Mumsnet Talk

When I go back to the UK I usually stay at my parents for 1-2 weeks and then at my in-laws with my kids. This is getting more and more difficult as the years go by. My parents moan at my kids, get upset at me using too many cups and get a bit annoyed if I want us all to go out for the day because my kids are BORED. I get upset, they get annoyed and I can't wait to leave. At my in-laws I have to put up with passive aggressive bollocks and they live in the middle of nowhere so basically I really do want to top myself by the end of the 1-2 weeks.

Anyhow, I am thinking of going back to the UK this summer as I had a lot of things to sort out that are going to take a few weeks. I am thinking of hiring a cottage or renting a place and saying to my relies - hey this is where we are, you are welcome to come stay for a week each. That way it is on our terms plus they can have a nice short break too.

Problem is I think they may get offended if we do not go stay at theirs. However, staying at both also entails dragging my 2 small kids around the country on trains etc with suitcases, on my own.

Any suggestions on areas to rent a nice cottage etc. with things to do with the kids. Not as far south as Devon as I will need to get to London to sort out a bit of business.

We did the same as a family (of 6, we got too much for our grandparents I think) when I was younger & we lived abroad.
Was easier as my gps lived in Devon & we rented in north Cornwall, so a sort of holiday place but they didn't have to stay overnight and neither did we at theirs.

Where are the gps/parents?
Somewhere Oxfordshire-ish could be central?
Search on cottages 4 you (there is an MN discount too!) for ideas, we've used them before.

But basically yes do it

Thx JKSLtd

I will take a look at the site. I think Oxfordshire would be ideal as our parents are north and to the east so reachable for both. I think that if I offer and they refuse then I shouldn't feel guilty as I am basically offering them a free holiday.

What I do is book a cottage for a week, somewhere easy for them to visit for the day if they want. Then spend a couple of nights either side with my parents. That way we fulfill our visiting obligations but don't outstay our welcome!

We do this where possible - we are renting a cottage for a week at Easter in Windsor and will hopefully catch up with various people. DH, especially, HATES staying with family - he much prefers that we can do our own thing. Xmas we stayed with dsis and whilst it was lovely - we came back feeling exhausted - far too much driving about.

We are doing this for the first time this year as I am growing more and more resentful of the fact going to stay with my parents costs more than a family holiday but tbh isn't any fun for anyone, it's all duty! Yet I miss the UK and know it isn't fair to just stop going back and not have the link there for the kids and grandparents/ aunts/ cousins/ nephew and niece etc.

We only have family in one part of the UK but I lived all my adult life at the other end of the country (before moving abroad) so all my friends, whom I'd really love to see, and a lot of whom have similar aged DC, are elsewhere; I have dragged the DC from one end of the country to the other staying with various people before but it really is stressful for the kids.

Cottages are so expensive though - especially in school holiday time and if you want to rent one with a spare room or two for guests who may not even come!

We are renting a 3 bed static caravan this year (family of 5), right on the beach on a site with a pool and various facilities - the kind of holiday we might do anyway in France or Italy, but in the UK, and luckily for us my parents live near a holiday destination. Friends from the other end of the country are coming to meet us there though and booking their own caravan, which I am very excited about Its a nice way to do it if the people you want to see are not above staying on a holiday park - my parents would never in their lives stay in a caravan and don't understand why we are doing, but that doesn't matter as we can visit them during (some of )the days.

Hope you find something and it makes your trip more enjoyable than in previous years

After years of being an expat, I have decided that there comes a time when you have to do what is right for you and your family when you return home for a visit. I think you should do it, you are not excluding them at all - invite them to come and stay for a bit. Yes, the train travel will be hard - but means to a good end.

Thanks, you guys have made me feel so much better. Perhaps my parents will sigh in relief too at not having us all pile up on them. I think that as I get older, I am a bit less tolerant all round. This is the first year that I will do this and I think I will get it in the neck from the in-laws but to be honest, that's the problem, I am in my 40's and always getting it in the neck from everyone! I want a bit of piece and quiet when I go back!!!

If I do not do this I will have to fly into the UK, hire a car, drive to my parents, then fly over to my in-laws, be marooned without a car in the middle of nowhere and then fly back to my parents and stay again before flying back home abroad by their regional airport ( I cannot do Heathrow seriously). Did I mention with 2+ suitcases and a pram?

If I hire a cottage (already found gorgeous one) they can all come see me if they like and have a nice break. I can then also invite good friends who I do not usually get to see who live in South London. I'm sure they would love to come over.

Mmmmm I think that as a 40+ something mum with 2 under 5, traveling alone I think this is the best option don't you?

Absolutely the best thing - if we couldn't do that this time DH wouldn't come, and I think I wouldn't bother either, staying with my parents (also in the middle of nowhere, no public transport, no facilities except a couple of village shops within walking distance) is also that wonderful combination of bite-your-tongue-in-two stressful and boring, and whilst the kids enjoy their (smelly) dog it isn't enough to entertain them for a week or two! We only live in Germany but it will be 2 years since our last trip over (having a baby in the middle of the 2 years being a good excuse )

There is a website (and I'm sorry, I can't remember the name) for people looking for house/petsitters. It basically means that you get to stay in someone's house for a couple of weeks while they are away, in exchange for looking after their home and pets. I'm sure if you Google UK house sitters you would find the website. When I first came accross it I thought it would be perfect for us if we'd want to visit the UK for a couple of weeks.

Nothing constructive to add except, yes, yes, yes. I could have written most of these posts. Now we always rent somewhere to stay although it does work out to be expensive.

We are doing similar, but hiring a wood cabin/lodge type thingy. We have plonked ourselves smack in the middle of all friends and family and said to all "we are here between these dates, we want to see you all, first come first served..."

So if they procrastinate, and the day has gone, it's their fault, if they let us down/can't make it, we get a nice day in the woods, log fire, hot tub, fish n chippies!

I got so fed up of organising trips and chopping and changing, rebooking, living out of the boot of the car to a sofa bed etc. you totally have my sympathy.

I looked on Hoseasons, but booked directly with the company through an internet search, as it was cheaper.

Forgot to mention - anything on the houseswap website MN are plugging at the mo?

How about center parcs?

hi- yes do it! i tried staying with family first time when doing summer in the UK and its awful for all the reasons you say and more. (also have under 5's) next few times, i rented a cottage-(so i could see friends and be independant!) found a lovely one on ownersdirect in the cotswolds (easy train to london) and i hired a car, though if you were in a village with a railway it would be ok but in the country you will need a car, just to go and do stuff. plus the supermarkets are out of town, so then its expensive shops in the village- make sure you have wifi at your rental so you can keep in touch also you can order online... plus you can order your shop to arrive the day you do.

bear in mind its much cheaper to rent in brittany( about 800gbp for 6 weeks for a 2-3 bed in a village with a garden near the beach) and if you get a 3 bed people can come for the weekend and you can spend the saving on a car. plus you could do 1-2 weeks in uk with parents then push off to france or spain or italy... cheaper and still lovely, and people can come and see you- its not a penance to be an expat

god I sympathise

have to go to canada to see my family

my parents live in dullsville and we resent forking out a small forunte to bore ourselves stupid for 2 weeks