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Dad has a few months left

(6 Posts)
groovejet Sun 05-Jul-15 07:49:32

Sorry this is just a rant really, seeing my parents today and need to be strong for then, so need an escape outlet for all of these shitty thoughts.

My lovely dad has been diagnosed with Mesothelioma from asbestos exposure, I knew how serious this could be but having his consultant confirm that there is no treatment they can offer not even chemo for palliative purposes and he only has a few months is a huge blow.

It has happened so quickly only 2 months ago he was extremely fit and active and no-one would ever think he was about to turn 80, but now the illness has just grabbed hold of him so hard and fast, he only went to his GP a month ago and this is where we are.

I don't know how to tell my daughters, they have been told that he has cancer but some people can live with it for a long time but this is now not the case.

It's his birthday in a few weeks, as I say 80 so it was going to be a special one, my Mum was going to arrange a lovely day out for him. What do you do in cases like this he won't be well enough to go out and how do you celebrate a last birthday, I still want to make it special for him as he deserves it and so much more, but I think I will have to follow his and my mums lead on how he feels about it.

It is just shit that just from working alongside asbestos all those years ago could lead to this.

mistlethrush Sun 05-Jul-15 08:31:35

My MiL died about 6 weeks ago - about 3 weeks after her 71st birthday. All grandchildren were there and we had cake at her hospital bedside. I don't know whether this helps at all - it was a special occasion and she clearly enjoyed it (even if she only managed a sparrow's crumb of a bit of cake.

groovejet Sun 05-Jul-15 10:10:07

Sorry about your MiL mistlethrush, that sounds like a good way to do things for his birthday, may do a birthday apple pie instead of cake which his favourite and the only thing he has eaten lately that he said he enjoyed.

groovejet Mon 06-Jul-15 08:00:45

Had a lovely day with my Dad yesterday, was a shock to see how much weight he has lost in the past 2 weeks but he did seem in good spirits all things considering.

Not too sure how much he has taken on the prognosis or whether he was putting on a positive front for our sakes.

Spoke to my Mum about his birthday and we are going to visit, she is going to order a special cake. Think I will get him some dvd's to watch I did see as a present from the girls a Grandad journal book. He loves to talk about when he was a boy but not sure if it is a selfish present on my behalf as I think it would be a lovely keepsake for them, will have to sound out my Mum on it.

mistlethrush Mon 06-Jul-15 19:11:00

My experience is that MiL got very tired very quickly, and I doubt she would have managed to put much down in the book - and it would have possibly become a chore. If you want something for your children perhaps he would record a story or two for them - that might be easier? DS made MiL a hand painted egg cup with an egg (in one of those 'paint your own china' places) which had her favourite flowers, and a cat that looked like the one she used to look after. She had it in her hospital room and it moved to the hospice and sat on the windowsill there.

whatisforteamum Tue 07-Jul-15 10:06:17

im so sorry it is so hard isnt it? such a shock to us when our parents are diagnosed with terminal cancer.I have been there twice and still unsure how long df has as it is only months too.
I hope your df has had a long happy life and i agree it is harsh that he has a cancer related to work(my mum was thought to have meso to start with)My dfs last birthday is in a couple of weeks and he doesnt seem to want to do much for fear of being unwell or too tired flowers

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