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I have decided I don't want to live any more

(98 Posts)

Had hospital appointment today, have arthritis
Doesn't sound that bad does it compared to those suffering with cancer etc

Except that I have other health issues and this has tipped me over the edge of being able to cope

It won't get better, only worse. My joints will become ugly and deformed and my mobility will decrease until god knows what

I'm off sick from work but can't afford to live or pay any bills yet probably won't get DLA or ESA and can't cope with begging them for it and jumping through their hoops

I don't want to carry on, to become the burden on my family, to live a painful and miserable existence

I'm trying my best to word it so I can explain to my son and husband why - I don't want them to carry any guilt

How do you tell someone that you want to die ?
How do I leave my son ? Catch 22 really

furkerlurker Fri 28-Dec-12 22:21:13

could you tell us a little about your son?

Oh no, you poor thing, that is awful. I know someone wh has dreadful arthritis and she has some really strong injections really often, she described it as a bit like chemo, but it keeps her going and she has two children and I thinks she works from home. It does leave her open to infectins though but she has a good quality of life.

Does it make your other illnesses worse? Is there anything they can do to help with pain?
And have you spoken to your family about how you feel? I think they would far rather have you than not.

EleanorGiftbasket Fri 28-Dec-12 22:23:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mikachu Fri 28-Dec-12 22:23:53

Not sure I've got any words of wisdom, but didn't want to read and run. I'm so sorry about your situation OP. Mumsnet is full of amazing people, and I hope someone can help you in some way.

May I ask how old your son is?

Hassled Fri 28-Dec-12 22:24:25

Are you a burden on your family now? I very much doubt it.

You've had a hell of a time of it and of course you're struggling to come to terms with it all, and you will need some help. Lots of help. So tomorrow - see the GP and explain how you're feeling. You need (maybe) ADs and you need help with the practical stuff and the bastard DLA forms - I'm sure there's an arthritis support charity who you can be put in touch with. You owe it to the people who love you to ask for the help. And if you can get through one awful day, the next day never seems quite as awful, and so on.

Hassled Fri 28-Dec-12 22:25:47

www.arthritiscare.org.uk/Home - they have a helpline.

forthesakeofoldQODsyne Fri 28-Dec-12 22:25:54

That beautiful little boy won't see deformed joints, he'll see his mummy

Please ring someone and please don't do anything, you need support and help and maybe anti d's

There's always someone here listening xx

FloweryDrawers Fri 28-Dec-12 22:29:58

I don't know you, Korma, but I wish you all the best. However, I have to take issue with your concerns about being a "burden". I have two family members with serious health issues (one has RA, one is in her 80s) and yes, these issues do loom large in our day to day lives. But in the bigger picture, their illnesses are a tiny part of who they are, and of their significance in our family. They are needed family members - not just emotionally, but practically. Please don't make any decision in the shock that follows this new diagnosis, overwhelming though it may seem. You are needed, and you are hugely important in your family unit. Don't underestimate yourself and don't underestimate your husband's ability to help you.

wannabestressfree Fri 28-Dec-12 22:32:15

If you pm me I will help you do the dla forms. I am an expert sadly. Hang on in there x

Hassled Sat 29-Dec-12 09:08:57

How are you feeling this morning, Korma?

ScillyCow Sat 29-Dec-12 09:16:37

Hi Korma,

I have arthritis. Have had it since I was 21. I am now 36 (ish, I forget).

I do understand how you feel - some days it all looks black. But the drugs they have now are amazing - in 15 years I have only had one day off work because of my arthritis - have had twins (who are now three) and am the main breadwinner for the family.

It's not necessarily as bad as it feels right now. A cood consultant will help you live a normal life.

Please, please get some help. Go to the GP or, as others have said, talk to someone.

All the very best,
Scilly.

What a lovely post flowery.
How are you feeling korma?

RabbitsMakeGOLDBaubles Sat 29-Dec-12 09:28:56

Hi Korma, I can't post a lot right now because I am in hopital away from home, but I am an arthritis sufferer and I would like to share with you my experience and resources. If you can hold off until this evening before making any big decisions, I may be able to help. It's tough getting by with arthritis, but there is help out there.

forthesakeofoldQODsyne Sat 29-Dec-12 15:29:56

Korma, how are you today?

Hi sorry all I had to take myself from the Internet to stop myself from googling.
Well I've had a good sleep and unfortunately still feel pretty much the same way. I just can't see any positives or anything to look forward to

I'm trying to focus and plan a diet change, research homeopathy etc but I just feel empty and like I'm just trying to ignore the elephant in the room

I'm worried about how ill manage financially and this isn't helping. I can't afford to not work yet I'm just physically not able

Thanks for all of your kind words though

Northernlebkuchen Sat 29-Dec-12 17:01:17

When you are first diagnosed with a condition there are a lot of questions and there's a lot of work to be done on your health. The other posters are right - there are helpful treatments for athritis. Right now all you can see is a bleak prognosis but that's not taking in to acount how you can and will be treated. There are people who can help you with the DLA etc forms. There are doctors and specialist nurses who can and will help you treat your condition.
The first thing you need to do on Monday though is go to your GP and get some help for your mental health. The help and support is there. Reach out for it and use it. Please.

AmazingBouncingBabyJesus Sat 29-Dec-12 17:02:42

Oh Korma, hang in there. Trust me when I say that you are NOT a burden, nor will you ever be.

I'm so sorry I have no advice financially.

Please speak to a GP about how you are feeling.

noddyholder Sat 29-Dec-12 17:05:07

I have been where you are pm if you want you can get trough it smile

LadyMaryChristmas Sat 29-Dec-12 17:09:36

Hi Korma.

We've chatted on here quite often (I was LadySybil if this helps). I know it seems hard now, but now you know what's causing your symptoms things will seem easier. There's medication and treatments available and you'll find a way to get through this. I was diagnosed with MS a couple of years ago. It's just ds and I, there's no one else so it wasn't great to find out that I had this. I was scared, my future at that time didn't look amazing (google isn't your friend here). I've had to adapt, I've had to change the way that I lived and looking back it's not as I thought it was going to be. I now work for myself so I can take time to rest when I need to and have just picked up some fantastic work. I'm actually happy.

You will find a way to get through this, take it one day at a time though. There's plenty of people on here who are happy to walk with you through this and to hold your hand, me included. Don't look at what may happen at some point in the future, just look at what's around you now. You're not a burdon, your family love you and you make the world a far better place just by being here. The shock of being diagnosed is going to take some time, don't rush into anything.

Can you pop and see the CAB? They will help you with the benefits and will fill the forms in for you. They can be draining.

If you need anything, just yell. x

You are all so lovely, thank you, sincerely x

I am going to go and have a nap cus I'm worn out but ill pm those of you who have offered later if that's ok ?

I hate moaning, and sympathy and that's really not why I have posted. I know there are others worse off and I shouldn't be feeling this sorry for myself but I just didn't know who to turn to and haven't got anyone in RL

Thank you x

LadyMaryChristmas Sat 29-Dec-12 17:24:04

You are allowed to feel sorry for yourself. There's nothing wrong in this, nothing at all.

You're not alone, Korma. smile

forthesakeofoldQODsyne Sat 29-Dec-12 17:26:06

I've posted on your other thread, there's people here who care!

You are all too kind and I don't deserve it but thank you x

Ill be back later when I've had a rest x

NettoHoHoHoSuperstar Sat 29-Dec-12 17:31:28

Please, please do get help.
Becoming disabled as an adult is awful, and hard to come to terms with but you can, with help.
I've done it, I have bad days of course but being here is better than not, and your son thinks that too, as do all your loved ones.
Please do PM me and I'll do anything I can to help.

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