Homesickness

[peagreen]

Hello.

We have been here in Australia for just over 3 months now, and over the last few weeks, my homesickness has become crippling. I really wasn't expecting to feel it at all much - we are only here for 2 years initially, and it all felt like an adventure, but I'm really struggling with it at the moment. It's not being helped by me being 8 weeks pregnant (and suffering bad morning sickness and also having had some spotting, so not being totally confident all is ok), but at the moment all I want to do is go home. I feel awful that I am wasting our time out here with feeling miserable, and really need to find some way of snapping myself out of it, but am struggling to find a way. My little boy is also struggling a bit I think, although how much of that is because he is picking up on my vibes, I'm not sure. I'm feeling very guilty for taking him away from the rest of the family as well at the moment.

Was wondering if any of you out there have any top tips, or is it just a "give it time" thing?

[Singapore]

Hi Peagreen

Did not want to let your post go unanswered. Hope you are feeling a little better.

After fourteen years away from home I still get homesick (and I still call Dublin home), not sure there is any trick to make it go away but it usually leaves me as quickly as it came along when real life kicks in and dinner needs to be cooked or kids picked up from school.

I used to fall into the trap of thinking that all my friends and family saw each other all the time but in fact that was not the case at all, so was yearning for something that was not real. My biggest regret is for my Mam and Dad as they don't get to see there grandchildren a whole lot but we talk on the phone as often as we can and look forward to holidays.

Best thing to do when you re feeling a bit low is to count your blessings...helps me a lot.

xx

[tadjennyp]

I am 8 weeks pregnant too, peagreen, are you on the February 2011 thread? I have been living in the States for 2 years now and also get homesick, especially if I haven't spoken to my parents for a few days! I find skype really helps and I've just started doing group calls with my uni mates. Forcing yourself to talk to other mums in playgrounds helps too, as you might make some friends that last that way. Hope you feel better soon.

[savoycabbage]

I have been in Melbourne for a year and a half. I know exactly how you are feeling I think, the 'wasting time' is a big thing for me too.

People said to me that 'the first year is the hardest' and that made me feel worse really as a year seems like such a massive amount of time, but it really, really does get easier. To be here for an inital two years is perfect really.

I didn't make the decision to come here, my dh took a job without me knowing so it was a bit of a railroad situation really. It was come or leave him. I still want to go home but I am definitely not unhappy here, which I was.

I don't know if I have any tips - Skype, obviously!

Making new friends here is the most important thing. I was going to the opening of an envelope when I got here. I met some English friends but I felt like being English was all we had in common. I met most of my friends at my daughters school. Like tad says, you have to force yourself. Find a Coles that sells weetabix, that made a difference to me but that might just be me...

Where are you?

[blueberrysorbet]

hi, a friend of mine relocated overseas for work for 2 years and told me that 3 months is the crunch time- you suddenly realise you are not on hols and you live there, so its normal to feel like that.
how old is your ds? maybe if you get him to some activities depending on where you are and his age, like a mums and babies.. you could even go to a mums and babies if he is older, to introduce yourself as a mum to be, get some advice even if you don;t really need it ..i know you will have to be a bit pushy, swap mobile numbers with people if you get on with them, don't rely on bumping into them somewhere and text same day to say grt to meet you, fancy a play date on thursday etc etc

get a calender and fill in things to do that are easy for you at 8 weeks prgnt, start a scrapbook with your ds about the 2 years, great for sitting down! head for the tourist office and get some ideas and tell your partner how you feel.... does his work offer any support?

hope you feel better soon, and enjoy your days more

[echt]

Definitely go for pushy, as advised. I don't think I have been and have felt it.

[BackOffMargery]

I have been in New Zealand for 1 month now, and I really miss my family. Skype is good as are emails, which I send practically every day.

I have found some things to do with my DCs (2.5 and 1) - thanks to people on MN as well as some of my own research - which helps take my mind off not being near family. I have also had a couple of phone numbers, which I haven't plucked up courage to use yet!

I can totally understand that you aren't feeling too happy especially if you are pregnant and worried. Someone at OH's work said that its ok to feel emotional about such a big move. When I start feeling really down, I force myself and the kids to go to the park. In NZ it seems that parents actually talk to each other at the park

I hope you feel better soon

[kreecherlivesupstairs]

I understand exactly how you feel. We went to Oman in 2000, DH was out of the house all day and I had no friends whatsoever. I fell pregnant immediately we arrived and the lonliness only stopped once I joined an ante natal group. I think the feelings of homesickness do peak at around three months, you've left the 'honeymoon' period and realisation dawns that this is it. Do as others have suggested, get out and meet other mothers. You have the advantage of speaking the same language, I had to learn a few words of Arabic to make myself understood in the supermarket,

[TheBride]

Wise words indeed.I think Oz is seen as an easy expat gig and I actually think that's wrong because although there is a large english speaking population, most of these are natives who have their own friends/ families. Sometimes the easier postings are where there is only a small expat population so everyone is as desperate for new friends as you! eg HK/Sing are pretty easy.

My advice would be -

1. If you get invited to anything, go, even if it's your worst nightmare, like going to parties where you know nobody apart from the hosts.

2.Commit to making a life there. When I lived in the UAE there were so many women there counting down the days till they could leave and not making an effort to establish themselves. Skype/email are really good but they're not a substitute for having friends locally.

1. Give people a chance. They may not become life long friends but it's nice to have people just to grab a coffee with.

1. Follow up "friend of friend" contacts. Most of the people I met in Dubai were via this route, and they in turn gave me FoF contacts when we moved to Asia.

1. Avoid "dementers"- i.e. other expats who are more miserable than you are. They just suck your will to live after a while.

[Elllie]

Hi - i'm in Texas and empathize with how you feel. Homesickness is not nice, and I felt utterly depressed for ages. It is a big culture shock to move where the scenery and people are very different. I am very outgoing, and find it easy to make friends, but I never felt as though I genuinely identified with anyone - but Texas is a particularly tough place with a female culture all of it's own.
Google ' the four stages of culture shock' - this was an article that was recommended to me by a few people on the Bitish Expats forum. This is also a place where you can vent online. I found it hard to talk to people about how sad I felt at times, mainly because people presume you should be the happiest person in the world to have such a great opportunity and great weather/ big house. You will feel better soon.

[ben5]

what part of australia are you in? if you're on the west coast near perth i'll meet you for a coffee. also remember it's winter time here and the weather improves soon and you'll meet more people when it warms up again!

[biddlek]

Hi,

If you are in Sydney, I'll meet you for a coffee. I moved here 2 weeks ago and know NO-ONE!!!