Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any medical concerns do consult your GP.

I have decided I don't want to live any more

(98 Posts)
Kormachameleon Fri 28-Dec-12 22:18:20

Had hospital appointment today, have arthritis
Doesn't sound that bad does it compared to those suffering with cancer etc

Except that I have other health issues and this has tipped me over the edge of being able to cope

It won't get better, only worse. My joints will become ugly and deformed and my mobility will decrease until god knows what

I'm off sick from work but can't afford to live or pay any bills yet probably won't get DLA or ESA and can't cope with begging them for it and jumping through their hoops

I don't want to carry on, to become the burden on my family, to live a painful and miserable existence

I'm trying my best to word it so I can explain to my son and husband why - I don't want them to carry any guilt

How do you tell someone that you want to die ?
How do I leave my son ? Catch 22 really

furkerlurker Fri 28-Dec-12 22:21:13

could you tell us a little about your son?

Oh no, you poor thing, that is awful. I know someone wh has dreadful arthritis and she has some really strong injections really often, she described it as a bit like chemo, but it keeps her going and she has two children and I thinks she works from home. It does leave her open to infectins though but she has a good quality of life.

Does it make your other illnesses worse? Is there anything they can do to help with pain?
And have you spoken to your family about how you feel? I think they would far rather have you than not.

EleanorGiftbasket Fri 28-Dec-12 22:23:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mikachu Fri 28-Dec-12 22:23:53

Not sure I've got any words of wisdom, but didn't want to read and run. I'm so sorry about your situation OP. Mumsnet is full of amazing people, and I hope someone can help you in some way.

May I ask how old your son is?

Hassled Fri 28-Dec-12 22:24:25

Are you a burden on your family now? I very much doubt it.

You've had a hell of a time of it and of course you're struggling to come to terms with it all, and you will need some help. Lots of help. So tomorrow - see the GP and explain how you're feeling. You need (maybe) ADs and you need help with the practical stuff and the bastard DLA forms - I'm sure there's an arthritis support charity who you can be put in touch with. You owe it to the people who love you to ask for the help. And if you can get through one awful day, the next day never seems quite as awful, and so on.

Hassled Fri 28-Dec-12 22:25:47 - they have a helpline.

forthesakeofoldQODsyne Fri 28-Dec-12 22:25:54

That beautiful little boy won't see deformed joints, he'll see his mummy

Please ring someone and please don't do anything, you need support and help and maybe anti d's

There's always someone here listening xx

FloweryDrawers Fri 28-Dec-12 22:29:58

I don't know you, Korma, but I wish you all the best. However, I have to take issue with your concerns about being a "burden". I have two family members with serious health issues (one has RA, one is in her 80s) and yes, these issues do loom large in our day to day lives. But in the bigger picture, their illnesses are a tiny part of who they are, and of their significance in our family. They are needed family members - not just emotionally, but practically. Please don't make any decision in the shock that follows this new diagnosis, overwhelming though it may seem. You are needed, and you are hugely important in your family unit. Don't underestimate yourself and don't underestimate your husband's ability to help you.

wannabestressfree Fri 28-Dec-12 22:32:15

If you pm me I will help you do the dla forms. I am an expert sadly. Hang on in there x

Hassled Sat 29-Dec-12 09:08:57

How are you feeling this morning, Korma?

ScillyCow Sat 29-Dec-12 09:16:37

Hi Korma,

I have arthritis. Have had it since I was 21. I am now 36 (ish, I forget).

I do understand how you feel - some days it all looks black. But the drugs they have now are amazing - in 15 years I have only had one day off work because of my arthritis - have had twins (who are now three) and am the main breadwinner for the family.

It's not necessarily as bad as it feels right now. A cood consultant will help you live a normal life.

Please, please get some help. Go to the GP or, as others have said, talk to someone.

All the very best,

What a lovely post flowery.
How are you feeling korma?

RabbitsMakeGOLDBaubles Sat 29-Dec-12 09:28:56

Hi Korma, I can't post a lot right now because I am in hopital away from home, but I am an arthritis sufferer and I would like to share with you my experience and resources. If you can hold off until this evening before making any big decisions, I may be able to help. It's tough getting by with arthritis, but there is help out there.

forthesakeofoldQODsyne Sat 29-Dec-12 15:29:56

Korma, how are you today?

Kormachameleon Sat 29-Dec-12 16:56:25

Hi sorry all I had to take myself from the Internet to stop myself from googling.
Well I've had a good sleep and unfortunately still feel pretty much the same way. I just can't see any positives or anything to look forward to

I'm trying to focus and plan a diet change, research homeopathy etc but I just feel empty and like I'm just trying to ignore the elephant in the room

I'm worried about how ill manage financially and this isn't helping. I can't afford to not work yet I'm just physically not able

Thanks for all of your kind words though

Northernlebkuchen Sat 29-Dec-12 17:01:17

When you are first diagnosed with a condition there are a lot of questions and there's a lot of work to be done on your health. The other posters are right - there are helpful treatments for athritis. Right now all you can see is a bleak prognosis but that's not taking in to acount how you can and will be treated. There are people who can help you with the DLA etc forms. There are doctors and specialist nurses who can and will help you treat your condition.
The first thing you need to do on Monday though is go to your GP and get some help for your mental health. The help and support is there. Reach out for it and use it. Please.

AmazingBouncingBabyJesus Sat 29-Dec-12 17:02:42

Oh Korma, hang in there. Trust me when I say that you are NOT a burden, nor will you ever be.

I'm so sorry I have no advice financially.

Please speak to a GP about how you are feeling.

noddyholder Sat 29-Dec-12 17:05:07

I have been where you are pm if you want you can get trough it smile

LadyMaryChristmas Sat 29-Dec-12 17:09:36

Hi Korma.

We've chatted on here quite often (I was LadySybil if this helps). I know it seems hard now, but now you know what's causing your symptoms things will seem easier. There's medication and treatments available and you'll find a way to get through this. I was diagnosed with MS a couple of years ago. It's just ds and I, there's no one else so it wasn't great to find out that I had this. I was scared, my future at that time didn't look amazing (google isn't your friend here). I've had to adapt, I've had to change the way that I lived and looking back it's not as I thought it was going to be. I now work for myself so I can take time to rest when I need to and have just picked up some fantastic work. I'm actually happy.

You will find a way to get through this, take it one day at a time though. There's plenty of people on here who are happy to walk with you through this and to hold your hand, me included. Don't look at what may happen at some point in the future, just look at what's around you now. You're not a burdon, your family love you and you make the world a far better place just by being here. The shock of being diagnosed is going to take some time, don't rush into anything.

Can you pop and see the CAB? They will help you with the benefits and will fill the forms in for you. They can be draining.

If you need anything, just yell. x

Kormachameleon Sat 29-Dec-12 17:15:39

You are all so lovely, thank you, sincerely x

I am going to go and have a nap cus I'm worn out but ill pm those of you who have offered later if that's ok ?

I hate moaning, and sympathy and that's really not why I have posted. I know there are others worse off and I shouldn't be feeling this sorry for myself but I just didn't know who to turn to and haven't got anyone in RL

Thank you x

LadyMaryChristmas Sat 29-Dec-12 17:24:04

You are allowed to feel sorry for yourself. There's nothing wrong in this, nothing at all.

You're not alone, Korma. smile

forthesakeofoldQODsyne Sat 29-Dec-12 17:26:06

I've posted on your other thread, there's people here who care!

Kormachameleon Sat 29-Dec-12 17:29:06

You are all too kind and I don't deserve it but thank you x

Ill be back later when I've had a rest x

NettoHoHoHoSuperstar Sat 29-Dec-12 17:31:28

Please, please do get help.
Becoming disabled as an adult is awful, and hard to come to terms with but you can, with help.
I've done it, I have bad days of course but being here is better than not, and your son thinks that too, as do all your loved ones.
Please do PM me and I'll do anything I can to help.

SofaKing Sat 29-Dec-12 17:46:43

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Hey korma I am going to try and find out what my friend takes to see if you can find out about it.
Glad to see you back on here, agree with ^ poster saying go to the doc re your mental health, there may be a way of coping with your physical symptoms if you feel better mentally.

Can you say where you are in case any of us are near you?

Kormachameleon Sat 29-Dec-12 20:58:47

Thank you netto that's incredibly kind if you

Well I've had a nap and some food and things still look pretty bleak.
I can't stop feeling like I am going to let my boy down by not being fit and well enough for him.

I'm just planning on taking one day at a time for the immediate future - looking ahead just makes me feel sad and panicked

I need to lose a ton of some weight so I'm making that my focus. Overhauling my diet and drinking will give me something to focus on and 'do'

Kormachameleon Sat 29-Dec-12 20:59:13

Checkpoint - I'm West Midlands x

Wolfiefan Sat 29-Dec-12 21:08:45

I'm a good hour plus away. Wish I was closer!
I'm hoping controlling weight, medication and perhaps trying every natural remedy known to man will help you to cope.
I have knackered my back this year. My kids don't see the sore, knackered mummy who can't lift them. They wouldn't care if an illness left me looking like a gargoyle! They love me (mostly!) I bet your family and friends feel the same.
Hoping for sun soon. Warm weather please MN. Anyone have a hot tub or swimming pool you can use?

noddyholder Sat 29-Dec-12 21:09:38

How old is your ds I have one ds too ad have always been ill have had 2 transplants and have various immunity issues. It is all do able in small churns with support x

noddyholder Sat 29-Dec-12 21:10:39

Chunks sorry!

Hello love, I am east so not particularly close sad!
Have emailed my friend to see if she can give me the name of what she takes.

Also if you are wanting to lose weight, come over to the NOW or NEVER thread, we have all lost quite a bit, and some of us, ahem, still have a bit to go
<hiding pizza box under sofa> so you will get loads of support from us, and we have a wheelchair user who is just so bloody motivated and keeps the rest of us going!

I expect your boy loves you dearly and will be perfectly happy with his mum, ask him! Or at least ask him for a hug grin how old is he?

Kormachameleon Sat 29-Dec-12 21:14:10

Yes Wolfe my friend does reiki so I'm game for that and have used acupuncture successfully in the past so going to look at that
Can't afford to do it though lol

My DS is 9 so old enough to feel embarrassed by having a disabled mum and also old enough to resent the lack of theme parks/ bike rides/ climbing this year

Kormachameleon Sat 29-Dec-12 21:15:20

Will have a look at now or never thanks * checkpoint*

Halo21 Sat 29-Dec-12 21:17:55

Please speak to your doctor. You sound like such a gentle, lovely person. My heart goes out to you and I'm so sorry you're struggling at the moment. Your dh and ds need and love you. Please stay strong.

giraffesCantFlyLikeReindeer Sat 29-Dec-12 21:23:47

Korma, I really like you on here, am very sad to read how crap you are feeling. So pleased you have posted though. Am not really sure what to suggest that hasn't been suggested/mentioned. Do keep posting/talking and looking for options to help your head get to a better place. I might even sneak in a wee kiss if no one is looking x shh, I won't tell if you don't! wink

Bunbaker Sat 29-Dec-12 21:25:04

I just wanted to add that you really need to see your GP asap.

One of my friends has arthritis and UC and she has undergone a lot of surgery because of her conditions, but the surgery has given her a new lease of life. Please don't rule it out.

Familyguyfan Sat 29-Dec-12 21:26:14

Hi Korma, I can't imagine what you're going through, but did want to contribute one thing.

My mother was very ill when I was a teenager and tried to kill herself twice. Honestly, I couldn't have cared less what was wrong with her, or even how devastated she felt. NOTHING could have justified her leaving me. Nothing. There was no justification she could have made, no embarrassment I wouldn't have overlooked, just for her to stay with me. Nothing was as important.

I'm not trying to guilt you, or make you feel guilty. Honestly, I'm not, nor am i lacking in empathy. I'm just trying to tell you what your little boy would tell you, God forbid you ever asked him. I was very lucky in that my mother recovered, but I know that many people don't. However, I do want you to understand, to your son, you are irreplaceable and he cannot live without you. At your bleakest moments, take it from someone who knows, you must find a way forward.

I really hope you find a way through this and feel a little better soon.

Good god, I don't do theme parks or bike rides!!! I can do pulling silly faces, tickling, reading stories and colouring. DH does all that other stuff, or school or nursery in the case of my two and they are ten and four.

Don't stress about that at all.

I wonder if you might get acupuncture on the nhs? X

Kormachameleon Sat 29-Dec-12 21:55:07

giraffes that's the first time I've smiled in a while, a cheeky wee kiss indeed grin

Again, thank you to all of you for taking the time to post, I cannot stress to you how much I appreciate it and it has helped

I can't look forward, it's too scary but I can see that my little boy needs me and I can't leave him, he just would never understand would he ?

I thought I'd write him a letter and he would see why but he won't will he ? He will only see that I have chosen to leave him and I don't think I can do that

Wolfiefan Sat 29-Dec-12 21:58:05

Don't leave him please. I can't imagine life without my mum and I'm 40!
Have you been referred to a specialist or pain clinic? Take it a day at a time and always find support here you brave lady.

Familyguyfan Sat 29-Dec-12 21:59:38

Hi Korma

No, I'm afraid he won't. Even if you have the most incredible writing skills, he won't understand. Honestly, I never would have forgiven my mother.

I know it seems bleak, but you can't leave him so you need to just take it one step at a time to find a way to make it bearable, and you will. I have complete faith, even if you don't.

Kormachameleon Sat 29-Dec-12 22:04:49

I really do not deserve your kindness but thank you, from the very bottom of my swinging brick

God bless you all

Familyguyfan Sat 29-Dec-12 22:10:05

Korma, everything will turn out for the best. Boring platitudes I know, but I firmly believe. My mother was terribly ill for nearly ten years, but she found a way out of her upset and depression and started to cope, and then finally got better.

She watched me get married, saw my first child born and I am just newly pregnant. All of the events on my life would have been gripped with sadness without her, an even greater sadness if she had deliberately taken herself away.

You can make it through to your son's own moments. You wouldn't want to miss them...

wonkylegs Sat 29-Dec-12 22:19:31

Korma you really need to talk to somebody, on here is a start but a real person too. I have RA (in fact sitting here posting as I've just injected my RA drugs in to my leg & letting it settle a bit).
I remember diagnosis when I was 19, it was bleak, I was wheelchair bound my career hopes dashed & I had some dark thoughts very dark thoughts.... It's now 14 yrs later and I am at a point I couldn't even have imagined back then (no wheelchair, career + a specilism in accessibility) One step on that road was talking to a counsellor - I don't think she said much but talking it through, the diagnosis, the disease, my life, my desperation, sadness & bitterness (it bloody wasn't fair) really helped.
The drugs I'm on now have changed my life, at diagnosis 14 yrs ago they weren't even available. You don't know what's going to be round the corner, let the people who love you help you round that corner.
I recommend arthritis care as a wonderful source of help & support too
Sending lots of love & gentle hugs... Please start walking towards that new corner not away x

ouryve Sat 29-Dec-12 22:22:54

Kormachameleon I'm sorry that the news you've had is such a shock. I have a boy your DS's age and one a little younger and I also have arthritis, though mine is as a result of my hypermobile joints wearing out prematurely, rather than rheumatoid. Finding a treatment routine that keeps on top of the pain helped me a lot, though there are times when I just hurt all over and the boys are fighting or needing my help with something and it is a struggle to keep up, so I do understand your worries there. We mostly adapt, though. Yes, I'm sometimes thoroughly knackered and a bit crabby with it and very often, the boys are disappointed because I can't pull some stubborn lego apart for them because I don't have enough strength in my hands, but I'm still mum. And I'm still their mum and i suspect that they actually do love me, even when we're all cross with each other for whatever reason.

Your DS wouldn't understand if you left him without a mum, no matter what you told him. He loves you as you are. Just as all kids are different, their parents are all different, too. He probably will get sad with you if you struggle with whatever treatment you turn out to need but he's not going to be embarrassed about having a disabled mum, or anything. Certainly no more than it's his job to be embarrassed by you, because you are his mum and kids always will be a bit embarrassed by their parents! He might get frustrated with you for not being able to do things, but he would be absolutely devastated and possibly quite angry if you left him without his mum.

Talk to your GP about how you're feeling and please discuss it with your DH. You're going through a form of bereavement and sharing is an important part of reaching acceptance.

Kormachameleon Sat 29-Dec-12 22:27:40

You are all right. I can't leave him, I'm sure he would rather have me to moan at and be a bit embarrassed by than not have me at all
I love him so much I just wanted to be a good mum for him

Hassled Sat 29-Dec-12 22:48:40

You will be a good mum to him - your love for him is obvious to all of us, and that is enough to make you be a good mum. He doesn't need someone who can abseil and use the monkey bars; he needs someone who can sit and listen and discuss and advise - and you can do all that.

Another one here who lost their mum young - it's taken me a lifetime to recover from. You're never the person you could/should have been. You carry the baggage around with you from place to place and you learn to cope, but it doesn't stop being baggage, IYSWIM.

Keep posting, take all the support and help you can possibly get.

porridgelover Sat 29-Dec-12 23:10:21

Korma I dont 'know' you on here. But it feels wrong to read your thread and walk past.
You have been dealt a hard hand, there's no doubt. But you have also got a DS who, no matter what else happens, loves adores and needs you.

Nothing you could say or record or write would make up the loss to him.

Yes he cant go to park or on rides or whatever...but if you could envisage the adult him that grew up without you, there is no doubt that the adult mini-Korma would swop it all for you.
Thats the truth and I think you sound lovely enough to know it.

One day at a time- I know its trite, but it was made for days like this. Looking to the future is too heavy, try to carry today and tomorrow only.


Wolfiefan Sat 29-Dec-12 23:14:31

I can't lift my kids, bounce on the trampoline, run about or lift youngest into a car seat.
I can cuddle and be cuddled. Give and receive kisses. Shower my kids with positive comments and generally try to raise them to be nice (should that be "naice"?) people.
I also get to do the bloody washing, try and keep the house clean and feed everyone.
I know which of those lists makes me a half decent mum!

ouryve Sun 30-Dec-12 09:01:49

Nodding and grinning, here, Wolfiefan! smile

ouryve Sun 30-Dec-12 09:02:28

Korma - hope today is a better one for you x

porridgelover Sun 30-Dec-12 10:23:14

Morning Korma. Hope you're ok. x

JuliaScurr Sun 30-Dec-12 10:34:17

have you got a social worker? benefits advisor? direct payments for PA to help you as a parent?
I've got MS, dd aged 13
her worst fear was that I would die, not that I was disabled

MissingInAct Sun 30-Dec-12 10:40:16

Hi Korma, I don't know you either but I couldn't read your posts and said nothing.

I am not sure how old is your ds but I know (close relative) that the only thing your son will see is his mum. Not a woman who is struggling to move or even one that is in a wheelchair if that ever happens. He will see the mum who is able to give him cuddles, the one who is getting excited at his last school performance, the one who is proud of him, of who he is and what he is doing. The mum who loves him.
And I know that nothing, not money, not more time, not less caring, is ever going to replace that.

I am not sure what to suggest. There are already lots of good ideas on here (incl looking at your diet).
Re acupuncture, is there someone doing community acupuncture (also called multi bed acupuncture) around you? People are treated in a 'communal' room (a few beds in the room), and treatments are much cheaper. Quite often practitioners doing that have a sliding scale and will let you choose what you can afford to pay. If you google it with the name of your town, I am sure you will find something.


lotsofdogshere Sun 30-Dec-12 10:47:26

Hello Korma - I am new to the site so haven't seen your earlier posts, but I do have inflammatory arthritis, and a number of other co-conditions, including of course, osteo arthritis. I was diagnosed when my children were 5 and 6, a couple of days before Christmas, and as a result of sight problems linked to the arthritis. It was very scared, particularly as the eye specialist was an insensitive idiot, who told me I'd be partially sighted and disabled within 10 years. That was over 20 years ago, and I am neither of those things. I take serious medication, which helps me live a normal life (mostly). I'm about to take my dogs out for a 4 mile walk, which confirms it's possible to be reasonably fit and healthy when living with arthritis. I joined an on line support group for folks with the sort of arthritis I have, and found it very informative and supportive. I have a friend with Rheumatoid arthritis, who was diagnosed when her daughter was 4, (daughter now 18) and she also lives a good life. This diagnosis is a life changer, but the support you get from occupational therapists, physio, rheumatology etc is excellent, and the medications available now help prevent the joint deformity and disability you fear. If you want to PM I'll be happy to share any useful information I've gleaned over the years.

ReindeerHooves Sun 30-Dec-12 11:00:53

Korma, I.have no experience of your illness so can't really comment on that although I can see that there are plenty of people that can advise on here.
Sadly what o do have experience of is the suicide of a parent, my dad took his own life 20 years ago, I was 18, my brothers were 16 & 14 and my sister was a baby, just 14 months old. None of us have ever got over it. It isn't the answer, it really isn't. What I also know is that I would never see a family member with an illness or disability as merely a burden, the people who love you will still value you regardless of your ability to join in with the physical stuff.

I could do with losing a pound or seventy two myself so if you want a diet buddy then I'm your woman, maybe focussing on that for now will distract you from the bigger picture until you're ready to deal with it?

Morning, I have emailed my friend and have pm'd you her response!
So glad you feel a bit less desperate, yes your son needs you so so much, and there will be stuff that helps you to live a more normal life.
Pm ing you now! x

ArthurPewty Sun 30-Dec-12 11:19:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OhyouMerryLittleKitten Sun 30-Dec-12 11:20:20

Korma. Stop right there!
The prognosis for PsA is not nearly as bad as you fear for the vast majority of people.
Many people don't have the joint deforming version. Those who do are treated with really good drugs from the rheumy and lots of people get it limited just to a handful of joints. There are drugs that really slow down the progression and allow people to live normal lives again. They will look after you well.

DameFannyGallopsBEHINDyou Sun 30-Dec-12 11:27:32

Hi Korma, you won't know me because I've changed names a lot. I don't have your degree of problems - hypermobility joint syndrome with some arthritis from that plus neuralgia.

I've been close to where you are when I was getting daily migraine and couldn't see a way forward - but getting on top of that with the right medication has made a difference. It still gets me down when I think of the things I probably won't be able to do again - stupid things like going on a rollercoaster with ds - but I'm ramping up my control-freakery to do what I can with exercise and diet.

I hate the bloody limitations.

Want to be weight loss buddies? I have a small shed load to shift which isn't doing my joints any good...

trainbrown Sun 30-Dec-12 11:29:58

I was very ill last year, I struggled to maintain some normality for my DD11 for her sake. Her biggest memory and worry though(she tells me now!) was that I lost too much weight (actually got down to my dream of being a size 14!) and didn't look like chubby mummy any more, thanks kid! We still went out to eat, they ate and I had a cup of tea, we still went out to places, she ran round and would sit and watch and encourage.

Compromise, it is not about making the best out of a bad deal. It is about finding a new way of being. When you are a child and think you will grow up to be a princess one day then a firefighter the next, we accept this. But we struggle with this in adulthood too much. We get settled into our idea of who we should be, this is too fixed and we need to be more flexible to take life's knocks. Last year I had to come to terms with no longer being running around organising mum, no longer being doing everything mum, playing on the park mum, going on rides mum. I adapted and became confidant mum, quite talks and cuddles. Sorting out problems, telling great stories, helping with homework, thinking up craft activities....I did not loose who I was I adapted and changed.

You need to find who you now are. You can now be the cool mum who arranged the best play date with great games for the kids to play. Mum who can help with all the problems. Now you will have to more creative to find ways of being the great mum you are, and your son will love you for it. He will see you changing and becoming more than you were before. In ten years time he will see the effort you put in to this and worship you for it. Make him proud and he will never be ashamed of you. This is your job, enjoy it and take this challenge, because you don't really have the option of leaving him...and I think you know that in your heart.

LadyMaryChristmas Sun 30-Dec-12 12:29:38

Just wondering how you are today, Korma. smile

Kormachameleon Sun 30-Dec-12 14:02:54

I can't type and reply to you all individually, I'm sorry for that

But I cannot put into words how much you are helping me, and how much your kindness has helped

You are all wonderful people and I am truly grateful.
I feel like I have to try now for you blush

thanks thanks thanks for all of you wonderful people
God bless you x

porridgelover Sun 30-Dec-12 14:05:34

Try for yourself and your gorgeous DS.
Good luck korma.
thanks for you

DameFannyGallopsBEHINDyou Sun 30-Dec-12 14:10:06

Use whatever motivation you need to get you through the initial adjustment, whether it's strangers on a screen or watching ds grow up...

LadyMaryChristmas Sun 30-Dec-12 14:15:53

Take it one day at a time, you will find a way to get through this.

You can PM me if you need anything. smile

Kormachameleon Sun 30-Dec-12 20:49:49

Just coming back again to say thank you for the kindness and support

ArthurPewty Sun 30-Dec-12 20:52:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

aroomofherown Sun 30-Dec-12 21:04:54

Korma my mother is almost 80, has severe RA, and has just had a hip replacement. Neither me nor my siblings see her as a burden. She's just Mum. We do what we can to support her. Full stop.

Hang in there - you are loved and would be greatly missed if you were no longer here.

MissingInAct Mon 31-Dec-12 14:28:19

I have a friend whose dad has had RA for more than 30 years now. He says that people now are much more lucky than him as they have found much better treatment for RA than in his time. He is very optimistic re the outlook for people who have just been diagnosed.
As I said he has had RA for a very long time. My friend has never know her dad working but has learnt to know hospital and the NHS very well indeed.
And for her, dad is just dad. The fact he has been disabled all her life, the fact he has been in a w/chair for a while now doesn't make a difference. Neither for her nor for her 3 dcs.

Korma I do realize that another diagnosis like this is hard to swallow. But I am sure you will find a way through it, a way to enjoy yourself, your life. A way to be there for your DH and dc too. It doesn't have to be a practical way. (Actually 'non practical ways' are usually a much greater support).

I hope you can find strength in these posts. Please carry on posting if it helps too.

PearlyWhites Mon 31-Dec-12 14:32:14

Hi korma I have arthritis and other health problems I just want to say I am here if you need to talk.I also filled out my own dal forms and received high rate for care and mob. If you need any help filling them in via email I could help. Please take care, hugs xxx

CuddlyBlanket Mon 31-Dec-12 14:45:35

I hope you can enjoy some of today OP.

I so know where you are coming from.

Kormachameleon Mon 31-Dec-12 15:00:15

Feeling a bit grumpy today. Am dreading tonight with everyone wishing me happy new year - it won't be a happy new year and I don't feel like celebrating that

Oh well, a few diazepam should see me through the family gathering

CuddlyBlanket Mon 31-Dec-12 15:29:04

I think the gatering will help distract you for a little while from the dx, and hopefully some love at the party will help you feel more worthwhile to others.

porridgelover Mon 31-Dec-12 15:43:04

Good luck for tonight. Is there anything about the rest of this week that you can focus on to get you through it; anything you want to get done?

DameFannyGallopsBEHINDyou Mon 31-Dec-12 15:53:47

Can you look on 2012 as the year you got ill, and look forward to 2013 as the year when treatment kicked in and you regained some mobility? Or is that too Pollyanna-ish at the moment?

Kormachameleon Mon 31-Dec-12 20:00:12

Yes I'm going to focus on a new diet, have a big clear out at home, well direct my husband on the clear out from my sofa lol and apply for DLA

I have to just keep focused and push forward don't I ?

DameFannyGallopsBEHINDyou Mon 31-Dec-12 20:02:22

And take your pain relief! The side effects will wear off the more regularly you take them, and getting some quality sleep and pain free time will do a hell of a lot for your optimism. When are you seeing the specialist next?

LadyMaryChristmas Mon 31-Dec-12 20:04:30

Yes!! One day at a time. The main thing is to listen to your body. If it's starting to get sore or tired, then take a break. It's telling you to stop, and you have to do this. The world isn't going to stop turning if you sit down and have a cup of tea or a nap. Pushing forward is good, listening is just as important. smile

Kormachameleon Mon 31-Dec-12 21:10:14

Yes have taken pain meds properly for last 2 days and they are helping

Seeing consultant in few weeks so hopefully will have more info then and can formulate a plan

LadyMaryChristmas Mon 31-Dec-12 21:14:32

There was something on the front of one of the newspapers today about medical advances in arthritis care (could have been the Daily Fail). I'm so pleased the meds are helping. Onwards and upwards! smile

aroomofherown Mon 31-Dec-12 21:21:48

And Happy New Year to you!

PollyMorph Mon 31-Dec-12 21:30:14

Korma, We haven't ever met but if I remember correctly you live very local to me (it was a failed mn meet years ago- I am not a stalker!) If there is anything I can do ANYTHING then let me know, PM me if you want to

Kormachameleon Mon 31-Dec-12 22:56:39

Thank you ladymary ill have a look for that

Just wanted to wish you all a very happy new year. I am genuinely so touched at the time you have all taken to offer me support and kindness

I felt very desperate when I first posted, and things looked very bleak indeed - you have given me the courage to push forward and fight

Happy new year and god bless you all x

DameFannyGallopsBEHINDyou Mon 31-Dec-12 22:59:56

Happy New Year to you too Korma smile

LadyMaryChristmas Mon 31-Dec-12 23:48:23

smile Happy New Year Korma x

Hi korma pain relief sounds good over the past couple of days, and that is maybe just the interim stuff, maybe after your appointment you will get some more hardcore stuff too!
Hope last night was ok, look forward to a new start and getting some help to sort you out. Xx

ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs Tue 01-Jan-13 20:09:50

Hi Korma, so glad you sound a bit more positive than you did at the start of this thread.

My mum was pretty much crippled by arthritis/ SLE from an early age (I was 7) I had to learn to help dress her, I saw her crying in pain many many times, but I was so impressed with her determination and bravery- she was heroic, and I admired and loved her so much. Your ds will feel the same about you. What amazed me about my mum was that, despite being in so much pain herself, she could still put it aside and look after me when I needed her/ was ill. Sadly we lost her when she was only 55, but she made a huge impression on my life. I'm sure you'll be the same for your ds. Here's hoping things get a bit easier for you.

porridgelover Wed 02-Jan-13 12:14:01

Morning korma, hope the second day of the New Year is a good one. How are you feeling today?

LadyMaryChristmas Wed 02-Jan-13 18:10:51

Hi Korma. smile Just wondering how you're doing? x

Kormachameleon Thu 03-Jan-13 20:15:57

Hiya , not doing too badly. Have started diet, joined a forum for the illness and read some very positive stuff on there and prepared a list of questions for my next appointment

I will also be filling a DLA form in over the weekend and have spoken to work and told them I won't be in for the foreseeable future

Just gonna keep making plans and ticking things off to keep focused really

Thanks for asking x

LadyMaryChristmas Thu 03-Jan-13 20:33:17

The DLA form isn't easy to fill in. I wrote what my life was like on an average day, ie,

07:00 alarm went off but I didn't have the energy to get out of bed. This is because I suffer from fatigue and wake most mornings exhausted.

smile You're very welcome x

porridgelover Thu 03-Jan-13 21:24:31

Korma, that sounds positive. Keep on with the plans and ticking things off. Very satisfying.
Keep your chin up. It is tough, I'm not minimising it.
I said before, if you try to address the whole of your future, it can overwhelm you. So dont. Deal with today and tomorrow. Give yourself a pat on the back for keeping going. You're a star. thanks

Kormachameleon Thu 03-Jan-13 22:58:07

Thank you porridge and lady
I really appreciate your kindness and advice

porridgelover Fri 04-Jan-13 14:48:27

Hey korma. How is today going?

madmomma Wed 21-Aug-13 10:10:21

Hi Korma, hope you're feeling a little brighter today - it sounds like you're really getting your head in a better place, which is an amazing achievement.x Sorry if it's already been mentioned or if you're already on one, but have you considered an antidepressant medication at all? x

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now