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Dad is dying, family refusing to accept it

(2 Posts)
vladthedisorganised Tue 06-Sep-16 11:14:12

My dad was hospitalised a few weeks ago after he had started hallucinating. I've been going to see him daily and he became unconscious shortly after admission; the brain scan has revealed extensive damage and I've been advised he is unlikely ever to come round - there's nothing they can do except keep him comfortable.

This is obviously really hard to take, particularly as my mother died of lung cancer three years ago and it all progressed very quickly. My dad was hospitalised two years ago with similar problems and after being treated with thiamine seemed to make a 'miraculous' recovery (i.e. the treatment worked very well).

Unfortunately, my dad's sister is a retired doctor and thinks the hospital are jumping the gun in giving a terminal diagnosis. Having discussed the brain scans and the extent of the damage with the hospital I completely understand that it's irreversible - even if he does keep going it's unlikely to be for long. His sister is now informing the rest of the family that she's optimistic that he'll turn the corner again based on her professional opinion (seeing him for 10 minutes rather than every single day). Based on what I've seen, I think the situation is a lot worse than the last time.

His family live a long way away and I'm finding it doubly difficult to tell them everything that's going on when I have 'but Aunt says he was absolutely fine!!' going on in the background. I will be solely responsible for arranging ongoing care - if indeed it is possible to move him - so I look like a monster talking about hospices when his sister is saying he should go back home because he'll be right as rain sad

It would be madly unreasonable for me to tell her to fuck off, but would it be unreasonable to go into hiding from her? She's also telling me I haven't done enough research because I ought to be challenging the doctors sad

Anyone managed a similar situation without splitting the family?

twinkletoedelephant Tue 06-Sep-16 11:27:23

When my mum was in hospital my dad and sister were convinced she would get better and come home they were thinking if adaption she would need etc.

The doctors took me in a room and explained that she was going to die and die soon, and that despite attempting to have the conversation with other family members they weren't hearing them.
I had to sign the DNR and the rest of the forms needed as my dad refused to see what was happening.
Other family members refused to accept how poorly she was as dad and sis would say she's on the mend.. .
It was an incredibly difficult time especially after mum died as so many family members were upset they didn't see her in hospital as they though she was 'on the mend'
I hope you have someone IRL to speak to to keep you going. I am sorry this is happening to you and hope you stay strong and do what's best for your dad.
Knowing I did what my mum would have wanted gives me some peace although I am still angry with dad and sis who left the decision to me

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