Possible move to USA

[whatithink]

Just wondered if anyone can give us any sage advice to help us make our difficult decision.

DH and I lived in the USA Pacific Northwest 15 years ago. Then we came back to the UK brought a house, settled down and had children. Didn't have any plans to go back but DH has recently received another job offer to go back to the same place. Having to now consider 2 children we really just don't know what to do.

it would be for a minimum of 4-5 year commitment. DC's are 9 years old, which would put them at age 14 - 15 before we could consider coming back. I think that would be a very difficult age to move them, plus the fact that it would probably be impossible to get them back into a school in UK where we live (we would rent out house, but all nearby schools are oversubscribed).

If we loved it and decided to stay, we we would then have to consider college for them in USA and from what I hear fees are extortionate. If they moved back to UK for uni not sure if we would then qualify for any loans etc as would have been recently living abroad.

We are both also late 40's now and have parents is their 70's. I worry about not being around for them as they get older.

Any thoughts much appreciated

[LeavingLA]

Hi Whatithink, I have no sage advice, but just wanted to say that, when I read your post, the overriding impression is that you don't want to go. It looks like your gut reaction is that there are too many issues. All the drawbacks you mention are completely reasonable. If you can't get excited about the move and it sounds like you've 'done' the Pacific Northwest to your satisfaction before then IMHO don't give yourself the aggro and upheaval.

Most obvious advice ever, I'm sure. I just offer it in case you're so tied up with decision-making that some more basic level of response has been forgotten, i.e. bugger this, I don't especially want to go.

[MinesAPintOfTea]

How would you feel if one DC decided to stay in the USA permanently? Its very likely that you'd end up with family (grandchildren?) on both continents this way.

[claraschu]

I agree that it sounds like you don't really want to move.

As far as schools go, I strongly believe that things can work brilliantly, or go terribly wrong, for completely unpredictable reasons. American schools can be truly exciting and fantastic, so it might be a very rich experience for them.

What year are they in school over here? What grade would hey go into in the US? Would you end up returning for year 9 (easier) or year 10 (harder I would think).

[BikeRunSki]

You seem to have many reasons to stay in the UK and no compelling drivers to go back to the US.

[ProveMeWrong]

My main thought is why did you come back? Was it for work reasons and you would have preferred to stay, or was it heart reasons? This really should be a big driver of your answer.

[mathanxiety]

I think you would be better off staying put and just going for some holidays in the PNW if you can afford it. Your children are just at the wrong age, and would be uprooted from burgeoning friendships if you were to return to the UK with them at 14 or if you decided to send them to boarding school at that point. Plus unless you got them into an IB school the transfer to the UK system would be rough. If you stayed beyond that age and they ended up applying to university, they would not be eligible for federal financial aid and would be treated as international students afaik, as far as institutional aid was concerned. If they applied to go to university in the UK they might not meet residency requirements even though they are citizens.

[tomandizzymum]

I would say what are the benefits. In my experience the benefits have to outweigh the negatives, they also have to be ones that you can return to in the first year and say, we are having difficulties but at least we have XY and Z. I think people overestimate school problems for children. I wouldn't say its smooth but depending on the schools and the support you have, it really isn't that bad. Moving teenagers may be more difficult and you might want to consider coming back before 14, but it really depends on the children.

[mathanxiety]

(Sorry about that -- I posted on the wrong thread)