Advice for moving back to UK

[FilBrit]

Hi there

We've been living the ex-pat life in Manila for a while now and really loving it and the life we have here; however for work reasons we're moving back to the UK in April.

Does anyone have any advice as how to handle reverse culture shock?! I have 2 DD, the younest is only 6 month so shouldn't be too affected by the move but our oldest is 4 and adores her life here. She goes to a gorgeous school, has lots of friends (has none in England!) and is used to the hot sun and swimming outside every day etc I'm very worried that moving back will be a big shock for her - please let me have any advice as how to make the transition as easy as possible...

Thanks!

[Louise2004]

I can completely understand your problem - I've moved constantly my whole life, first with my parents and now with my own family, and it's hard to move from somewhere like Manila where your children have such a wonderful outdoor life with plenty of sunshine and swimming to somewhere like the UK!

My only advice would be to keep your children well informed and involved with your move. They're not going to see it as going "back" to the UK, as they've never lived there. To them it's a new experience and, by involving them, they can see it as a new adventure. That's the way it worked for me at least, moving around Asia as a child, and it's also worked for our son so far (again, moving around Asia and Europe).

Show them the flight route, get them to "help" with the packing, explain to them that there aren't many outdoor pools in the UK (and how the weather is very different to Manila) etc. - anything to make them think they're part of the move, which will also help to decrease their shock when you do arrive in the UK. You can tell them a bit about your childhood living in the UK as well and, if you have family and friends in the UK, you can tell them that they'll be able to see more of "Granny/Aunt Whoever/etc." that might help them look forward to the move. Remind them, too, that they can still keep in contact with their old friends in Manila and that maybe one day you'll go back there on holiday (by the time they've settled into their new lives in the UK and made new friends at school, they'll soon forget about Manila and won't hassle you to go on holiday there!). Also, if any of your friends from Manila are visiting the UK, you can easily meet up with them.

We moved "back" to the UK when I was around 18 and the first thing my parents did was take us on a car trip all around England and Ireland (I covered Wales and Cornwall later with friends from University and Scotland with my husband!). My brothers were around 16 and 9 at the time, so it was a great "welcome" for us, having grown up in Asia all our lives until then. Obviously your children are younger, so a big trip like this isn't necessary, but I just wanted to mention it as another way to decrease any shock of moving from a place like Manila to the UK.

Most importantly, don't worry about it! Don't make a big fuss, as your children might pick up on your discomfort. Just go with the flow and let them enjoy the whole adventure of moving and settling in somewhere new! When you have moved back, don't keep talking about Manila in a more positive way than the UK, as this could also affect the way your children settle in. (My mother was so unhappy the first year we moved back and her mood did affect us as well - now, of course, she couldn't be happier and wouldn't want to move back to Asia even if the opportunity came along!)

Good luck with the move and just enjoy it - at least you'll be moving at the beginning of the summer!

[FilBrit]

Louise - thanks so much for your email, both for the great advice and sharing your experience

[McDreamy]

Hi Filbrit, we are doing the same in the summer from Cyprus. Like your children my children live a very outdoor lifestyle with lots of swimming. We live on a military camp and so my children's friends live within 2 minutes of us and we see them constantly. When we go shopping, for a walk we know and trust almost everyone we see.

We are moving back in the summer and have decided to buy our own house so will no longer be in the confines of a camp. We won't know everyone as we walk down the street, the weather will be very different. I too wonder how they will cope with the change....I am guessing probably better than we think they will!!! It'll probably be us that need longer to adjust

[Louise2004]

You might find the Expat Women website useful, as it does have articles on culture shock and reverse culture shock:

www.expatwomen.com

[lucy5]

I don't know about Manila but when I imagine moving back to UK from Spain. I think about all the great things that I could do with dd that I can't do in Spain. Libraries, kids clubs,theatre, soft play places, cinema, collecting autumn leaves etc even indoor swimming pools will be new and fun.

[lululemonrefuser]

I read this recently:

www.amazon.com/Homeward-Bound-Spouses-Guide-Repatriation/dp/0968676006?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

Our relocation company gave it to me. We too are returning to the UK, although from a less exotic desination than you! Although I found some of it a bit irritating and patronising, it was useful. I think the author might have a website too.

As others have said, I think keeping your children in touch with what is going on, and making them part of the process is really helpful, and has helped us on both outward and inbound legs of assignment.

Good luck! I am in London at the moment trying to find a house and that bit is proving hellish!

[Brangelina]

I moved "back" to the UK at 9 from HK so remember the cuulture shock well. I actually loved it, in HK we had an outdoor lifestyle but everyone lived in apartments, in England we had a house in the country with a garden. The school was much nicer in the UK and I loved being surrounded by green fields, woods and horses (just like in my school books). I suppose it depends on where you move back to, we ended up in a nice picture postcard village, it might have been different had we moved to a dodgy suburb in an industrial town.

The only things I missed/suffered with were the weather (really felt the cold for the 1st 6 months, even if it was a particulalry warm autumn that year) and lack of swimming pools. I was also quite shocked at the number of blonde haired blue-eyed children at my school, most of my school friends before then had been Chinese or other Asian, so I wasn't used to seeing blonde and pale at all. I did use to get called the odd name because I was quite tanned and they weren't used to seeing brown skin (70s provincial Britain), but that wore off with my tan after a while.

[ConfusedMover]

Watching this thread with interest as we will be returning to the UK in the summer with DS age nearly 6 (not from anywhere as exotic though).

[FilBrit]

Thanks for all the advice