fear

[sparky680]

im wondering if anyone has experianced this and what did you do?
ive experanced a lot of feelings...sadnesss/fear/anger/strenth ect but i have a new one-it feels like resignation/giving up and its frightening me.
i feel like ive had a lot of strenth but i feel like ive gone downhill in the last year and im feeling very tired/fed up of fighting lately.
before...it felt like i had something inside of me that kept me going...now i feel like ive lost this.
i actually feel that i cant do it anymore-and i feel like im about to give up completly-and im scared.
i need to pull myself together and carry on fighting this illness.
have you ever felt like this?
you hear of people giving up and then dying and this is scaring me.
another thought i have is...im fed up with all the meds and i feel like chucking them away....have you ever felt like this?

[timidviper]

I have no personal experience of this sparky but just wanted to answer your post. It must be a scary situation but I hope you can carry on hoping and fighting as life is mostly worth fighting for.

Are you getting help and support vua your GP and the NHS? There is a lot of guidance in place to help people with these profound feelings and issues.

Please don't give up on your meds or anything else.

[sparky680]

thankyou Timid-yes i am getting treatement but i dont talk about these things in rl.
i dont want to die at all but im tired of being ill all the time.
im not depressed just scared.

[Hagocrat]

I feel like I'm intruding on this section because I don't have a life limiting illness, I can't say I understand what it's like because I really don't and it would be arrogant to think that I can imagine what it's like.

But like timidviper said I don't want to read this post and move on without saying anything. That would be like ignoring you sparky and that feels wronger than posting. Just want to post to say "I hear ya" and to send a bit of mn love over the airwaves (or internet wires or whatever the hell they are)

x

[timidviper]

I'm so sorry for you, it must be scary as it's all so unknown and there's not much anyone can say without sounding trite. I have no experience of this at all on a personal level but would imagine it's a very personal thing, different people will all feel differently. Do you have close friends or family who you could talk to about your feelings?

[sparky680]

thankyou Hagocrat.
i was actually going to go to bed but suddenly got gripped by fear.
this sometimes happens.
i havent been well this week either so this isnt helping.
but thankyou for hearing

[stitchthis]

You are being human. You can't be brave all the time. No one can. It's a myth that we can all 'cope'. We perpetuate that myth because we don't want to be martyrs, we don't want to be pitied, we love our families and don't want to worry them. Being scared is completely rational and normal. When I get scared I try to let it happen, let it wash over me. Resistance is truly futile. Better to recognise it and try to work out how to cope. Maybe by having someone who'll listen. We're here. Take care.

[vogonmothership]

Hi Sparky, noticed you haven't posted for a couple of weeks here, there are a few more people around to talk to so hope you're doing ok.
Are you getting any kind of counselling in RL? x

[justforaminute]

hi Vogon
thanks.yep...doing a bit better at the moment again.
thankyou stitch..i heard you and took onboard what you said and im no longer resisting the fear but finding ways to cope with it instead.

sparky

[stitchthis]

Easier said than done I know. Take care.

[Dotty342kids]

Hi there sparky,

It sounds as though you've had quite a long time of being ill and I can only guess at how tough it is for you and your loved ones.
Great advice from vogon there and I really hope that each day you feel more able to get through it and positive.
You didn't mention, but I'm assuming that as you're on this site that you have children? I don't know if it would be useful but I'm involved with a charity that supports young people over the age of 11 where they have a family member with a life threatening illness. It offers them a chance to offload to others in similar situations and get some support. If your children are that age or over it might be helpful (there's a moderated online forum they can join so it doesn't matter where in the UK they live). Anyway, it's here: www.hopesupportservices.org.uk

Best wishes to you and your family

[funnyperson]

sparky I have felt the same lately. I am tired and can't do it anymore. I don't feel up to it. I'm not sure if there is any point telling people that is how I feel because I don't want to make a fuss and because I don't want the attention I just really want to feel better and well and healthy.