How to handle a 2 month separation with Daddy?

(8 Posts)
elelfrance Wed 23-Mar-16 15:15:14

We are about to embark a move home from abroad... I go first with dd 2.5 and ds 4 months, to start work... DCs will stay with my parents 2 hours from where i'll be working, i'll be with them all weekends, and 2 or 3 weekday evenings. They adore their DGPs, and the feeling is mutual, so I'm not worried about how they'll get on there. DH will follow us 2 months later at which point we'll all live in the town i'm working in and DH will be a sahd. During the 2 month period, DH will come see us twice, once for 2 days and once for 4 days.

I'm just wondering how best to handle the separation for DD (2.5)...she's used to skyping her DGPs, but when we've had a week away from DH after Christmas, it seemed to upset her a bit to see him.. we've been explaining to her that we're going to have a new house, but haven't told her that daddy won't be there for the first while... i don't think she'd understand...

Any mums, expat or otherwise, with experinces to share on separation from daddy, would be much appreciated!

lifeisunjust Thu 24-Mar-16 07:41:45

You just make it very matter of fact and don't project your own anxiety on the children. There are children who have mums and (mainly) dads who walk out on their lives and never return. Their lives go on. In comparison, 2 months temporary separation is not so significant. Think of the future and think of it just being a rather long weekend.

Barbie1 Thu 24-Mar-16 07:49:11

I'm a long term expat who has moved 6 countries in a little under 8 years with my 3 children.

Slightly different from us as all my children have been born while abroad so we haven't had to leave anyone other then when we return after a holiday from the UK, when people leave us after visiting or when we leave school friends for a new school....

Honestly works for us. We tell them what is going on, we show them pictures, you tube clip and books on the new place. We let them pack a trunkie so they feel important and we involve them in the whole process. Children are very adaptable, much more than adults. You will probably find your dc will take a few weeks after moving to finally realise how much she misses daddy and by that time him will soon be over.

Skype is amazing and was also post daddy back presents and homemade cards when we miss him in the summer break. (We come home for 6 weeks to escape the heat)

Wish you well on your new venture smileflowers

Barbie1 Thu 24-Mar-16 07:50:01

Honesty works...not honestly blush

VelvetDandelion Thu 24-Mar-16 07:50:24

I've done this. My school were 5 and exactly 2. (24 months grin)

I found that my youngest didn't really get it at all. Like you, we were living with relatives which I think made it easier as we weren't in our house where daddy used to be.

We did FaceTime a lot but I found that she didn't really like it. Which made it harder for my dh. I think she found it boring to be honest. It's not like playing together. Even him reading a book didn't hold her interest.

They were both thrilled to see him again and it was all totally normal straight away.

BettyBitesBums Thu 24-Mar-16 07:56:03

elel we'll be doing exactly the same in a few months but we won't see DH at all during the 2 months. We've moved abroad for a year and DD is 3 so she's had to leave DGPs, friends etc to come out and then will be leaving DH to come back. She's taken it so much better than I have we expected and we've just been completely honest with her and given her a good long period of warning beforehand and explaining every so often what was going to happen and why. As previous posters have said, young kids adapt to much longer separations and much worse situations, it's the adults that struggle more!

elelfrance Thu 24-Mar-16 11:20:25

Thanks everyone for the great advice !!
Reading all your posts, I'm realising that while I'm worrying about DD, its actually going to be me & DH who feel it the most...but you're all right, there are much worse things in life than a 2 month separation, and its all for a good reason, so i need to get some perspective !!

tomatoIzzy Fri 25-Mar-16 03:30:09

My youngest is 3 and DH is currently in Angola. He'll be there until the end of April, left at the beginning of March. At first DS was asking for him/ looking for him. MIL asked him yesterday "where's daddy" (not sure why she did that ) and D'S told her matter of factly that he's on an aeroplane and when it lands he'll come home. When he worked away a lot or we moved home and my other children were little I remembered them having similar ideas.
In the mind of a small child it will just take him a really long time to fly back. I have always just told the children what's happening and they just go with the flow and have a different concept of time because two months is just an abstract word.

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