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DH is going to die

(79 Posts)

DH has cancer. We have been fighting it but today we decided: no more pain, the doctors have been telling us that there's no real hope, but we've tried to ignore it for so long. He will continue taking the drugs which will prolong his life, but chances are he'll have about five months to live. We're lucky- some people die in that amount of time from the diagnosis, and five months is a long time. In about three months, he will probably need extra help, but his quality of life won't suffer into around five months, when he will die- thankfully he will deteriorate quickly instead of having a painful non-life.

We don't know what to tell anyone, especially our kids, and I just need someone to hold my hand.

CatPussRoastingOnAnOpenFire Mon 03-Dec-12 22:48:06

I'm so sorry. sad Take care of yourselves and cherish every minute. xx

SquirtedFrankinScentsInStable Mon 03-Dec-12 22:50:32

I don't have much to add to those ^.
But I couldn't not post.
Thinking of you all, and I hope you all have a lovely Christmas brimming with memories. X

onemorehohoho Mon 03-Dec-12 22:51:09

Am holding your hand, oopsydaisy, and sending you hugs.

So sorry, you and your family will be in my thoughts often xx

FromEsme Mon 03-Dec-12 22:51:14

So sorry, daisymay x

changeforthebetterforObama Mon 03-Dec-12 22:54:01

No words of wisdom but I am extremely sorry. I wish you and your family joy for the time you have together and strength for the time beyond that.

That really, really sucks sad

Sharpkat Mon 03-Dec-12 23:00:35

Daisy may - am so sorry to hear this. My cousin lost her father (my uncle) to cancer last year and it was heart breaking. Don't know if you have been nominated for mumsnet secret Santa but I would happily send your family a gift if you would like. Anything just to make this last Christmas extra special xxxx

QODRestYeMerryGentlemen Mon 03-Dec-12 23:05:17

I'm sorry, how awful for you to have to bear it alone.

Love to you and yours

CheeryCherry Mon 03-Dec-12 23:06:26

So sorry. I repeat contacting Winstons wish. Also perhaps your DH writing each child a letter, to open when they are 18 or so. So glad you're planning lovely trips, every memory counts. Be brave.

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme Mon 03-Dec-12 23:07:37

Am so, so sorry for you. I can't imagine what it must feel like.

Dh lost his lovely mum a few weeks ago. It's really shit. We had to tell the dc's and of course they were upset and I know that losing a grandparent isn't the same as a parent but I do sympathise a little bit. Holding your hand.

Don't know where you are but there's a fantastic charity in Norfolk called Nelson's Journey that was set up by a mum after her husband died to help bereaved children. It's done some really great things and might be able to tell you a few things you haven't thought of.

Definitely love the idea of videos. Sometimes it's hard to picture a face or remember a voice. Did he have a favourite smell? Aftershave or something. Favourite food.

I'm just so sorry you're going through this.

Can I ask his name or does that break a MN rule?

chickydoo Mon 03-Dec-12 23:12:31

Sending you love
I am here with the others to hold your hand through this hard journey you have ahead.
Life is so cruel sometimes
X

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme Mon 03-Dec-12 23:19:16

Oh god I got that wrong, I meant I was reading about a mum who used the charity to help her kids, not set it up herself. blush

lisad123 Mon 03-Dec-12 23:24:54

You know we are all here, holding you up. If you need to rant just do it, if you need a weird request, just ask nothing is too much at a time like this.
I know there are a few dw on the other thread we talk on that will want to help too.

EugenesAxeChoppedDownANiceTree Mon 03-Dec-12 23:28:02

I am very sorry & will think of your family x

GoodKingWenSOLOslas Mon 03-Dec-12 23:41:22

Oh goodness oops sad I'm so sorry to hear that you are all in this situation. Thinking of you.x

Arseface Mon 03-Dec-12 23:45:14

I'm so so sorry oopsy.

It sounds like you and DH have a wonderful family and have already created so much happiness in the time you have together. Hope your remaining time with DH is filled with the very happiest of memories for you and the children.

I think all of us reading this will be a little kinder to our loved ones as a result of your post.

weegiemum Argentina Mon 03-Dec-12 23:53:33

I'm so, so sorry to hear this, and you are both being so brave. It's nothing like the same, but my dh is a GP who provides "home hospice" care, and I hope you have someone like him to keep your dh pain free and at home for as long as possible.

I have a friend from university who is slowly dying of an inoperable brain tumour. She has spent time writing letters and cards for her children which she has given to her dh, for their birthdays, wedding days, for her dd when she has her first child. It's been heartbreaking for her, but she's done it, because she's already starting to lose her memory but wanted to still be mum even though she might not be there.

I hope and pray the next 5 months are wonderful for you all. I can't remotely imagine what you are going through, but I think you've made the decision I hope I could make in the same situation. Lots of very un-MN hugs to you all.

lisad123 Mon 03-Dec-12 23:54:35

I have done boxes with a family I worked with once, happy for you to pm me if you like but mainly it was all the stuff you said and the extras from winstons wish.
Your ideas of days out sound great. Have you been in touch with Macmillan? They do one off payments you can use for anything, so a holiday, extra heating costs ect.
We used ours to take kids away when things got rough.
Thinking of you loads and prayers heading your way

Onlyjoking Thu 06-Dec-12 14:04:04

So sorry to read this news.
My DH died 4 1/2 years ago from a brain tumour. You've had some great suggestions already, the thing we weren't able to do and wished we'd have, were, one of those s build a bears with a voice recorded onto it for the children.
Take lots of photos and videos, any letters and cards for future birthdays etc.
Are you getting any support from Macmillan? They really are amazing, they gave us a lot of emotional support, helped me with how to tell our children. Sorted out meds so that DH was able to enjoy some things and make some special memories. We brought forward our twin DDs birthday and also Father's Day.
The hospice were fab, DH went in a couple of times to sort out his meds, hospice social workers sorted out carers at home to enable DH to be able to stay at home. District nurses were fab and came out daily, often many times a day and night. I will hold your family in my thoughts.

Thumbwitch Sat 15-Dec-12 06:37:26

Hi daisy - just caught up with MrsS's thread and seen you have your own now, so popping in to offer extra hand-holding.
Has your DH decided to stop work any time soon, to give you more time together? Or is he working hard still?

So sorry that it appears he isn't going to get any better but glad you have time together to make some great memories for yourselves. (((hugs)))

cornycarrotshack Mon 17-Dec-12 22:14:24

Oopsydaisy I also saw that you'd started your thread from a link posted on mrs shrek's. I'm so very sorry to hear about your dh. X

Snowstorm Mon 17-Dec-12 22:21:33

So sad. So sorry. Thinking of you all.

Thumbwitch Mon 17-Dec-12 22:54:06

I have to apologise, Oopsydaisy - I got you confused with another Daisy who is on Mrs Shrek's thread, whose DH is also undergoing chemo for potentially terminal cancer. I am so sorry that your DH is in the same situation and apologise again for confusing you with her.

Piemistress Fri 28-Dec-12 21:46:19

Thinking of you and your family, hugs x

kitbit Fri 28-Dec-12 21:51:45

No words, just a <hand>

X

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