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Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

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Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Life-limiting illness

Are we near the end?

31 replies

Ludoole · 08/10/2015 19:08

My dh is now yellow, his urine is very dark and thick. He has no appetite. He is drinking but not enough. I think his body is giving up...
He's taking oramorph at night as he doesnt like the way it makes him feel in the day.
Has anyone else had a LO with these symptoms and if so would you mind sharing how long they lasted....
It feels like we only have weeks not months left.

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PotteringAlong · 08/10/2015 19:10

I have no answers but you have my thoughts, best wishes and support through the ether

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Anastasie · 08/10/2015 19:11

Oh you poor love.

How is he in the day, is he sleeping mostly, or still active?

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monkeyfacegrace · 08/10/2015 19:11

Sorry no idea, but wrapping you up in a huge unmumsnetty hug >

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LucyBabs · 08/10/2015 19:11

Hi ludoole

Is it your dh? Does he have cancer?

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Ludoole · 08/10/2015 20:30

Lucybabs It is my dh and he has stage 4 bowel cancer with liver and lymph mets.
Anastasie He spends a lot of the day on a bed in the family room.
Thanks to the pp's for the hugs

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pinktransit · 08/10/2015 20:35

Another with no answer, but huge hugs for you and your family.
It's such a difficult time, I wish I could say something to make it better.

My thoughts are with you

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CharleyDavidson · 08/10/2015 20:36

Thinking of you, Ludoole. I hope that you have more time with your LO and that he's as comfortable as he can be.

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Anastasie · 08/10/2015 21:10

There is a thing called performance status which doctors sometimes use to assess prognosis. You can find it by google, Karnofsky is the usual one they use.

It isn't the only thing they use and you might want to talk to someone who is qualified about how much time they think he might have left.

I understand how it feels to want to know. It is a very difficult time for you.
MacMillan helpline is another useful lifeline, they tend to have a lot of general information, as well as more specific, and might be able to reassure you xx

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echt · 09/10/2015 06:56

I have not had an experience like yours, and I'm sure every one is different. When an LO of mine had terminal illness, not like your DH's, the medics were very cagey, even my own brother! about the significant of certain changes. It was as if they thought I'd sue them for getting the dates wrong.

Then my LO went to a hospice for a week's respite care, and the hospice kept them in until they died about a fortnight later.

If I may be so straightforward about this, medics are vague about long term, and towards the end, even a week is long term, but very precise about actively dying.

Thinking of you and your DH, Ludoole

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Wolpertinger · 09/10/2015 18:05

Are you OK Ludoole? Your DH does sound very very poorly.

Are you getting palliative care advice on his pain control? There are alternatives to morphine that may not make him feel as rotten during the day.

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puddingisgood · 10/10/2015 19:16

How are you and yours doing today Ludoole?
Just wanted to let you know that I was thinking of you. (Even though you don't know me from Adam!)

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Ludoole · 11/10/2015 00:06

Pudding Thanks for thinking of us
If im honest i dont know how we are doing.... i feel like we have lost everything... no hopes or dreams left.... i worry for my sons more than anything....
Things arent good but at least we are together and we can talk openly now.
For now we are clinging on desperately
to all who cared to read x

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Icantstopeatinglol · 11/10/2015 00:16

Thinking of you all Ludoole Hope you're getting the support you all need xx

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Olafscarrotnose · 11/10/2015 00:19

Thinking of you

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CharleyDavidson · 11/10/2015 00:24

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Ludoole · 11/10/2015 01:05

to all for your thoughts x

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TerryTylerlikesaTiger · 11/10/2015 01:22

Can't answer but just wanted to say my thoughts are with you and your family. You sound like an amazing mum and being open with them, being someone they can talk to will mean so much to your sons in years to come

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Giraffe5 · 11/10/2015 01:43

Thinking of you. I lost my father 7 weeks ago to Alzheimer's. I asked the question 'Are we near the end?' Regularly in the last few days. Professionals told me to keep an eye on his fingers and toes. They were stone cold the day he died but his chest was hot.

I don't know if that's any help at all but circulation is a big indication. Sending lots of love X

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Sansoora · 11/10/2015 01:50

How very sad.

xxxx

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Giraffe5 · 11/10/2015 01:53

I was also told that not eating isn't a problem. As long as he is drinking, it could be a while X

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confusedandemployed · 11/10/2015 02:00

Thinking of you Ludoole. IME when the time comes you sense it. Generally they sleep up to 90% of the day, eat nothing and drink very little.

I hope you find some peace in some daek, dark times

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sandgrown · 11/10/2015 02:07

Nothing to add really.just thinking of you and your family. Just ask your DH all the things you need answers to while you can and tell him you love him often xx

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ThumbWitchesAbroad · 11/10/2015 02:31

Ah Ludoole - so sorry to read this.
Do you have a Macmillan nurse, or does the doctor do home visits? They can usually give you a vague idea of how long your DH will have, although they can still be wrong by a good margin.

The yellow skin and dark urine are probably due to the liver's reduced function which can't be a good sign but I don't know how it would affect your DH's time left.

Big (((hugs))) and and for you. x

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echt · 11/10/2015 07:07

Thinking of you Ludoole, and glad that you and your DH are able to speak your thoughts to each other. So many people never get this time, or are afraid to use it.

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PunkrockerGirl · 11/10/2015 07:30

He does sound very poorly. Do you have support at home Ludoole?
Either a hospice community nurse or Macmillan nurse should be making sure your dh's sympoms are adequately controlled and also providing support for you and your dc.
You'll probably find that dh becomes more and more sleepy as time goes on. I'm so glad that you're able to have honest conversations, it will be a big comfort to you in the future.
Sending thoughts and at this difficult time. It sounds like you are doing an amazing job.