42

I didn't have an unhappy childhood. Things started to go wrong when I started forming my own opinions etc. (For example I went on the pill at 18 (been with bf for 2 years) and my mum didn't speak to me for a month (we lived in the same house)). No ability to talk about it. We just don't get on.

atthestrokeoftwelve Wed 26-Mar-14 13:03:33

Same here pupse, I think we all go through a teenege falling out thing, but we can come through it. I am still not my mother's biggest fan but I am and pragmatic enough to see that she needs help and I am the only one around to give it. So I do.

pupsiecola Wed 26-Mar-14 14:19:29

Some come through it. Some don't. We all have a choice at the end of the day. Your sister chose to up and leave and you've chosen to stay.

pinkhousesarebest Wed 26-Mar-14 17:05:46

This is an interesting thread. We moved for a year 16 years ago, although I had a good idea that once dh got away we would not be rushing back. All things considered it was probably a good move- bilingual dcs, weather, a bigger house- though definitely not bigger salaries.

But for me the price to pay was family. I broke my heart leaving my dsis and her little dcs and was profoundly unhappy for the first few years. Looking back, I realize that things got better when we all started to let go sad. Skype etc is no substitute long term and cannot fill in all the gaps in the day to day life that you aren't privy to (and I'm only in France).

atthestrokeoftwelve Wed 26-Mar-14 17:21:06

pink I think that the tactic of "letting go" is a survival tactic. On both sides. It can be to have mininal contact with relatives abroad, because that way it's easier not to think about the separation and loss. Sad, but it helps us get on with our lives.

atthestroke you have a very valid, insightful point of view. I appreciate you posting that.

We are abroad, and while I've lived away for longer than DH (from different countries), his DP have been very involved with previous GC, and they are their LIFE! His DM is very sad we are gone, and prints out all the pictures I send and has them up in the house. His DF also of course, but he was very happy for us at our move. We haven't been to either of our families for 3 years now, last when DS2 was 8mths, he's now a walking, talking bona fide person, that they would find immensely amusing. I feel like we should go back this summer to PILs, but DH has an idea of a road trip in the country we are in instead. My DB lives in same country as my PIL and likewise, I haven't seen him or my niece for 3 yrs also... So difficult, you feel pulled in all directions.

atthestrokeoftwelve Wed 26-Mar-14 17:34:58

I think that's what happens royal. You put roots down and before too long abroad is your home. THis happened to my sister, emigrated at 17, kids shortly afterwards, school friends church community. Fast forward and my sister is now a grandmother to 3 grandchildren, two married daughters, who themselves have jobs, lives, in laws, extented family.
My sister no longer feels she has the option of coming back to the UK- her roots are abroad and she wants her grandchildren to grow up with grandparents- something her own children didn't have the chance to do.
Bizarrely now my sisters DD now wants to come to live in the UK permanently- and my sister is distraught at the thought, athough she also wants our mother to come to stay permanently in Australia so she can see her great grand children growing up.
Very complex situation all around, and no easy anwers.

Very interesting thread, has helped me consider the move we might make. I've heard someone regretted moving to where we might well move to, due to not as much long terms expats, most are there for a few months to maybe two years or so, then moving back, so a lot of the English speaking friends made, and friends for DC in schools, will move on, so apparently the social life there could be fun but wasn't secure iyswim?

soapnuts Sun 30-Mar-14 10:37:32

I don't regret moving abroad - I regret still being here though. I wish we had gone "home" a couple of years ago. you never know until you try though.

cryingoutproud Sun 30-Mar-14 19:59:51

Interesting perspective Soapnuts. I think that's how I feel actually - I think we had to move here, but we should have stopped hoping it was going to work out a couple of years ago. Once you've actually made the move, though, I think it's a lot harder to admit defeat and go home. Even if it's in everyone's interests sad You always want it to be worth the hassle and heartache. Sometimes it's just not the right thing to do though.

giggly Mon 31-Mar-14 17:08:26

That's the thing soap nuts, I know I will have a better life back in the Uk and so glad I didn't buy a house here(for a ransom) and put down roots that would be harder to break.

PossumPoo Tue 01-Apr-14 11:09:55

I haven't meant to but I do really socialise a lot with people from my own country or DH's and we all talk about moving home etc so I don't feel like I'm laying down roots that can't be ripped up and placed somewhere else smile

We bought a house and financially this has been a very good thing for us, however the weird thing is I won't buy a car as that just feels too much like 'putting down roots' (very weird I know!). Plus as I say to DH who do we have to visit where having a car is a better option? All our friends are scattered across London so we generally meet centrally.

Schmedz Tue 15-Apr-14 09:26:33

You only live once! Far worse to turn down an opportunity than spend the rest of your life wondering 'what if....?'

I am also an expat...initially moved for 2 years and 14 years later still in the same country...but getting itchy feet to try somewhere new again...

peacoat Tue 15-Apr-14 09:48:12

I moved to the UK around a decade ago from Australia. I had an absolute ball for the first 6 years or so. I've been homesick for the past 3 years but unable to move back yet. I'm now planning to move back in 2 years (I'm studying and want to finish it, plus it gives me a good amount of time to tidy things up here). Saying that though, if I was from the UK and my friends and family were here, I'd happily stay as I love the UK.

I agree with atthestrokeoftwelve - one of the reasons I'm going back is that I don't want to live my entire life away from my family and best (childhood) friends with whom I have years and years of history. I don't think it's maudlin to think this way. Even though I admit my glasses are tinged a little rose-coloured, I miss popping in for a cup of coffee/tea and a chat with my sister, brother, nieces, friends etc. I miss that I can't babysit for my best friend every now and then. I miss that I am not on camping holidays with her and her family. I'm sad that I can't take my DF to the hospital for his appointments.

I'm not looking forward to the casual racism, the high costs and the conspicuous consumption that I experience in Sydney. You just have to take the good and try to ignore the annoying wherever you are.

Best thing I ever did. I have a disability and it has made me much more independent than I would have been had I stayed put.

It has its challenges though

Cerisier Thu 17-Apr-14 04:53:53

No regrets here. We moved to Singapore for two years about ten years ago and are still here. DH and I both have jobs we enjoy and our DCs are happy so we are very lucky.

Since I left home I have never lived near family or old friends and with a busy job never found it easy to make new friends, so I have never had anyone I could pop in to see on my way home from work for a cup of tea. Hence moving across the world wasn't the wrench that it might have been.

We are still emotionally very close to all the parents. We know if there was a problem they'd be straight on a plane to us and we would do the same.

crispsanddips Thu 17-Apr-14 05:04:34

Moving from the UK to Canada has been the best thing I ever did. Better attitude, better weather, etc.

My parents were excited that I was moving, I talk to them most days of the week.

If I don't stay in this country, I will definitely go somewhere that is not the UK.

Sillylass79 Mon 02-Jun-14 00:09:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheSarcasticFringehead Mon 02-Jun-14 00:13:30

I moved from the UK to the US and it has been amazing. I moved for my dream job, we are in California and I honestly love it. The school system is great for the DC and life feels more laid back, it's been a great experience which is now not an experience, just 'life'. It's home and we're hoping for dual citizenship, don't want to move back tbh.

BioSuisse Mon 02-Jun-14 13:51:26

I have no regret but we are in Switzerland considering a move to Russia, but i doubt we will stay forever in Russia, so not too far away.

My DSIS has always had problems with my living all around the world. She says it is because she misses my DCs and i am missing hers, but when i do plan a trip back home she makes little effort to meet up. Eg. I will call her up before i book flights, ask her whether she is free and usually give her a couple of months notice. She huffs and puffs about having her own life and not being able to drop everything to run and see us. She refuses to get Skype and doesn't return any answering machine messages. To cut a long story short, she is jealous and so is as difficult as possible. And our parents haven't even retired yet! Goodness knows how hard she will be when they are ill and need help.

Go for it OP. Goodluck!

fussychica Mon 02-Jun-14 14:29:47

No - it meant I could give up work in my mid 40s, my DS had lots of freedom to roam and little commercial pressure, it allowed him to become fluent in another language.
On the downside we missed family & the collapse of the housing market meant we lost money when we sold and have had to downsize on our return to the UK.

JewelFairies Tue 10-Jun-14 18:21:35

Yes, but after 22 years abroad I don't think it's actually possible to go 'home'...

bebespain Wed 11-Jun-14 09:33:32

I do. I´m in Spain

BUT...I know that if we hadn´t moved here I would have always wondered.

After 7 years of wondering what the Hell we´d done I now tell myself not to regret anything because at one point it was exactly what you wanted - thanks Marilyn!

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