I want to fire my live-in maid but no idea how and all the advice I get from other expats is so horrible

(115 Posts)
creamcheesesneeze Sun 15-May-11 06:05:00

We have a full-time live in maid. I have never had this before. I hate it.

I really, really want to get rid of her but I have no idea how.

She is aggressively argumentative, criticises everything all the time, never does anything I ask.

On the other hand she does work really hard. I tried to get her to do sensible hours with a break in the middle of the day but she refuses and she is ALWAYS here. Working from 6am to 9pm with me begging her to PLEASE stop and go home or rest or something.

Yesterday she left the gate to the pool unlocked. It was a mistake, and we all make mistakes. But we have small children and this is a mistake that cannot be made. I told her on her first day that the most important part of this job was keeping the gate to the pool locked. When I told her yesterday that it had been left unlocked she first ignored me (because she was embarrassed and didn't want me to get cross - not that I ever have ) and then when I calmly but firmly said "You must remember to always, always lock the gate. This is very important" she got cross and started ranting that she DID always lock it and this was only one time and that I had left my balcony door unlocked last week and blah blah blah...

It is so exhausting. I find I am scared to even mention small things to her because she strops and sulks for days.

Just now she was washing up and asked why I had put the sponge (that she was using) in the wash. I said because it needed washing, and why had she taken it out of the wash? She said she didn't think it had been used for bad jobs so it was fine. I said it needed washing every day or two days and to please take a clean one. She roared with laughter and said that you cannot wash washing up sponges - they are always clean because they are used for washing!! So... she will do exactly what she wants and not wash the sponge.

But if I get rid of her she has no job, no income, family relying on her wage. She will cry and refuse to go and I'll have to make her. I feel like such a bitch sitting in my huge big house with every advantage in the world firing a poor old lady working for minimum wage (actually we pay double, but it's still not much) because she won't do my washing up precisely to my liking.

Other expats give completely shit shitty mcshit advice along the lines of "wait until she's out, pack up her things and take her to the airport. It's the only language these people understand! Delete her phone numbers. Don't tell her where she's going until you get there. Or she'll clean out your house and disappear!"

I don't really want her to work out notice because she will be so horrid while she's here. I'll happily pay her off. I just want her gone.

We're sending her to India for a month to see her family in August. I wondered about saying just before she left that she needn't come back, and paying her 2 months wages? Dh says that is a shitty thing to do.

She has already sort of threatened me that if I get rid of her things will be difficult for me. I have asked her to leave a few times before but she won't go.

maidagencydubai Wed 24-Jul-13 16:15:06

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Jebel Thu 09-Jun-11 15:34:25

Haha, the answer is no sadly. I know someone who had one removed from their luggagesmile One guy I know had a special ceremonial bottle of whiskey in his container and it got picked up by the xray. Sex and the city DVD no problem but book by Palestinian held for 2 weeks.

On the original topic I have had live-in and not live-in. Best way to find someone is word of mouth. Plenty of people allow theirs to do part-time too. Current cleaner is awesome but she is very bossy!

TheBride Thu 09-Jun-11 12:25:42

grin

Yeah, my David Bailey book got confiscated by UAE customs, so they do actually have a look.

FellatioNelson Wed 08-Jun-11 22:44:01

Oh yes, sorry - you said No. sad The thought of my whole 40 foot container being emptied on the dockside and rifled through because they scanned it with some super-duper radar machine and there buried among the pots and pans and mops and buckets was a Rampant Rabbit glowing like a beacon of western immorality is too much to bear. confused

FellatioNelson Wed 08-Jun-11 22:39:32

Funny you should mention the vibrator...grin And the answer is?

Jebel Wed 08-Jun-11 07:36:29

fellatio frik kiwi I have lived in Dohahahahahaha for 4 years so if you want any info, send me a message. I don't have kids (we are TTC) but spend enough time with those who do to be able to give the low-down. I've pretty much been asked every question possible by new arrivals (including whether you can bring a vibrator in - honestly, no, imagine the customs officials pulling that out of your suitcase)

We love it here, we have bad days but you do anywhere.

louisea Wed 08-Jun-11 07:24:12

Good luck to all those moving to Doha. We are leaving after 3 years. We had a tough start but now I'm sad to be leaving.

needanewname Tue 07-Jun-11 23:43:58

Yay - just hope he gets the job now. Will then be on here pestering asking you all for tips and info!

I take it that I will be able to access Mumsnet out there!

FellatioNelson Tue 07-Jun-11 21:58:56

Abu Dhabi is ace.

needanewname Tue 07-Jun-11 21:06:58

DH has an interview for a job in Abu Dhabi on tuesday, nto sure if I'm really excited or terrified at the prospect of going!

louisea Tue 07-Jun-11 19:58:54

Hey, please don't say that about me.

FellatioNelson Sun 29-May-11 08:43:46

Yes, we should! all the trials and tribulations....I can't think straight at the moment I have so much to do. confused

frikonastick Sun 29-May-11 08:42:24

oh thats cool, kiwi and fellatio. we should totally set up our own thread smile

FellatioNelson Sat 28-May-11 21:12:24

Wow - there is a whole little gang of us! I'll be arriving late Sept.

Kiwinyc Sat 28-May-11 21:01:30

frikonastick - see you there! - we are moving to Doha at the end of August to start the new school year there.

frikonastick Sat 28-May-11 13:02:25

grin fellatio, doha expat woman board is not quite as nest of vipery as the dubai one. but it functions much more as an information board than a chat site like this one. LOL at swearing on there wordsonasceen, hahahahahah, you must of been deleted so fast your head must of spun.

i am also moving to doha, in 2 months. DH is there now sorting out housing......which is a bit nerve wreaking!

on the subject of maids, dont worry too much, i have a lovely lovely full time nanny/maid and she has been with us for years (originally employed her in dubai) and she has moved countries with us and is also coming to qatar.

FellatioNelson Sat 28-May-11 11:37:24

Oh that's sounds like something I need to avoid at all costs when I get there then - warring factions and queen bee cliques. shock

TheBride Sat 28-May-11 10:33:15

expatwoman can be very useful in terms of practical help, but on a Thursday night it always kicks off worse than any AIBU in the history of MN, and because the number of individual posters is lower and many know one another in RL, there is a "royalty" element who rule the forum with a rod of iron- then they have a fall out in RL and live it through EW. It's actually quite entertaining.

barbie1 Sat 28-May-11 08:03:37

I have posted on EXPAT WOMEN blush in my defense it was because we found a turtle while walking the dog and wanted to see if anyone would claim it before the dog ate it! grin

FellatioNelson Sat 28-May-11 07:41:08

They are rather prudish aren't they? After MN it's a bit difficult for me to get with the programme. I can't help visualising them all as a bunch of bible-bashing Americans in knee length shorts, trainers and ankle socks.

I'll abandon it I think. You gals can be my own sweary debauched ex-pat advisors. grin

allhailtheaubergine Sat 28-May-11 07:11:19

Everyone who posts on ExpatWoman is shrieking MAD. Fact.

FellatioNelson Sat 28-May-11 07:10:25

Oh, and I've not read the houseboy thread and I'll look it up, but let's say this is MN, land of the Principled Idealist, so I can just imagine....wink

FellatioNelson Sat 28-May-11 07:06:48

Thank you thebride - yes, I know you are right. I have said all that stuff to myself. I just need to brace myself to toughen up and not be scared of being 'Boss Lady' so that if confrontations need to be had I am capable of handling them without ending up a gibbering guilt-ridden wreck! grin

I think I will just take my time and not rush into picking a helper, and ask lots of advice from experienced types when I get there.

TheBride Sat 28-May-11 02:18:24

fellatio

Don't take too much notice of maid threads on EW- remember that no-one starts a thread saying "my maid is awesome"; in fact anyone I know who has a great helper stays very quiet on the subject in case they get poached (albeit helper poaching is the death knell of friendship!).

Re agencies, it's legal, but (at least in Dubai) it's a very rough deal for the maid- the agency takes around 80% of the "hourly rate" you're paying and they live in horrible dorms stuck out in the desert somewhere (labour camps). They are also more likely to be "bonded" employees. Whilst many westerners have moral scrupples about live in help (I'm still scarred by the "houseboy" thread with the Facebook chaser), the reality is that a live in, FT job with a fair employer who pays the wages and respects days off, holiday and flights home and a clean and comfortable (if small) room with respected privacy, is the best life outcome for these women. Many of them have a nice house in their home country, and children in college due to their wages. Some others aren't so lucky, and have feckless husbands or brothers who drink the lot, but at least they dont have to live with the arses (some of the stories I have heard make me want to fly to Manila, seek out said men, and give them a piece of my mind)

I (reluctantly) went to FT when we went to HK as anything else is illegal (although done, but DH didn't want to risk it, as employer made it clear that if we got caught, we'd be hitting the road). My helper is really great- she's a Filipana lady with two grown up children. She's very experienced, so just gets on with everything - we had a few teething troubles up front, but really tiny, minor things which I just mentioned in passing, and then she did it differently.

Anyway, it's horses for courses, but I would at least consider the FT option, as can be a better deal for everyone concerned, if you find the right helper.

Good luck in Doha- may the school's admission genie wave his wand for you grin

FellatioNelson Fri 27-May-11 11:30:37

I am going to Doha, Qatar. Sorting out the schools nightmare is taking up most of my time at the moment!

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