Mumsnet Talk

So after 14 years living abroad we were told last night by my husband's company that we are moving back to the UK. After a lot of soul searching we decided that this is what we want for our family and we have been aiming for this for the past 2 years. We are moving back in a good position as my husband has been offered a good job. If he turns it down, he may never get offered something like this again and we could be stuck here forever. Our time frame for moving back is within the next 18 months.

Anyway, last night I was having anxiety attacks in the middle of the night. What if my kids hate it, what if they are bullied at school and have no friends, what if they cannot get into a good school, where are we going to live, what if my relies all get on my t!ts, English people are snobby. You name it, I stressed over it at 2.30am. This morning I am so tired and grouchy. On one side I can see that we need to move back, on the other side the total woose in me is saying, no CHANGE is bad, stay in your little expat bubble and pretend the real world doesn't exist. You will miss the pool too much.

Anyway, not sure if this is a rant, a cry for some hand holding or what. I feel dizzy and sick at the thought of the upheaval and all the stuff I have to start and do. We have no place of our own in the UK and are moving back to a place we are unfamiliar with so I think it is going to be quite difficult. I feel like the room is spinning.

I would really welcome any tips from people who have moved back or are moving back as to - where do I start?

You have the luxury of time on your side.
First you must decided where you want to live. Presumably you'll want to be close to your DHs job.
Have a look on rightmove to see what's available. Are you able to get back to view some houses? That's what I found the hardest. I was due to look at 22 houses in four days. The Icelandic volcano put paid to that and I saw 19 in two days. I chose the wrong one so take your time.

This may not be what you want to hear but here goes. Having worked overseas in 3 countries I moved back to the UK for a while and it was the hardest move of the lot because there was no-one whose job it was to look after me.

Start making a list now of what you will need to do, mine included:
Somewhere to live
Childcare
Doctors
Dentist
Library

I know there was more but I can't remember. I will admit it was complicated by the fact my then partner was doing a masters and I needed a job. So I had to get a job, flat and childcare that all worked together. I got the job and then looked for the other two simultaneously till I found a match.

If you go onto homes and property and ask for advice on where to live in the general area where dh will be working you will get invaluable advice. Good luck

As Kreecher has said, you have lots of time to plan.

I moved back to the UK last summer having lived in the ME for 5 1/2 years. We had decided it was the right time for us as DC3 was due to start in reception so a good time to return.

It was a bit strange at first, settling back in. The difference with us was that we'd kept our house so at least we had that familiarity which was good but still a bit odd for DC3 and 4 who were both born in the ME.

Have to say though, although I miss the warmth and a lot of my friends, I don't regret coming back.

Do you have any idea where you want to live? Start having a look on rightmove to get an idea on prices etc.

Oooh, unsettling but exciting. And, you are very fortunate to have time to plan. Btw, how long have you been away from the UK? How old are your dc?

My advice would be to research the areas you'd like to live in (as someone said earlier), and then RENT for a year. Yes, it may slow down the 'settling in' process, but also could prevent you buying the 'wrong' house in the 'wrong' spot (can't tell you the number of times families 'round here buy initially and then sell/re-buy elsewhere after they've got oriented).

Once you see how your lives run day to day, you'll have a much better sense of where you want to live long term, and may even be specific enough to know which streets you'd prefer (or wish to avoid). You'll be chain free, so that will make the process much easier. Also, by waiting, you will be able to see how your living expenses run so will have a much better idea of a suitable mortgage.

Will your dh's work offer the services of a relocation company? Are there co-workers who could be valuable sources of advise/support?

Really is excellent advice about renting. I am one of those people who bought in haste and is sitting repenting at leisure.

MOSagain (and others) - why are you glad to be back. Last night I had dinner with some friends and they had visitors from the UK there. They spent the whole night telling me that the UK is terrible, my kids will never get a job when they are older, we are mad to go back etc. It kind of threw me and I was awake agitated half the night

At the end of the day, I cannot stay here in Asia for ever and my kids will had to go off to Uni (hopefully) and find jobs.

Those of you who have returned to the UK and are happy (or unhappy) - why? What is it about the UK that makes it a better place to be than sitting round the pool in a warm country?

Family, friends and famliarity. The UK is not marvellous at the moment TBH, it took me five months to find a job as a cleaner.
However, my DD is in a fantastic school and has made good lifelong friends. She will be able to go to university if she chooses and not pay overseas fees. There is some sort of rule that she'd have to live in England for at least four years prior to going or be liable for overseas fees.

I should add, we did have that luxury of home help and weekends in Phuket. Initially I missed it, but I do think we made the right decision and once DH is back for good it will be brilliant.

Just a couple more points to watch out for....

We moved back to the UK in 2003 after 8 years abroad - I moved abroad 2 weeks after graduating so moved back to the UK with zero credit rating (DH had been abroad even longer than me) - it was hell getting a mortgage, credit card etc. despite not having a penny's debt between us.

We didn't have children at the time so no-one else to consider in our move but I've never had so much trouble finding a job (even before the credit crunch). All of a sudden my skills and experience weren't so much of a novelty so I spent months and months temping before landing a decent job.

If you have had enough of expat living and don't think you can be abroad permanently, a good time to go back is when a job moves.

We moved back to Asia in 2008 and love it here so have no plans to return to the UK in the future.

kensukeskitchen Many reasons including those set out by Kreecher.

Where I lived it was very restrictive and I had no independance whatsover. I love being able to get into my car and drive where I want, shop where and when I want without so many restrictions and the constant checking of watches to see if I can get to a shop/restaurant before they close for prayer.

DC1 returned to the UK for his A levels as those offered at the British school in the ME were very limited. Also, as Kreecher said there is the rule about being an overseas student. We were lucky, his university considered him a UK resident for the required number of years before even though he was out of the country for part of that time.

DC2 now doing GCSEs and DC3 has settled well into reception. I love that she and her younger brother who is at nursery are making friends that live locally to and and hopefully will not move on suddenly. That was what DD found very hard. She would make friends at nursery then at school who lived on our compound and then within a few months a large number of them would move on when their father was posted somewhere else or his contract ran out. It was quite hard for her seeing so many friends moving at the same time. Of course you will get the odd family moving away from our area now but not to the extent it happened in the ME.

Most of all, I'm looking forward to having the opportunity of returning to work (if anyone will have me after a 6 year career break). I was unable to work in my profession in the ME and it would be nice to have the chance to what I once enjoyed and was good at.

Of course the money and many benefits were fabulous but we are loving being home in OUR house, not one owned by DH's company on a compound which was like living in a goldfish bowl at times. Its also very refreshing to meet new people and not have the first question of 'what grade is your husband?'. That used to drive me mad