emigrating to canada. so many pros but one thing stopping me

(14 Posts)
Woodenmouse Sun 12-Jun-16 23:16:52

Dh and I have always discussed moving abroad, he has worked overseas when he was younger. I've never lived outside UK. We've always liked the idea of Canada and done some quick searches about visas/cost of living etc. We are in the position of being able to buy a house next year so we've started looking but anything we can afford is tiny. So out of curiosity we looked at houses in the parts of Canada we were interested in and we could get out dream house for a lot less than we would spend on a tiny house here. Dh woud pack up and go tomorrow if he could and I love the idea but in reality I don't know if I could. I'm very close to my parents. They do so much for us and as dh works crazy hours they provide me with a lot of emotional support as well as baby sitting etc. Also ds1 absolutly adores his grandparents he wants to see them all the time. He run up and leaps into their arms even if he saw them the day before. I'm sure ds2 will be the same but he's only 3 months atm. No parents also love dc. They went on holiday for 2 weeks and the night they got back they came straight over because they missed dc. So basically the only thing keeping me here is my parents (dh has a strained relationship with his parents so he doesn't understand exactly how I feel). Am I crazy to base my decisions solely on this? It's literally the only thing holding me back. Sorry for long post!!

exWifebeginsat40 Sun 12-Jun-16 23:22:58

in the grand scheme of things, Canada isn't that far. how much are air fares? would you have room to cater for family visits?

Woodenmouse Sun 12-Jun-16 23:29:31

The plan would be to have space for guests etc. Flights are about £350 pp so not overly expensive but not something they could afford to do to often either.

VimFuego101 Sun 12-Jun-16 23:31:49

Are you actually eligible for a visa?

We live in the US and my family are in the uk. My son was born after we moved, but if I had known he would come along, I would not have moved. It makes me very sad seeing him play with his cousins when he visits the UK once a year; I would love him to grow up with them rather than being an occasional visitor. It's not worth it just for 'a dream house' in my opinion. If you and your DH can pursue a fulfilling career there that you couldn't in the UK, I suppose that's a better reason. What do you think would be better there other than a bigger house? Long cold winters really take it out of you and the cost of living is fairly high, so you may not save as much as you think.

Woodenmouse Sun 12-Jun-16 23:38:26

From the research we have done it looks like dh's career puts us in a good position for a visa plus a few other things work in our favour. Dh has looked into jobs and on paper they look more promising than here (I know sometimes reality is different). I'm so torn!

Vodkaandballoons Mon 13-Jun-16 01:09:28

What part of Canada are you looking at?. We are on the west coast and house Price's are ridiculously high at the moment.Me & DH both have good job's but as house Price's stand we won't be able to buy a anything soon.The visa process is a pretty long one & we've just recently got PR after 3 yrs. Check out flight Price's for different times of the year. We are a family of four and it usually costs around $5000cad to fly home. It is a great place to live and raise kid's.I do love it here I've made some great friends but I'm not gonna lie I miss home and family and I'd go back tomorrow if I could convince DH.

dogdrifts Mon 13-Jun-16 01:32:00

Yah we spend about 7k on flights for our family of 5 if we want to go back to uk, so it isn't really doable v frequently. House prices where we live are astronomical. Def not cheaper than UK.
That said, fil and mil fly out once s year for about 6 weeks (over Christmas/ jan) and mil comes over for a month in the summer. In reality they see more of the kids this way than they did before and it hasn't affected their relationship.
last year we stuck the three kids on a flight on their own to stay with grandma for a month in the summer. It was v weird but the kids had an absolute ball.

dogdrifts Mon 13-Jun-16 01:36:52

It took us four years to get PR. It's supposed to be faster now ....
Job culture in this part is v different to UK. Holiday entitlement is much lower (for the first three years I was entitled to two weeks vacation a year, instead of my 6 week uk package) and employment laws seem to be either roundly ignored or implemented in the favour of the employer. Lots of job cuts at the moment, so it may not be easy to find employment, depending on where you are looking...

Atenco Mon 13-Jun-16 01:39:17

I don't think you should move to a country you are unfamiliar with, personally.

Lots of people love Canada but it is not my cup of tea, for example.

I also think family support is a wonderful thing to have and makes child rearing so much easier.

What part of Canada are you thinking of?

Thethingswedoforlove Mon 13-Jun-16 08:38:30

I couldn't emigrate anywhere for precisely the reasons you give. Family worth so much more than house size or job for me.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne Mon 13-Jun-16 09:30:06

If you are emotionally and practically reliant on being in regular proximal contact with your family (by which I am trying to find the words to say actually being in the same room as them) then I don't think moving will be for you.

I get very cross when people imply judgement of those who do emigrate with the phrase "family is too important to me". Important is a very subjective word. However if your relationship with your extended family is based on relying on one another for very practical help and you need the kind of emotional support which can only be supplied by people who can physically touch you for a hug or whatever then you will probably suffer more intense homesickness than people who moved away to uni at 18 and for career reasons have never lived within babysitting / pop around for a cuppa distance of family, so have never got into the habit of relying on family for day to day practical help, and for whom phone calls are already the main way of keeping in touch.

Emigrating isn't for everyone, and a bigger house is not enough of a reason (it can be one of many reasons obviously, but won't make you happy on its own).

If you're constantly looking back to the UK and pining you will never properly settle - its hard enough for those who have always been quite emotionally and practically independent.

specialsubject Mon 13-Jun-16 10:00:25

How would you manage without all that help from your parents? That seems the big thing.

There are areas of the UK with cheaper housing which are still good to live in, have work etc etc.

But it sounds like the wrong time. Having kids does mean that some things have to wait.

Atenco Mon 13-Jun-16 13:34:13

If you do emigrate there, make sure you arrive in late Spring or early summer, because it is a lot harder to meet people and make friends in the winter.

ValerieSweet Mon 13-Jun-16 14:48:08

If your DH isn't close to his parents, and doesn't understand how you feel, that's a huge red light for me. What happens if you move, then really, really miss your parents? Will he be understanding about returning to the UK, or will he resist it? This situation can get very strained, if not outright awful, when there are kids: you can't unilaterally take them home yourself.

Also, beware of minimizing the move's impact. Be honest with yourself, if only to avoid shock: it's going to be a huge change, if your parents are very emotionally and practically involved in your UK life. Skype and emails aren't the same, and Canada isn't close. It's easy to glance at ticket prices and think 'that's not too bad', but prices fluctuate, organizing time off work and other travel-related considerations is a hassle, and visiting/being visited when you live far away is intense, compared to more everyday contact. Would you realistically see each other more than once or twice a year?

Finally, I think the ostensibly cheap price of property in North America can be a bit misleading. I don't know about Canada, but in the US there are often unexpected, unfamiliar costs to home-owning: expensive property taxes, higher maintenance bills due to extreme weather conditions, shorter-lived structures that need repair more frequently, and high seller costs which means you really lose out if you buy then sell too quickly. Obviously depends on the region, but a lot of expats get burned. So don't just go by sticker price alone.

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