Should I try to make friends?

[lostinafrica]

So... I've been living here for two years (and then was out for most of last year while DH and children were here), but my two good friends have moved away, one permanently, one for four or five months.

This is not a big problem during the week - I'm busy with four children and I enjoy the time just with the baby in the mornings when the other 3 are at school. But at the weekends, I'm finding it hard to fill the time. There's very little to do here.

But making friends seems such an effort! DH is usually ensconced in work; the few times that I have a grown-up conversation, my brain can't keep up. I make a few nice but dim remarks and then the conversation dries up. Or a child needs me!

And nobody's inviting us out. Probably because I'm so dull! I'm hopeless at setting things up with people, just don't know how to do it. So every weekend, we spend a lot of time in the house and garden and then go swimming. By ourselves (usually no DH) or with one patient single friend who enjoys playing with the children as a change from the week's work.

I'm leaving in 9 months, so should I just try to stick it out? Or should I pull myself together and go through the trial of trying to make new friends for the sake of the children?!

[ZZZenAgain]

I think your dh could be making more of an effort to be with you at the weekend. Does he really need to work Saturday and Sunday? It might be nice to drive places at the weekend, explore a bit (if there is anything much to explore). Go out for lunch as a family.

Do you get on well with any of schooldc's friends' parents?

[lostinafrica]

Grrr... usually he works both days, yes. He only has a one day weekend, officially, anyway - but people are quite happy to cut into it and as it's a Friday (Fri-Sat weekend here), the whole of the western world is working, deadlines are set for Friday and so on.

There's a little to explore, but at the moment it's so hot (40 plus Celsius) it's a real trial to stay outside for long.

We do go out for an icecream in a nice shady cafe with water mist spray things. :)

Hmm... schooldc's friends' parents: there are 2 I get on fairly well with. One is Italian and has good Italian friends she spends a lot of time with at the weekend, speaking Italian, of course! The other we've had round a few times with her family, but we've never had a return invitation.

Sorry, I sound a right moaning minny tonight!

[ZZZenAgain]

no you don't. Can really imagine how it would get you down.

[redflipflops]

It's hard when you're know you're going to leave at some point - you don't invest as much energy in making friends! I am in a similar-ish situation.

I have 3 kids and I find the small windows of time available (between kids stuff) make it hard to 'do' anything. It's hard if people don't have similar age children etc..

Sorry no practical help. But I do understand

[exexpat]

The constant turnover of friends is one of the worst things about living in an expat-centric place overseas, specially when you are heading into that twilight zombie-zone when your departure is less than a year away and everyone else is wondering whether it is worth the effort of getting to know you....

But some of the best friends I have made (and still stay in touch with, and have visited in their home countries) are people I only got to know within a few months of when I or they were leaving the country, so I'd say it's worth making the effort up till the end.

Do you have any childcare for evenings or weekend daytimes? You could think about setting up a book group, as they are a ready-made excuse to meet up with a a group of people, with conversation starters already in place, so make it easy to get to know people. Also once a good book-group is up and running, it can survive old members leaving and new ones arriving. You can even do a daytime bookgroup if there are enough non-working expats around.

[lostinafrica]

I definitely feel like a twilight zombie at times...

It's good to know people understand. And you're quite right, exexpat, about making friends right up to the end. DH made a couple of friends just as they were leaving last year when I wasn't around - and then took the kids to see them in their new home later in the year.

Me, I take about a year and a half to feel comfortable with most people! But I'm a teacher when I'm not a SAHM, so I guess I ought to be practising the skill of projecting a confidence I don't feel for when I go back to the classroom if for nothing else!

Ooh, I do like the idea of a book group. I was in a work-based one two years ago and really enjoyed it. But set something up myself? Better start plucking up the courage...