We had a talk about moving back home.

(67 Posts)
Longdistance Thu 20-Jun-13 12:53:40

Well, as some of you may know, I've been miserable here in Oz the entire time since we came over. It was my h's decision to move over and I feel there was a lot of pressure on me to move even though I wasn't unhappy.

A lot of decisions have been made for me, and it's made me a very bitter and angry person. I'm so miserable here, and have told him this several times. It has in the past fallen on deaf ears.

Today, I had to again ask to see the rental accounts for our house back in the Uk, as this is making over £700 profit each month, and I haven't seen a penny in the 20 months we've been here hmm

So, I got to see them, and apparently we've also been getting dividends on the shares he secretly has and hasn't told me. That's another thread. I could only see the last few months accounts, but am still dubious as to what he's done with the money.

I mentioned to him, that he needed to show me the accounts more than twice in 20 months as the house is ours, not his, as it was pre engagement and me selling my house at a massive profit is to why we now have a tiny mortgage. I then mentioned that it wasn't financially viable to be here, as the one wage he's on is not enough, and me working in my profession doesn't pay very well here, and that gets soaked up in childcare fees.

We never have any money, and seem really poor to what we had in the Uk. He's not had a pay rise since we've been here either. Going out for dinner is a major treat now, as before we'd go out weekly.

I didn't like his comment, as he said that I hadn't given it a chance. It's been nearly two years, and I think that's long enough being miserable. It has effected our marriage, and my gp suggested counseling. I said I've achieved the grand sum of chuff all being here, and I have tried to go out and meet people, through groups taking dd's to swimming, gymnastics, and don't ask about the playgroup <shudders>

I currently have a broken leg, and have had surgery on it. It has been dreadful, and very stressful for all of us, as we not have sil to help at weekends, and occasionally a friend miles away can have our girls for a day whilst dh goes to work. It's been awful, and has highlighted how much I really miss the Uk and all the support we had there.

The resentment towards my h is incredible. I'm so angry with him, and I'm someone who is told I'm always happy, and in a good mood.

He did query how we'd pay for a container, but I really don't care how. I want to go back home and get some work, see my family, my friends, and stop paying ridiculous amounts in rent, and healthcare.

Sorry, that was epic, but he's finally acknowledged that I want to go home. It's taken long enough.

You have clearly had enough. I sometimes hear about expats who want to go home and then it transpires that they've been away for 3 or 4 months which imho isn't nearly long enough to settle in. 20 months is a big time investment and if you're not happy, you're not happy. I would think it's time to put the wheels in motion to go back.

Will your dh's job move back with you or will he need to find a new one?
How old are your dcs? Will they need school etc?
How much notice do you need to give your tenants?

I do think that you need to address the issues in your marriage too. When you move back, will all your resentment and anger disappear? Are they all truly linked only to your location?

mummytime Belgium Thu 20-Jun-13 13:06:05

I would really, really want to know what has been happening to the money. I think you need to start finding out now. If he won't tell you then start taking note of bank accounts and savings accounts that you can find. Does he have lots of personal accounts?

Try to get copies of as much as you can and store these out of the house, you could post them,to a safe address in the UK or scan and store in a private email etc. on line.

I would also see what your credit worthy ness is for now, and start to get quotes for the container etc. I would also pressurise your doctors to give you dates on which you could fly back to the UK.

If at all possible get his permission to bring the children back to the UK, at least for a holiday.

Longdistance Thu 20-Jun-13 14:44:45

We moved over as a transfer with dh's company. It's a building company in the Uk, and they deal with mining and infrastructure here in Oz. We're on 457 visas if that helps.

Dc are 2 and nearly 4, so no big issue with schools yet. Our tenants contract is up in October, our lease here is up in November.
Looking back on it all, it was the move, as well as him. So, I would want to suggest counseling to him. Wether he agrees is another story.
What I've seen so far of the money, shows he's been paying into the mortgage. It's the cloak and dagger of it all I don't like, as he's not to be trusted from a previous issue with him buying shares.
He knows that the dc will come back with me, as he knows he cannot handle them as well as me. Half his wages would go on childcare if I wasn't around.

When I was hospitalized, he couldn't cope at all. I had to make lists upon lists of what needed doing. He was so disorganized. When I came home I just balled my eyes out at the state of the house and what was going on. Is still awful, but I'm not allowed to weight bear yet, as my breaks haven't completely healed sad so I doubt the doc would let me fly just yet.
Even if we had a date for October, it'd be something to look forward to.

Oh dear, poor you, heal quickly.
I agree two years is long enough to be miserable, when are the visas up?
I think I'd aim to go back before October, give the tenants plenty of notice and get back in your house. Forget the container, sell everything but your most treasured memories for you and the kids, plus toys and clothes and get a quote for a shared container. We are only taking about 200 square feet back, they said it'll be in one lift van (a big wood crate you can walk in) they fit so many in a 40 foot container.

Also I agree with mummytime, you need to know about the money. Start searching for statements make copies, search the computer history and print out everything to see what you can find. figure out what banks or investment companies he's been stashing the money in. Something sounds fishy about the house money.

Pitmountainpony Fri 28-Jun-13 05:04:31

Yeah sell your stuff and bring the minimum back....it will be best part of 20 k to ship a container I am guessing.
Get home. I think Oz is overrated and overly expensive and too many casual racists for my tastes!!

Longdistance Fri 28-Jun-13 05:32:24

My h did mention about a container. But we still have loads of baby stuff to sell, so am gonna do that on Gumtree, and do a swap market (car boot) to make some money and get rid.

My car is only 18 months old, and was bought brand new. Will be able to get round $20k for it, and it has been paid off on finance which we only had for a year.

We have furniture to sell, as the bed we have would never fit in our house ( it is beautiful dark wood king bed, with bedside cabinets, and a tallboy). That should sell well.

We won't need the girls beds either, so can sell them too, and my dd2 is gonna be out of nappies soon, so won't need her changer.
May pack half a container ourselves with toys, and kitchen stuff.
My clothes are shit, so can bin some of them lol.
Only thing I don't want to leave is the oak dining room table and chairs, and the side board as it was expensive, but I love it too much to leave. The sofas can be dumped as they're dying a death as we speak.

Pit I take it you're not a fan then grin join my club.
It annoys me that going out for dinner is so bloody expensive and is now a treat.
I'm at the end of my tether as miss everyone back home. This move was really to do with my h's job, and not really a change of life. I've never been so poor. We had a great life in the Uk. Our mortgage is nearly paid off. We had two brand new decent cars on the drive. We saw family. Went out regularly. Went for weekends away every few months (Wales, Devon, up north to visit mil and her dh). Never worried about money. Had babysitters on tap. I had my job, which I gave up after 15 years, which has made me resent dh and this decision. It had ruined our marriage.

I'm thinking about counseling. If h says no, I'm done with him too, as well as this country!

WhataSook Fri 28-Jun-13 11:16:28

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Longdistance Fri 28-Jun-13 12:15:53

Very constructive there Sook.

Thanks for your shitty advice, but my life is shitty here, and never was in the Uk, that's why I want to go back.

I have no illusions of how Oz was, my h wanted to move here, not me. And I'm trying to fix this mess. I have been here before, and wasn't keen when my h wanted to move here. I was pressurized into this, and decisions were made for me.

If you cannot contribute to my post, with any useful advice for me, then please do not comment.

I for one do not care if the sun shines or not, what I do care about is being happy. And being here isn't making me happy.

kiwidreamer Fri 28-Jun-13 18:16:24

It took me years and years to be happy here in the UK but the biggest difference was my then partner / now DH was understanding and supportive and tried to help me make the most of the situation, admittedly all the while gently persuading me that staying was our better option. Eventually life took over and after a decade here I often think I'll miss the UK when we leave but hand on heart we will leave one day!

I also often feel that the decision to move / stay here wasn't really my own but I only have myself to blame as I didn't really ever stand up and say NO THANKS... I still remember sitting on the plane that very first flight AKL to LDN thinking FAAAAAARK this is really happening lol. Good on you for persevering with the situation but also for standing up and valuing your happiness.

If after two years you do not even have a glimmer of affection for Australia then I agree its time to cut your losses.

Best of luck for the future x

twilight3 Fri 28-Jun-13 19:04:17

oh, dear OP, you do sound very unhappy and bitter....

I think the issue is much deeper than location. The fact that you were pressurised in the first place to move to other side of the planet, the lack of trust between you and h with regards to finances etc, ring bells to me for your marriage. Do you feel loved? Do you feel you love him?
If you can't love him and can't feel loved in Oz, where you're unhappy, is the move to the UK going to fix this or just mask it?

I'm afraid I can't offer practical advice. Just keep in mind that a fractured bone can be an unwise adviser...

WhataSook Fri 28-Jun-13 20:40:21

Longdistance my post was to Pit not you, with the ever trundled out racist comment that absolutely pisses me off no end. For the exact reason I stated (thanks MNHQ for deleting...still think it's a TWATISH line to roll out). And I am sorry I didn't mean for you to think I was saying your shitty life.

I live in London and my life is shitty at times and if my DH couldn't be supportive in my homesickness or what ever it is that makes life feel crap here at times I would feel very down and would probably consider leaving without him.

Sunshine doesn't always make life better, Aus is a long way from here and a completely different way of life. It's taken me 5 years to appreciate the sharp seasons here, the way life is here...but I still want to go home to my family. I think that is natural.

I read this thread when you first posted and I felt for you but had nothing to add so didn't. I do apologise again as my post was not directed to you.

Longdistance Fri 28-Jun-13 21:24:17

When he pressurized me to move, he then went further to pressurize me to tell my family. I saw my family most days, and he'd be asking, had I told hem yet. Push, push, push.

It makes it incredibly hard as both my parents cannot fly this far, and would never get the clear from a doc to travel, as both my parents are in ill health. No insurance would cover them either.

In the answer to your question, do I feel loved? No I don't feel loved. The way he treats me sometimes. Since I broke my leg, I've seen this horrid man who's unsympathetic, uncaring, unhelpful. He's started smoking again, and I find it repulsive. Sounds extreme, but he wasn't smoking when we met, was always just a social smoker, and now had gone back to smoking, and is doing as he pleases. Bar the fact cigarettes are expensive here, just makes me angry

Yes, you're right, I'm very bitter. I've caught myself in the mirror before now, and I look the shell of what I used to be. My face looks weathered, tired, exhausted...I used to glam up everyday for my work, I just look so miserable all the time.

No problem Sook. I haven't come across any racism here, people seem to keep themselves to themselves. But, yes, my h doesn't do much to help me get over te homesickness, and that in itself makes it a very lonely place to be.

Luckily, we're not pr. It was a we'll see how we go basis. He wants to stay, and anything I say about not wanting to stay is made out to be not valid a point. I feel so trapped sad

Longdistance Fri 28-Jun-13 21:26:50

I also forgot to add, I have two sil's here, h's dsis's, h's mum has been twice, and his dad separately as they're not together. And quite frankly, I'm sick of seeing his family all the time. So there's a lot of resentment there too.

WhataSook Fri 28-Jun-13 21:47:12

Longdistance I have PMd you

solarbright Sat 29-Jun-13 01:16:04

Is there anything to stop you just booking 3 plane tickets and leaving? I mean, after your leg heals. I remember your previous posts, and things are worse. Just get out. Hopefully DH will follow soon, and even if you don't stay together, he will be there for his DC.

Tell the estate agents you won't be renewing the tenants' contract. Tell your family when you plan to arrive. Inform the LEA of any school places needed for September.

Book tickets. Pack up as much weight as you can in suitcases and off you go.

Pitmountainpony Sat 29-Jun-13 03:09:47

I don,t think the op souns bitter just unhappy. If her quality of life was better in the uk and she enjoyed a better support system then frankly Australia is never going to offer that.
I actually think Australia is Avery beautiful place but my experience of it was it felt a bit backward and sorry but I met more racist people there than anywhere apart from China and I do think the UK is one of the least racist places in the world. Of course there are many educated and nice Australians but frankly I met more of the others in my time there and the is a different mentality which can make it harder to connect with people....I found it all a bit...stick it on the BBQ approach ....culture, humor, sensitivity....ahhh yeah stick it on the BBQ.

The truth is the op has gone from a good life to aless good one and she sounds like she knows what she wants to do. Maybe she needs some encouragement. You can sell your stuff and you can come home and you have given it a chance. Hot weather is not enough compensation for giving up all those goods she had back home. People underrate those simple pleasures and overrate what Australia has to offer in my opinion. It is tepidly expensive there now as well.
You gave it a go and it is not for you. Your husband needs to get how unhappy you are, especially when you had reservations before you went.
It sounds rubbish being so badly off ......all the treats have gone.
Good luck. Make a list and sit down with dh and draw up a plan. Even it is 12 months away you will feel better knowing you just have to get by a bit longer.

Pitmountainpony Sat 29-Jun-13 03:23:49

Whatasook...I never saw your response and I am sorry if my words offend you but this is from my direct experience with many Australians and even where I live now........i notice the unapologetic remarks casually dropped about a specific ethinic group by one peer i know from Oz.........anyway I think you know your country' s reputation and for me it rang true....there are racists everywhere and some would argue we are all racist but need to work very hard to change those separatist impulses that exist in human nature but for me I just really noticed this in OZ when I was there two decades ago and it made me realize I would never emigrate there, despite its beauty. It sounds like the op has not experienced that, which is great. My experience informs my opinions as ' twatish' as you may deem that.
I heard people say more racist things, more often than I have in others countries I have encountered and it did not endear me to the country knowing that somehow this attitude seemed so everyday in so many people I encountered.
Good luck OP.......life may be unhappy now but you can change it and it will not be unhappy like this much longer.

Longdistance Sat 29-Jun-13 03:56:54

No agents needed, as we rented our house out privately to people we know through the rugby club back home. So, it's being well looked after, and appreciated, as it would cost the tenants £200 more to rent through an agency, and one was charging 15%. So we advertised at the club, and asked around. These tenants love it there as its considerably bigger than what they had before. They we're supposed to buying somewhere. Think they've got comfortable.

Nothing is stopping me booking tickets, apart from the selling of my car, which is a considerable amount of money, and other bits I can sell on Gumtree and car boot. I really need my leg to heal before I can do anything about flights. I have looked, and they're coming up as £1,800ish for 3 of us.

My dd's are 2 and nearly 4, so no schools yet.

The profession I'm in doesn't pay well here, and I'd be better off working back in the Uk.

Tbh, I think h has realized he's made a balls up but won't admit it. He works the same long hours, and hasn't had a whiff of a pay rise since we arrived nearly two years ago hmm he has made friends through work, but I can see those friendships are not the same as the ones he had back home. He hasn't been in contact with any of his friends back home, which I feel is very sad.

Deffodil Sat 29-Jun-13 04:42:23

I feel your utter frustration,that has been highlighted by your physical incapacitation (x) and has shown you what clearly needs to be done on a practical level. H sounds as if he relies heavily on you to be the backbone of your lives whilst indulging in his whimsical wheeling and dealing financially. Personally,I'd cash in,as you say you can,and come home. He will probably gratefully follow.

Mosman Sun 30-Jun-13 12:43:47

I'm going to be back by Christmas I think without or without "DH" Perth has grown on me but lack of rentals, price of rentals, sheer insecurity of it all has worn me down.
Every time I hear 457 mentioned on the news it strikes dear into my heart that we'll be kicked out- irrational I know but still it's exhausting - he stems to think he's having a glittering career here despite being on the equivalent of £33,000 a year - not a patch on his uk salary.
I will either be living south of the river in the arse end of nowhere or Birmingham - I genuinely am not sure which is worse and how this has happened to me !

Longdistance Sun 30-Jun-13 17:00:40

Hey Mos wondered how you were going?

I really want to go back with my brother. He wants to visit us in October, as its his 40th Birthday, and a pair of hands would be great. I'm just hoping my leg is better by then.

My h seems to think he's got a good career here too. I don't, as I think the money's not that great. He still works stupid hours. Last week he was working from home from 6am - 8pm. For the amount he gets I wouldn't do it. He's lucky that he can work from home.

What does h think about you going without him? I think mine wouldn't be too happy as he'd feel left out didums

Mosman Mon 01-Jul-13 01:44:33

Well given mine has had three affairs and doesn't think he's ever met "the one" despite bring fucking married twice - I can't say he's a massive consideration tbh.
The kids want to go back, they've nothing but bad memories here.

SavoyCabbage Mon 01-Jul-13 02:27:49

I'm going back too. End of November start of December. DH is staying here till I get a job as I have to have a job to get him in the country as he's not British.

He has got a good job here and he is worried about not getting one in the UK but FIVE YEARS I've been here now.

I was talking to my Mother about the difficulties I will be facing at home. Getting the girls to school and working etc and she sounded puzzled and reminded me I would have all my family and friends to help me out.

I had forgotten you see. That I would have people. I'm used to having to do it all on our own.

Maybe we should all go back together! grin.

Longdistance Mon 01-Jul-13 02:40:16

Sounds like a plan Savoy smile

Aww, Mos your poor dc sad if they're not happy either, than a happy mummy/ dc are so important. This cold weather's not much fun a night either. As soon as the sun's gone down, it's miserable here.
Your h sounds like a right one hmm don't know how you put up with living in the same house. You need a medal.

I know if I go back, I'll have a barrage of help, where as here I have h, who's useless, and sil, who I see at the weekends, but has teen boys herself. It's very lonely here. I have another sil, but she's like a fart, wafts in and out when she feels like it.

AdoraBell Chile Mon 01-Jul-13 03:11:13

Hi Longdistance I remember another thread of yours, sorry to see that your leg isn't healed yet. Going back with your brother sounds like a good plan, leg permitting.

Fingers crossed for you, and Mosman and Savoy

long

I really felt for you in your OP.

We moved back to NZ last December after 15 years in the UK. I had told DH about six months prior that I was ready to leave but that I would wait for him, I did not want to pressure him and have him resent me for leaving 'too soon' or before he had reached a specific career goal. He came to his own decision and surprised me with it totally.

Even though my family were great about travelling 95% of the time it was just me/us with no extra support. We were entirely self-reliant and I would get the girls to school and me to work on my own, sometimes DH would help out if he had a late start at work etc.

It is so wonderful to be back in our home country. My DD's see their grandparents several times a week, I have babysitting when needed, a fantastic community we can plug into permanently and great schools. Financially we would be better off in the UK and the shopping here is shit average but you know where your heart is happiest.

DH has had a hugely stressful first six months changing career, steep learning curve and long hours, he has been run down and (I think) mildly depressed. Luckily we are able to talk about this all and we still agrees we have done the best thing for our girls and us too (long term)

I hope you can start making plans to move back soon, and also hope that your leg heals quickly.

JustinBsMum Mon 22-Jul-13 10:42:55

Most bank accounts are accessible online. Can you get the password out of DH, then you can check any time.

giggly Mon 22-Jul-13 23:06:36

Hello Perth mums, sorry to say but I am in the middle of a trip back to Scotland and it is fabulous. We have only been in Oz for 11 months but booked this trip in Feb as I was utterly miserable and could'nt see any light at the end of the tunnel.

It sounds like the classic case of the cracks in relationships which are manageable within our old settled lives with extended family/friends are just to obvious without any distractions. Not sure if that makes sense, all I know is that after 23 years with dh I would happily let him return to Oz on his own.

The one thing this trip has made clear is that I don't like Perth, never have and never will for too many reasons to list and that for the next year going to move down south before heading back here.

My mantra is, it's only money and we will recoup some before coming back.

Lets have a leaving party!!!!!!!!!

Oh giggly, sorry to hear you're so miserable here in Perth.. (And longdistance too..) But do remember the good weather's so rare in the UK, I think it's easy to take it for granted over here (she says typing through a massive rainstorm outside!), I know it's seriously hot in the summer but the blue skies are just sooooo blue, and so big and wide! We've been here a year now, and will stay if we can sort out visas.. Friends and family are a big issue, but (sorry to them!) not enough to bring us back, as we wouldn't be able to live near 90% of them anyway. Maybe things will be different for us after a few years, but who knows.. You've both/all given it a go, you need to seek your happiness, but don't put off too many other people from coming over here - some people like it! wink

Longdistance Tue 23-Jul-13 15:48:50

Ravenous, I don't know if I put in any of my posts here, that I really couldn't give a shit about the weather tbh. I'm easy. In fact I hate the summers here. I sweat like an idiot, shower 3 times a day, the air con pumps out cold, but still can't enjoy that heat. Its too bloody much, and expensive to boot.
I really didn't like my h's comment about me not giving it a go. 2 years in October, and I'm still pining for the Uk. I even did an order from Debenhams today, as the

clothes here are hideous. But, that's me probably being
picky.

Now, you'll all love this little gem today...Fuckwit comeshome from work, and declares at the dinner table that he has the forms for pr shock [anger]
Couldhe be anymore fucking stupid?
After everything I said.
I've got a right mind to see a solicitor about divorce,
and declare that at the dinner table.

AdoraBell Chile Tue 23-Jul-13 15:53:52

I can understand your anger Long, but if you do decide to see about a divorce keep it quiet úntil you're back where you want to bewink.

Oh dear Long. Sorry to hear he thinks that his plans trump all.
What the hell is he thinking bringing home the forms for PR. I'd have probably burst into tears and ran from the room in dramatic fashion.

Mosman Sat 03-Aug-13 10:25:07

That's true, it's no good divorcing in Australia you'll get fuck all.
How's the packing/selling going ?
I am so over Perth it's not funny, am seriously considering a transfer to Sydney and coming home once a fortnight for a long weekend or something just to make it bearable.
Failing that I feel I should travel as much as possible to tick the boxes in Australia because I ain't coming back.

AdoraBell Chile Thu 08-Aug-13 03:34:13

How are things?

Can I come home too? hmm

Longdistance Thu 08-Aug-13 05:59:52

Of course Tallulahbelle! wink

Well, I've not got far with the selling. We have a rental inspection next week, and the house is really unorganized in a state since I broke my leg.

I'm still under physio, which us taking longer than expected, and still have my crutches. So, hoping to be off them soon. This rains not much fun, was hoping to do a swap market car boot soon to make money. There's a few things that can go on gumtree soon.

You'll all be pleased to know, that I haven't signed the forms for pr.

We're going on holiday to Thailand in 4 weeks time. We had it booked for April, but then I broke my stupid leg. And my lovely lovely db is coming just after holiday, and hopefully celebrate dd1's 4th Birthday, and help me out.

Its really hard, as am home 3 days on my own with dds, and as I can't drive yet, can't go anywhere. I've been getting cabin fever. I'm sure inmates in a prison get more visitors than I do confused

Mos, good luck with your venture, and hold off trying to bat the h with the frying pan lol.

Tottie24 Mon 12-Aug-13 20:23:35

I've been abroad for the last 13 years, at least the last 6 starting to want to come back, the last 2 really desperately. I have now decided that I am coming back with the children as soon as I have sold the house and hopefully my business too - DH can do what he wants - I'm hoping he will come (I think) but I cant wait any longer for him. I'm a bit scared but also feel liberated .... I'M COMING HOME!!!! Praying for a sale before Christmas!

Mosman Tue 13-Aug-13 04:14:50

This latest thing with charging the 457 holders $4,000 each for school fees has pushed me over the edge I'm applying for places at the kids old schools and if we don't get them I'll home educate - it couldn't be worse than what they've received here - $4,000 for being given fucking printed worksheets, every single day to he completed before heading out to the playing fields rain or shine to do three hours of bloody sport. It's the cheek of it that gets me grrrrr

ifink Tue 13-Aug-13 04:46:46

Hi Mos, I might be wrong but a friend of mine in WA seems to think the charge for state school only applies to new 457 visa holders?? At least that's what she told me with a huge sigh of relief! Worth checking out

Longdistance Tue 13-Aug-13 05:27:32

I've come for a moan again lol.

My oldest was up last night, and dh wasn't that bothered about her screaming. I went downstairs to check her, as I'm still very slow and stiff with my leg being dodgy. Went to calm her down, well she's got an ear infection. It's lucky I don't leave him to do much childcare as she'd suffer in his hands, useless article. So, I've had to drive her to the doctors, and I'm not allowed to drive yet, as don't have anyone to help me out. Luckily it's not too far away, but dh wouldn't help sort it out, so really goes to show he doesn't care.

Fed up of being here doing everything myself. We've got a rental inspection tomorrow, and he hasn't done half of what I told him to do with regards to the garden. I'll have to be the one to explain to rental agent my dh is a lazy arse! Sigh...

Mosman Tue 13-Aug-13 05:52:20

That's not my understand ifink, my school is rubbing their hands together in glee ... They already charge us $500 in voluntary my arse fees.

SanityClause Tue 13-Aug-13 06:47:38

Oh you poor thing! I'm Australian, and frankly, I couldn't wait to get out of there. I've been back twice in more than 20 years, and while it's lovely to see people, I have never been sad to leave.

When I'm in Australia, I feel stuck.

I remember my family going on (and on and on) about the bloody weather when I first came here to the UK. I soon told them there are more things than weather. Anyway, we never had that magic of snow in Australia. We never really had Autumn, and that wonderful hope of Spring. Christmas is far more magical when it's dark and cold. So, Summer is a bit unreliable? Umm, pop to Spain for a couple of weeks?

The main trouble, of course, is that your H is acting like an arse. You need to get some good legal advice about the Hague convention. Can you just take the DC with you and go? I don't know the answer to this (and maybe you already do) but it's what I would want to know.

I am just shock that he brought back those PR forms, when he knew how miserable you are. Why does he want to stay? What is keeping him there? Obviously, he has some family, and it sounds like some friends from work. But if he is working all the hours god sends, then that's not much fun. I really think you need to get to the bottom of this.

WhataSook Tue 13-Aug-13 08:31:53

Is it possible Long that your H is just wanting to get PR so that if you decide later down the track to go back (or your DC want to) that you are able to?

I've decided to stay in the UK and get ILR now but I've not told anyone (DH still thinks the plan is to move home next year) as once I say it out loud then it's real and I might be stuck here for that length of time. So I'm telling myself that if I'm still here next year I'll apply for ILR and then the year after if we're still here I'll apply for citizenship. But that will be 7 years being here and that thought makes me want to pack up and move home tomorrow!

Could you say to your H that you'll fill the forms out but still intend to go home at the end of the year. You may get back to the UK and think actually now I've seen home and my family and friends for a few months I could go back to and stick it out until you get PR??

Roshbegosh Wed 14-Aug-13 06:17:00

longdistance how are you today? How's the leg? Hope you are feeling a bit better and able to focus on making plans x

SanityClause Wed 14-Aug-13 22:42:07

Don't get PR if you want to leave, as it may well make a difference to your children's status under the Hague convention, if you want to return to the UK with them, and he doesn't.

I'm not trying to say LTB, I'm just saying, don't burn your bridges!

Longdistance Thu 15-Aug-13 01:55:14

Thanks for asking Rosh my legs getting better day by day, very slowly unfortunately. I've ditched the crutches as they get in the way now, but my leg still gets swollen like a balloon after I've been on my feet all day.

Sanity my exact reasons for not applying for pr is so I can come and go. I don't want o be 'stuck' here if the shit hits the fan.

On a lighter note, my gorgeous dm asked when we were coming home, I mentioned it to dh, and he said in a few months after Thailand we can all go back to the Uk. I told him I may not come back to Oz, his face was a picture, like my comment was a surprise confused

Longdistance Thu 15-Aug-13 10:41:13

OMFG!!!! shock shock

Dh has just been told he's being made redundant. We are now going back to the Uk as I haven't settled here. Hurrah!

His company have to oblige flights and container, and he's gonna see what he can get out of them for dragging us here.

No details as of yet, but told dh to warn tenants we are coming back.

echt Thu 15-Aug-13 10:59:18

Sorted. grin

All the very best, Longdistance

Longdistance Thu 15-Aug-13 11:18:51

Thank you Echt smile

I nearly fell on the floor when he told me.

Mosman Thu 15-Aug-13 11:23:49

You jammy bugger :-)

Longdistance Thu 15-Aug-13 11:28:15

grin Sorry Mos, it seems my life can be quite jammy at times lol.

Mosman Thu 15-Aug-13 11:31:00

Nah I'm pleased for you, although ivdobthinkn we should try and squeeze in a glass of wine before you go

Longdistance Thu 15-Aug-13 12:58:49

Glass? Glass? Bottle Mos wink

Longdistance Fri 16-Aug-13 11:51:33

Well, dh is now on 'gardening leave' and they took his laptop off him hmm, but dh had to grapple the mobile off them as it has contacts in them he needs, and he needs it to find a job.

The HR guy hasn't a clue what he's doing as he's a junior. So he's home til they find him something yeah, right and he still has the company car, so that's something.

I now have an assistant to help me with selling all the baby stuff, and need to look at selling my car and several bits of furniture. He wants to keep the fridge, but fuck knows where that's gonna go in our house in the Uk, as we don't have the room in our kitchen.

If anyone has anymore ideas of how to sell stuff, I'm doing Gumtree and car boot, then I'd appreciate it smile

Mosman Fri 16-Aug-13 13:18:58

How big is your fridge? I might take it off your hands, it's no good shipping electrical stuff back, always blows within months off being plugged into the English circuits I'm told.
I'm resigned - excuse the pun to being stuck here til Christmas, in saving like made and was working out what my tax refund will be :-) I cannot wait to get on that bloody plane !!!!

Longdistance Fri 16-Aug-13 14:34:34

I can't wait to get on that plane either.

I'm getting him to try and give it up, but think we'll need it til last minute. It's a side by side American type fridge. It fucking huge like everything else here

After talking more, I'm really cross with the way they've dealt with dh. Really quite aggressive. We're hoping to go on this Thai holiday, as we really need it after me breaking my leg too.

I think I'm doing a swap meet in Karrinyup on Sunday now, to sell all this baby stuff. My sil should be there with me selling her stuff.

TheCraicDealer Mon 19-Aug-13 14:16:21

Been lurking on this thread for a while and feel slightly like a stalker, but I'm really happy for you! [waves little union jack]

Yay! I am so pleased for you Long, I really think we should have a meetup for all the expats when they finally get home.

On the logistics side, if they will pay for your shipping that is great, they don't need to do this under the 457 legislation, so I would get that in writing as soon as you can. especially if the hr guy is out of his depth

Are they being odd about the flights back after you get back from Thailand?

Anything I can do to help please holler. Dh is still in Perth and quite useful so if you need help with shifting stuff just let me know.

<still doing a little dance of excitement for you>

p.s Mosman, I know when the whole Lafha malarkey kicked off there were some people in NSW saying that it cost less to privately ed their children than pay the state cost...

p.s. were you a project managery type person or am I imagining that? Dh's company are apparently recruiting oh the irony as they have just made loads of people redundant

Mosman Mon 19-Aug-13 14:45:05

I am indeedy and very interested I currently work with a bunch of clowns.
I've looked into private education and there's very little choice or spaces, which sums Perth up in a nutshell for me.

Longdistance Mon 19-Aug-13 15:10:35

Thanks thecraicdealer Stalk away and join in smile

Scone they knew about dh's holiday, and they're being quite good considering they took his laptop, and have now switched off his phone hmm
He spoke to them earlier, and they're contacting the container company to contact us. They paid for a container out here, and flights. The guy has also said they were giving redundancy from time spent with the company in the Uk.
Thanks for the offer of help. Think we'll just leave it to the container company, seen as they're paying.

Mos it's an utter bitch that they're charging for schools on a 457. It's all about the money here. They'll be charging for oxygen next hmm

Mosman Mon 19-Aug-13 15:25:39

I won't be paying it I figure what will they do ? They currently send me snotty letter about the "voluntary" contribution and I don't pay that either.
At the end of the day my eldest spends 80% of her time sat in the corner if the classroom reading whilst being ignored, middle one only goes for the social life and little girl is still being given sheets to colour in, in the top five school in the state - in year 4. I honestly think if I left them at home with their iPads it couldn't be any worse.

Mosman Mon 19-Aug-13 15:26:08

No doubt then ill get fined for non attendance

Longdistance Tue 20-Aug-13 13:22:07

Crappola! The container people are coming Friday morning, and I think they'll au up how much it'll cost etc for his company.

Eek, it's happening so fast!!

Mosman, I have pm'ed you.

long, we shipped back a lot more than we brought out - about 18 cubic metres and I think it was about $5000...

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