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Feel so overwhelmed

(11 Posts)

My mum has terminal cancer in four different parts of her body. She was given a base of two years which would of been late 2010, and is still here. receiving palliative care, chemotherapy to control rather than cure.

I just cant get my head around it, i spend 6/7 days there normally even if its just 9-2 while the children are at school then on the weekends take them to see her. She has been doing ok but this last week she seems like shes not here. barely with it when we speak dozy and like she cant focus, snappy and irritable and generally like she has given up. I am the person who deals with problems and stay with her while shes ill but i feel so overwhelmed. I dont know if its a blip and she will improve or if this is the beginning of the end. Ds is upset and clingy, he is a worrier.

Grandparents arent coping with her being ill, they are fairly active still drive ect but nan visits once a week, and only pops in if need to bring medication. I dont think they can cope with her being ill but shes so sad, feels like everyone is just carrying on with their lives and leaving her. I dont know what to do sad dont know what to think or say sad thanks for letting me vent.

poachedeggs Mon 15-Oct-12 21:30:21

sad

I don't know what to say. We're going through this with MIL just now but we live 5 hours from her sad. She has gone through phases of being dozy and out of it, but has turned around and rallied a few times. She may pick up again.

I think the hardest thing is that things are totally unpredictable. Nobody knows what will lie around the corner each day.

Stay strong. It's so cruel sad

im sorry your going through this too and that you live so far away, i live about 10 minutes walk away hence why im there daily. Thanks, i hate not knowing, and not being able to answer when she asks why her, she is only mid 40s.

poachedeggs Mon 15-Oct-12 21:48:26

Goodness, so young sad

I am sure that, even when she's irritable, your presence means an enormous amount to her.

I hope so, im trying to take the dcs to see her as much as i can, but they get very upset if she isnt too well. have just brought ds downstairs crying, cant settle.

poachedeggs Mon 15-Oct-12 22:01:23

I can identify with that. My eldest is 5 and knows grandma is ill but not that she won't get better. I don't wasn't her death to be something he's unprepared for but we're scared of scaring him. It's very difficult.

They will be grateful for the time though, when they're old enough to understand more.

i think he will yeah, we try to do fun things baking, playing, making things. My youngest is 5,so i understand your theory of not scary but not glossing over. Hes not been settling lately, wanting me to lie and cuddle him at night ect. hes currently asleep on the sofa

poachedeggs Tue 16-Oct-12 08:25:26

Ah bless him, 5 is still very little isn't it?

I hope your mum picks up x

He is but he understands far more than he lets on. She is in hospital now in Manchester and things arent too good. We are hoping she can be back in her own home soon sad thanks for your well wishes

Hi , looks as though we were right she was taken into hospital and is still there, the chemotherapy was causing muscle fibres to break away which is why she was in so much pain. Her kidneys werent functioning at all how they should be although the levels are better than they were now. She just doesnt seem to be getting any better, in fact friday she seemed worse than when she went in sad

Incapinka Tue 20-Nov-12 21:49:55

Hi
I'm so sorry to read your posts and didn't want it left unanswered. Thinking of you and everyone else affected by this bastard disease. My mother has just been diagnosed and its horrible. Hugs x

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