Taken the huge step of removing 'Rightmove' from my bookmarks!!!!!!

(10 Posts)
crazycatladyonthecorner Sat 19-Mar-16 15:44:49

Finally after 6 years I am resigned to the fact that we won't be moving back to the UK anytime soon.
A lot of things have changed in Dh's company meaning it is better to stay here.
The kids are enjoying school, learning and have said they never want to leave.
It would be financial suicide to sell up here and move home, where we would never get a mortgage(age), so would have to use all our saving to buy a house ( or rent for years)
It has taken a long time time to finally give up the dream of returning home. I have fought tooth and nail, thinking of every possible scenario that could work, just so we could return home.
In the end I have just had to accept that it is not going to happen.
Too many things are working here to throw away in the hope that it would all work out somehow if we moved.
I have never really settled here and always thought we could return to the UK.
Logically we were always going to stay here, emotionally I never wanted too.
So I have taken the step of removing 'Rightmove' from my browser. I know that may sound really trivial and possibly stupid but it has always been my go to place when things haven't been going well.
Just sharing really, feeling quite sad, and a little brave at the same time.
Feel I can move on and concentrate on the here and now, rather than my imaginary real life if we moved.

Pipbin Sat 19-Mar-16 15:53:49

I know how you feel but in a completely different way.
It's that moment of knowing that the 'now' is going to be the forever.

For us it was the final round of IVF ending in a miscarriage. We knew then that we weren't going to be parents. We had spent 5 years living with two open doors. One with children an one with out. For 5 years we stood in that hallway not knowing which door we were going to go through.

Now we know where our future is going we can do all sorts of things. We finally spent money on the house, we had a room that we had awaiting decorating but we didn't know what the room would be used for. We booked holidays, joined the gym etc. We felt like our lives were no longer in limbo.

It's the same thing for you. You now know that where you live right now will be home, so you need to start to think in that mind set. Removing the Rightmove bookmark is a good first step. Now think about all the stuff you have that you keep thinking 'oh, I'll need that when I move back to the UK'. Do you need to keep it?

DesertOrDessert Sat 19-Mar-16 15:59:25

Hahaha. I deliberately set up an alert to everything local to me when we came out here... I'm holding on to going back, and not to the house which is currently being trashed (not maliciously, but every month something goes wrong, and its the silky tenants fault, but we pay - baby wipes down the toilet twice, soo much ice in n the freezer, the fridge part stops working) by the Tennant's, if I get my way.

Dontgiveaschnitzel Sat 19-Mar-16 19:10:52

I'm glad I'm not the only one who browses Right Move and imagines an alternative life (house with garden!). I've only been in Germany 3 months but I feel really lost and out of place, so when I'm having a bad day I sneak a look at uk houses and daydream when DC is napping. Well done for removing it OP, I don't think it's trivial, it seems like a positive and brave first step.

Ancienchateau Sat 19-Mar-16 22:42:39

Well done crazycatladyonthecorner you are very brave and also being very positive. I know what it means. You have 3 years on me so I won't be following you for a while though! Baby steps flowers

fatowl Sun 20-Mar-16 01:27:11

OP, me and DH are browsing Rm at the moment, trying to make a decision.
He is oil and gas and I earn a pittance as an ESL teacher, so we could be up the creak tomorrow if his job went and he simply won't walk into another.

At Christmas we were almost decided to come home, so as the date approaches to start giving notice to schools etc, we are veering back towards staying.
We just can't decide.

DD is going into Y10 in Sept, whatever we decide is a two year decision.

I think we're staying because it's the sensible decision, but I had mentally started moving back and now I'm back tracking.

I've been here 12 years (came for 18 months)- it's gone quickly, so another two years is nothing, right?

ToastedOrFresh Sun 20-Mar-16 02:46:56

I sympathise with the OP, and for that matter, other contributors to this thread.

Personally, the idea of removing, 'Right move' from my search engine makes my blood run cold. I Google it each time, I like it fresh you see wink

Unlike the OP we more or less have to return to the UK this year or we will end up in financial oblivion if we don't get back on the UK property ladder and get our pensions up to date after a five year absence. We are middle aged. We are a one income household, unfortunately, due to me being unemployed despite my best efforts to find work. I am legally allowed to work here btw and there's no language barrier. Just a shit load of parochialism. Hopefully, we can go back to being a dual income household when we get home.

We can't really bring the proceeds of the sale of our house back to the UK until the local currency gains strength which could take a year or more. Which means we will be in rented accommodation in the interim, which is dead money. If we would have stayed in the UK, our mortgage on our house in the home counties would have been finished in 2019 and we wouldn't be so far behind on our pensions.

tomatoIzzy Sun 20-Mar-16 03:31:54

That was a big step. Good luck with everything flowers

crazycatladyonthecorner Sun 20-Mar-16 06:59:07

Thanks everyone for all the positive comments. Out of all the decision making things to do, removing a website seems so trivial. It feels as though I have closed a door on the past ( or imaginary future) though.
I have had to accept that returning was never going to be an option. All the things that were mentioned. Pensions, property ladder, our ages, childrens ages, their schooling are all in place here, and working well.
Dh's job is secure here, kids future is here. It was always just me who wanted to return. I was always exhausted about coming up with another plan on how we could make a move work.
I always did everything so half-heartedly here (why bother if I'm not staying attitude)
I finally saw that dh and the kids were actually living a full life here, living in the moment, while I was always living in the past or planning a new future.
It is not going to be easy, but I'm determined to make it work, for my own sanity I had to let go of the dream.
Have a great Sunday everyone flowers

SweetpeaToadfoot Sun 27-Mar-16 16:50:29

Just de-lurking to say best of luck and I hope you enter your 'new' life 100% and that you feel a sense of relief that you have made the decision. Whereabouts are you, OP? (If you don't mind saying!)

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