Ex pat and bereavement

(12 Posts)
waitingforsomething Fri 23-Sep-16 11:57:51

Hoping somebody has had some experience. I've been in Singapore for 6 months, finding the adjustment quite hard but getting there. This morning my Father-in-law, who I love very much, dropped dead very suddenly of a heart attack. My husband was on a business trip in the middle east anyway so has flown back to the UK. It just feels awful because he was here visiting us just over a week ago and was just fine. My husband is cut up and so hard to support him over skype and time difference.
I don't yet have much (any really) of a support network here and close friends and family all UK based. I just feel so fucking awful, guilty that I'm not there physically with my husband and desperate for a hug myself! My children are very young (1 & 3) so jumping on a plane is not practical, and we also have my sister due to visit in a few days with her children so cannot ask her to cancel her trip so late.
How do you deal with bereavement from afar, when your support network is so far away?

homeaway Fri 23-Sep-16 14:42:06

I am so sorry for your loss. Can you whats app your friends in UK so that you get some support ? It must have been a big shock for you all. I don't think it ever gets any easier to ride these events when you are far away. Look after yourself though.

TerrorAustralis Sat 24-Sep-16 07:37:52

Sorry for your loss. What a terrible thing.

Is there no way you can go back? Have you spoken to your sister? Surely she would understand if you went. She could still come and stay at your place.

MEgirl Sat 24-Sep-16 14:12:10

It's hard. You have to take one day at a time. I was living in Qatar, my parents in Israel and I was actually on holiday in Thailand when my mother died. There was no way I could make the funeral which was the following day. I did manage to make the stone setting a month later but had to go on my own. DH was very sympathetic but we had to continue the holiday as we'd only just arrived.

Cornflake15 Sun 25-Sep-16 08:52:58

I had a similar experience after being in a new country for only 2 months my father in law passed away and only my husband was able to go to the funeral as I had just come out of hospital after a miscarriage...I also had no real friends or support network at all as we were too "new" there, it was a hard time. But you do get through it, I would be skyping/face-timing family overseas and doing stuff with the kids to fill your days.

AChanceAtSchool Sun 25-Sep-16 21:27:14

How are you doing, OP?

I hope your sister's visit helps you a little. Sudden bereavement is very tough.

waitingforsomething Mon 26-Sep-16 04:19:41

Hi, thanks everyone. I spoke a few times to my husband and he just isn't okay and finding it pretty tough out there. My sister was lovely and moved her flights to later in October so tonight I am taking on the might of the night flight with two children to get to him. I think it's just important to be there and my sis was very understanding.
It was such a shock, my poor husband and family. Very tough time to be away, hopefully us being there with him will alleviate things a little.

TerrorAustralis Mon 26-Sep-16 06:49:45

I'm really glad for you and your DH that you're able to go.

Try not to stress too much about the flight. It might go well, or it might be horrible. Either way, it's only 13 hours and it will end and you will survive.

All the best at this difficult time flowers

Laptopwieldingharpy Mon 26-Sep-16 09:42:42

Its great that you can finally go. There is a lot he needs to deal with. Hope your sister can help you with kids when you're there.

Jenijena Mon 26-Sep-16 09:44:37

Thinking of you on that flight. flowers

NightCzar Mon 26-Sep-16 09:48:29

Good luck with the flight. At least they will probably sleep (they will, at some point, even if not straight away, so have faith). Let the 3 yo have as much screen time as he or she likes. Will be a big treat.

booklooker Mon 10-Oct-16 19:18:37

It certainly is one of the biggest negatives of leading an ex-pat life. You simply cannot always get to where you want to be in time.

I rushed home to see my dad for his last days, and was met by my lovely niece at the airport to be told he had died just a few hours earlier.

I didn't think it a good idea to get the rest of my immediate family out, my DDs (10 & 13 at the time) would have had a crap time.

My sister was the important person at the time,and we cried a lot on each other's shoulders. Her daughters were also very supportive..

I wish you and your family well.

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