Separating in NZ

[Horopu]

Kia Ora.

My 20 year marriage has just ended after 5 years of living in NZ. I am feeling pretty shaken and sad at the moment. My husband and I can be civil but are poor communicators with each other. We have permanent resident visas.

Can anyone give me any advise who to talk to for financial or legal guidance? I can't really think straight at the moment and don't want to make mistakes. He has had a short emotional affair which I obviously am upset about but I know it makes no difference to finances etc.

We have three children, the oldest started at university in Auckland last week the others are 15 and 9. My husband has moved out and is renting, I am staying in the family home. The boys so far are mainly with me but have stayed over with him a few times.

We leave in a rural town in Northland.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

I can't personally help you but I know someone who might be able to

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Hello again - my friend can't log in at the moment but she's sent this message for you:

"Basically she needs a family lawyer and to do a Parenting Through Separation course immediately. The thing she needs to know is that 92 per cent of divorces are settled through mediation and only 8 Per cent get to court so she needs to work out what her negotiation strategies and demands are."

Hope that's a helpful start.

[shewillhaveherway]

Hi - perhaps contact citizens advice or a local lawyer or community law centre if you are wishing to talk through your options and any implications stemming from being permanent residents?

www.cab.org.nz/vat/fp/r/Pages/Separationanddissolutionofmarriage.aspx

www.justice.govt.nz/family-justice/separation/separation-agreements-orders

www.communitylaw.org.nz/community-law-manual/chapter-23-adult-relationships/separation/

[Horopu]

Thank you so much you two, that is very helpful. I have emailed about the Parenting Course and looked at the links. I got married in the UK and ow I'm wondering if I get divorced here or back over there!

[shewillhaveherway]

Sorry I was on my phone before and couldn't do clickable links. Just wanted to say I am sorry you are going through this. It's never easy ( even if it has been your choice) and I hope you have lots of support. X

[RodentOfUnusualSize]

Sorry you are going through this Horupu. I can recommend an excellent family law barrister. She is in Auckland but would be able to either do a phone consultation with you or be able to recommend someone in Northland.

I asked her for advice recently on behalf of a family member. One of the most important things to do is to speak to a lawyer right at the beginning so that you get accurate and up-to-date advice up front. It may seem expensive but skimping on this usually ends up costing more in the long run. I'll PM you her details. Take care