Mother with cancer and respite for brother

[StripeyWife]

Hi my darling mother was diagnosed with bowel cancer yesterday, we don't yet know how serious, waiting for the MRI scan. We are all devastated.

She is 73 and full time carer for my 47 year old brother who suffers from spina bifida and various mental health issues, learning difficulties etc. He is incontinent, has OCD and caring for him is incredibly challenging anyway for my mum - it's a 24 hr job - but even more so now. I want to make sure she has the time and ability to focus on getting better.

I have no idea how I would arrange respite care for my brother, or what the options are on a longer term basis. Can anyone help? FYI my mother has so far refused respite due to 'guilt' but I think I have to step in now she is so ill.

[VulcanWoman]

Sorry about your mother. Could you contact Social Services. Have any agencies been involved over the years.

[StripeyWife]

Hi thanks for your reply. No third parties involved as my mother has always been very resistant to outside help, I have tried to intervene in the past but it caused problems between us. I feel I have to take responsibility in this situation though. However I am concerned about how both my mother and brother would cope with such a change after 47 years.

[VulcanWoman]

Must be very difficult for you. You could still get in touch with Social Services yourself, just to have a chat if nothing else, least you'll feel like you're doing something. Your mother sounds very stubborn. Hopefully she comes around to realising she'll need some help, sooner rather than later. You never know, her and you seeing your brother settled in residential care (if that's what's needed) will put all your minds at rest at this difficult time.
Might do your brother the world of good to be around other people once
he's settled into a new routine. What ever you do, don't forget to take care of yourself too. Do you have any other family or friends around you?