(1000 Posts)
AngryBeaver Tue 27-Nov-12 09:01:29

Look at us Chatty Cathy's!
Justa oh noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo<breathes>ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
(I'm not sure grin)

WhatSheSaid Sun 27-Jan-13 08:57:43

frikgreat time to arrive, weather fantastic at the mo.

xminerva I've heard that suggested, not sure if they would do it. I suppose you'd still have a week or two off school at Christmas, then what, two or three weeks back, then another six weeks off? Not sure if anything would get done in that 2 or 3 wks at school, quite disruptive at high school age with exams etc.

Ab eek, what are you going to do?

lollystix Sun 27-Jan-13 09:08:13

AB - is GE wanting the job in Auckland cos he's desperate to live in Waiheke or was he wanting out of his previous role. Just trying to work out if your goalposts are moving.

lollystix Sun 27-Jan-13 09:08:35

He not GE

lollystix Sun 27-Jan-13 09:09:46

Not looking good for Murray here is it. That Djokovic is fast!

lollystix Sun 27-Jan-13 09:29:55

Ok it's even but I still have this sense of hopelessness about Murray. I'm such a pessimist

justaboutchilledout Sun 27-Jan-13 09:37:27

Oh now I am going to sound patronising and bossy. So ignore the paternalistic tone and just take this as well-intentioned, even if misguided.

As I understand it - am I right? - you both wanted him to change jobs, to enable you to have a better standard of living. And that, in general terms, you wanted to move to Auckland, and were originally looking at Birkenhead, then asking questions about Devonport, and then you got interested in Waiheke.

He has presumably LEFT the other job, because he's doing a six week trial?
Is he really going to turn down the new job and be unemployed rather than not live in Waiheke? Does he often make ultimatums like this (in which case it might be game-playing) or is this unusual (in which case it is possibly not a case of thinking clearly, having fallen head over heels in love with the place).
I'm genuinely not saying don't move, now that it is clear how serious he is about it: but I think that you need to separate out the two questions

1) should we, as a family, choose to move to Waiheke
2) how does the decision-making process work fairly, for the benefit of all, not just for one?

It is a very mild concern of mine that marriages where one partner makes ultimatums to another CAN become difficult, if said partner gives in and then turns out to resent the decision that has been made. There are also the children's needs to think of -
Presumably you haven't checked the schools yet - may be lovely schools, I don't know, but is he really not prepared to check that out too? It's an important question because you do have limited choice if one turned out to be dire. I'm asking because it sounds like he is being a bit tunnel-vision about this.

I'm not averse to following a DH's dream (er, that is why we are in NZ) and actually it was DH who vetoed looking at Waiheke not me, but I do know that I would personally resent a metaphorical pistol being held to my head about where we lived, unless it was crucial to his ability to do the job.

So I guess my point is, look after yourself, and your relationship, in the medium-term, and don't be marched at gunpoint unless you don't feel it's a big deal and you will probably be very happy there anyway.

AngryBeaver Sun 27-Jan-13 09:39:06

Wise words justa...smile But , still feel very unsure. Going to Tuaranga for a day out tomorrow. Taking a blue pill in the hope of sleep tonight (has evaded me since july sad) hoping for some clarity.

justaboutchilledout Sun 27-Jan-13 09:44:50

another thought, just as I go to bed too...the more I htink about it, the more I just want you to have whatever is easy in the next little while. You've been through such a lot.
I have no idea what option is easiest. But sometimes I think easy is good.
Whatever will work for you emotionally will be the right thing I suspect - and after all I have said, maybe agreeing with DH IS the easiest way. Not much help I know.

frikonastick Sun 27-Jan-13 09:58:54

I haven't seen the 10 day forecast, no, is it just on google?

Tough one AB, good luck in your decisions.

Having a bit of a wobble actually. What if i haaaaaaate it! No, I mean, I know I won't, but what if I doooooooo?


frikonastick Sun 27-Jan-13 10:03:33

And AB, if there is one thing I have learned in all our travels and relocations, nothing is an absolute in terms of housing and geography. The only absolutes are that no matter where you live, you are you and DH is DH. So maybe make decisions based on that? Good luck :-)

WhatSheSaid Sun 27-Jan-13 17:43:15

AB, if you do go to Waiheke, as it seems to be your dh's dream place rather than yours I would suggest making it a condition of going that if you find yourself going a bit stir-crazy you get to leave the dcs with him for the day and go off into the city by yourself.

I'm not sure how much stuff in Auckland you're going to get to otherwise and i thought one of the reasons for moving was to be nearer a bigger variety of events, activities etc.

I do really like Waiheke, as I've said before, but I'm talking only from experiences of weekends there, not permanent living.

AngryBeaver Sun 27-Jan-13 19:39:52

Thankyou ladies. I am going to Tauranga today. We ar skint after our jaunt, but I need a day away from here. 'Cos actually the whole Aukland/waiheke thing was reaaly bloody stressful (and continues to be) I constantly feel sick and am not getting much sleep,(have not been sleeping well since we lost Hope, but now even worse) and the teeth grinding is back.
So, I need a little break.

Frick you will love Tauranga! It's great. Honest 'guv <squeezes hand>

vvviola Sun 27-Jan-13 21:41:34

AB - no advice really, but just a thought. One of the "conditions" of us moving to NZ was that I got to do my Masters (my job is fairly specific to Ireland in some ways, so just going out a getting an equivalent wasn't really an option, and I'm not cut out to be an SAHM 100% of the time). Is there some way that moving to Waiheke could go hand in hand with you doing something exclusively for yourself?

And also... I am an idiot. I've been merrily planning stuff for tomorrow (DD2 has done the toddler trick of bouncing back completely and was stealing food from my dinner plate last night!), and totally forgot that I'll have no car hmm so I'm out for tomorrow I'm afraid. I may manage to walk to Browns Bay because a bus can get me back up again, but I'm afraid Long Bay is a touch too far hmm

From the 2nd week of Feb I'm all yours again though! wink

justaboutchilledout Sun 27-Jan-13 21:57:37

VViola, we have enough seats in my car that I could bring you and two children. We also have a car seat suitable for your eldest.

justaboutchilledout Sun 27-Jan-13 21:58:49

On a completely shallow note, part of me is rather hoping you DO move to Waiheke because then I will have an excuse to visit properly!

thelittlestkiwi Sun 27-Jan-13 23:03:44

frik- http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/8231629/End-predicted-to-capital-weather.

AB- I second giving yourself a bit of a break this next year. You have been through an awful lot. Is your mum still here?

vvviola Sun 27-Jan-13 23:52:06

Justabout - that would be fab, thank you! It's just me and the little one (DD1 is off on a road trip with my folks grin). Shall FB you.

Is it just us? Or was anyone else able to join us? (Can't scroll back on phone)

WhatSheSaid Mon 28-Jan-13 00:56:51

Yep I'm keen. Want to meet about 2ish? Earlier? Later? I think xminerva said she could come after 2.30 after swimming lesson. We can go up there whenever so let me know what time is good for others.

justaboutchilledout Mon 28-Jan-13 01:50:19

Why don't we all arrange to meet there 2.30ish and xminerva can join us too? (starts making grand plans to use chilly bin)
(realises that this means putting some water in the freezer to freeze tonight)

WhatSheSaid Mon 28-Jan-13 02:39:39

Yep, I can text you when I get there justabout.

justaboutchilledout Mon 28-Jan-13 03:40:43

Thank you all SO MUCH! I have hellish morning with two different hospital appts in different part of Auckland and am going to be buoyed up by the thought of seeing you all there.

Vvviola, can you PM/text me your new address? I'll be there to pick you up at 2.

justaboutchilledout Mon 28-Jan-13 05:02:55

Scrap that vvviola, I can't find my mobile phone. Can you PM or FB me the address? Hoping you get this before tomorrow.

frikonastick Mon 28-Jan-13 05:28:19

lol at the weather report!

am now googling waiheke

can we call it waihekegate AB? or am i being too flippant?

WhatSheSaid Mon 28-Jan-13 06:54:43

Hope you have your phone tomorrow justabout or I'll be wandering round aimlessly trimming to find you smile

WhatSheSaid Mon 28-Jan-13 06:55:25

Hope you have your phone tomorrow justabout or I'll be wandering round aimlessly trying to find you smile

This thread is not accepting new messages.