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I have decided I don't want to live any more

(98 Posts)

Had hospital appointment today, have arthritis
Doesn't sound that bad does it compared to those suffering with cancer etc

Except that I have other health issues and this has tipped me over the edge of being able to cope

It won't get better, only worse. My joints will become ugly and deformed and my mobility will decrease until god knows what

I'm off sick from work but can't afford to live or pay any bills yet probably won't get DLA or ESA and can't cope with begging them for it and jumping through their hoops

I don't want to carry on, to become the burden on my family, to live a painful and miserable existence

I'm trying my best to word it so I can explain to my son and husband why - I don't want them to carry any guilt

How do you tell someone that you want to die ?
How do I leave my son ? Catch 22 really

madmomma Wed 21-Aug-13 10:10:21

Hi Korma, hope you're feeling a little brighter today - it sounds like you're really getting your head in a better place, which is an amazing achievement.x Sorry if it's already been mentioned or if you're already on one, but have you considered an antidepressant medication at all? x

porridgelover Fri 04-Jan-13 14:48:27

Hey korma. How is today going?

Thank you porridge and lady
I really appreciate your kindness and advice
thanks

porridgelover Thu 03-Jan-13 21:24:31

Korma, that sounds positive. Keep on with the plans and ticking things off. Very satisfying.
Keep your chin up. It is tough, I'm not minimising it.
I said before, if you try to address the whole of your future, it can overwhelm you. So dont. Deal with today and tomorrow. Give yourself a pat on the back for keeping going. You're a star. thanks

LadyMaryChristmas Thu 03-Jan-13 20:33:17

The DLA form isn't easy to fill in. I wrote what my life was like on an average day, ie,

07:00 alarm went off but I didn't have the energy to get out of bed. This is because I suffer from fatigue and wake most mornings exhausted.

smile You're very welcome x

Hiya , not doing too badly. Have started diet, joined a forum for the illness and read some very positive stuff on there and prepared a list of questions for my next appointment

I will also be filling a DLA form in over the weekend and have spoken to work and told them I won't be in for the foreseeable future

Just gonna keep making plans and ticking things off to keep focused really

Thanks for asking x

LadyMaryChristmas Wed 02-Jan-13 18:10:51

Hi Korma. smile Just wondering how you're doing? x

porridgelover Wed 02-Jan-13 12:14:01

Morning korma, hope the second day of the New Year is a good one. How are you feeling today?

ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs Tue 01-Jan-13 20:09:50

Hi Korma, so glad you sound a bit more positive than you did at the start of this thread.

My mum was pretty much crippled by arthritis/ SLE from an early age (I was 7) I had to learn to help dress her, I saw her crying in pain many many times, but I was so impressed with her determination and bravery- she was heroic, and I admired and loved her so much. Your ds will feel the same about you. What amazed me about my mum was that, despite being in so much pain herself, she could still put it aside and look after me when I needed her/ was ill. Sadly we lost her when she was only 55, but she made a huge impression on my life. I'm sure you'll be the same for your ds. Here's hoping things get a bit easier for you.

Hi korma pain relief sounds good over the past couple of days, and that is maybe just the interim stuff, maybe after your appointment you will get some more hardcore stuff too!
Hope last night was ok, look forward to a new start and getting some help to sort you out. Xx

LadyMaryChristmas Mon 31-Dec-12 23:48:23

smile Happy New Year Korma x

DameFannyGallopsBEHINDyou Mon 31-Dec-12 22:59:56

Happy New Year to you too Korma smile

Thank you ladymary ill have a look for that

Just wanted to wish you all a very happy new year. I am genuinely so touched at the time you have all taken to offer me support and kindness

I felt very desperate when I first posted, and things looked very bleak indeed - you have given me the courage to push forward and fight

Happy new year and god bless you all x

PollyMorph Mon 31-Dec-12 21:30:14

Korma, We haven't ever met but if I remember correctly you live very local to me (it was a failed mn meet years ago- I am not a stalker!) If there is anything I can do ANYTHING then let me know, PM me if you want to

aroomofherown Mon 31-Dec-12 21:21:48

And Happy New Year to you!

LadyMaryChristmas Mon 31-Dec-12 21:14:32

There was something on the front of one of the newspapers today about medical advances in arthritis care (could have been the Daily Fail). I'm so pleased the meds are helping. Onwards and upwards! smile

Yes have taken pain meds properly for last 2 days and they are helping

Seeing consultant in few weeks so hopefully will have more info then and can formulate a plan

LadyMaryChristmas Mon 31-Dec-12 20:04:30

Yes!! One day at a time. The main thing is to listen to your body. If it's starting to get sore or tired, then take a break. It's telling you to stop, and you have to do this. The world isn't going to stop turning if you sit down and have a cup of tea or a nap. Pushing forward is good, listening is just as important. smile

DameFannyGallopsBEHINDyou Mon 31-Dec-12 20:02:22

And take your pain relief! The side effects will wear off the more regularly you take them, and getting some quality sleep and pain free time will do a hell of a lot for your optimism. When are you seeing the specialist next?

Yes I'm going to focus on a new diet, have a big clear out at home, well direct my husband on the clear out from my sofa lol and apply for DLA

I have to just keep focused and push forward don't I ?

DameFannyGallopsBEHINDyou Mon 31-Dec-12 15:53:47

Can you look on 2012 as the year you got ill, and look forward to 2013 as the year when treatment kicked in and you regained some mobility? Or is that too Pollyanna-ish at the moment?

porridgelover Mon 31-Dec-12 15:43:04

Good luck for tonight. Is there anything about the rest of this week that you can focus on to get you through it; anything you want to get done?

CuddlyBlanket Mon 31-Dec-12 15:29:04

I think the gatering will help distract you for a little while from the dx, and hopefully some love at the party will help you feel more worthwhile to others.

Feeling a bit grumpy today. Am dreading tonight with everyone wishing me happy new year - it won't be a happy new year and I don't feel like celebrating that

Oh well, a few diazepam should see me through the family gathering

CuddlyBlanket Mon 31-Dec-12 14:45:35

I hope you can enjoy some of today OP.

I so know where you are coming from.

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