7 months in. Wobble, or blinkers off?

(17 Posts)
DesertOrDessert Fri 22-Apr-16 16:08:28

Followed DH out to the Middle East 7 months ago. Tricky start with schools, but kids now seem settled. DH happy in new job. I'm now a SAHM, having left a managerial role in the UK.
Fine to start with, have found some friends, can fill my days, but am getting increasingly uneasy staying here. Been on rightmove, job sites, animal rescue (checking out my cat I needed to leave in UK due to age), and generally teary and snappy with the kids.
Is 6 months in a typical wobble. Or is the honeymoon over, and this is the reality of what we've moved to?
Any suggestions or words of wisdom?

IceMaiden73 Fri 22-Apr-16 16:22:01

We haven't moved yet but I have heard that it takes 2 years to really settle somewhere

Sounds like a wobble, maybe reality has hit you after the initial excitement etc of the move

Definitely speak to your DH about it

kiwidreamer Fri 22-Apr-16 18:53:59

In my first few years in the UK I always had to have a special something to look forward to, for my sanity I really had to hold on to the obvious benefits of being here as opposed to home... So there were lots of mini breaks to combat the inevitable wobbles. Can you plan an interesting trip somewhere in your area of the world something amazing that will lift your spirits and show you the beauty of the local culture and history?

KateInKorea Sat 23-Apr-16 04:21:21

Completely normal. The Dip/Sink/Pit, it lasts goes on until about 12 months. Then you start to have local things to look forward to. Agree with two years to settle.

DesertOrDessert Sat 23-Apr-16 07:07:32

Kate, you mean this might last another 6 months???? Eck. Well, 2 of those will be back home, as I'm not staying in the summer (local paper predicting temps above 50C over the summer, I'm out of here, along with nearly every other none working woman and child!).
Part of the wobble might be the increasing temperature, and how it restricts me - malls aren't my first choice.

OK, talk to DH, and see how things are after the summer. Thank-you.

jomidmum Sat 23-Apr-16 09:38:22

I do feel for you DesertorDessert.
I've had the same wobble and we've decided that myself and the kids will head back to the UK at the end of the summer, DH will stay here in KSA as he loves it, and he'll just come and visit us whenever he can.
We've just had a month in the UK, so will be here for that long hot 50c summer.......
Thinking about you, it's certainly not an easy country to live in for many of us.

DesertOrDessert Sat 23-Apr-16 13:01:58

Jo you're mad staying here over the summer grin but you've got excellent reasons for going back.
I suspect I'm actually grieving the life I've left (working) and it wouldn't actually matter where we were, it's just changed.
That said, have you seen the driving for women conversations?

jomidmum Sat 23-Apr-16 13:35:16

Totally agree I'm crazy staying here over the summer!! We were going back for a quick break over Easter then a longer break in the summer, but as we're leaving mid-August, we had a longer break at Easter.
I must say that I've struggled with the heat the past few days......but they've just fixed our air con so I'm nicely chilled again now smile
Yes, I've read the murmurings re ladies driving.......fantastic if it happens (alongside a change in attitude to women)....but there is totally no-way I will ever drive here in Riyadh!
I think there is a grieving for things you've left behind. A partial change in your sense of purpose maybe.

specialsubject Tue 26-Apr-16 11:28:25

life is too short to be 'filling days'. How long is this going on for? What's in it for you?

MyFriendsCallMeOh Tue 26-Apr-16 12:15:21

Can you work there? Or volunteer at least? Life is too short to "fill days" in any country.

DesertOrDessert Tue 26-Apr-16 13:24:24

The ability to pick the kids up from school, go to school asembalies, not have to juggle ill kids and deadlines, simplified (in a sense) school holidays.
But that means I have aprox 150 days a year to "fill" with housework, school fayre baking and socialising, along with a small amount of freelancing and distance learning. Volunteering very limited as a female here.
It's the opportunity to progress DH's career, and get off the ADs. OK, special?
It's just hard sometimes.

DesertOrDessert Tue 26-Apr-16 13:25:13

And no, my visa won't let me work.

specialsubject Tue 26-Apr-16 13:55:50

just asking. Your choice. I cannot imagine how hard it must be.

ifink Tue 26-Apr-16 15:01:59

day filling here too wine
it is tough. I'm in a pretty full on location and the poverty/annoyances/dangers etc are not what make me fed up/homesick....it's the fact I have no choice, I can't work, never will be able to here and that sucks at a time in my life when I was wanting to get back into work. I think having an open dialogue with my DH about our length of stay really helps...I could call it quits if I wanted to and I know he would support me on that. That seems to keep me going through term time till the next school holidays when I can go home! What does your DH think?

DesertOrDessert Tue 26-Apr-16 17:01:26

Sorry, Special I miss read the tone of your first post.
We know this isn't a long term thing, but til the oil price goes back up, neither of us are likely to get a job back in the uk. Chemicals are shedding jobs left right and centre.
Thanks for the virtual wine. That's sadly lacking here as well.....

specialsubject Tue 26-Apr-16 17:20:36

sympathetic smile

BUT...this is not a rehearsal. Perhaps concentrate on saving like mad (without going mad, I don't think I could stand a week where you are), and working towards the goal of escaping.

time to write that novel?

MyFriendsCallMeOh Wed 27-Apr-16 13:03:10

You don't say where you are in ME but is there any way of getting a job that provides a visa? I did this in UAE when my dependent visa wouldn't let me work. Or study? U.K. Universities offer a huge range of distance learning opportunities, anything from diplomas up to mbas. I also took a web design course in the Middle East. I would go crazy with nothing to motivate me or fill my days too tbh.

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